A Curse of Taboo Child
by Guardian of Jupiter
Summary: Who know that being a taboo child can be so difficult? Gojyo had endured everything since he was boy and this incident changes Gojyo's positive perspective of being a taboo child. Romance between Hakkai and Gojyo. Maybe Sanzo and Goku if you want it. Read
1. Chapter 1: The Death

Hi, this is my first fiction about my favorite characters Gojyo/Hakkai. Please be kind and review it for me! Thanks! 

All right! Onto the story 

* * * * * * 

A Taboo Curse   
Chapter 1: The death 

"Are you sure about that?" A very dark figure demanded. The other man glanced at the impatient man beside him and gave a resigned sigh. How on earth did they ever end up as a partner, he didn't know. Kenshin was the most impatient and short-tempered man he had ever met. And he, on the other hand, was calm and liked to think before act. Running a hand through his long blue-black hair, Zean pulled out a cigarette and lit it casually.   


"Yes," said Zean shortly and he saw Kenshin's lavender eyes narrowed. "If we could get that blood, I can assured you that everything will go smoothly after that."   


"And how the hell can I get that kind of blood?" Another irritating demand escaped from Kenshin lips as he folded his arms over his chest. "There are not many of them, nowadays, since all the demons had gone crazy, and if they are, they are not matured enough to fit your description."   


"Don't worry, Kenshin," Zeon said calmly. "I have found our supplier." He, then, walked to the enormous mahogany table in front of them and picked up a neatly stacked paper. Then, he tossed the paper to the other man. Frowning, the man looked down and scanned it. Instantly, his expression turned ominous.   


"Are you crazy?!" Kenshin roared and tossed back the paper to Zeon. "No demons have ever defeated them before. What makes you think we could?"   


"Use your head, Kenshin," Zeon was trying hard to be patient. Sometimes, Kenshin was really testing his temper. "We do not want all of them. We just want him. Separate him from his friends and then he will easily be killed." Zeon pushed his hair out of his face and closeted the distance between them, until their face were inches away. "We just need his blood after all. Get him, Kenshin. Then we can go on with our life."  


"Fine." With that the man in front of him vanished before his lips could touch him.   


Sometimes, Zeon really wished Kenshin would understood every of his teasing movement. But the man was so daft!   


* * * * * * 

"Talk about stomach as huge and empty as a cave," Gojyo muttered as he watched Goku swallowed a pile of food as fast as he could. When he saw Goku reached out for his food as well, Gojyo smacked the greedy away. "Idiot! Consumed your own food!"   


"But I'm hungry!" Goku whined and received a powerful smack from his master.   


"Ouch!" He glared at his master as he covered his head. "What did you that for?" Sanzo just glared murderously and a familiar laugh from Hakkai rang out.   


"Excuse me, sir?" A soft and unsure voice called from behind, causing all four of them to stop arguing and looked at her. There stood a very cute waitress with a tray in her hands. Gojyo automatically put up his infamous smile whenever a girl was around.   


"Yes?" His voice was a caress.   


"Which one of you is Sha Gojyo?"   


Before Gojyo could declare himself, Sanzo narrowed a suspicious pair of eyes to the waitress. "Who are you to ask?"   


The waitress blushed profusely when she saw Gojyo winked suggestively at her, that she almost didn't hear Sanzo's question. Hakkai saw this playful exchange and carefully concealed his displeasure.   


"Um…" she snapped out. "There's… there's a man with raven haired and lavender eyes outside and he told me to give this to Sha Gojyo." The waitress took out a piece of neatly folded paper and gave it to Sanzo. The waitress still didn't know which one of them was Sha Gojyo.   


"Where is he?" Gojyo asked instantly. All his intention to seduce the waitress had vanished and was replaced by a powerful curiosity about the mysterious man. As far as he could remember, he had never been in this town. Who could have known him?   


"I don't know," the waitress said as she shrugged her shoulders. "He left as soon as he gave me this paper." The waitress was still eying Gojyo.   


"Thank you, then," Hakkai said quickly before Gojyo lost his interest in that paper and started to ask the waitress out or something else. The waitress left, not before casting Gojyo another shy smile and Gojyo winked back. Hakkai frowned even more.   


"So…what did the letter say?" Hakkai asked. The frown disappeared as quickly as a lightning. Sanzo just shrugged and tossed the paper to Gojyo.   


Gojyo opened the paper and scanned it. Instantly, his face changed. Hakkai could only describe it as disbelief and worried. Then, Gojyo looked at the door, as if trying to have a look at the man who gave him the letter. Letting out a soft curse, Gojyo ran a nervous hand through his thick fiery hair.   


"Gojyo?" Hakkai asked concernedly. Sanzo eyed Gojyo with a mixture of curiosity and mild concerned. Then, he gave himself a slight shake when he realized he was actually concerned over his companions. Months journeying with them made him felt sickly attached. _Fuck it…_   


"Ch…its nothing," Gojyo muttered as he crumpled the paper into small ball. _Damn it! Looks like I have to cut my time with Hakkai short tonight! _Then he put back his usual expression and grinned widely. "So, how about a dessert?"   


* * * * * * 

As Hakkai shrugged off his outer clothes, readying himself for bed tonight, his eyes never left Gojyo. Ever since he had received the letter from a mysterious man, Gojyo kept looking at the sky, waiting it to turn dark. Hakkai was so curious about the letter's content but he knew that Gojyo would never tell him if he didn't want to.   


He stretched himself on the bed, waiting for Gojyo to come. They hadn't been sleeping on bed for past few days and when they did, Gojyo never missed the opportunity to sleep with him. Hakkai admitted that he also had been waiting for this moment. He had spent days enduring Gojyo's teasing smirks and surreptitious touches and he intended to use tonight to pay back all those sexual frustration Gojyo invoked in him.   


Although both of them agreed that the relationship that they had was solely based on sex and they were commitment free, Hakkai wasn't the man who had a great time in bed and forgot about it entirely the next morning. He couldn't detach his emotion from his physical and secretly he broke the agreement between them. He became possessive and absurdly irritated whenever Gojyo flirted with other woman, though he knew he shouldn't.   


"Hakkai…" Gojyo whispered sexily as he lay down next to the gorgeous brunette that was smiling up to him. Gojyo intended to use next three hours to thoroughly make love to Hakkai. He had so much pent up sexual energy to spend on Hakkai. As he gave Hakkai his most breath-taking kiss, he had totally forgotten about the letter. When he trailed his kisses downward to Hakkai's slender neck, heard him groaned and feel his arms tightened around him, Gojyo didn't want to go anyway at all. So, he drew Hakkai closer and pleasured him an hour extra than he intended to…  


Gojyo looked down at Hakkai, who was now sleeping peacefully. Beads of sweats from their previous loving tickling down from his pale body and Gojyo couldn't resist himself to just put his lips and licked it off softly. He wondered if he would ever be bored with Hakkai and as much as he wanted to deny it, he could never have a commitment free relationship as he had arrogantly told Hakkai at the first they made love. Sighing inaudibly, Gojyo stood up and shrugged into his clothes. He was already an hour late from his so-called appointment with some mysterious man with raven hair.   


Quietly, he walked out from the room, where he had shared with Hakkai and made his way to the forest nearby. As Gojyo walked, he relived the content of the letter. It said that the raven-haired man had somehow captured his only brother, which failed to convince Gojyo. His brother wouldn't be that stupid to be captured by someone that wasn't famous. After all, they were both fighting on the opposite sides and Gojyo would be the last person he would ask for help. But to ensure that his brother was safe, Gojyo decided to go after all.   


"Oi!" Gojyo called out and heard his own voice echoed through the silent forest. Gojyo cast a very cautious glance around him with his crescent staff in hand, alerted to every suspicious noise around him.   


"You're late…" came out a very deep voice came out from behind, Gojyo swung around and saw a tall man with short raven hair, clad in black outfit. He wore a very annoying expression, clearly displeased with Gojyo's lateness.   


As he walked nearer, Gojyo could see he had the most startling lavender colored eyes. "Sha Gojyo…" he spoke his name with a caress and Gojyo narrowed his eyes, obviously sensed something was wrong. "I'm Kenshin."   


"Skip the introduction." Gojyo tried to be calm even though he could feel aura of danger threatened around him. "Where is my brother?"   


Kenshin stepped a few step closer and Gojyo refused to let that intimidated him. "You obviously think I have your brother?" He raised his hand and automatically Gojyo leaped out from his reach. He gritted his teeth with a very strained anger. "I don't even know who is your brother."   


"Then, I should leave," Gojyo said indifferently. Something about Kenshin made his skin crawled. Gojyo didn't know whether it was the way Kenshin's lavender eyes looked at him or the way his voice sounded when he spoke of his name.   


Again Kenshin raised his hand and this time Gojyo didn't move a bit when Kenshin hand softly stroke his hair. "Hair with color of blood… Eyes that matched the hair… A taboo child…" Instantly, Gojyo stiffened.   


"Who the hell are you?" Gojyo demanded.   


Kenshin chuckled maddeningly. "And I thought a taboo child had only fiery hair and eyes. Somebody should have warned me about your fiery temper as well."   


Taking a deep breath to calm himself, Gojyo retreated a few steps so that crazy man couldn't touch his hair again. "If you don't have my brother, I have no business here." Turning around, Gojyo raised a hand a sign of goodbye. "So long…"  


"I'm afraid that would be impossible, Sha Gojyo." With that Gojyo tightened his grip on his staff as if he was expecting Kenshin to attack him. As he watched Kenshin to make a move upon him, Gojyo felt a hard bash on the back of his head. Grabbing the bleeding head, Gojyo let out a curse as he realized that Kenshin didn't come here alone and the darkness began to consume him.   


"Fuck you…"   


* * * * * * 

When Hakkai opened his eyes on the next morning, the first thing he realized that Gojyo wasn't beside him. He frowned. Usually, Gojyo would have his arms around him until morning and they would continue their loving. But this morning, Gojyo had left the bed before he could wake up. Could this a sign of Gojyo's boredom of him? Hakkai's heart gave away a squeezed with trepidation. _Come on, Hakkai, Gojyo probably had gone down for breakfast. _  


When Hakkai went down, he saw Sanzo and Goku were already on the table with the usual pile of food. And no sign of Gojyo. "Good morning," Hakkai smiled, trying to hide the hurt he felt inside. Gojyo couldn't be bored with him. Last night, Gojyo made love to him with the same attentiveness and desire as if it was their first. There was no way a sex that great bored Gojyo! _He could pretend, you know. _An inner voice argued. _That man changes his lover everyday. What makes you think you're different? _  


"Where's Gojyo?" Goku asked Hakkai and momentarily Hakkai stopped the battle inside of him.   


"I don't know. When I wake up, Gojyo was already gone." Hakkai answered with a smile.   


"Where did that man go?" Sanzo asked irritably. "We've got to go early."   


Hakkai opened his mouth to answer Sanzo's question when suddenly a man burst into the inn's restaurant. "Oi, Ken!" The man called to the man behind the bar counter. "You wouldn't believe what I found in the forest this morning!"   


Hakkai and Sanzo exchanged glances, both of them were curious as well. Ken, looked up from the paper he was reading, answered. "What?" 

"There's man lying dead! I think something hit him hard on the head."   


Ken looked utterly curious and put away his paper. "Who is he?"   


"I don't know. I think it was one of the travelers. Red hair and red eyes. Don't think I have seen around, though." The man shook his head.   


With that, Hakkai and Sanzo exchanged a shock expression and as quick as lightning Hakkai stood up and ran out. Goku, oblivious as usual, looked up. "Sanzo… what's wrong with Hakkai?"   


"I don't think it's Hakkai you should be worried about," Sanzo said grimly as he stood and followed Hakkai's trail. Goku jumped out too and followed his master, couldn't decide whether he understand Sanzo's words or not.   


"Hakkai! Slow down" Sanzo ordered as three of them made their way through the crowd that was surrounding the body. But Hakkai couldn't calm the hysteric feeling and continued pushing his way.   


Three pair of eyes widened in horror as they looked at the scene in front of them. There, lay Gojyo with blood covered his face and neck, lifeless and cold and his red eyes looked at his companion. It was full of shock as if Gojyo didn't expect the attack.   


"Gojyo…" came out an anguish and disbelief whisper from Hakkai's lips. Sanzo and Goku were to shock to even move an inch. Then, Hakkai screamed it.   


* * * * * * 

What do you think about it? Is it suspense enough? I hope it is enough for you guys to review. Let me hear from you! ^_~ 


	2. Chapter 2: The Grief

Second chapter is up. Thanks to **blinkie** for reviewing my fan fiction. Hope this chapter will meet your expectation! ( ^_~ ) 

Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki. Never did and never will. ( -_- ) 

* * * * * * 

A Curse of Taboo Child   
Chapter 2: The Grief 

_Please…please let it all be nightmare. _Hakkai prayed as he closed his eyes as tight as he could. His legs were frozen and his heart was as cold as ice. His mind couldn't accept the death in front of him and yet the truth was inevitable. _My eyes are deceiving me! _Hakkai furiously denied. _Anybody can have red hair! _'Yes, but it is rare.' A part of his mind, which is still insane, argued. 'A hair of a taboo child is rare. Gojyo was dead!' _No! _Hakkai said vehemently. 'Open you eyes and look in front of you, then.' The voice was annoying! Hakkai clutched his temple tightly, shutting off the voice. 'It's undeniable!' 

Hakkai opened his eyes once again as if he tried desperately to prove that it wasn't Gojyo. "Gojyo…" An anguish word came out of instead. _It's true! _Hakkai thought hysterically. His eyes were burning and he couldn't control his body movement anymore as he felt his feet had the life of their own and walked toward the frozen carcass. 

_How can this be? _Hakkai mourned silently, wordlessly. _The arms that had hold me, caressed me…pleasured me last night, was now full with blood. _He kneeled beside Gojyo. _The lips that I just kissed thoroughly was now cold. _He buried his grievance face dejectedly in his hands. _The smoldering eyes that had devoured all of me were empty and lifeless…_

Grievance suddenly turned into rage. "What the hell had happened?!" Hakkai shouted at Gojyo. When he got no answer, he was angrier. "Damn you to the lowest hell!" Then he broke down, unable to stop the tears from spilling on his pale cheeks. 

Goku wiped away his tears that seemed unstoppable. He didn't understand how Gojyo died but it was until this moment, when he saw Gojyo lay motionlessly, did he realized how deep his affection ran. Who would taunt him? Who else would make him so angry and laughed about it? Goku felt a part of him had lost… 

Sanzo still couldn't believe it. What the hell?! Gojyo couldn't be dead! They shouldn't be dead! They were on mission of God, for heaven sake! He always threatened to kill Gojyo or Goku but never in his wildest imagination one of them would actually died! Slowly, he clenched his fist tightly, ignoring the ache. His face was grimmer than ever as the memories of his master came back and haunted him. He remembered he came to late and arrived only to witness the gruesome scene in front of him. He remembered the same feeling of helplessness when he realized he couldn't save his master. Now, looking at Gojyo's carcass, he was furious beyond belief when he realized that he had came late. Again. 

"Damnation…" he whispered under his breath and his body was shaking in terrible anger. 

The people around them slowly left the tragic scene with shaking heads and sympathetic whispers to each other. Hakkai could feel the place was deserted without even lifting his head. The whispers had gone…the footsteps had disappeared. But, then, he didn't really care… If only Gojyo would sat up and grinned, telling them that it had all been a terrible joke… 

Wiping away his tears and sinking his grief into the very bottom of his heart, Hakkai slowly stood up and lifted Gojyo's body in his arms. Hakkai lifted his face and Sanzo swallowed hard when he saw the depth of Hakkai's pain. 

"I don't know who did this…" Hakkai said in awful voice as he tried very hard to contain his wrath. "Nor what had happened last night…" Sanzo looked at Hakkai and said nothing. His expression was indescribable. Sanzo had never seen Hakkai's face so angry before and he knew what Hakkai was going to say next. "But I will not leave this town until I found that son of a bitch who gave the letter to Gojyo yesterday…" Hakkai narrowed his eyes. He lusted for some bloodshed, anyone with lavender eyes and raven hair, and damned to everyone who stood in his way! 

As Hakkai walked past Sanzo, Sanzo silently made his mind. He had already lost one of his companions and the thought of losing another one shook his cool and sanity badly. 

"Hakkai…" Sanzo said. Hakkai stopped. To Hakkai it sounded like a whisper but to Sanzo himself, it sounded like a scream. Where did his tranquility demeanor go? He hadn't felt this bloodlust vengeance for so long and why did he felt it now? Had his companions meant to him more than he allowed himself to feel? Sanzo glanced a long look at the crying Goku in front of him, then to Hakkai and with a sharp stab of regret to Gojyo. And the answer came out yes. Yes. Yes. And yes. As annoying and irritating three of them could be, Sanzo knew that there was no one else he would have for company throughout this bloody trip. And what shook Sanzo even more, Gojyo's death seemed to affect him very much. _Damn you, Gojyo! _Taking a deep breath, Sanzo muttered, "We'll hunt him together." After allowing himself to expose a little part of his feeling, Sanzo walked away. He didn't trust himself to stay cool in front of his companions. 

Goku stood up too. He didn't know where to go or what to do. He felt so inadequate. Turning away from Hakkai, Goku ran deeper into the forest. Hakkai looked down at Gojyo and a very sad smile appeared. _If only you knew the grief that you have brought upon us, Gojyo… _He felt as if he had been stabbed countless times whenever he saw Gojyo's painful face when Death came to take him away. Hakkai looked away, tears fell to his pale cheeks. _If only you knew the grief you've brought upon me… _

* * * * * * 

Hakkai had spent the last hour cleaning up Gojyo's bloodied face and there were a time when he had this insanely urge to transfer his qi through Gojyo's body, hoping there would be a miracle. The grief had hardened into anger and hatred. If he ever encountered any man with raven hair and lavender eyes… nothing in this world could stop him killing him slowly and painfully. He had committed a massacre and another one wouldn't mind his blackened soul. So long Gojyo's death will be avenged, Hakkai was willing to go as far as he needed to. 

Then, Hakkai reached out for an armless chair and sat, facing Gojyo. He didn't know where to start… and he couldn't think when he was still mourning over Gojyo's death. How the hell did he expect to avenge Gojyo? He couldn't stop this damned tears from falling. _Why the hell did Gojyo go alone, anyway? What was written in that letter? Where is it? _Hakkai buried his face in his hands. He felt so tense… so unbelievably low-spirited. He couldn't go on… _Help me, Gojyo… I can't do this alone… I need you… _

_Come here, Hakkai… _Hakkai's head snapped up for he could have sworn he heard Gojyo called him. But Gojyo was in the same position as before. Hakkai shook his head. Insanity had claimed him sooner than he thought and yet he succumbed himself to the imaginary voice that called him. He left the chair and kneeled beside the bed. Hakkai knew he was crazy but he couldn't resist asking. "What am I to do, Gojyo?" His hand reached out for the cold hand, wishing hard for the hand to grasp his hand back. 

Somehow, Gojyo's hand felt wrong. Hakkai frowned and tightened his grip. It wasn't the usual smooth hand with long fingers but it slightly had fattened a little bit and coarsened. His green eyes reverted to the hand and stared at it for a while… _Have you lost your mind, Hakkai? _He asked himself and shook his head as if to clear the absurd imagination. 

"Why did you leave me last night?" He turned his attention back to Gojyo's face. 

"What could be so secret that you couldn't ask me to accompany you?" 

"Why did you do all the thing you did last night to me, if you are dead the next morning?" 

"Why didn't you ANSWER ME?!" Hakkai shouted to the lifeless figure in front of him. "Answer me, damn it!" 

Silent. The silence was torturing Hakkai. Gojyo he knew would always have a teasing answer. Gojyo he knew would always have a way to make him blush. Gojyo he knew was dead! And Hakkai didn't even know why. 

Goku silently opened the door and watched grievously at Hakkai as he brought Gojyo's hand to his cheek and his shoulders shook. Goku knew Hakkai was crying. He closed the door back and walked aimlessly along the dark corridor of the inn. 

Goku didn't understand the whole situation. Yesterday, Gojyo was alive. Gojyo was there to taunt him mercilessly and was enjoying himself hugely. Gojyo was there to flirt with every woman that passed by. But why was he dead today? Who had killed him? There were many things he wanted to know and if only someone would tell him… 

"Sanzo…" Goku whispered and immediately stopped when he caught a sight of his master in front of him, leaning his back to the wall. Sanzo turned his face slightly at Goku's direction, his front hair was shadowing part of his face. It hurt to see Hakkai so sad but it hurt more to see Sanzo painful face. Sanzo was trying his damnest not to show his grief but the memories of his past was too painful to be ignored. Goku knew that. He had been with Sanzo longer and he had reached to a place where no one had ever dare to reach. 

Goku walked to his master and Sanzo remained motionless. "Sanzo…" Goku started hesitantly and his golden eyes were swimming with tears. "Can…can you hold me…?" Sanzo didn't look away from Goku but he didn't answer either. His face was so dark for Goku to see his reaction at his request. "Hakkai cou…couldn't comfort me right now and he always did. And…and…I was so lost that…I don't know what to do…" 

Suddenly, Goku saw Sanzo held out his hand silently and he looked up, didn't know whether Sanzo mean it or not. Seeing Goku's hesitation, Sanzo spoke up, his voice was thick from the grief he had tried to hide. "Take it, Goku." He opened his mouth to say more but he realized that no sound would come out. Damn Gojyo for making him feel this way! "Take my hand…" 

Goku started to reach out for Sanzo's hand, exactly like he did when Sanzo came to release him from his imprisonment, but stopped in midway. "Goku… why?" The words came out full of confusion, sadness and yes hurt because it was obvious to him that Goku had changed his mind about wanting his comfort. 

"I… I don't want your hand…" Goku whispered and he flung himself into Sanzo's warm body, wrapping his arms tightly. For a while, Sanzo was so shock that he could barely move. Goku had never been this close to him before and the closeness had softly touched Sanzo's frozen heart. Goku buried his face in Sanzo's chest, wetting the robe with his tears and he tightened his embrace even more. Goku knew he was asking the impossible but if only Sanzo would put his arms around him too… 

Goku's golden eyes widened with a rush of pleasure when he felt Sanzo's strong arms slowly slid around his body and pulled him closer to him. Goku felt comforted as always when Sanzo was around him. "Why… why did Gojyo have to die?" His muffled voice asked. 

Sanzo closed his eyes, asking himself the very same question. Sanzo knew that Hakkai was the one who hurt the most, although he wasn't sure whether it was because their three years of close friendship or something deeper. But then, he was always minding his own business. As if he cared if Gojyo had slept with Hakkai or not. Slowly Sanzo sat down against the wall, bringing Goku with him, who still reluctant to let him go. Somehow, Goku 's gesture pleased him… "I don't know, Goku. I never expected it to happen." 

Goku looked up at his master and Sanzo was lost inside Goku's huge and teary golden eyes. "It could have you…" Goku said fearfully. 

Ignoring his absurd urge to wipe the tears from Goku's cheeks, Sanzo gave a soft snort. "Don't be stupid." 

Goku rested his head in Sanzo's neck, savoring the fact that Sanzo was still here and alive. Sanzo knew he shouldn't be feeling anything right now. He was only comforting Goku, for heaven's sake! But the feel of Goku in his arms was perfect and somehow it felt right. Damn it! Sanzo thought and he was about to push Goku away when Goku's next words froze him. "I…I don't know what will I do if you left me, Sanzo." Goku whispered. "You are my light… my purpose of life… without you, I will be living in the dark." 

Sanzo felt his heart accelerated. The hell?! He was to be the emotionless, in control of everything and hard. Sweet talks should not made his heart pounding like this! Especially when they came from a half-wit monkey! But it did. Goku had said those to him and Sanzo knew that no one could have said it sweeter and more innocent than Goku. Suddenly, all his intention to push Goku away vanished and without himself knowing it, Sanzo tightened his embrace and pulled him closer. 

"You are my everything…" Goku whispered. "Don't leave me…" 

"I won't." 

The words were short but to Goku it was more than enough. 

* * * * * * 

Hakkai burst into the inn's restaurant, his blazing green eyes looked around. Followed closely behind him were Sanzo and Goku. They had agreed to come along, in case Hakkai got to angry to think clearly that instead of asking, he would end up burning the whole inn down. Marching threateningly towards the bar counter, Hakkai's eyes were still looking the waitress that had passed Gojyo the letter. And he found her. 

"Wait," Hakkai ordered the waitress. Lost all his polite greeting and all-smiling face, Sanzo almost didn't recognize the man in front of him. _I guess Gojyo had slept with Hakkai. _Sanzo snorted at Hakkai's stupidity to be involved in that kind of attachment. Now he was hurting so deep that only a strong urge of vengeance kept Hakkai's sanity in place. Seeing the waitress looked nervously and Hakkai glared ominously, Sanzo concluded his thoughts. _It is definitely a very deep relationship. _

"Where can I find the man who gave Gojyo the letter?" Hakkai demanded. _So I can pull his fucking hands and legs out of their sockets for daring to hurt Gojyo!_

"I… I told you I don't know who he is. A traveler like you, I guess." The girl winced when Hakkai scattered his long-forgotten curses before he turned around. She ran away before Sanzo could ask her further. 

"Damn it, Hakkai!" Sanzo glared at the man beside him. "We cannot get anywhere if you go crazy like this!" 

Hakkai turned around to snap a scathing remark to Sanzo; a thing he would never do before, when a man bravely or stupidly came forward. "Are you the friend of the dead man yesterday?" 

_Dead man? _Hakkai thought angrily. _DEAD MAN?! What the hell is this fat man think of his lover? A whole set of beef? _"The dead man has a bloody name," Hakkai fired his anger to the man instead of Sanzo, jabbing a very dangerous finger into the man's chest. "It's Gojyo! If I hear you said dead man again, I swear I'll blow you fucking guts into pieces!" The man blanched and Sanzo shook his head and scowled. _If Gojyo saw Hakkai this mad, I wonder if he still wanted to sleep with him? _Then Sanzo snorted softly at the irony of his thought. _…Gojyo would never had the chance to see it…_

"I ask you politely!" The man angered. "At least you can show me some respect!" 

Sanzo backed away a few steps, dragging Goku with him and silently wished the man good luck. Hakkai narrowed his eyes, looking as intimidating as ever. _This fat man dares to ask for respect?! His respect?!! He was the one who calls Gojyo dead man! _"I'll show you my bloody respect!" Hakkai snarled as he swiftly swung his punch to the man's face. 

The fight went on until Sanzo decided he had wasted enough time and Hakkai had wasted enough anger and frustration. Raising his gun, Sanzo fired off to the ceiling, causing the fight to cease immediately. He then pointed his gun to the direction of the fat and now bruised man and asked in an awful tone. "You were saying…?" 

The fat man gulped noisily for he finally realized he was messing with wrong people. "I want…" He blanched again when Hakkai frowned at his choice of word. "I _hope_ you could remove… I mean…um… bury your dead friend…" he stole a glance at Hakkai and saw him narrowed his eyes. "…Gojyo… so we could use his… his temporary resting place for another visitor." 

If the whole situation wasn't so unbearably tensed and depressing, Hakkai would have smiled at the fat man's expression. _And Gojyo would have laughed too…_ A sudden reminder crossed his mind. Suddenly Hakkai felt so emotionally and physically drained that he didn't have the strength to even stand up. He was fighting the grief off so damn hard, trying to feel the anger instead of anguish that he hadn't slept at all. The last time he slept was when Gojyo's arms held around him so possessively. The night Gojyo had lost his life. _How I missed him… _

Hakkai ran a defeated hand through his hair and exhaling softly. "Fine, I will." With that Hakkai left the restaurant, together with Goku and Sanzo behind him. As three of climbed the stairs to their room, Hakkai hesitantly spoke to Sanzo. "I'm sorry for losing my control just now." 

Sanzo just snorted. "Never thought you knew so many curses." 

"It just came out. I was so unbelievably angry at that time." 

"For a very strong excuse." Sanzo agreed. That was why he didn't stop Hakkai when he swung the first punch. He could see that Hakkai was so strained with anger, grief and regrets that if he didn't find a way to release them he might burst. 

They had finally arrived to room, where Gojyo had lain. Hakkai opened the door and instantly, all three of them stood at the doorway, gaping with unbelievable expression on their face. There, lay a dead man, still in the same position as Hakkai had left him. But that wasn't the thing that caught them by utter surprise. The dead man wore Gojyo's bloodied clothes and had the same injuries as Gojyo had but he didn't look like Gojyo at all. Laying in front of them was a demon with black hair. 

"Where…Where's… Who's…" Hakkai was utterly speechless that he couldn't form his sentence properly. 

"Waahhh…!!! Who stole Gojyo's body?!!!" Goku screeched loudly that surprised the still frozen monk, who was staring unblinkingly at the unknown demon. Automatically, Sanzo took out his paper fan and hit Goku's head. "Shut up!" _What the hell?! Who is this?!_

"Ouch!!" Goku cried. "I'm telling you, somebody stole Gojyo!" 

"One more of your stupid statement, you're going to get it!" Sanzo glared. "Who the hell wants to steal a dead body and replaces it with another fucking body?!" 

"So, Gojyo had somehow changed into this?" Goku frowned, trying to understand. Sanzo glowered at the monkey beside him with the paper fan readied in his hand. _If this idiot is going to say what I think he's going to say… he's really going to get it… _"Is that mean… this is Gojyo's real form?" Goku's dark brows drew in total confusion. _That's it!!! _Sanzo thought and he swung his paper fan for the second time. 

"Ouch! What did you that for?" 

"Think before you say, idiot!" 

Hakkai's eyes were still enormous as mixture of emotions washed through his body. He was confused, like Goku, still unable to believe his eyes, that was what Sanzo felt, totally angry, which was completely understandable for a man who knew his lover's body had gone and strangely hopeful for this might a chance for him to believe Gojyo was still alive. 

As the emotions collided, Hakkai suddenly remembered something that was happened yesterday, when he held Gojyo's hand. What was that…Hakkai furrowed his eyebrows as he tried to remember… yes! Of course! It had somehow changed fatter and coarser! He knew he wasn't imagining things! The dead body wasn't Gojyo, it was a shape shifter! Hakkai thought with a sudden rush of glee that he realized he had said it out loud. 

"A shape shifter?" Sanzo repeated. The thought had never crossed his mind, although he had heard that there were demons, which had the ability to transform their body into somebody else. A shape shifter could retain its forged form a day or two after his death. _It made sense. This could be a shape shifter. _

"What's a shape shifter," Goku asked. 

"A demon who can change into whatever person he wanted to be," Hakkai explained. Goku's heart lightened up a bit when he heard Hakkai's familiar tone again, kind and patient. He didn't care who or what a shape shifter was but Hakkai was started to feel happy and Goku was happy too. 

"But why changed into Gojyo and died?" Goku relentlessly asked. _How can this whole thing be so complicated? _Goku groaned silently. 

"Good question, Goku," Hakkai answered, keeping his eyes glued to the corpse. _He was fat and ugly… I wonder how could I hold those hands? _Hakkai shuddered. "Unfortunately, I don't have the answer… for now." 

"I think," Sanzo spoke up. "Someone planted this body to deceive us." 

"Deceive us?" Hakkai asked. "For what?" Then, Hakkai's expression changed. _Of course! How could I do not know?! _He stated with a fearful realization. 

"He wants us to think Gojyo's dead so we would not to save Gojyo." Hakkai said quietly. 

* * * * * * 

All right, all right. Maybe I made up about the fact a shape shifter can hold on their power after their death. But hey, I couldn't think of anything else. Please review. Tell me if it sucks or should I continue. ( ^_~ ) 

I hope I left the story suspense enough! 


	3. Chapter 3: Taboo Child's Blood

To **blinkie** I'm so happy to know that you think my story is getting better.  
To LN Tora, I honestly didn't think of spell and think it was kind of good idea. ^_^ and I hope you'll enjoy the next chapter.   
To Eli Tan, I hope this chapter answer your curiosity!   
To Naruka, there's no way I'm going to kill Gojyo. What's a story without Gojyo in it, right? ^_~ 

Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki. Never did and never will. ( -_- ) 

* * * * * * 

A Curse of Taboo Child   
Chapter 3: Taboo Child's Blood 

As soon as Gojyo opened his eyes, the first thing he felt was a blast of pain that shot through his head. He groaned silently. Damn! That must be a very hard blow to make him groaned pitifully. He lifted his blood red eyes to scan his surrounding and realized he was in a damp cell. It was when Gojyo tried to reach for the nasty bruise behind his head that he realized he was shackled to the wall. _Now this is really the worst day of my life. _Gojyo thought dryly. _I'm being shackled, unable to sit down, my head hurt like hell, and he left me to rot in this stinky place wearing only my pants! Where in the living hell are my clothes? _

Then, his ear caught sounds of footstep, coming towards him. Gojyo curved up a small grin. _It's about time… _And two men appeared. Gojyo stared at them. Gojyo had already known one of the men. How could he forget? This was the damned demon that cheated him by bringing another demon to smash his head! What was his name? Kenny…? Kenshin? Yes, that was it. Kenshin. And the other one… Gojyo turned his attention the other man. Long, blue-black haired and the color of his eyes were indeterminable since the stinky place was quite dark. In his right hand he carried a white metal case. _Well… I'll bet within a minute, the introduction will begin. _

"What took you so long to come here?" Gojyo said mockingly and smiled an annoying grin. "I could've died from boredom here. No cigarettes, no liquors and especially no women." 

The blue-black haired man glanced to his partner, knowing his short-tempered attitude that any second from now, Kenshin would kick the insolent out from their captive. But to his greatest surprise, Kenshin curved up a small smile as if Gojyo's words amused him. Zean narrowed his eyes in displeasure. _I don't like this…_

Kenshin came closer to Gojyo. "We are waiting for your fiery head to snap out of unconsciousness, Gojyo." He said the name with a slight caress but enough to make Zean tightened his jaws and Gojyo raised his eyebrows. _Okay, this is starting to freak me out. _

"Cut the crap," Gojyo said with the mocking grin lingered. There was no way he was going to lose his cool in front of these guys. "Tell me what do you want from me? If your plan is to use me, so that Sanzo will come to my rescue, forget about that. He don't give a damn about me." _But at least Hakkai will wonder about my whereabouts. Who else is going to screw him at nights if it wasn't me? _Gojyo smiled. 

"I hope you don't expect you friends to come, Gojyo" Kenshin said. _If he said my name like that again, he's going to get it! _Gojyo thought angrily, slowly losing his cool. The only man who he had allowed to say his name like that was Hakkai and he didn't freak him out like this man did. "Because right now, your friends think you're dead." Kenshin secretly indulged himself by losing himself into the magnificent red eyes as they went wide in disbelief. 

_Calm yourself down. _Gojyo thought but his hand tightened dangerously into fist. _They will not believe those stupid craps without any proves to say it otherwise. _But when Gojyo looked at Kenshin irritatingly confident face, he felt a rush of anger and alarm ran through his head. Damn it! As if his head wasn't burdened enough! _What were you thinking, Gojyo? Of course Hakkai wouldn't believe it! None of them will believe it…unless _He raised his eyes as realization hit him like blasting lightning. _Unless these bastards faked his death… _DAMN IT! 

_Alright, now I'm really going to freak out…_

Zean decided he had watched this revolting scene long enough. If Kenshin had a sudden lust to fuck someone, it should have been him! Not this fucking half-breed demon that he had just met yesterday! Frowning, Zean stepped forward. "Alright, the introduction is over. Kenshin, let's get on with our experiment." 

_Experiment? _Gojyo thought in disbelief. _What do they take me for? A blasted mouse lab? _Wriggling his wrists around the shackles, Gojyo knew he had to know their purpose of this crazy experiment, whatever it was, before the blue-black demon stuck any of those only-God-knows-what wires into his body. "Not yet," Gojyo said, stubbornly refused to show any trace of panic, which he knew his body was screaming from it. He'd rather be dead than to let these demented men stole his cool. Curving up a sarcastic grin, Gojyo continued. "I don't even know your name." 

"It is none of your business." Zean said coldly. "All that we want from your is your blood." 

_So, I'm to be a blood bank…for what? One of them has anemia disease? _Gojyo frowned. This was going to hurt like hell when they took his blood. "Why me? If all you want is blood, why risk your life to catch me?" Gojyo asked instead. Demons tried to avoid any contact with them except if it was Kougaiji's order. And these demons didn't look like someone's dogs. He saw Kenshin and the unnamed looked at each other as if contemplating whether to tell their captive or not. 

"You are taboo child, Gojyo," Kenshin said as if the simple statement explained all. "A child that was born between human and demon." 

_Why couldn't everybody ignore the fact I am a taboo child? It's like a damn curse!_ Inside, Gojyo was bristling. He rarely got angry but these two demons really started to piss him off. But he wasn't going to show them how angry he was. Not yet. "That still didn't explain why you risk your life to capture me. If all you want is a taboo child's blood, there is a lot of them scattering outside." 

"A taboo child is hated by all," The raven-haired demon said. Gojyo groaned silently inside. Damn it! Why the hell can't he get straight to the point? All these talking about how cursed a taboo child really starting to piss him off… was Kenshin tried to provoke him? Tried to see how far could he remain calm? "Hated by humans for he is a demon and hated by demons for he is a human. Outcast by both sides with no way to go. And now, when most of the demons have lost all control for themselves and start to kill humans and humans fight back, the breach between humans and demons widened so much now that taboo children had became their punch bags. A tool to vent their bloodlust vengeance with whenever they couldn't kill the real ones." 

Gojyo closed his eyes as the dark memories of his childhood slowly flooded into his mind. _A tool to vent their anger with…_ Kenshin's words were so true… from the day he was born until now, half-breed like him was considered nothing but a curse. Even without the minus wave, he had tasted the hatred and animosity from people around him at a very tender age. He was so lonely… isolated from other children… hated by his mother… villagers avoided him like a damn plague! And he began to hate the color of his hair and eyes for they were a sign for being a cursed child. The only thing that helped him throughout this living hell was his half-brother. And all he had ever done to deserve all those cruel treatments from them was trying to stay alive, to stay sane and to be able to face the world without any trace of shame of what he was. Just because of that… Only that… "Why are you telling me this?" Gojyo asked quietly. 

"Because you ask us why we have to risk our life to capture you, Gojyo," Kenshin smirked. "We need a taboo child that is old enough to supply us the blood we need throughout this experiment and to find a cursed child that is still strong, healthy, matured and most importantly alive like you is very hard." Gojyo opened his eyes wide. _Alive? What is he trying say? That people and demons are massacring those children just to assuage their bloodlust vengeance? _

As if he read his mind, Kenshin said. "Don't you know that, Gojyo?" Kenshin's smirk was getting wider and Gojyo was too shock to be angry. "Of course you don't, you are no longer a vulnerable and wide-eyed taboo child. You are able to protect yourself and to intimidate others with you power. No one from either side dares to touch you." 

"But you do," Gojyo's blood red eyes went hard. Why should the truth shocked him? He should have known that most of taboo children didn't last long. Even he, had to go through so many things …to struggle his way before he could survive this long. But killing them for nothing… Suddenly he couldn't breath… 

"Ah… that's because we need you, Gojyo," Kenshin looked at Zean. "Without you, Zean's discoveries will be useless." 

"Discoveries?" Gojyo scoffed. To think this half-wit, none-talkative and always-glowering demon had actually able to use his brain to discover that the fact a taboo child had another use other than being somebody's punch bag. 

"We demons have to wear control device, so that we will not go crazy like others. But the control device also limited our power. Unlike you…" Zean went closer to Gojyo and reached out for his head. Instinctively, Gojyo stiffened and pull away. "Stay put." Zean snarled. What else could Gojyo do? He was half naked, hand shackled to the wall, his head still hurt like hell and surrounded by two demons that threatened to suck his blood dried like a damned vampire. _Life can really be cruel to you sometimes… _Gojyo thought dryly. _No, life is always cruel to me. _

Zean pushed the fiery hair away, so Gojyo's ear will be exposed. "…Unlike you, you have a human side inside of you that makes you unaffected by the minus wave. Without any control device attached to your body, you are able to use your power to the fullest without ever worrying to lose control." Zean released the hair and looked at Gojyo. "It's in your blood, Gojyo. And I'm going to take it." 

A warning bell rang insistently in his head, telling Gojyo the talking was over and the experiment was about to start. "What are you going to do once you succeed?" _Stall him… stall this fucking crazy demon… I'm not ready yet! There is no way I let this bastard probe me with anything!_

"Sell the potion, of course," Kenshin said as if Gojyo was asking a very stupid question. "Have you any idea how many demons out there that are willing to pay us anything for this potion, Gojyo?" 

_That's it! _Gojyo thought furiously. _I did say this bastard is going to get it if he said my name again, didn't I? _"NO!! I don't, bastard!" Gojyo snarled, losing all the cool and calm attitude. "I'm just another of your stupid mouse lab. Soon, if I'm _lucky_, I will be a part of your fucking potion too. Why the hell do you think I have any idea?!" 

Kenshin narrowed his eyes. How he would have loved to kiss the insolent mouth of the irritating half-breed! Maybe after Zean finished using him and he still survived, he would take turn. Then, he would have the greatest pleasure to screw him senseless until he was begging him to stop. Or better, until he was begging for more! 

Zean knew the lust when he encountered one and it was written all over Kenshin's face. Immediately his anger to Gojyo doubled. _This damned half-breed is really getting in his way! _Then, Zean turned around and reached out for a syringe and at that moment, Gojyo had known a real panic. He had ran out of questions to ask and this damned experiment couldn't be delayed anymore. _I'll teach you for turning Kenshin's attention from me, you fucking half-breed whore! _His black eyes shone evilly. 

_What the hell?! _Gojyo thought furiously. _Does my forehead write I'm a fucking blood donor?_ His hands angrily tugged against the iron shackles. He wasn't going to give away his blood without putting up any fight! He had struggled his whole life, fighting off everybody who affronted him just so his blood could keep on flowing in his body. And if these crazy demons thought he was going to remain supple, giving away the blood he had protected so ferociously, they were badly mistaken! 

Gojyo's eyes narrowed at Zean, his body stiffened and alerted like a wild lion watching its victim. Or was he the victim? Zean was a feet away from him, with a syringe that gleamed dangerously. _Fight him off, Gojyo! Show him that you will not be easily put off! _A voice inside him screamed. Gojyo quickly grasped the iron chains that held the shackles to the wall and unexpectedly hauled himself up and kicked Zean face and the syringe off his hand using his unshackled legs. Zean and Kenshin were momentarily astounded by the unexpected assault from Gojyo that it took a while for Zean to realize that blood was running from his nose. 

_Take that! _Gojyo felt a rush of satisfaction. 

_What the hell!! _Zean wiped the blood from his nose. _I have enough of this for one day! This time he's really going to pay! _"Kenshin! Strain him while I stick this bloody needle inside this fucking half-breed's wrists!" 

Kenshin took a great pleasure in pinning the struggling and cursing half-breed that he had not complained like he always did whenever Zean ordered him to do something. But when Gojyo raised his knee to hit Kenshin's in the stomach, all his pleasure was gone. "Stay put, you bloody fool!" Kenshin snarled, swallowing down the excruciating pain of Gojyo's kick. "There's no use to keep on struggling! Your friends thought you're dead, you're shackled to the wall and you're injured! Just give it up now!" Kenshin tightened his grip on Gojyo's neck and his legs pinned firmly against Gojyo's legs. 

"No!" Gojyo hissed through the pressure of Kenshin's hand on his throat. "If they thought I'm dead, I'm going to prove them otherwise!" Damn it! His body was losing the precious air and his defiant struggle made the whole situation worse. Damn every one of them to the lowest of hell!! 

Zean was wildly jealous at the sight of Kenshin standing so close to Gojyo, even though Kenshin acted on his order. Reaching for a sharp and small blade and a transparent tube that was connected to a white container, Zean evilly dismissed his early intention to anesthetize Gojyo. _This is going to teach you a lesson! _

Gojyo saw at the corner of his eyes that Zean was trying to cut his blood vein opened using a sharp blade. Panic seized his heart, making it harder for him breath. _Calm down!! _A voice inside him ordered. _Calm down, damn it, before you suffocate yourself to death! Breathe… Come on BREATHE!!! _I can't! Gojyo thought. Too much pressure! 

A sharp pain shot through Gojyo's right arm, causing Gojyo to gasp even more. Zean was oblivious of the blood that ran out freely from the gash as he stuck in the tube. The pain was so excruciating! Gojyo let out a bloodcurdling scream of pain that could be heard all over empty hall… And he slipped into a blissful state of unconsciousness. 

* * * * * * 

"Gojyo!" Hakkai was immediately pulled out from the nightmare. _A dream… that's all… It is just another dream. _He silently calmed himself down, willing the pounding of his heart to slow down. He had dreamt about Gojyo, about the torture Gojyo had endured. Now that they knew Gojyo could still be alive somewhere out there, Hakkai could not have even a second rest without dreaming about Gojyo. And he didn't which one was worse; the fact Gojyo was dead or the fact Gojyo was still alive and under some crazy demons' hostage. But the screaming he had heard… the screaming had sounded so real… so near… so full of pain. _Was it a part of the dream too? _

Massaging his tired eyes and throbbing temple, Hakkai reluctantly left the bed and went to the inn restaurant, knowing that there could be no sleep for him now. Not after that dream… Even though Sanzo had curtly ordered him to have a rest before any hunting started, so he wouldn't be anyone's damned burden (Sanzo's exact words), Hakkai couldn't. All those sleeps and dreams made him more anxious and impatient for the hunting to start. Once he got his lover back in his clutch, he would keep him within his sight and never let him go. To hell with Gojyo's wish for a commitment-free relationship! Gojyo was his and Hakkai determined to keep it that way. 

"Good evening, Sanzo, Goku," Hakkai greeted warmly as he sat for the dinner. Goku cheerfully answered Hakkai's greeting and Sanzo just snorted and nodded his head slightly. If he glared at Hakkai for not following his order, he knew Hakkai would give his 'I'm fine' and 'Don't worry' craps. If only Hakkai could see the dark spot under his eyes and the paleness of his face… 

"So, when are we going to start?" Hakkai asked. _Now… say now... _

"After this hungry monkey filled his empty stomach." Sanzo said. "I don't want to spent the next hour listening to all those 'I'm hungry' craps." 

At that, Goku looked at the empty seat beside him as if expecting to hear Gojyo's irritating words. Usually this was when Gojyo would tease him by agreeing whatever Sanzo was saying and he would get angry. Why was the dinner so silent nowadays? 

Sanzo looked at his pet and his golden eyebrows raised in puzzlement when he got no angry retort from him. Then, he saw Goku's eyes were fixed on the empty seat beside him and knew instantly that his Goku was lonely without his arguing partner. What a minute! Sanzo stopped short with a horrific realization. Did he say the word 'his' before the word 'Goku'? …?? 

Damn it! Sanzo glowered at Goku, who was totally oblivious the battle that was raging inside his keeper's mind. With Gojyo's missing and all, Goku had grown uncomfortably close to him. Uncomfortable for him, of course. Ever since he had foolishly opened his emotion, which only a little bit ( Sanzo defied stubbornly) and Goku had sweetly cried in his arms, Sanzo had this peculiar feeling towards Goku and it was alarmingly growing. _It was just a little hug, damn it! Not that you had brought him to your bed and screwed him! _WAIT! Did he say that?! Did he actually _think_ of taking Goku to his bed?! 

This whole thing was so damned fuck up! And he didn't like it one bit! 

"Sanzo?" Goku called tentatively. He had never seen Sanzo in such a bad mood before. He glowered at his food that if the food was still alive and had legs, it would've ran away. 

"What?!" Sanzo snapped. 

"What's wrong?" 

"Nothing," Sanzo retorted and went on to glower at the food. It was Goku that made him felt all these stupid and absurd feelings and he dared to him what was wrong? Bloody hell! He had obviously spent too much time with Goku! _That's why you are thinking of taking Goku to your bed… You wanted him… Admit it… Just take what you desire most… _"Shut the hell up, damn it!" Sanzo roared angrily at the irritating voices in his damned head, causing Goku to choke on his food in surprise and Hakkai to widen his eyes in astonishment. 

Sanzo realized he had actually shouted what was in his mind. _It shows how much Goku was affecting you. You've never lost control before. _He bristled. If this voice didn't shut up… "Are you done?" Sanzo said curtly and quickly regained his composure as he stood up. "Let's go." 

"But… I'm not finished yet," Goku protested, each one of his hands held meat buns. 

"I'm not even started," Hakkai said, bewildered. He just sat here for five minutes and Sanzo wanted to go now? 

Then both of them heard an unmistakable sound of gun clicking and Sanzo aimed his gun to Goku. "Then. Take. Them. With. You." Sanzo said in a very awful and stressful tone. Then he walked out. _Fuck it._ He really need to get the I-want-to-screw-up-with-Goku notion out of his system. And fast. 

* * * * * * 

Alright, that's the end of chapter three. Any correction or comment is mostly welcome! 


	4. Chapter 4: Fire and Lust

To **blinkie**, Thank you for the review! Well, as I watch the Saiyuki, the thing that has caught my attention to Gojyo how his cruel life is. (Apart being extremely sexy, of course! I just love it when he tied his hair! ^_^). That's why I emphasize the 'life is cruel to me' thing. If you enjoyed the yaoi in the last chapter, I think you're going to enjoy this even more! I hope so… 

To **LN Tora**, No! Don't stop! Keep on pestering me! I want it all! ^_^ Sorry for the errors though. I'm trying to reduce them in every chapter I wrote. English is not my first language. (heh…heh…). Anyway, glad to know you are still enjoying my story and I LOVE Gojyo! Yay! 

All right! I admit, I just love to torture Gojyo! ^o^! So, this chapter is going to be full of angst and rape scene. Well, not entirely though… (disappointment…) I still don't want to change my PG-13 to R. Not just yet, anyway… ^_^ 

Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki. Never did and never will. ( -_- ) 

* * * * * * 

A Curse of Taboo Child   
Chapter 4: Fire and Lust 

"Are you finished with him, Zean?" Kenshin asked impatiently. _How much blood does he need, anyway? It's taking too bloody long!_

Kenshin looked down at the mercifully still unconscious Gojyo with transparent tubes attached to both his wrist, sucking his blood and watched his color started to grew paler. Damn it! There was no way he was going to let Zean killed this stunning half-breed before he had his chance to play with him. The redhead had insulted him before and Kenshin had no intention to forget all the promises he had made earlier! 

Zean refused to answer him. In fact, he was still bristling at Kenshin's obvious lust to this fucking half-breed. Anger ruled his head and every inch of his body insisted him to keep on the blood-sucking process until the only thing that was red was his hair and eyes! _All these years of teasing this daft and idiot demon, I didn't even succeed to make Kenshin smiled at me. And this … this bloody half-breed bastard only took a day and a whole lot of curses to drive that kind of lust out of Kenshin! Damn him!_ The realization only pissed Zean off even more. 

Kenshin knew Zean had no intention to stop and it was his turn to be angry. "What the hell do you think you are doing, Zean?!" he snapped and when Zean continued to ignore him, he grabbed Zean's wrists and forced him to face him. "I ask you, again. What the _hell _do you think you are doing?!" 

"What do you think I'm doing?!" Zean snarled and his black eyes blazed. "I'm sucking this bastard dried! That is our main purpose for bringing him here or are you so consumed with your fucking lust that you've forgotten about it already?!" 

Kenshin narrowed his lavender eyes. Zean had never swore this much before… Could he be jealous of his lust for the redhead? Kenshin had not spent years with Zean not without noticing that Zean lusted for him. But like he gave a damn! Right now, his body was screaming for Gojyo, not him and if this annoying demon couldn't deal with that, damn him to hell! Either way, Gojyo will be his. "No, I didn't! That's why I bring him here alive. You told me you wanted the blood supply to be unlimited. And now you want to kill him?!" 

Zean was momentarily speechless. He was so deep in his own jealousy and hatred that he had completely forgotten about that. But then, if he had known Kenshin would lusted for the redhead, he would have gladly killed him as soon as he suck his blood and found another damned taboo child with less good looking and less sexy. But he couldn't take back his words. "Are you reminding me because for the sake of our plan or because you want to save him?" 

"What's the difference? We both want him even in different perspectives ways." Kenshin shrugged. "You want his blood and I want his body. Killing him would not satisfy any of our wants." 

Zean couldn't believe it. Kenshin had said it straight to his face that he lusted the half-breed. After all this years, Zean didn't believe that Kenshin didn't have any notion of his attraction to the raven-haired demon. He had been so damned obvious in his hints! "Killing him will totally satisfy me, Kenshin. Even if you don't," Zean sneered. 

Kenshin's eyes went hard. "And fucking him will totally satisfy me and not even you can do that!" 

Kenshin's words were like a blow in Zean's guts. _So, he does know about my attraction to him. And he dismissed it like some disturbing fly… _Kenshin had plainly told him that he wasn't as appealing as the bloody half-breed. And that was not only insulting but distressing too! Who the hell he thinks he was?! 

"Do you think I care about your fucking life?! About who turn you on the most?!" Zean snorted rudely but slowly backed away. Kenshin was too strong for him. That was why he preferred to stay behind and let Kenshin do all the fighting and killing. "If you want to screw him senseless, making him screamed even louder than before, be my bloody guest!" With that Zean roughly pulled the tubes from Gojyo wrist, ignoring the gaping gashes and walked away. 

* * * * * * 

He was having a nightmare. He knew it… He hoped he was. But when Gojyo opened his eyes again, feeling the pain on his wrists, strangely weak and tired and so damned thirsty, he knew that the nightmare was no dream at all. He was laying on the bed, wearing the same clothes he wore before he lost his consciousness. 

Where in the living hell was he, he didn't know. Shit… he had never felt this awful before. It felt like everything had been ruthlessly robbed from him. His energy… his pride… his hope… When he raised his hand to rub his throbbing head, he realized someone had bound both of his wrists to stop the bleeding and Gojyo smiled ironically. _First, you sucked my blood dried and now you're busy saving my life? How stupid can you be?_

Gojyo tried to sit up but found out that he had lost so much blood that his head started to spin sickeningly and so, he forced himself to lie down and stay still. Damn it! Just when he thought things couldn't be worse! If before he couldn't move because his hands were shackled to the wall, now even without the shackles, he still couldn't move. How much did they take his fucking blood anyway? A whole barrel? It was lucky for him that he didn't die! Did Zean stop because something happened? Or had someone stopped him? 

"Ah… I see that you've awakened, Gojyo," 

Gojyo silent groaned. He should have known that this horny demon would be one to save him. He lusted for him. Hell! Even a blind one could see that! All those freaky smiles, sick touches and the disgusting way he said his name… Then a thought stuck him. If Kenshin wanted to screw him right now, there was no fucking way he could protect himself. He couldn't even sit up, damn it! Instantly, Gojyo's red eyes looked warily at Kenshin, who was leaning against the doorframe. 

"What were you thinking?" Kenshin asked as he pushed himself away from the doorframe and walked towards Gojyo. Gojyo tensed even more. "It is about me and all the thing I will do you?" 

"No, I didn't! If you wanted to know, answer my question," Gojyo said instead, refusing to show Kenshin his anxiety over the things to come. He hated the way Kenshin always correctly read his mind. Was he that damned transparent?! "How did you fake my death?" 

"Is that what's bothering you, Gojyo?" Kenshin smiled and sat on the chair near the bed. "Well, I can't see the harm of telling you. After all, I don't want to fuck you with your mind full of unimportant things other than me." 

_Fuck you!_ Gojyo glared furiously. _If you want to set me up as your bloody sex machine, don't expect me to come so willingly!_

"I was supposed to kill you on the spot and took a pain of your blood. But Zean changed his plan last minute and sent a shape shifter." Kenshin stopped when he heard Gojyo almost inaudible sound of disbelief. "When you received that blow, you were not the only one who was surprised, Gojyo. I was too. Zean told me that instead of killing you and have only a pain of your blood, why not let you stay alive, so the blood supply will be unlimited. He deceived the shape shifter, ordering him to disguise himself as you and then killed him." 

"A shape shifter, huh?" Gojyo crooked an ironic smile. _With a body that looked like me, I doubt that even Hakkai would still believe I'm alive. To them, I'm as good as dead. They'll grieve, which I doubt Sanzo will, they'll bury the bloody faker and they'll continue their journey. And me? I'm going to be stuck here and being screwed by this demon for the rest of my life._ What kind of life was that? He never thought that he would end up being someone's fucking sex slave! _Didn't I tell you that life is always cruel to me? _

"Didn't the shape shifter's power wore off when he dies?" Gojyo sneered. "What makes you think they didn't found out about the faker yet?" 

"It takes two days or more for his power to wore off. Who would want to keep a rotting corpse more than a day? It smells, you know." Kenshin's smiles were getting irritating. Of course he knew that! He spent his whole life encountering and making corpses! If only he had another argument that could wipe the smirk off his face! But, he had nothing to argue about. All of Kenshin's words were true. He was undeniably damned! 

"Just the way I imagine you would be, Gojyo," Kenshin grinned, totally aroused at the way Gojyo glared at him. "Angry as hell and weak as a kitten." He reached out for Gojyo and Gojyo pulled himself out of his reach. It took every ounce of his energy just to push himself backwards. 

"Touch me and you are going to regret it," Gojyo threatened quietly. It was an empty threat. He knew it and Gojyo had this awful feeling that Kenshin knew it too. 

The raven-haired demon smiled and leaned down so his lips grazed Gojyo's ears softly. Gojyo stiffened and hated his helplessness even more. "And what are you going to do?" He whispered. Gojyo felt his breath teased him and he shuddered. Whether it was from disgust or from anxiety, he didn't know. All he knew his head was spinning and wished this fucking demon would stop all those threats and get it over with. 

"Scream on the top of lungs? Don't worry, by the time I'm finished with you, you will." Kenshin promised and Gojyo's anxiety increased. 

Then, Kenshin grasped Gojyo's jaws hard, forcing the redhead to open his mouth to receive his ferocious mouth assault. A wave of disgust and nausea washed through Gojyo's body and he shuddered even more. Kenshin ruthlessly and repetitively plundered Gojyo's mouth with his tongue, oblivious to his gasping and wide-eye. _I think I'm going to be sick… _Gojyo thought when he felt Kenshin's tongue slithered inside his mouth. With no clothing on his body except for a pair of pants, he felt utterly exposed. 

When Kenshin finally lifted his head and watched as Gojyo gasped for air, his arousal rose even higher. "I'd made a promise to myself that I shall kiss your insolent mouth and screw you until you're begging me to stop." All that Gojyo could do at that moment was to glare. "And you will beg, Gojyo, although I don't know whether it is for me to stop…or to do more…" His lavender eyes were burning into dark purple fire as they devoured Gojyo's face. 

_Beg? He actually thought he could make me beg? _"You can go straight to hell!" he spat breathlessly. If he was breathless from the kiss before, now, he was breathless from the intense anger. "It took a whole lot more than a damned kiss to make me beg! Nothing that you do will make me utters even a fucking sound!" 

Kenshin was vastly amused at his captive's anger and towering pride. How he loved this irritating half-breed! Fire and flame from inside to outside. Obviously his kiss wasn't ferocious enough. Or maybe Gojyo spoke the truth. Maybe it took more than just a kiss to stop his curses. Then, a smile appeared when a nasty thought crossed his mind. 

"Nothing?" Kenshin challenged softly. 

Gojyo eyed Kenshin nasty smile and heard the dare in his tone. _I don't like this…_ But what the hell? This horny demon was going to fuck him hard sooner or later. The least he could do was keep his mouth shut and he will not let Kenshin had the satisfaction by hearing him making any sound. He could do that. Of course he could. "Absolutely nothing!" He said but deep inside, Gojyo felt his confident was slipping apart. 

"We shall see about that, Gojyo…" 

With that, Kenshin pinned Gojyo beneath him with such a force that staggered his fragile condition. _Bloody hell… is he too damned strong or am I too damned weak from losing so much blood? _With his hands held firmly onto Gojyo's wrists, Kenshin had rendered him completely defenseless and his lusty mouth roughly sought every sensitive part of Gojyo's body, biting them hard until Gojyo's body weakly writhed in pain. The scream was hovering on his lips but Gojyo stubbornly swallowed it down. Kenshin was raping everything away from him and he would be damned if he let Kenshin raped his scream as well! 

_Fight him, Gojyo!_ A voice screamed. _I'm fighting him off, damn it! I'm fighting so damn hard … but I'm so tired… oh, bloody hell! Since when having sex can be so painful? _Every part of him was on fire but not from the pleasure but from soreness and Gojyo knew why. He was so used to feel Hakkai's gentle hands on his body, to hear his soft and seductive voice encouraged him to do more, to see Hakkai's beautiful face flush with passion, to smell his sweet body odor and to taste his flesh. And now, his body was fiercely rejecting Kenshin's cruel bites and touches. His body couldn't recognize the demon that was mercilessly ravaging him. He couldn't feel pleasure anymore… just pain, pain and more pain. _Shit…_

Kenshin couldn't help himself. The feeling of Gojyo's slender body beneath him, writhing and trying futilely to push away the pressure he was putting on him, made him wildly aroused and he lost control of himself. _Bloody hell… This half-breed got me so damn hot! _He trailed his kisses and bites upward, over Gojyo's smooth and flat chest, to the curving of his slender neck and ended at Gojyo's ear, leaving red and swollen marks along the way . 

When Kenshin's mouth bite Gojyo's ear, he realized he had not heard the redhead's scream yet. All that he managed was to make Gojyo writhed and struggled. "Scream, Gojyo," he whispered and started to piss off when Gojyo refused to do so. _Damn it! This bloody redhead is so fucking stubborn!_ "Scream for me!" 

"Go… To… Hell!" Gojyo hissed angrily through the pains. 

"Fine!" Kenshin snarled and ripped Gojyo's pants off. "You asked for IT!" 

In a laboratory, Zean gritted his teeth when he heard Gojyo's painful scream that was echoing through the dark hall. _You're having a great time, aren't you Kenshin? _Looking at the Gojyo's blood in a transparent container, Zean smirked. _We shall see about that… _

* * * * * * 

The forest was completely silent. Ever since murder had happened in this forest, the villager avoided it for the murderer was still on loose. Hakkai looked down the spot where they had found the shape shifter's body and gave up his thanks for a hundredth times for giving him a hope that Gojyo might still be alive. He would find him no matter. _Gojyo… where ever you are, just hold on… just wait for me. I'm going to find you. _

"There's nothing here that can lead us to Gojyo," Hakkai said to Sanzo with a quiet frustration. 

"Ch… I don't expect us to find any," Sanzo said shortly. 

Hakkai smiled at Sanzo's typical words and continued to search for anything that might lead them to anywhere. _Come on, Gojyo, you must have left something for me to find. Help me!_

"Sanzo! Hakkai! Look at what I've found!" Goku called and ran towards them with a crumpled paper in his waving hand. 

"What's that?" Hakkai looked curiously at the paper. 

"I don't know but it has Gojyo's name written all over it…" 

Hakkai didn't wait for Goku to finish his words and instantly snatched the paper from him, leaving Goku's widened in surprise. _Yes! Yes! It may be the letter that Gojyo received the other day! _Giving the startled boy an apologetic glance, he said, "Sorry, Goku," 

"What does it say?" Sanzo asked. 

Hakkai read the letter quickly and then a frown appeared. _What in the world…? _It didn't make any sense. Dokukogaji was kidnapped? The Dokukogaji? 

"Come on, Hakkai," Sanzo asked impatiently. His hands were itching to shoot whoever it was for making them wasted so much time in this damned town. Then, when they finally found the stupid redhead, he would hit him for his carelessness! "What does it say?" 

"It says here that 'Sha Gojyo, I have your brother under my captive. Come out alone tonight if you still want to see him alive. I shall come alone too.'." Hakkai looked up, puzzlement was written all over his face. "What do you think about that, Sanzo?" 

"I think Gojyo had completely lost his mind if he went out alone and straight into the obvious trap." Sanzo silently cursed Gojyo. _How reckless could the half-breed be?_

"I think he knew that," Hakkai said quietly. "But it is his brother. I don't think he is willing to make any assumption and leave it like that." Then, his eyes looked at the letter again as waves of regret washed through him. "What I don't understand is, why did he think he had to go alone? He could have waked me up and as me to accompany him…" _It's not like I'm going to say no anyway. He knows I'll do anything he ask me for…damn it… if only I wasn't so dead sleep that night. I would hear Gojyo walked out…_

Then, an ironic smile appeared on Hakkai's face. How did he expect to hear when Gojyo walked out? Usually, Gojyo would always be in charge, always on top of him, always giving and giving and he one the other hands, would always be the one to take all the pleasure Gojyo gave him. His loving was always fierce and urgent. It was as if Gojyo didn't want him to please him in return. Hell… when Gojyo started the kissing and soft biting, Hakkai didn't want him to stop at all. 

But that night, Gojyo purposely lingered, kissing him in places Gojyo had never touched before until he was thrashing with unbearable pleasure and begged for a release. And how Gojyo teased him more! When they were finally panting in pleasure for the amazing release, Gojyo would kiss him and repeated the whole process again. It was like their last loving. He was so worn out, feeling so blissfully tired and when he was asleep, not even an earthquake could wake him up. 

Hakkai's body turned warm when he recalled the last night he had spent with Gojyo. Three days without Gojyo to warm his cold bed and to make him smile had been almost unbearable. Only a sheer of determination to find Gojyo keep him sane. The days were short and the nights were long. His body was screaming for Gojyo… 

"Like I said, Gojyo was stupid if he went out alone that night. I'm sure whoever gave him this letter must have broken his promise and brought a companion with him," Sanzo said cynically, pulling Hakkai out from his thoughts. "All demons are damned treacherous. Their words are never considered as promises." 

"So, Sanzo," Goku spoke up. "What are we going to do next?" 

"What else?" Sanzo mocked as he glared at the west. "Kougaiji's subordinate is also mentioned in this letter. So, we are going to pay Kougaiji a little friendly visit." 

* * * * * * 

All right! Chapter four is completed. And now… review…review… ^_^ 


	5. Chapter 5: The Two Potions

To **gallatica**, Thank you! Like I said in my summary, if you want to see more of Sanzo and Goku, I will write if for you! ^_^ 

To **LN Tora**, I am thinking about making this story a little bit of hurting-and-comforting but I guess you'll have to wait for that! Glad to know you like the part where Gojyo was being tortured! ^_~   
Gojyo: Why the hell do you like to make me suffer?! * grumble *   
ME: Gojyo, you're too gorgeous for any demon to resist! Ask Hakkai! (Pleading silently at Hakkai)  
Hakkai: Well, I'll back you up if you let me the one to screw Gojyo instead of Kenshin. * smiles *   
Kenshin: Hey! Wait for your turn! 

To **Blinkie **, I was picturing how angry Gojyo was at that time and the way he was expressing it. I'm sooo glad you thought it is sexy as well!! I love a story with a little twist in it and I try to do that every time I write one. ^_^  
ME: Look, Gojyo! Another reader love to see you tortured!  
Gojyo: * Groaning * Great! Just great! All right, how are you going to repay me if I agreed to do another of this stupid scene?  
ME: Um… (looked around frantically and saw Hakkai) … I promised to write a very sexy and sensual scene you and Hakkai if you did this for me.  
Gojyo: * Instantly * Fine! (Give Hakkai a very suggestive wink)The thing I did for you, Hakkai! 

To **Ms. C **, Thank you!! ^o^   
ME: Kougaiji! Somebody wants me to write something about you.  
Kougaiji: Huh? (Glaring) Whatever. Just don't you dare write about me just like you did to Gojyo.  
ME: Why? (scratching my head) Everyone still thinks Gojyo sexy…  
Kougaiji: (summoning a demon already)  
ME: Fine, fine… (sweat-dropping)  


Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki. Never did and never will. ( -_- ) 

* * * * * * 

A Curse of Taboo Child   
Chapter 5: The Two Potions 

The laboratory was dark when Zean closed the door. There were only a few candles to light up the room. There was no way he could work on the potion when he was hearing those obscene sounds from Kenshin's room. But even by closing the door, Zean could still hear the distressful muffling of Gojyo and he started to imagine the scene behind the closed door. He closed his eyes, feeling heartsick and totally furious as he tried to destroy the hateful images in his mind. He knew he would not find a moment peace until he found a way to make Gojyo pay. 

Zean looked at the plastic bottle which contained the half-breed's blood. _His blood is as red as ours… How can something that looks so similar be so special? _He knew he was supposed to make a potion that enable demons to take off their control device. Bloods that had both human and demon's strengths and weaknesses could conceal demons' weakness and make them stronger. 

Zean knew that would happen if he injected the potion into a demon. …Wait a minute… Zean straightened up as a thought struck his head. What if he injected the potion that contains demon's blood into a taboo child? Would it make him stronger or weaker? Then a pleasant possibility came out. Would it kill him? The blue-black haired demon stood up and started to pace around. 

"I've planned to modify the blood, so it can blend with demon's blood. With that, the demon will have blood that is almost as same as the half-breed, only stronger," Zean said to himself, excited by the sudden idea. "But what if, I injected the potion that is made out from demon's blood into a taboo child?" The idea sounded so intriguing and perfect that Zean couldn't wait to start. 

He pulled out a piece of paper and started to write the formula. "Let's see…" He said as he bit at the corner of his lips. "The original plan is to enable a demon's blood to combine successfully with a taboo child's blood, so the demon will have all the taboo child's strength and used his own energy to cover the taboo child's weaknesses. Then the demon can take off his control device and increase his energy to his fullest without any side-effect from taboo child's weakness." 

"But nevertheless, a taboo child also has his own weaknesses. If I took the demon's blood and injected it into the taboo child…I wonder what would happen?" Zean furrowed his eyebrows for a while as he drowned himself into a deep thought. "Will it make the demon side in a half-breed stronger? If it did, what are the effects? And what would happen to the human side?" 

_So many questions… I cannot be sure of it until I test it on a taboo child. _Then Zean realized he had no other half-breed to test on except the one that Kenshin was fucking with right now. Instead of feeling disappointed, Zean smirked at the thought of using Kenshin's sex toy as his experiment subject. _It might kill him… If it did, Kenshin will be absolutely furious. _

But Zean shook his head. No, Kenshin could go to hell for all he cared. So what if Gojyo died? It would make his life easier and his mind clearer from all the feeling of jealousy. And he swore, if the potion he made were actually a poison, he would make Gojyo's death so painful that he would never ask for another reincarnation! There was no way he was going to let the fucking half-breed died so easily. Not after he had turned Kenshin's attention away from him. 

Now, all he needed to do was to find a demon's blood... 

* * * * * * 

Gojyo had never felt so damned exhausted or so damned hurting or so damned filthy in his entire life before as he lay naked on the bed, looking up at the ceiling blankly. His face and body was pale from both tiredness and lack of life-fluids. In fact, his hair and his eyes were the only thing that was vibrant with color and when strands of his fiery hair plastered artlessly across Gojyo's empty face, it made such a contrast color. Bruises and bite-marks were all over his body and his lips were swollen from Kenshin's brutal kisses. 

He couldn't move… he couldn't think anymore… He could only feel every sore spot on his body, which was countless. Gojyo's eyes were wide and empty and his breaths were shallow. Kenshin had left him after screwing him up for who-know-how-many times and told him that he would be back. And Gojyo didn't think he could hold on behind his fragile mind shield anymore if Kenshin started another round of this torture. After the raven-haired demon had broken Gojyo's silent vow not to scream, he felt all his defiant instantly crumbled down. If he had his stubbornness before, now he had nothing else left to cling to. 

_Snap out of it! _The voice retorted inside his head. _Don't give in just yet! You have always been so strong. _

Gojyo curved up a small mocking smile. _I shouldn't give in just yet? Why shouldn't I? It's not like I'm going anywhere now. _

_Where is your towering pride?! You let the bastard screwed you like that and all you did was stay still? What the hell is the matter with you?! _The voice ceaselessly taunting him as if it tried to spark even a little fire in Gojyo's cold mind. 

_Stay still? _Gojyo couldn't believe what he was hearing inside his head. It was there to witness everything! It was there to feel everything! And it said he was staying still? _I fought! I fought like a losing fighter in a losing damn battle! He has taken away everything! Do you hear me? Every damn thing!_

_If Hakkai saw you like this…_ The voice brought up the very thing that Gojyo didn't want to think about. 

_Shut the hell up! Hakkai will never see me like this!_ Then Gojyo voiced out the possibility that he had tried to deny from the very first time he discovered his death had been forged. _He's probably done with his mourning over some fucking shape shifter and goes on with his life! _

_Is that what you think? _

_What the hell should I think then? That Hakkai would still believe I'm alive even after seeing my dead body in front of him? All we have is countless of meaningless sex and only three years of mutual friendship! _He knew that was completely untrue to him, if not to Hakkai. Who was he fooling? Only when he was loving Hakkai, he felt different… exciting… and totally addictive. Eyes of red to meet with the green, fire in spirit to be matched up with coolness, intensity of lust to be pleased by gentleness of yearning. They were as different as night and day. The fact that Hakkai pleased him so much had never ceased Gojyo's amazement. Hakkai… how he missed him. 

_You should have more faith in your friends! They have never failed you before! _

Gojyo snorted and laughed mirthlessly when he heard the irony in the voice's words. _Of course they have never failed me before. That's because they knew I am still alive, then! Now, to them I'm dead! Why in living hell should they think otherwise?! _

The voice inside him went silent as if it had no more to argue and Gojyo felt strangely so disappointed when he heard no more feedback. He had lost almost everything and he was hoping the argument inside his head would keep him from falling more into the darkness. When the voice went silent, Gojyo knew it was an irrevocable sign that he had touched the bottom of the darkness and he might not be able to get out. And suddenly, he felt an emotion he had stopped feeling a long time ago; a feeling of fear. 

So lost was he in his thought that he didn't hear the sound of footsteps that was walking nearer and nearer to Kenshin's room. When Gojyo was finally aware of the presence inside the room, his whole body stiffened for he thought Kenshin had finally got back and continued the painful activities. _Damn it! How many times he wants to screw me in one day? _

"It looks like Kenshin has used you well." That voice was nothing like Kenshin's smooth and husky voice. Gojyo turned his head slowly to the demon beside him, oblivious with his nakedness and his battered body, and saw Zean stood there. 

Zean expected him to flung out his sarcastic retorts like he always did but Gojyo just stared at him blankly. His magnificent blood-red eyes had lost their usual twinkles, his long hair was in complete disarray and his face was so pale. But even in this kind of predicament, Zean had to swallow a bitter truth that this half-breed still hadn't lost the attractiveness that had captured Kenshin's attention. _If only I didn't order Kenshin to capture him… _Zean felt a slight remote and that made him angry even more. "Oh, don't tell me Kenshin had broken your spirit already," Zean mocked. "It has only been one day." 

Still as silent and grave as a tomb. Gojyo didn't even move an inch. The only thing that convinced Zean that Gojyo was still alive was the shallow rise and fall of his chest. Curving up a small smirk, he walked towards the redhead. "So silent…" Zean reached out the red strands that lay across Gojyo's face and pushed them aside. Gojyo still didn't move. "And so cold…" _I guess Kenshin didn't break this half-breed's spirit yet. If he continued to fuck Gojyo like this, Kenshin will be better of fucking me rather than this living corpse. _

"I have something that needs your help." With that Zean took out something that made Gojyo's body went cold and his heart tightened in trepidation. Something that cracked the icy wall Gojyo had built around him. An injection. 

_Damn it…_ Gojyo thought as his breath quickened in panic. _Damn the fucking IT!!!_ His mind and body screamed in unbearable frustration. Couldn't they see his body couldn't take anymore of their fucking crazy treatments?! Why taboo children were so hated by them? If a taboo child were indeed a curse, it was human and demon's fault. After all, it was a human and a demon damned lusts that created them! They didn't ask to be born as a cursed child. All they wanted to do was to stay alive. All _he_ wanted to do was to stay alive… 

"No…" Gojyo whispered through his swollen lips as he forced his sore and aching body to move away from Zean. He couldn't take it anymore. He just couldn't! 

"Why not, Gojyo?" Zean asked, pretending not to notice Gojyo's condition or the way his body was shaken as he tried to cover his nakedness with a blanket. "I did tell you that you are to be my guinea pig, didn't I?" 

"To the hell with you…" Gojyo gasped as he tried to move his body away from Zean, ignoring every pain. 

Zean saw this and he shook his head. "You cannot get away from me. You cannot even walk!" With that, Zean quickly pulled Gojyo and hold him down. He took out the injection that contained the potion he had brewed a few hours earlier while Kenshin was busy screwing Gojyo. 

Gojyo started to struggle again when a thought struck his head. _Why do I bother to struggle? Do I really think I could get away from him with this kind of condition? _His body eagerly agreed with the thought. It couldn't take anymore of this. But his mind screamed in denial, telling him if he remained supple and not even willing to fight, then he better off as a corpse exactly like all his friends believed. The battle inside him raged until Gojyo felt so drained and starting to consider the act of surrender. 

The needle was only a millimeter away from Gojyo's skin when they both heard. "Zean! What in the living hell do you think you are doing?!" Kenshin's angry voice roared. 

Zean got off from the utterly exhausted redhead, who didn't know whether to be grateful for Kenshin arrival or not because he knew once he got rid of Zean, he would start to fuck him again. Zean walked towards the raven-haired demon. "You said that we both want something from him and you're right. You've used him to slack your damned lust and now it's my turn to use him for my experiment!" Zean retorted. 

"Your turn?" Kenshin looked his long-time partner with an expression of disbelief. "You've taken almost all of his blood, damn it!" 

Gojyo listened to the argument with a mixture of amazement, fury and thought it was a little bit of flattering When he was a kid, everyone pushed him away as if he was nothing but a mere nuisance. Now, everyone wanted him! He didn't know he was that special! And who the hell they think he was?! How could they argue whose turn to use him now as if he damned was a toy to be passed around?! 

"I've found something that I know will interest you," Zean said as he grew tired of this meaningless argument and tried to reason with his short-tempered partner. He, who had almost never lost his cool for hundreds of years, was totally mad with jealousy and anger for a half-breed, who would probably be dead by the end of this week with that kind of treatment they gave to him. _Just calm yourself down…_ Zean took a deep breath before he could continue. "A new possibility that will intrigue you." 

Kenshin glared at him. _Damn it! I have no other interest right now except to continue screwing the redhead. _But he finally capitulated and told Zean to talk outside. Gojyo was totally aware with all this and he didn't like it a bit. Sure, both crazy demons were out of his sight but Zean's words brought untold chill to his body. He wished he knew what were they up to, so he could be prepared. 

"All right, Zean, what is it?" Kenshin asked impatiently. 

The demon told him and instantly Kenshin's expression changed from irritated into thoughtful. "Do you think that is what will happen?" 

"I know it will. But I need to confirm it." Zean emphasized the word 'confirm'. 

"Are there any possibility that he might be killed throughout your 'confirmation' process?" Kenshin asked and Zean narrowed his eyes at that question. "I haven't finished playing with him yet. Until I strip every layer of his defiant and hear him beg, I will not stop." 

Zean's coolness was about to crumble and he knew it would if he heard one more word that expressed Kenshin's lust to Gojyo. So, he lied and said, "No. None at all." 

"Fine, do it tomorrow." Kenshin turned around and headed right back to his room, where he knew the beautiful redhead was waiting for him there with such a coolness that will freeze the water. 

Zean was about to turn around too when he braved himself to ask Kenshin one question that had been bothering his mind. " Tell me something, Kenshin," Zean watched the raven-haired demon turned around. "Why mastering Gojyo has become an obsession to you?" 

Kenshin curved up a smile. "Because he has so much pride and arrogance inside him. I love and hate that." Then he vanished into his own room. 

_Pride and arrogance? _Zean thought bitterly. _That is all he has anyway when we first brought him here…_

* * * * * * 

"Well…" Hakkai spoke up after a long silent in the jeep. Goku was abnormally quiet without Gojyo to talk to and argue with for two straight days that Hakkai couldn't take it anymore. "Do you know exactly where we are heading, Sanzo?" 

"To Kougaiji's, of course." Sanzo glared at the brunette beside him for asking a stupid question. 

"You mean to the west?" Hakkai raised his eyebrows. 

"So?" Another impatient answer from Sanzo. 

"Um…nothing. I'm just checking whether my earlier understanding is correct." Hakkai turned his attention back to the road. _Go to the west? How long does this journey take, anyway? A month? Two months? Gojyo would be as good as dead by the time they got to Kougaiji's place. _Protests was hovering on his lips but when he thought back the way he was losing control back in the town, Hakkai felt he had no right to tell Sanzo what he really felt. 

Sanzo cast a glance at the man beside him and saw lines of fatigues and worries on his usually cheerful expression. He knew Hakkai was dying to object his decision to go to the west and he knew his idea was crazy as well. But then, Kougaiji always managed to catch up with them and challenged a fight in times when they didn't want it. So, Sanzo was hoping Kougaiji would appear. Hell! He would welcome his annoying little sister with opened arms if that would draw her brother and their subordinates to them. The atmosphere inside the jeep was getting too damn quiet and too damn strange and it was really getting into his nerves. 

And Goku… Sanzo risked a swift glance at the boy who had been so quiet ever since they left the town. Not even a single 'I'm hungry, Sanzo' escaped from him. He had no idea Gojyo would bring this much effects to them. Then, the sooner Kougaiji appeared, the sooner they would find Gojyo, the sooner he could shoot the damned redhead for making him running around like this and the sooner he would hear those annoying bickering behind him. 

It was as if the God was answering Sanzo's thoughts, although he didn't know which one, when he heard Goku called him name. "Sanzo… look!" 

Sanzo looked at the direction where Goku was pointing at and he almost… he repeated… 'almost' breathed out a sigh of relief when he saw Kougaiji and Dokugakuji were heading in the same direction as theirs. "Hakkai, stop. I think we've found what we're looking for." 

"Huh? What?" But Sanzo didn't need to enlighten the healer as Hakkai had also noticed the people that they had been searching. _Great. Looks like we don't have to waste two months to start the fight!_ Hakkai thought as he hit the brake pedal. 

With that Sanzo calmly stepped out from the green jeep and reached out for his gun. Hakkai readied himself and Goku knew that a fight was about to begin and he summoned his long stick. It was obvious that all three of them were furious and tense as hell. _All right! I hated all this hunting and I'm ready to kick someone's butt! _"Kougaiji!" Goku shouted and for once, Sanzo didn't hit him with his paper fan for shouting. How could he? He had wanted to hear Goku's voice for the past two days and he didn't care how loud it was. 

The redhead demon swiftly turned around, together with his subordinate when he heard a voice that had been so familiar to him. "Goku…" Kougaiji hissed. 

As if the demon's hiss triggered everything, Sanzo raised his gun, aiming dangerously towards Kougaiji, Hakkai gathered his gleaming his qi and Goku pointed his stick towards his subordinate. "I ask you only once, Kougaiji," Sanzo said quietly but enough to tell Kougaiji that he meant all business. "Where is Gojyo?" 

"Gojyo? The redhead?" He finally realized that Sanzo's group was missing one member. "How the hell should I know?" Kougaiji glared at the monk. "I'm not his bloody nanny." 

"I told you, I'm only asking you once," Sanzo said calmly and clicked the trigger. Everybody around him realized the stress the monk was having and any wrong answer would make him blow the gun. "Now tell me. Where is Gojyo?" 

Dokugakuji stepped in front of his master, wielded his sword protectively. "He told you that he doesn't know. That means he doesn't know." 

Hakkai was frustrated to his limit now. He did not sit two days in the jeep and did not sleep for two nights just to come here and get 'I don't know' bullshits from them. Gritting his teeth and narrowing his eyes, he pointed his gleaming hand towards Gojyo's half-brother. Half-brother or not, if this bastard didn't tell him where Gojyo was, he would blow his body into pieces. "Tell. Us. Now." 

"We didn't know, damn it!" Dokugakuji denied heatedly. "And while we are on it, what had happened to Gojyo?" 

"Don't you dare start that," Sanzo glowered, still reluctant to put down his gun. But deep down, Sanzo had this bad feeling that they really didn't know about what had happened. And if that were true… where else would they search? They had lost any trail that lead to Gojyo. To the lowest hell of it! 

"Yeah!" Goku shouted. "We all know you faked the note, acting like someone else kidnapped Gojyo's brother and then you took him away!" Goku's golden eyes shone angrily. "Give him back, or you really are going to get it!" 

"Gojyo was taken away too?" Dokugakuji's face went white and cast a look to Kougaiji. "I thought Gojyo is strong enough to be caught…" He whispered to the redhead and the latter's expression went grim. Instantly, Sanzo's shrewd eyes knew both of them knew something that they didn't. 

"Too?" Sanzo frowned. "What do you mean by that?" 

Dokugakuji looked at Kougaiji again as if asking his permission whether it was fine with him if he shared the information or not. Kougaiji noticed Dokugakuji's white face the moment he learned about his half-brother's missing and recalled the moment where Dokugakuji told him about how much he loved his half-brother that he was willing to kill his own mother to save Gojyo. And if sharing information with his enemy would save Gojyo and put Dokugakuji's mind at ease, Kougaiji wouldn't mind. Slowly, he nodded his head. 

"Lately, there's a rumor among the demons, saying that there is a potion that enables demons to take off their control device and still remain unaffected by the wave." Dokugakuji said and slowly put down his sword. Sanzo, Hakkai and reluctantly Goku did likewise. 

"A potion?" Hakkai frowned. "Where does it come from?" _And where does it lead me? I want to know where Gojyo is, not some stupid potion! _

"We still didn't know." Dokugakuji shrugged his shoulders. "But it is said that the main ingredient of the potion was blood and demons are really excited by the discoveries." 

"What do you mean by blood?" Sanzo asked, frowning even deeper. Somehow he didn't like what this damned information was going to tell him. If Dokugakuji were going to tell him what he thought he would, then this would too bad for Gojyo. _And to Hakkai too… by the look of it. _

"A taboo child's blood." Kougaiji stated flatly. 

"A what?" Hakkai said in disbelief. _A taboo child's blood? The raven-haired demon captured Gojyo for his blood? _"Then, Gojyo…" 

"Probably was dead by now," the redhead demon finished the unfinished sentence. "Many of taboo children were found dead with their throat was ripped opened and their blood were completely drained out. It was being done by ignorant demons, of course, for they believe that drinking a taboo child's blood could keep their sanity at bay." 

"And the 'genius' who makes those bloody discoveries?" Sanzo asked again. 

"Still remains unknown and out of sight." Kougaiji said curtly. "But it is to be rumored that he had finally found a perfect half-breed and had started on making the potion." Kougaiji looked at Sanzo. "Though, I never expected that the so-called perfect half-breed is Gojyo, if it is true that demon has him." 

"Are you saying that Gojyo is out there, somewhere with a crazy demon, and his blood was being completely sucked out?" Hakkai asked angrily. _No! Not again! Don't you dare tell me Gojyo is dead! _

"Of course! Why the hell would anyone keep a cursed child after he got what he wanted?" Kougaiji retorted a very obvious question back to Hakkai. Both groups sensed the animosity rose between them again and immediately, they raised back their weapons and glared at each other. 

The tense atmosphere was suddenly broken by a long laughter from nowhere, echoing through the forest. "Why?" An alien voice asked as if Kougaiji was asking a question that shouldn't be asked at all and he laughed again. "The answer is so obvious, Kougaiji." 

Hakkai's green eyes looked around for the source and he found it. 

"Gojyo is so beautiful and so hot-headed… It is such a shame if I killed him just like that." The demon smiled. "So, I decided to use and taste the flaming spirit in my bed." 

Walking towards them so casually with a streak of very annoying self-confident, a tall demon curved up a smirk. But Hakkai's eyes didn't see all that. All he saw was the demon had raven-colored hair and a pair of startling lavender eyes. And a sudden rush of blood-lust vengeance shot through Hakkai. _This fucking demon dares to touch Gojyo?! Gojyo is his! No one can touch Gojyo except him!_

Raven hair... lavender eyes... _It is him…_ Hakkai realized. _It is the fucking demon that took Gojyo away!_

* * * * * * 

Another chapter is completed! You know what I'm going to ask. Reviews!   
Oh great, the semester break is over. * sigh * Looks like I have to slow down all the updates. 


	6. Chapter 6: A Change of Plan

To **slayer11**, Thank you! You asked for more and new chapter I give to you! ^_^ 

To **LN Tora**, Thank you so much! In your last review, you were asking about why Kenshin even bothered to show up after all. One reason. Possessiveness! I hope this chapter clear up every question from the last one. Gojyo is so prideful that I think to break our arrogant half-breed's spirit is going to be very hard. But I still want to tell as calm as he always look, he still struggling for sanity.   
Gojyo: See, at least someone is showing a sympathy for all the torture you've put me through. And where the hell is the scene me with Hakkai that you've promised me?!  
ME: The scene? * Whispered softly and guiltily* Gojyo, you still have several chapters to go before the scene arrive…   
Gojyo: What?! I have to do more of this bloody scene?!   
ME: * Ran away as quickly as possible * 

To** Caer **Thanks! I glad you like it. ^_^  
Gojyo: Look! Another one who expresses sympathy. ME: * Shoving Gojyo aside * Oh, shut up! 

To **Blinkie **, Thank you so much! I really appreciate all your comments about improving my writing skill and really happy you like it! Well, if Zean wasn't cruel, I couldn't call him bad guy, now could ? ^_~. Sorry about the grammar though. I'm still struggling to perfect it. * smiled sheepishly *   
Gojyo: * groaning * Don't encourage her! Or she will force me to do another torture scene.  
ME: * Pushing Gojyo aside and glared at him * Jealous? I'm not that mean! When I promise to write the scene, I will!  


To **Ms. C **, Thank you!! I don't know what should I write to bring out Kougaiji's stubbornness and I'm glad you like it! I tried to keep the animosity between Kougaiji's party and Sanzo's party as subtle as possible because in the original story, they are! ^o^   


I'm sorry for taking so long to update this story. The beginning of semester is always hectic and I couldn't even squeezed my time to write anything! Sorry if this chapter seems sloppy to you. I'm in hurry! ^_^ 

Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki. Never did and never will. ( -_- ) 

* * * * * * 

A Curse of Taboo Child   
Chapter 6: A Change In Plan 

_A day earlier… _

Gojyo was confused. In fact, he didn't know whether he should feel relief or suspicious. For the past two days, Kenshin hadn't touched him, Zean had let him to take a bath and provided him new clothes because his clothes had either been given to the shape shifter or been ripped off by Kenshin and both demons mysteriously out of his sight for most of the time. Hell! For a half-demon who had being tortured continuously from the moment he opened his eyes, the sudden changes of his treatments made Gojyo wary and it kind of scared the hell out of him. 

Right now, he was sprawling on Kenshin's bed, his hands were chained to the headboard and bored to death. And Gojyo was totally uncomfortable with the clothes that were provided to him. The tight black and sleeveless leather shirt clung intimately to his body as if it was his second skin and its matching black jeans emphasized his long and slender legs. Such a dark color contrasted sharply with his now-pale face and brightly crimson hair, emphasizing the redhead's sensuality and sexiness. Every time Kenshin entered the room, the hungry look on the raven-haired demon was quite revolting and often brought a slight shudder to Gojyo's body. And the fact that Kenshin hadn't touched him for the past two days, which was the day he started to wear this tight clothes, was a total miracle. 

How and when in the world did Kenshin put these clothes on, Gojyo didn't know. All he knew was that night, after Kenshin's fierce and painful bed play, his body finally gave up to the pains and slowly and mercifully succumbed to either slumber or unconsciousness. And the next thing he realized when he woke up was he was already considerably clean from the previous sex scents and clad in these clothes. Sometimes, Gojyo felt that Kenshin enjoyed his position, tied to bed and all, immensely and it was only a matter of time before the raven-haired demon couldn't control his arousal anymore and ripped the clothes off and repeated another painful round. 

The hours went on slowly and the boredom that was consuming Gojyo was getting thicker and more annoying. With his hands were completely shackled to the bed, the half-demon couldn't do nothing except to stare the ceiling unblinkingly. Gojyo would give almost anything to know what were both demons up to nowadays. _What are in the living hell both of them doing right now? Well, whatever it is that they had planned for me, just does it quickly. I'm half-dead with bore…_ Two days of idleness had given back Gojyo's arrogance and sarcasm. 

It wasn't long after Gojyo thought that, he heard sound of footsteps were coming to the room where he lay. Gojyo's body was too accustomed with all the tortures Kenshin had forced upon him that he automatically tensed, his eyes went blank and cold and his breaths were reduced to shallow and almost undetectable. It was as if his body thought that the sound of footsteps was the first sign the tortures were about to begin. A warning to be prepared. _You asked for it, Gojyo. _He mocked himself. _Why are you so tensed now? I think you afraid to Kenshin more than what you are willing to admit. _

_I'm not, damn it! _Gojyo retorted back but his eyes roving with suspense at the door. _I'm just readied myself for whatever plan those two bloody demons have it for me! _Despite of all the excuses he told himself, he could feel his body frozen and trepidation squeezed his heart annoyingly. Damn it! 

There, Kenshin appeared in the doorway and his lavender eyes darkened in obvious lust as they caressed Gojyo's slender body that was stretched sensually on the bed. He knew he had chosen well when he decided to adorn the black, tight attire on Gojyo the day he slept so exhaustedly that the crimson haired demon didn't even flinched a bit. 

Kenshin liked the way the black leather and sleeveless top together with a pair of black jeans clad so intimately around Gojyo's body. In fact Kenshin liked everything about this half-breed that he almost regretted his decision on agreeing Zean's crazy plan. He had never lusted another as hot as he lusted Gojyo and the thought of losing him before Kenshin was through with him somehow angered him. 

Gojyo wasn't aware how provocative he looked right now in that kind of position with those clothes. If he did, he would do everything he could to reduce the sensuality in his position. He hated the way Kenshin looked at him. It was so damned possessive and totally uncomfortable. When that look was upon him, Gojyo had a sudden urge to squirm. He, the most popular womanizer in his hometown where every single woman wanted him, was _squirming_ with a mere lusty look from Kenshin. What the hell was going on?! 

"Good morning, Gojyo," Kenshin warmly greeted the rigid crimson-haired demon as if he was greeting his willing lover after a stormy and passionate night. Gojyo just gave Kenshin a look that could freeze a soul despite of their color of fire. He had made a conclusion that if he provoked Kenshin with his sarcastic words, he might have drove out Kenshin's lust. 

"Is that the way to greet me after all that I've done to make your stay here pleasant?" An intimate smile that made Gojyo's skin crawled decorated Kenshin's handsome face. 

It only took two or three taunts to make the quick-tempered half-demon to open his mouth and flung out his usual sarcastic remarks. It was a habit and this time, it was a bad habit. "It would be more pleasant if you quit looking at me like I'm a damned stripper," Gojyo's tone was flat and almost expressionless but Kenshin could hear the mild sarcastic that Gojyo had tried so hard to hide. It maybe not as strong as the first time the pretty redhead was brought here but it was definitely an improvement from the last two days of silence and death-looking glares. 

"But that's what you look like, Gojyo," Kenshin said as he reduced the space between them. He had enjoyed immensely the first time he took the maddening redhead to his bed for he still cursed and as hell. Now, even though he still couldn't breach Gojyo's unbreakable spirit, the half-breed had ceased his curses and sarcasm and decided to remain as cold and hard as ice. Where was the fun of screwing a very magnificent demon when all that he got was glares and silence? 

"You're laying on the bed…" Kenshin arrived to the bed and looked down at his captive. "Your hands were chained…" He perched beside the angry demon. "And you are wearing those provocative leathers." His voice turned husky with arousal. "What else should you look like?" 

At that, Gojyo's eyes blazed with anger. Gone was his resolution to keep quiet, all that Gojyo could think was replying those remarks. "It was you who put these bloody clothes on me, damn it!" Gojyo retorted. "So, who's the fucking stripper? Me or you?!" He was irritated as hell when he heard Kenshin laughed triumphantly for succeeding in drawing out the fire from him. _To hell with this fucking demon! Am I that bloody amusing?! _

"Why, Gojyo? You preferred to be naked rather than wearing these clothes?" A graceful hand slowly and suggestively caressed the half-breed's angry face. Gojyo's skin felt so smooth and so damned inviting that instantly, the arousal that Kenshin never intended to have rose persistently and lust was portrayed vividly in his lavender eyes. 

Gojyo recognized the eyes and a shudder ran through his slender body. He knew he shouldn't have brought up the whole stripper thing. He knew he should have just glared and remained cool. He knew he shouldn't have looked at the horny demon at all! _Damn me and my fucking sarcastic mouth! _

"I haven't touched you in two days, Gojyo," Kenshin softly mused and his hand stroked the strands of molten fire, silently admiring the beauty of it. "I know I shouldn't but how can I resist when you are so damned addictive…?" 

He knew he shouldn't answer to that provocation but to hell with it! Gojyo started to open his mouth to fling another insulting remark at the raven-haired demon's comment. Kenshin saw this and he couldn't resist himself from leaning down and covered the tempting mouth with his own. 

_So…_ Gojyo thought dejectedly. _The torture begins all over again. _As Kenshin's mouth ravaged his, Gojyo closed his eyes and different emotions ran through him. He was angry for igniting Kenshin's lust, frustrated for being so damned helpless against Kenshin's abusive sex styles and slightly scared because the nausea that was always attacking him whenever Kenshin forced himself on him was slowly being replaced by a sudden touch of passion. 

Gojyo had been enduring endless rounds of torture for the last few days and he desperately tried to seek another way to atone the pains. And slowly his mind began to tell his body that every time Kenshin was on top of him, it wasn't Kenshin who was kissing him but it was the person who Gojyo wanted the most; Hakkai. He didn't know whether he had been longing for Hakkai so damned much to have his mind to think such thing or not. It was pathetic, of course but the continuous torture from Kenshin had forced Gojyo to seek pleasure some other way. 

Kenshin drove his hands urgently and hungrily into each side of Gojyo's vivid headlock, forcing him to accept all his cruel offerings. The raven-haired demon licked and bit Gojyo's lips, plunging his tongue into the crimson-haired demon's mouth until his lips were swollen and bruised. It was starting to get painful but with Gojyo's eyes kept tightly closed, his mind slowly convinced his body that it was Hakkai who was kissing him and did all the things Kenshin did to him. Pain had become pleasure. Fire of passion consumed him as his body started to believe what his mind told him. The kiss… the caress… the weight… the hunger… All these were too overwhelming for Gojyo that when Kenshin's lips slid to his ear, nibbling and biting it, he turned his head away to give Kenshin more access for his neck as he slightly arched his body against Kenshin's. A careless and ecstasy sigh escaped him. "Hakkai…" 

The name hit Kenshin like a lightning and he instantly lifted his lips an inch away from Gojyo's tantalizing flesh. Kenshin wasn't sure what he was hearing but he knew Gojyo was calling out somebody's name beside him. What was that again? Hakkai? Who in the fucking hell is that?! Instantly, his heart was boiled with a sudden rush of anger and unconsciously he increased the pressure of his body and his grasp on to the still ignorant redhead. 

As Kenshin's grasps and weight started to get heavy, Gojyo realized that he had said Hakkai's name out loud. He silently cursed himself for being so careless and so absorbed in his own imaginary world. Gojyo watched Kenshin slowly moved away his head from his neck and Gojyo could see dark anger and possessiveness in Kenshin's lavender eyes. Warning bell started to ring insistently inside his head. Gojyo's eyes were wide as he tried not to show his anxiousness but he could feel his heart had almost stopped beating. 

"Who did you just call out?" Kenshin asked quietly. For the first time in his long life, Kenshin tried to control his anger. But when he saw Gojyo being silent with his vivid eyes stared back at his lavender ones as if he didn't feel anything at all, Kenshin knew that all he wanted to now was to beat the hell out of him. 

"I ask you again, Gojyo," Kenshin's tone was hard and determined. He would get the answer out of the bloody half-breed one way or another. "Who in the living hell is Hakkai?" 

Gojyo still kept his eyes as empty as possible and his mouth as tight as possible. There was no way he was going to tell this son of a bitch who Hakkai's was and had the risk of losing Hakkai if Kenshin suddenly decided to finish off everything. Even though Hakkai thought he had died and had moved on, at least Gojyo knew Hakkai was still alive and he could still cling on the memories they had made to get through days like this. 

"Is he your fucking lover?" Kenshin asked again and he was pissed as hell to see Gojyo remained silent. He knew he would not get the answer out of him unless he provoked the redhead. And he did. "If he was, he must be as inept as twelve-year-old boy. I only have to screw you once to know how tentative Hakkai was." 

_That's it! _Gojyo thought furiously. "Whether he is my lover or not, it is totally not your damned business!" Gojyo snapped. He was totally aware of Kenshin's intention to provoke him but he couldn't take anymore of Kenshin's insult to Hakkai. If he wanted to screw him senseless, Gojyo didn't give a damn because he had no desire to double the raven-haired demon's pleasure by struggling but if Kenshin started to call Hakkai names, that, he had problem with. Damn it! Why the hell did he had to utter Hakkai's name? 

Kenshin narrowed his eyes down to the defiant half-breed beneath him. He could see Gojyo was bristling when he insulted Hakkai, whoever he was, and Kenshin knew without a doubt that Hakkai meant so much to Gojyo. This made Kenshin so damn angry. Gojyo was his! Physically and emotionally his! Not a damned fucking nobody named Hakkai was going to change that. If he couldn't own this infuriatingly beautiful redhead, nobody could! 

"Oh! But I do care and it is my business, Gojyo," Kenshin answered silkily and instantly Gojyo felt an aura of threat consumed him. 

Sliding a possessive hand from Gojyo's hair to slowly his jaws, Kenshin intentionally increased his body pressure onto Gojyo's to pin him down. He, then, grasped roughly on Gojyo's jaws and forced him to meet directly his dark lavender eyes. "I don't like sharing your body, mind and emotion with somebody else, Gojyo," Kenshin said in a very hard and assertive tone, which Gojyo hated the most. In his life, Gojyo was always the one who was assertive, stubborn and sharp-tongue. But now, being the one under Kenshin's body, with his hands chained to the headboard, Gojyo felt so helpless. It was like he was slowly being stripped off everything that was him. 

"Furthermore…" Kenshin continued, never taking his eyes off Gojyo's vibrant one. "I hate it when you call somebody's else name while I was fucking you. And I despise it when you are being so damn protective to that bloody Hakkai!" 

Trying hard not to gasp from the intense weight and Kenshin's cruel grip upon his jaws, Gojyo refused to look away and tried his very damnest to remain as defiant and stubborn as he could be. Since he could hurt Kenshin physically, Gojyo unwisely decided to hurt the man on top of him verbally. "Go to hell! Your stupid fucking skills are nothing to compare with Hakkai's!" He snapped crudely. "I suggest you go and fuck somebody else to learn more before you've got me begging for more!" 

Kenshin's dark eyes hardened into shards of violet ice at Gojyo's insults. He loved Gojyo's spirit but this time the bloody half-breed had gone too far. How dare he told him to learn more before he could fuck him! That was an offense that Kenshin couldn't just brush aside and laughed about it. He was angry that he couldn't see straight! _Oh… you are really going to get it!_

For a while, Gojyo felt a stab of intense satisfaction when he saw how his words hurt Kenshin, even thought he knew the price was going to be high… 

"I think you are right," Kenshin sneered. "I ought to learn from Hakkai himself, don't you think so, Gojyo? Since you've been his fucking lover!" Instantly, a terrible cold shot through Gojyo's body. Kenshin could feel the slender body beneath him went taut and heard an almost inaudible soft gasp. It was Kenshin's turn to feel satisfy. _Damn it, Gojyo! _Gojyo berated himself for the who-knows-how-many times. _Can't you just keep your mouth shut for once?! _

"He has nothing to do with us!" Gojyo spat as his chest went up and down heavily, straining an unbearable anger. "Leave him out of this!" 

Kenshin gritted his teeth when he realized Gojyo was protecting Hakkai again. To hell with Hakkai! He didn't have to take a look at Hakkai to know that he was one of Sanzo's party. Probably it was the man with beautiful face and green eyes. But no matter how beautiful Hakkai was, all he wanted was Gojyo. He wanted to make Gojyo exclusively his, with or without his consent. And obviously Hakkai was in his way to conquer Gojyo's will and mind. 

Looking down at Gojyo, Kenshin silently contemplated the situation in his hand. All he knew that Gojyo would never forget Hakkai unless the man was out of the picture. But Kenshin realized that if he killed Hakkai himself, it would not make Gojyo yielded but only made the redhead harder and colder than ever. As much as he loved the fiery spirit of Gojyo's, sometimes it was the thing that annoyed him the most. So how…? How could he banish Hakkai from Gojyo's mind without making the latter's defiant and animosity towards him increased? …Gojyo had to be so deep in guilt… Guilt was the only thing that could break someone's spirit. He had to make Gojyo killed Hakkai himself. Kenshin decided. If Gojyo killed his own lover, he would be washed with unbearable guilt and grief. Then, Kenshin could break the half-breed's spirit easily. 

Gojyo watched avidly at Kenshin angry-turned thoughtful expression and suddenly he had a very bad feeling about this. Gojyo didn't know what went through Kenshin's demented mind but he realized that he didn't want to know at all. Whatever was Kenshin thinking, Gojyo knew it would be full of violent stuff. Gojyo knew that if something bad happened to Hakkai, he got no one else to blame except himself. Days under Kenshin's cruel treatment, Gojyo realized that Kenshin was no ordinary overheated demon he used to encounter. Kenshin was exceptionally strong and if Hakkai faced him alone, Gojyo doubted Hakkai could win without hurting badly. 

"Leave him…?" Kenshin repeated. "Why should I be bothered with him, Gojyo? I'm the one who was holding you right now, not him. It is me that is doing this to you…" With that, Kenshin lowered his mouth again down to Gojyo's. But this time, Gojyo, who was expecting another ferocious kiss, was surprised when Kenshin's lips touched softly his lips. Softly and sensually, Kenshin traced his tongue over Gojyo's lips and hungrily plunged it in Gojyo's mouth. The crimson-haired demon started to feel a slight trace of pleasure and he hated his body for it. 

Kenshin could feel Gojyo's body reluctantly and gradually softened and relaxed. He smiled triumphantly as he continued to kiss the insolent mouth of the flame-haired demon. Then, he tore his mouth from Gojyo and smiled even more when he heard Gojyo's breathless gasps. He trailed his kisses and licked his way to Gojyo's ear. Kenshin nibbled softly on Gojyo's ear until he could feel the half-breed's body shuddered so slightly as if Gojyo was trying his damnest not to show how much Kenshin's touches affected him. 

"I could see my fucking skills are improving, Gojyo… Why don't you just give in?" Kenshin whispered softly and Gojyo shuddered even more as the hot breath hit so damned sexily to his ear. It felt just like when Hakkai kissed his throat as he laughed and teased him about being in charged once in awhile. Or the time when Hakkai wrapped his arm around his chest from behind and softly nibbled his ear whenever they had a moment of time alone. _Hakkai…I know I shouldn't think about you when it was Kenshin was the one who kiss me… I just couldn't help myself anymore… _Gojyo's body no longer cared about whoever was pleasuring him as long as he could escape from the pain but Gojyo's mind and heart was carving greatly for Hakkai's touches. 

"Gojyo…?" Kenshin lifted his head and saw Gojyo's ecstasy but yet dreamy expression and he knew instantly that his touches alone would never be able to win the unyielding half-demon. He knew he had to do what he had thought before- making Gojyo killed Hakkai with his own hands. If Gojyo had such a deep a feeling toward Hakkai, the guilt would also be deep. "I guess I have to pay Hakkai a little visit after all…" Kenshin said bitterly. He knew damn well that by doing that, he would blow off the deceit both of Zean and him had pulled off. This could ruin their entire plan. Oh, yes he knew it would. He was stupid if he did what he plan to do. But to hell with it! 

The moment Gojyo heard Kenshin's words, the closed eyes flew opened. All trace of passion had vanished and was replaced by a sudden burst of anger. "No!" Gojyo snarled. "Stay the fuck away from him!" He tugged violently against the bloody chains, ignoring the searing pain as the hard metal pressed against the healing wound on his wrists. 

Kenshin didn't say anything as he sat up, got out from the bed and started to walked out from the room. "Damn you to the lowest hell!" Gojyo shouted angrily and he was irritated as hell when the chained strained him from punching the fuck out of Kenshin! "If you touched even one hair of Hakkai's, you are going to regret it! You hear me!!" 

If Gojyo had known his threats had only hardened Kenshin's determination about killing Hakkai, Gojyo would have remain quiet and acquiesce. Kenshin was so consumed with his own jealousy and rage. Gojyo invoked a feeling that Kenshin didn't expect to have and he knew he didn't like it a bit. This feeling made him feel empty, insecure and annoyed all the time. 

Glancing back at the still cursing half-breed behind him before he vanished behind the door, Kenshin knew he would anything to keep Gojyo forever. And he did mean everything. Zean would have to wait with his plan for he had another plan to accomplish. He was going to bring the prideful Gojyo so low that the tempting and beautiful half-breed could never live without him! 

* * * * * * 

"Are you out of your mind?!" Zean retorted with a very disbelief expression on his face. Kenshin's request…no, Zean thought angrily…Kenshin's order was totally outrageous and unacceptable. How easy it was for Kenshin to ask him to blow the disguise. "Do you know how much damned effort we had put just to fake Gojyo's death? Why the hell do you want to blow it away?!" 

Kenshin knew his request was going to be heatedly opposed by Zean. But he didn't care. If Gojyo succeeded in killing Hakkai, the consequence would still be same, wasn't it? In fact, he didn't have to worry about them ever knowing the deceit both of them had pulled. "I'm not in habit of explaining my action to other, Zean. When I want you to do something, just do it!" 

Zean let out a disgusting snort at his long-time partner's remark. How the hell did he ever managed to put up with Kenshin after all this year, he didn't know. Kenshin was too conceited , so damned sure of himself that he thought little of people around him. Well… that was what made him attracted to the owner of those incredible lavender eyes in the first place. Zean also knew that he was under a lot of stress whenever Kenshin used that tone and he would usually backed off and gave whatever Kenshin wanted him to do. But this time… Zean thought determinedly… he would not just shrugged and complied. Something must has happened between Kenshin and Gojyo in the room that made Kenshin to be under a lot of stress. 

"I'm not going to do it, unless you told me what and why should I do that." Zean folded his arms and glared his black eyes to Kenshin. 

"You want to know what happen, Zean?" Kenshin bit out and body silently shook with terrible anger. "It turns out that the half-breed has a fucking lover somewhere in his life and every time I fuck him, he is thinking about him instead of me!" 

Zean's eyes went wide and mixture of emotions ran through his body. He didn't know if he should rejoice at this news. But Zean kept his face as expressionless as possible. "So, you want to break Gojyo's spirit by guilt? You think it is going to work? What makes you think Gojyo can defeat all three of them?" 

Kenshin rolled his eyes when he heard Zean's question as if the answer was obvious for anyone to see. "Gojyo was already that strong even he had only half of his demonic power. Imagine if we added another half of it. Of course, he can win! After all, with his power is full demon now, Gojyo will definitely be affected by the wave. Without a suitable power control device, he will not recognize which are his friends and which are his foes." 

"I've kind of heard, most of Sanzos can built their own power control device using sutras. What if Genjo Sanzo used that against Gojyo? Not only we will fail to finish off all of Gojyo's friends, we would lose Gojyo as well." Zean asked again. 

Kenshin glared at Zean. He planned to make it as hard as possible, didn't he? "Then, while Gojyo was attacking Hakkai, both of us will keep Sanzo and his pet entertain! Now stop asking so many damned questions and just do it!" 

Zean let out a resigned sigh. He knew that by now, nobody could change Kenshin's mind, no matter how many excuses were given to him. "Fine," Zean said as he turned around. "Let's hope your prediction comes true." 

"How long this bloody thing is going to take?" Kenshin asked impatiently. 

"A day."Zean answered shortly. "By tomorrow, we can enjoy all fun." 

* * * * * * 


	7. Chapter 7: Insatiable

To **schmusekatze =^_^= **  
Well, since Gojyo here is already mad as hell at me, I decided to give him a rest for a while. I think I will change the rate to R next chapter. ^_^. It is about time to give Gojyo something for all those suffer I had put him through, right? ^_~ 

To **Immortal Shadow **  
Thanks for reviewing. I appreciate that! 

To **gallatica **  
I still hope you will want to read it. Thanks! By the way, what makes you think I'm a Malaysian? Just asking. ^_^ Oh, I realized that I didn't include Sanzo and Goku last chapter and I decided to put them here. Not much, I'm afraid but then, I try to squeeze all the fighting scenes in one chapter! 

To **blinkie **  
Oh my god! You've been reviewing me from the first chapter and now you're still reviewing me! I'm so happy!!! Your words really, really encourage me to write through my entire hectic schedule! Thank you so much! ^_^. And I'm glad you like the Gojyo X Kenshin's part. I racked my head to make as sensual as possible! P/S- Kenshin is really demented for planning to kill Hakkai using Gojyo. But…don't you think the writer is more demented? ^_~ 

To **LN Tora **  
I rreallly enjoy reading your review! ^_^. Yes, I'm aware that Gojyo's best appeal is he being a half-breed and I'm not going to forget that! Being evil as I am, I think a little side effect from the potion is in order, right? ^_~. * I knew Gojyo is going to kill me! * 

* Sniff * All your reviews make my sooooooo happy. Sorry for the long overdue though. I finally got a day off and I spent the whole day typing this chapter! Now, I'm going to sleep dreaming of Gojyo! 

* * * * * * 

A Curse of Taboo Child   
Chapter 7: Insatiable

Hakkai was so consumed with his anger that he almost didn't notice the person that Kenshin had brought with him. And when he did, his emerald eyes went wide with recognition. "Gojyo!" Hakkai said. But Gojyo didn't move or answer Hakkai which made Hakkai felt a little bit of regret that Gojyo didn't even lift his head to meet his eyes even for a while but yet relief, when he saw Gojyo was still alive. 

Gojyo didn't know how he was supposed to react in this kind of situation. Never, in his life, had he been brought this low, feeling so damn humiliated and unbelievable hopeless. Now, after forcing him to go through the painful experiment last night, Kenshin obviously thought that the punishment for saying other man's name while it was he that was on top of him wasn't painful enough. After hurting him physically last night, Kenshin wanted to make sure he suffered more and deeper by allowing Hakkai to witness his misery and humiliation. Gojyo caught a slight glimpse of Hakkai's expression when he heard Kenshin's words and with his emotion was completely in disarray, Gojyo concluded that Hakkai was shocked and disgust. When he heard Kenshin announcing that he had used him in the bed like some cheap strumpets, Gojyo wished that the there would be a huge, deep hole to swallow him and let him out never again. 

Right now, Gojyo was still shaken from the last night ordeal that he was on his knees, head bowed, hair concealed his expression, hands chained to his back and exhaustion consumed every muscle of his body. When Zean forced his potion into the crimson-haired demon's body, Gojyo started to feel some kind of craziness and frighteningly uncontrollable lust for everything. Gojyo didn't know whether it his or Kenshin's luck that he was chained tightly against to the wall when the feeling aroused because if he wasn't, Gojyo doubted that Kenshin still standing here, beside him, smirking so arrogantly. But then, Gojyo didn't know how he would control the craziness if he ever managed to kill Zean and Kenshin at that time. It was when Kenshin secured a single silver choker around his neck, did Gojyo feel the self-control came back to him. Ch… at least he managed to break Zean's nose and ribs when he went crazy… 

_Is that how it feels to be a fully demon without any control device? _Gojyo thought uneasily, suddenly terrified of what might happen to him after all this ended. If he ever survived, that was it. But he thought demon without control device cannot feel and think anything. He, in the other hands, was totally aware of the whole situation. It just the matter of controlling the insanely lust and craziness that consumed him so hard that it pained him just to strain himself. _Bloody hell! _Gojyo cursed. _What have they done to me?! Why did they do this?! Didn't all they want from me is my blood? _

Despite of what Gojyo thought, the feeling of disgust never crossed Hakkai's mind. When Gojyo saved his life three years ago, Hakkai developed a strong sense of respect and admiration to Gojyo and gradually, through Gojyo's always thoughtful gestures and his sexy smiles and winks, those casual emotions transformed into something deeper and more meaningful. Even Gojyo in his lowliest condition, the feeling could never change. And now, seeing Gojyo looking so worn and wounded, inside and outside, Hakkai experienced a rush of hot-blaze rage that he had never felt before. How dare… How dare that bastard touch Gojyo! His Gojyo! _I'm going to make him pay for every damn scratch he inflicted upon Gojyo! _Hakkai thought with a strong will of determination. 

"Let go of him," Hakkai's tone was deadly calm, like a hot-balloon waiting to explode. Kenshin scrutinized the man that had apparently claimed most of Gojyo's thoughts and lusts. What the hell did Gojyo see in him, Kenshin didn't know. To him, Hakkai was too cool, too calm with no sight of flame inside him. Even his verdant eyes were icy, which were narrowing threateningly. Hakkai's fists tightly clenched to his sides, telling Kenshin that Gojyo wasn't the only one who felt that way. Hakkai was returning his crimson-haired demon's feeling and the discovery irked Kenshin so much. He knew he was going to enjoy immensely the fight between Gojyo and Hakkai. 

"You want me to let go of him?" Kenshin asked silkily. 

"Yeah, you horny demon!" Goku shouted as he posed his weapon in front of him, getting ready to charge any attack. "Release him now, or I'll swear you are going to get it!" 

Kenshin let out a soft laugh and he kneeled beside Gojyo, who still held his head down and breathing hard from the aching pains in his body. Slowly sliding his hand to the back of Gojyo's head, Kenshin whispered softly to his captive. "What if I released you from the choker as well? Let's see if you can control your insanity in front of your friends…" 

Gojyo's heavy breathings almost stopped and his body went rigid at Kenshin's threats. Suddenly, all his questions about Kenshin's intentions were answered and mixture of emotions such as rage, disbelief and most all fear that he might hurt his friends surged through his body. "You wouldn't dare…" Gojyo hissed angrily, without looking at Kenshin. He was afraid his face expressed more than he wanted to show. 

"Watch me, Gojyo!" Kenshin hissed back. Suddenly, his merriment at the whole situation disappeared and was suddenly replaced by jealousy and annoyance. "I vow to break your spirit and I'm going to start now!" He, then, grasped Gojyo's vibrant hair tightly, making Gojyo almost winced with pain. 

Hakkai could see Gojyo's body reaction, although he couldn't see Gojyo's face, and he knew that the raven-haired demon had said something that shocked Gojyo. The verdant-eye demon would give anything just see Gojyo's face, wondering if his lover was in pain because he swore he could see Gojyo was having a hard time just to breathe. But what Hakkai saw next shocked him beyond belief. 

"You want him?" Kenshin asked sarcastically to the three figures in front of him, ignoring the other two demons that were watching the scene with equal wariness. "You want this half-demon, Hakkai?" With that, Kenshin pulled Gojyo's head, forcing the crimson-haired half-breed to lift his face, facing his friends, and deliberately showed off the silver choker to Gojyo's friends. "Or should I say full-demon, instead?" 

_Damn him! _Gojyo's head screamed with unbelievable rage. _He purposely wants to show the control device to Hakkai! _He wanted to slit Kenshin's throat! He wanted to cut off the fucking demon's limbs! Oh, he really wanted to do every single painful thing that he could do to Kenshin for putting him in this kind of bloody situation! But if only this throbbing pain in his body stopped and his hands unchained… 

All of the four people's, including Sanzo's, eyes went wide with disbelief. Gojyo's face was pale and losing the sexy tan and around his neck, the silver control device gleamed. _What the hell?! _Sanzo thought. _Gojyo is a half-breed! He doesn't need any limiter! _But the truth was undeniable. The choker was securely chained around Gojyo's neck. Goku still was uncertain of what he saw. "Hakkai…"Goku asked slowly. "It's that… a control device?" 

Hakkai was first ceased to breathe and now his chest went fast with unconstrained anger. "What the hell did you do to him?!" Hakkai shouted. And Gojyo's eyes went wide with surprise. _Hakkai swore? The very same always-smile-and-polite Hakkai? _Gojyo braved himself to look at Hakkai and for a split second, their eyes met for the first time in four days. Gojyo immediately looked away, unable to see the same soft-hurting emerald eyes, for it hurt him too. _Please don't let him sympathizes me… _Gojyo silently prayed. _I couldn't take anybody's pity… especially not Hakkai's. _

Kenshin noticed the slight exchange and he was pissed beyond belief. Tightening his grip on Gojyo's flame-colored hair, silently warning him, Kenshin looked directly at Hakkai. "You want him? Then I shall give him to you!" With that, Kenshin unchained the limiter and the cuff around the hands and Gojyo's eyes went wide with trepidation, wondering if he could control himself before he hurt his friends with his awareness was fully awake. 

Sanzo watched Kenshin's action, suddenly alarmed when he realized that Kenshin wanted to take Gojyo's limiter off. Not wanting a crazy half-demon (or was Gojyo a full-demon now?) running loose around him, he immediately lifted his gun and pointed at the raven-haired demon. He shot the demon a second too late because the control device was already fell on the ground with a clang and Kenshin, as quick as lightning, jumped out of Sanzo's shooting line and went away from Gojyo. "Shit!" Sanzo swore. 

Gojyo braced himself on the ground, instantly feel the insanity consumed him. Breathing hard, Gojyo looked up and looked at Hakkai, who was already halfway in his way to reach out for Gojyo. "No…" Gojyo rasped, desperately clung on his last sanity like a drowning man. "Stay away from me, Hakkai!" But it was too painful to be stubborn against the blood-thirst lust. 

"No, I'm not going to leave you!" Hakkai retorted. His left hand quickly reached out for the discarded control device and the other hand was put on Gojyo's shoulder. 

"Leave! I can't control myself!" Gojyo's breath was heavier and suddenly an unknown strength flooded through his body. Unexpectedly, Gojyo used his left hand to fling away Hakkai's right hand and punched Hakkai squarely on his jaw, causing the shock Hakkai to be thrown several feet away. Gojyo's red-eyes went empty, cold but he didn't transform into a full demon (no pointed ears and no sharp claws) because of his human side. Outside, Gojyo looked so different, cold and unapproachable but inside his head, his awareness was struggling hard with the insanity. 

"Hakkai!" Goku shouted and leaped forward to protect his friend. But he didn't know what to do because the one that was attacking Hakkai was his friend too. So, Goku stood in front of Hakkai, pointing his stick towards Gojyo, while Hakkai was still recovering from the shock and pain from Gojyo's sudden attack. 

Gojyo slowly stood up, watching the two of his friends looked at him warily through the cold and empty eyes. Inside, Gojyo was hurting when he saw the suspicious looks and silently he wished Goku would attack him and finished off his misery. _Kill me, Goku!_ Gojyo shouted. _Kill me before I kill you! _But his body wasn't his anymore, for it started to ready itself to kill whomever in front of him. 

Sanzo saw Goku's dilemma and he cursed soundly. "Oh, fuck it!" He started to run towards Goku when Kenshin suddenly appeared from nowhere and stood in front of him. "You're not going anywhere, Genjo Sanzo." He said arrogantly, which pissed off the already-angry Sanzo. "I'm not going to take any chances with a Sanzo who can create a control device with his sutra." Obviously, Kenshin had totally forgotten about the limiter that he had dropped earlier. 

"Go to hell!" Sanzo retorted and swung the butt of his gun to Kenshin's head. But Kenshin was too fast that he quickly drew his head back to avoid the attack, grasping Sanzo's hand and punched his stomach. Sanzo was thrown backward but his towering pride forbid him to utter any pathetic sound. _Shit! As if I didn't have enough trouble in my life! _Sanzo thought as he scrambled back on his feet. 

Goku was completely torn into two. He wanted to protect Hakkai but with all his heart he wanted to be near Sanzo. "Sanzo!" Goku broke his eye contact with Gojyo and looked sideway to his master. Sanzo was being attacked! "Argh! What am I to do?!" Goku shouted. 

Hakkai got on his feet, drawing a deep breath to calm himself down and wiping away the blood at the corner of his lips. Putting a comforting hand on Goku's shoulder and his eyes never left Gojyo's fiery ones, he said firmly. "Go to Sanzo, Goku. Let me handle this." 

Goku didn't need another encouragement from Hakkai and he ran to protect his master from Kenshin. Sanzo glared at Goku, who was already beside him. "Who needs your help, idiot?" Not that Sanzo wasn't grateful with Goku's concern and help, but his pride prevented him from expressing it and made him said all those nasty words. With Kenshin fighting Sanzo and Goku, Hakkai and Gojyo were alone to fight each other. So now, everything went perfectly according to Kenshin's plan and a triumphant smirk curved up. 

Far from the scene, two demons watched the scene motionlessly. "What do we do now, Kougaiji?" Dokugakuji asked. 

Kougaiji went silent for a while as if he was thinking. "I need Sanzo's sutra. But I also need to stop the crazy killing of taboo children and those stupid rumors. If the raven-haired demon was the demon who responsible spreading the rumor about taboo child's blood, we'll gain something no matter which side wins." 

"Are you saying we just have to watch?" Dokugakuji said without any tone of displeasure. 

"If you don't mind, that's it," Kougaiji looked at his subordinate, wondering whether he wanted to fight for his half-brother. 

Dokugakuji watched Kougaiji and he knew that he should put his loyalty to Kougaiji above everything. Firmly, he shook his head. "Whatever your order, I'll follow you and only you." Kougaiji nodded his head with appreciation. 

Goku had a trace of hurt look in his huge golden eyes when he heard Sanzo's words but the hurt gone as quickly as it came. Didn't he have spent the many years listening to Sanzo's sarcastic and cruel words? Why this time would bring any different? Goku opened his mouth to whine as he usual did when Kenshin took that very moment to took out his weapon (it is a long metal stick) and attack him. The head of the stick hit right on the still-unaware Goku's stomach. Goku was thrown backward and when he tried to stand up back, he was angry to Kenshin for attacking him like that but at the same time amazed by Kenshin's strength. _Cool! _He thought as he readied himself for another round. 

Kenshin smiled at the obviously excited child-like demon. Pointing the stick to Goku, he said, "I can see that you like whenever you met someone who is stronger than you. I also know that you are bored with all those weaklings that you've been to fight. I'm like you." Then, he swung the stick back to in front of him. "Let's see if you're up to my expectation!" 

"Good!" Goku answered back with both enthusiast and determination. Sanzo glared at Goku. "Ch… Don't get too carried away, monkey." Then, both demons leaped towards each other, a stick clashed loudly with a stick with such a speed and skill that no ordinary demon could surpass. 

After some time striking and dodging each other's attack, Kenshin finally swung his metal stick to Goku's head and Goku quickly evaded his head. At the same time, Goku attacked Kenshin. The latter, whose weapon still pointed to Goku, knew that he couldn't defend himself. _Shit! _Kenshin thought before he felt the excruciating impact on his chest and now, it was his turn to be thrown backward. 

As Kenshin staggered a few steps back, he finally noticed that Gojyo and Hakkai were nowhere at sight. _What the hell?! _Kenshin thought angrily, totally distracted from the fight. _Where the fucking hell are they?! _His eyes couldn't resist to look around him. When he found none, the anger dangerously notched up to dark fury. 

"Where are you looking at?!" Goku shouted as he lunged forward for another round of attack, only this he determined to inflict more damaging wounds. 

Kenshin returned his glacial lavender eyes toward Goku, irritated as hell because Goku was interrupting. _If only Zean don't have to suffer those fucking broken ribs and nose. I would've let him settle these craps _Readied him for Goku's strike, Kenshin was resolved to finish Goku once and for all, so he could go and find where Gojyo went. How he was going to do that, he didn't know. After receiving that blow, Kenshin knew that Goku was no ordinary demon. 

And the striking and evading began once again, only it was faster, more furious and absolutely final. If one of them missed the step, he was going to pay dearly. Kenshin knew that, Goku knew that and both of them didn't intend to lose this battle. Goku attack, Kenshin avoided, Kenshin swung his stick, Goku defended with his stick too. Too long and too boring in Sanzo's opinion, that he decided to leave Goku to settle the fight by himself and went to find Hakkai. It was a mistake that Sanzo didn't know he do. When Sanzo moved, Goku's sensitive eyes caught Sanzo's movement and he thought Kougaiji attacked his master. Foreverly protective for Sanzo, Goku risked a glance and Kenshin saw the rare opportunity, releasing a hard blow on his stomach and then Goku's head. 

But Sanzo only took a step forward when he heard Goku's cries of pain and a sound of sickeningly thud. He immediately swung his head around and saw Goku had lain on the ground, facing him, with blood streaming from his forehead. "Bloody hell!" Sanzo cursed, angry with everyone. "Goku!" 

He kneeled beside Goku and tried very hard to restrain a sigh of relief (and succeeded) when he realized Goku was still conscious. _How hard is this monkey's skull? _Sanzo thought. "Crazy careless, monkey!" He snarled, masking the concern he felt. Then, his eyes reverted to Kenshin, who was breathless, guessing correctly that the bastard wanted to go and search for Gojyo. _Over my dead body!_ Sanzo thought, suddenly felt tired with all this nonsense. And he pointed his gun towards Kenshin, immediately firing up. Kenshin's speed had slowed down as the result of long, nonstop fight with Goku and it was easy for Sanzo to aim but to hit Kenshin was another thing. 

Goku stood up wobbly, wiping the blood away. Sanzo waited until Goku regained his full consciousness, before he started issuing orders. He stubbornly crushed the feeling of worry to ask Goku to fight in his present condition. "Goku! Keep him busy, and when I say move away, get your ass out of there." 

Without waiting anymore, Goku flung forward and attacked again. Kenshin found out that Goku was still dizzy from the previous blow but to have Goku on his feet and fight him again was a thing that extraordinary. Sanzo took an aim, telling himself that he missed it, he was going to lose Goku. _Shit! I really hate all these fucking unstable emotions! _And he found his aim. 

"Goku!" Sanzo roared. "Moved out!" Goku didn't need to because at that time, Kenshin threw another kick at Goku and it distracted Sanzo a little bit. Instead of shooting Kenshin in the heart like he intended to at the first place, the bullet flew right through Kenshin's upper right arm. The metal stick fell with a clang and Kenshin staggered back a few spaces, pressing hard on the wound. Another shot rang out and this time it was shot full of anger from Sanzo and it hit cruelly on Kenshin's knee. 

"Touch Goku again, and I make you sorry that you even think of all this fucking scheme!" Sanzo threatened, too wrapped up in his own black fury that he didn't realize the usage of the almost possessive words. 

Kenshin narrowed his eyes at Sanzo in front of him gritted his teeth in pain. "It isn't over yet, Sanzo! Next time I come, I'll kill all of you and take Gojyo back!" 

Sanzo snorted rudely. "You should keep him once you have him in your clutch, fool!" He clicked a trigger warning. "Not flaunting him to me. And I'm afraid that there will be no next time!" Sanzo released the bullet but Kenshin disappeared before the bullet could hit him on the chest. 

"Damnation!" He swore loudly. 

* * * * * * 

Hakkai thought Gojyo wasn't aware of what he was doing and that Gojyo was exactly in the same situation like other demons whenever they lost their control. But everyone, including Zean, forgot that Gojyo wasn't born as a full demon. He had the half-human inside of him that made Gojyo still conscious and realized what he was doing. Only the unbelievable strong bloodlust persuaded him and moved every movement he made. Gojyo couldn't control his body, his voice. His heart bleed when he saw Hakkai wiped the blood away from his lips, knowing that it was he that did it and couldn't do anything about it. _Damn it, Hakkai! Get away from me! I'll never forgive myself if anything happen to you! _

But of course Hakkai couldn't hear Gojyo's heart's cries. Instead, he merely clutched tighter around the silver limiter, waiting for any opportunities to put it back around Gojyo's neck. Gojyo narrowed his eyes to Hakkai and he lunged forward, barehanded. Hakkai's eyes widened with disbelief at Gojyo's speed and he knew that it would be impossible for him to generate the shield. But he didn't want to hurt Gojyo unnecessarily. So, Hakkai did something that he had never done before in his life - running away. He tried to increase the space between them because he was still undecided of what to do. _Think! Come on think, Hakkai! _

Hakkai looked back and saw that Gojyo was catching up fast. He changed his direction to the forest, hoping that all those trees would somehow slow Gojyo's down. He jumped over the fallen trees, ducked beneath the dropping branches, looked back and still can see Gojyo. He jumped, ducked, looked back and Gojyo was still there. He jumped, ducked, looked back and still Gojyo… Wait a minute! Where was Gojyo?! Hakkai abruptly stopped; his heart beat fast with both exertion and trepidation. His eyes scanned the surrounding and still no sign of Gojyo. Suddenly, Hakkai felt that he had done something very foolish by leaving his friends and exposed himself to the danger without any backup. "Great…" Hakkai muttered under his breath. "How stupid of me to run to the forest…" 

Then, his eyes caught the nearly hidden cave nearby and thought that the cave would be a perfect spot for him to think without all these negative emotions flooding through him. Hakkai walked towards the cave, still cautious of any sound he made or he heard. 

"I don't think that hiding in the cave would be good idea." 

Hakkai's eyes went wide with shock when he heard the voice behind him. He hadn't heard anything! How did he get behind him?! It was Gojyo's voice, all right but it was too cold and too alien to him. Gojyo's tone was usually laced with sarcasm or teasing. Suddenly, it occurred to Hakkai mind that his Gojyo wasn't really back. He was still missing and Hakkai still couldn't find him. 

Before Hakkai could anything, Gojyo swung another punch to his stomach, causing him to stagger back into the cave. Still, Hakkai refused to attack Gojyo back and tried to widen the space between them instead. _Attack me, Hakkai! _Gojyo cried hopelessly. _Don't just stand there and let me hurt you more! Just blast me with your energy! _

Gojyo's hand went out and grasped Hakkai's neck, pushing him against the rough surface of cave's wall. He started to tighten his grips and choke the verdant-eyed demon. _Fight me back, Hakkai! Kick me in the stomach! Blow my head away!_ But Hakkai still couldn't hurt Gojyo and inside, Gojyo almost shouted with utter frustration. _Anything, damn it! Just do bloody anything! _Despite what his heart's will, Gojyo's body still burned with bloodlust and craziness still rule his head. He tightened his grip upon Hakkai's neck and Hakkai gasped for the air. 

"Goj…Gojyo…" Hakkai rasped. His hand that didn't hold the limiter unconsciously reached out and touched Gojyo's wrist. He was under too much pressure, that he didn't know what he was saying or doing. All that he could think of that Gojyo he knew would never, ever hurt him, even with his words. "You… you're hurting me…" 

_Stop it! _Gojyo shouted to himself. _Release him! Release Hakkai, right now! _The battle raged within himself and Gojyo fiercely tried to take control over his body, fighting off the lust that was burning hotly inside him. The pain inside his body and his head for trying to bury the insanity started to get unbearable until Gojyo thought he couldn't take it anymore and almost gave up the battle. 

Through his blurry eyes, Hakkai could see that Gojyo's face changed a little bit and could feel the grip around his neck was loosening up. _Could it be…? _Hakkai thought, a spark of hope lightened up in his heart. _Could it be that Gojyo can hear him? _How could that be…? When a demon went crazy, he would never recognize his friends until someone put back his control device. Just look at Goku… But what the hell, he was already halfway to be unconscious from the lack of oxygen and Hakkai was willing to try anything. 

"Fight… fight it, Gojyo," Hakkai choked out, struggling for the words and for the air. He could see that Gojyo was in pain, so consumed in his inner battle that his grips around Hakkai's neck loosened much more. "I…I couldn't bre…breathe…" 

_Release him! _Gojyo ordered, using every ounce of his sanity and leftover strength to press the craziness down. But the pain! Shit, the pain was too much for him! Taking a deep breath, Gojyo let out his last effort to release Hakkai. And it worked! Gojyo stumbled backward and kneeled on the ground, still fighting himself. 

Hakkai was breathless and he reached out for his neck, amazed by Gojyo's strength. He watched Gojyo, his heart hurt to see how much Gojyo suffered and at the same time humbled to know that Gojyo would go that far to ensure that he stayed unhurt. Tentatively, Hakkai took a step forward. 

Gojyo looked up, his red-eyes were wild and his breathing was hard. "Don't come here Hakkai…" his words were no more than a whisper, but Gojyo had to struggle just to get those words out. "I…I can't do this anymore…" 

At that moment, Hakkai didn't know whether he could ever feel as hurt as he felt now. The way Gojyo spoke those words, as if he had spent for the last for days doing nothing but struggling, defending everything and now he was too tired to do anything, made Hakkai wondered what Gojyo had gone through to made him reduced to this state. And the need to make everything all right once again to his lover was overwhelming. Ignoring Gojyo's warning, Hakkai kneeled in front of Gojyo and hold out the limiter that he had brought all this time. "Let me help you, Gojyo," Hakkai said softly with unbearable tenderness. 

Gojyo looked yielding at first but suddenly, the fragile barrier that strained the insanity down broke. Once again, his eyes turned cold and empty and he lunged forward. Hakkai let out a starling gasp and found himself lying on the ground with Gojyo pinning him on top. He looked up and saw Gojyo curved a very evil smirk, knowing instantly that Gojyo had lost his control over himself again. 

The lust that consumed Gojyo was not only limited to murderous needs but extended to every single type lust that ever existed. Being on top of a very beautiful and incredibly sexy demon, his intense lust for blood changed instantly to lust to screw Hakkai badly. Inside, Gojyo grew alarmed when he realized what his body craved. _Shit! I'd rather be dead than let myself hurt Hakkai that way! _But no matter what he ferociously told his body, Gojyo knew he was too deep in his pain to have another mind fight and found his lips slammed against Hakkai's anyway. He heard Hakkai muffled in shock and distress, hating himself further. One hand cupped firmly on Hakkai's jaws and his other hand restrained against Hakkai's wrist that was holding the limiter. He forced Hakkai to open his mouth and to accept his entire offering. 

_No, Gojyo would never do this to me! _Hakkai thought wildly. _He would never! _Gojyo's assaults were getting painful and deep inside, Hakkai knew that if Gojyo really raped him, he wasn't going to be the only one who was paying the price. Knowing Gojyo for what he was, he knew that the half-breed would blame himself for hurting him and after all that Gojyo had gone through, Hakkai couldn't bear to add anymore to Gojyo's misery. Closing his eyes, Hakkai silently made his decision. And it wasn't easy. 

_I'm sorry, Gojyo…_ He thought, hating himself for what he was about to do next. With that, he lifted his hand that was still free from Gojyo's grips, gathering energy that he hoped it was enough to knock Gojyo's unconscious and slammed it on Gojyo's back. Instantly, Gojyo lifted his head and his expression was a mixture of disbelief and yet relief. For a split second, Hakkai could see sanity was back in Gojyo's crimson-colored eyes before he fell onto Hakkai, his forehead rested in the contour of Hakkai's neck. Hakkai immediately secured the control device back around Gojyo's slender neck. 

The atmosphere was so silent except the sound of Hakkai's heavy breathing. The green-eyed demon watched his lover lying so still on top of him, wondering whether the limiter was already working or not. He listened to the sound of Gojyo's breathing and he heaved a sigh of intense relief to hear the breaths were normal as if Gojyo was sleeping. They were lying on top of each other in the exactly same position like each time they finished loving each other. It was as if the fight and the angst before weren't happened at all. 

Happiness slowly flooded through Hakkai's body and heart as he wrapped his arms tightly around Gojyo's body. After four days of misery and fury, he had finally succeeded in finding Gojyo. After four days of grief and frustration, he had finally held Gojyo in his arms. And Hakkai intended to keep his vow to never let him get away. He smiled. A first sincere and true happy smile ever since Gojyo was missing. Even in Gojyo's worst condition, he still managed to be on top of him. This time, Hakkai didn't mind at all, so long it was Gojyo. 

"Sleep, Gojyo," He whispered as he stroke softly Gojyo's pale cheeks. "I know you need it…" 

* * * * * * 

Another chapter is finished! Phew… Now, review! ^_^ 


	8. Chapter 8: In The Arms of Haven

To **Blinkie**   
Thanks!! I really glad you like it. Keep doing that (the reviewing-every-chapter thing), then I'll swear that I couldn't write without hearing of what you think about my story first! ^_^! Yay! I have been hoping someone would find Kenshin's sexiness despite of all his cruelty and you did! It would be quite a rival for Hakkai, isn't it? 

To **LN Tora **  
Wow, I thought after all those chapters making Gojyo suffers and all, you all are angry at me by now! I'm so happy to know that you are actually having pleasure reading Gojyo's angst! Good! And may I say your review make me so motivated? It did! ^_^ 

To **gallatica **  
Gojyo has never gone! He is going to be around forever! ^o^ 

To **Eli Tan **  
I'm glad you're back and hope you find this chapter as interesting as before! ^_~ 

All right. I've already changed my rating of this story to R. (look around nervously) I'm waiting for your thoughts about this chapter. Is it disgusting? Waaay too mushy for your taste? Or should I stick to torturing Gojyo? Please review and tell me what you think. 

* * * * * * 

A Curse of Taboo Child   
Chapter 8: In the Arms of Haven 

* * * * * * 

I'm going to break your spirit… _No… go away, you bastard! _I'm going to make you scream… _Touch me and you're dead! _Begging for me to stop or for more… _Stay away from me! _Scream for me, Gojyo! _Like hell I will! _Scream!!! 

Hakkai noticed that Gojyo was moving a little bit and he left the chair he had sat for the last three hours. He had not yet stripped Gojyo's black leather top to search for wounds Worry that Gojyo suffered another round of pain; Hakkai sat beside his lover, watching closely his face. Gojyo's face was slightly flushed and he was mumbling incoherent words. Hakkai reached out to touch Gojyo's forehead, wondering whether Gojyo had fever or not. 

After Hakkai managed to untangle Gojyo from on top of him, he lifted his precious burden through the forest and back to where he left Sanzo and Goku. He had expected the raven-haired demon to be there and with all his will, Hakkai vowed not to ever let him took what was his. But seeing Goku's bleeding and bruised forehead and Sanzo's gun still smoking, Hakkai knew without doubt that Sanzo and Goku had somehow finished off the demon. At first, he was a little regret when he thought the demon had been killed but when Goku told him that he vanished even before Sanzo's bullet touched him, Hakkai almost smiled. Now, he was looking forward to have another meeting with the demon and had the pleasure of killing him! 

Gojyo mumbled something a little bit louder this time, pulling Hakkai from his thought and back to the attention of the sleeping half-breed. Hakkai frowned. Something was bothering Gojyo's sleep. Softly, he stroke Gojyo's still-pale cheeks. "Gojyo," he called, not wanting to wake Gojyo to early and yet not wanting to let Gojyo continued to have those dreams. "Gojyo, wake up!" 

Inside of Gojyo's head, images of Kenshin on top of him were so clear. The pain when he penetrated him was so real that Gojyo could no longer differed himself between reality and dream. He looked up and felt Kenshin's powerful grips upon his jaw. …Scream for me, Gojyo… _Go. To. Hell! _All these were too familiar. Hadn't he been through this before? Then, Kenshin ripped off his pants and Gojyo could feel his breathings were getting faster and his heart nearly burst with trepidation of the excruciating pain he knew would come. …Fine! You asked for it!… 

"Gojyo!" Hakkai called again, only this time louder when he saw Gojyo was sweating slightly and his breathings were as heavy as the breathings in Gojyo's dream. 

A pair of ruby-colored eyes flew opened at the sound of Hakkai's forced calling. His mind was still deeply affected by the hideous dream that the sight of Hakkai's face so close to him and the feel of his hand upon his jaws made him thought it was Kenshin. "Get the fucking hell away from me!" Gojyo snarled and pushed Hakkai away from him. 

A startling gasp escaped from Hakkai and he nearly fell off the bed he had been sitting. "Gojyo!" He called, completely on top of Gojyo now after recovering from his surprise and began to pin down the very-angry half-breed. "Calm down! It's me… Hakkai!" 

The name seeped through Gojyo's mind and eased the sudden panic feeling inside. The voice soothed his intensely and his heartbeat slowed down. "Hakkai?" Gojyo blinked his eyes twice, unable to believe his eyes. What the hell? Was all that merely a dream? Was he never been captured at all? To ensure that the figure was Hakkai, he reached out to touch his cheek and at that moment, he was acutely aware how much he missed the feel of Hakkai's smooth skin beneath his hand. 

"Am I dreaming…?" he asked, unsure if he wanted to know the answer. If he wasn't dreaming at all, Gojyo didn't know what to say. "Was I here all the time?" 

Hakkai didn't answer immediately. As much as Hakkai wanted to comfort Gojyo by saying it was all a dream and he had nothing to be feared at, he couldn't bring himself to lie at Gojyo. The sun was setting and the dark crimson color silhouetted both of the lovers' face, but Gojyo could see Hakkai's clouded eyes and sad smile. He had never looked Hakkai wore this expression before. "Why…Hakkai?" Gojyo asked softly, slowly caressed his cheek, like he always did ever since they had become lovers whenever Hakkai was sad. 

The words were never spoken. Hakkai just couldn't shattered the brief illusion the other man created using the only words. So, the green-eyes man held the half-breed's hand that was caressing his cheek and guided it to the silver choker around the latter's neck. Hakkai looked directly into Gojyo's eyes as both of their hands touched the cold metal. At that time, he swore his heart was breaking into two pieces when he saw Gojyo's eyes were filled with shock and hurt and then resignation as he was finally recalling what had happened before and tiredly accepting. _So, I guess it isn't a dream after all. _Gojyo thought. 

The pain that his fiery spirit felt was too much for Gojyo to bear that he had to close his eyes and turn his head aside. He didn't know how to react or what to say to Hakkai, now that Hakkai knew too many humiliating things about him. Kenshin had raped him, Hakkai knew that. He had been turned into a full demon, Hakkai knew that. And worst of all, he had been so acquiescent and weak in front of Kenshin and Hakkai _saw_ that! 

What else should he feel? He had spent the last of his twenty-three years living with a pride that was so strong that not even one insult from the villagers around him could break him. But now, his pride and dignity were shattered and they were beyond repairable. And they decided to break in front of a person that Gojyo cared most. _Please go away… please go away… please go away… _He chanted desperately. The feeling was overwhelming. 

The atmosphere was so silent. Hakkai waited for Gojyo to open his eyes and look at him, Gojyo waited for Hakkai to go away and the tension amounted. "Gojyo…" Hakkai's voice was filled of hurt, to Gojyo for shutting out him like this. For as long as he remembered, Gojyo had never ignored him before. _Not even when he was lying injured in the rain as a stranger…_ "Talk to me. Please…" 

_Talk to him? _Gojyo thought ironically, mentally let out a mirthless laugh. _I can't even talk to myself yet. And that damn voice inside my head is still missing! _But then, Gojyo that he used to be would always curved a smirk no matter in what situation. Gojyo that he used to be would pin Hakkai beneath him and started to realize all the fantasy he had dreamed of during four days of his imprisonment. And Gojyo that he used to be would never tell Hakkai how much his pride shattered or how deep the wound inside him. He was not this pathetic. _Why not? _Gojyo thought sarcastically. _Why the hell should I feel these feelings if it was me who wanted nothing from Hakkai, except sex? _Wasn't he who wanted a commitment free relationship in the first place? 

Instantly, Gojyo changed their position, decided that Hakkai had been on top of him long enough. "Gojyo, what are you…" Hakkai's words were quickly swallowed by Gojyo's kiss, both ferocious and sensual. Strands of fiery hair fell and teased softly Hakkai's cheeks and the feeling was all too familiar. Gojyo's hand steadily supported himself and the other hand grasped Hakkai's jaws. As Gojyo brought him deeper into their world of pleasure, Hakkai had forgotten what he was about to say or that Gojyo might suffer from any injury. Being beneath Gojyo's body and having Gojyo's lips hungrily sought his outer and inner mouth, made Hakkai's body singing with delight. He had been dreaming for Gojyo to do this to him for four days and it felt like a lifetime. Hakkai wrapped his arms around Gojyo's neck, pulling him closer and urging him to take everything he desired. And Gojyo desired all that Hakkai had to offer! 

The sound of sheet whispered and the sound of loving were too much for both of them. Gojyo's kisses were getting possessive and Hakkai's responses were as enthusiastic as Gojyo. The brunette slipped his hands underneath Gojyo's black leather top to caress the sensitive spots on his chest. The sensations were overwhelming for someone who had spent the last four days received nothing but pain. Gojyo left Hakkai's lips, promising himself that he would come back and licked the sweetness off, and went to ravage his lover's ear instead. At that time, Gojyo had forgotten the bruises and the bite-marks all over his chest. 

Hakkai wasn't entirely sure, probably it was because Gojyo had started to nibble his ear and now biting softly the sensitive spot underneath his ear, but he could feel the bruise bumps on his chest. Was Gojyo injured? How? He swore he hadn't done anything damaging when he tried to put back the limiter around Gojyo's neck, except... well… the bruise behind Gojyo. But that was it! Hakkai frowned slightly. Just to be sure, he pressed softly on one of the lumps and his suspicion confirmed when Gojyo let out a slight hiss of pain. _He should have told me about that injury! _

With a great reluctance, Hakkai pulled away from Gojyo, causing the latter to raise his head and looked down with confusion. Taking a deep breath, Hakkai tried to calm down the arousal that Gojyo skillfully invoked in him and rolled over, so their position was back on the first position (Hakkai on top of Gojyo). "Hakkai, what's wrong?" 

"This is," Hakkai answered and he reached out to strip off the leather top. Gojyo's eyes widened in realization of what Hakkai intended to do. Not wanting Hakkai to see the marks of Kenshin's imprinted on him, Gojyo tried to hold off Hakkai's hands but he was a second too late to stop the healer from taking off his shirt. "Hakkai, don't!" But knowing Hakkai for what he was, Gojyo knew that his words would only increased Hakkai's curiosity. 

And the shirt was gone. The sun had almost set and the room was starting to become dark but the bruises and the bite-marks were many and some of them were quite obvious to be concealed by the darkness. The rage that Hakkai thought was sleeping aroused all of the sudden. The bruises weren't the one who caused it but the clear and deep red bite-marks. _How dare him… _Hakkai angered. _No one can touch Gojyo except me! If there are any love-marks, they are supposed to be mine! _He was no longer bothered to hide his wrath and yes, jealousy, which were most probably written all over of his face. If before Hakkai tried to hide what he felt whenever Gojyo flirted with women, this time, he didn't care if Gojyo knew that his feeling was involved in their relationship. _Let him knew I want more from him than just sex! _

"What are these?" Hakkai asked calmly, keeping his wrath inside him. He knew what were those but he wanted to hear it from the man himself. Gojyo looked up into Hakkai's eyes and saw a pair of green flames smothered inside. He swore that he had never, and he mean _never _, seen Hakkai this angry. With him or with Kenshin, he didn't know. And the thought that Hakkai was probably feeling the same way like he did crossed his mind but Gojyo firmly pushed it away. 

"Presents from Kenshin," Gojyo answered with heavy sarcasm, forcing the ugly memories that starting to fill his head to get the hell out. There was no way he was going to be like Sanzo, being so damn moody whenever the bad past arose. "For me to remember him." 

Hakkai heard the sarcasm. Well, it was so thick that any daft person could detect it. And Hakkai was no daft. What was he thinking? He scolded himself. Gojyo didn't need his anger and jealousy. Not right now, of course. There was plenty of time for Hakkai to vent his emotion, now that Gojyo was here beside him. Gojyo wouldn't ask for compassion, his towering pride would not let him uttered them, but Hakkai knew he wanted it. The way his blood-red eyes looked at him, so heartbreakingly beautiful and vulnerable but so carelessly guarded, telling Hakkai that his lover needed somebody. 

"Did he hurt you, Gojyo?" Hakkai asked quietly. 

"What do you think, Hakkai?" Gojyo asked back, more ferocious than he intended it to be. It was as if the evident wasn't enough. Did he have to ask? The urge to cover his chest was too overwhelming. Especially when Hakkai stared at the bruises. 

Hakkai smiled so very slightly when he realized Gojyo was turning the conversation around. He knew Gojyo understood his meaning when he said the word 'hurt'. With one hand wrapped gently around Gojyo's waist and the other caressed along Gojyo's jaw, Hakkai pulled his lover closer to him. The weight didn't bother the half-breed beneath him. In fact, it pleased him. "Did he _hurt_ you, Gojyo?" Hakkai repeated his question, emphasizing that particular word. 

_What does Hakkai want me to do? _Gojyo thought. _Fill him with all those lurid experience? Describe to him how it felt to have my blood sucked away forcibly? Or how many times did Kenshin forced his fucking self to me?_He couldn't. Not when the images were still so vivid. He was tired of thinking about Kenshin and his endurances during those days. All he wanted to do was to have a long nice night with Hakkai to take his mind away from Kenshin. He needed Hakkai's gentleness to wipe off Kenshin's cruelty. Even if it was only for tonight… 

"Don't ask me, Hakkai," Gojyo said, trying so hard not to sound as if he was pleading. "I just couldn't…" 

"So… he did hurt you," Hakkai concluded softly, pretending to be satisfied with what he could get out from Gojyo. _How many times? _Hakkai's jealousy couldn't simply drop the whole topic. Who was he kidding? Not himself, that was for sure. Everything that Gojyo did that included another person intimately drove Hakkai wild with irritatingly curiosity and resentment. And after Kana's tragic death, Hakkai thought he would never feel those emotions again. My, he was so wrong. 

Hakkai opened his mouth to say something but stopped himself for he knew he would get nothing from Gojyo's tonight. If he couldn't comfort Gojyo's wounded inner self with his words, Hakkai at least hoped he could do it with his touches. He leaned down, moved his lips closer to Gojyo's until he was only a breath away. "I'll let it drop for tonight, Gojyo," he whispered. "But you should know by now that I'm not the one who gives up so easily. I can be very persuasive, if _you_ want me too." Hakkai's words were filled with promises that turned on every sense Gojyo possessed. 

Gojyo turned up his infamous smirk, both from relief that Hakkai was willing to drop the subject and from the delight of Hakkai's sensuous words. That was one of the many things Gojyo like about Hakkai. Hakkai never ceased to amaze him. He slid his hands behind Hakkai's nape… "I also can be very stubborn, so you have to persuade me very hard." …and pulled Hakkai's smiling lips down, so he could once again taste the sweetness. _Didn't I promise to come back? _

So, the caresses turned into kisses. Kisses started to become possessive and intense. Hakkai was totally unaware of his surrounding or that he was supposed to cook dinner for Sanzo and Goku tonight. Not that it was his fault to be forgetful. His head and body were so attuned to every little thing Gojyo did to him and tried to feel everything, afraid to miss anything. Or did Hakkai notice the ferocious way Gojyo took off his clothes and rolled him over, so Gojyo could be on top again. 

_Mission accomplished! _Gojyo thought triumphantly as he threw the last piece of Hakkai's clothes. _And now for another mission… _He thought as his lips automatically sought for Hakkai's ear, where he knew Hakkai wouldn't stand a chance if he licked and bit him there. And licked and bit he did! A knowing smile curved up when he sensed Hakkai's breathing increased, heard Hakkai's breathless gasps, tasted Hakkai's beads of sweats and felt Hakkai's clutches on his back and shoulders. "I've got dozens of sensitive spots to taste before I could give you what you want…" 

Hakkai almost groaned in frustration. He wanted Gojyo now and he wanted it fast! Before he could answer Gojyo's teasing remarks, Gojyo's lips were already on their journey to next stop. At that time, Hakkai arched his body, closed his eyes, ceased his thoughts and felt every wickedly pleasurable thing Gojyo did to him. Another gasps escaped. _Great…_ Hakkai thought. _I was supposed to be the one was who comforting Gojyo…_ Another shot of pleasure surged through his body and Hakkai's body shuddered. _Why am I the one who do the gasping and the moaning? _

Wave after wave of pleasure swept Hakkai away, leaving nothing but raw desire that demanded to be satisfied. He was like a hot balloon, waiting to burst out. That was… if Gojyo didn't cease his wicked teases now. "Gojyo… I want it… now…" 

Hearing his lover's words, Gojyo went up and trailed his hot kisses along the way, ended on Hakkai's temple, only to kiss him there softly. "But I've got still five spots to go…" He teased the already-panting-begging-for-release Hakkai. Gojyo acted like he didn't fully affected by the loving but inside he almost agreed to give what both of them wanted so much. 

"I don't care if you still have ten new spots to discover!" Hakkai said with such a ferocity that could even shock Goku (who thought Hakkai had a patience of a saint). "I want you and I want you now!" With that, Hakkai grasped Gojyo's shoulders and pushed him flat on his back (back to Hakkai-on-top-of-Gojyo position). But no matter how harsh Hakkai sounded, whenever it came to pleasuring Gojyo, which was too seldom, he always was tender. Gojyo with his rough and fierce loving and Hakkai with his soft and gentle way. He kissed Gojyo's sensual, opened mouth, slowly coaxing him to receive his tongue. 

_So different… _Gojyo thought as Hakkai's lips gently fitted into his, his hands softly wandered all over his body and finally stripped off the tight black pants. After all the cruelty he had received, Gojyo knew he wanted, needed the gentleness that was in Hakkai. _How different it was between Kenshin's painful kisses and Hakkai's soft ones. _If this was the way Hakkai pleased him all those times, no wonder his body brutally rejected Kenshin's touches. He was getting too damn soft! _And Hakkai's seductive touches feel so damn good…_ Hakkai deepened his kisses and Gojyo's body willed him to let Hakkai on top of him. Just for tonight, of course… 

Hakkai sensed the thoughts that were running through Gojyo's mind and he guessed correctly that the previous tortures haunted his lover's mind. Gojyo's wounds were so deep. Hakkai knew that and the urge to make it alright was stronger than before. He left Gojyo's mouth and trailed his warm kisses all the way to Gojyo's ear. "Let the memories go, Gojyo…" He whispered softly, breathing the words into Gojyo's ear and touched his heart. Gojyo shuddered, whether from Hakkai's hot breaths upon his ear or the words Hakkai had spoken. 

"I'm not…" Gojyo started to deny, ignoring the way his heart ached. So painfully sweet… 

"Sshh…" Hakkai stopped the denial he knew Gojyo would say, dropping a kiss on Gojyo's neck and another one under his chin. "Just for tonight. Let them go…" 

Gojyo's heart started to pound crazily at Hakkai soft, short but meaningful words. _Only Hakkai can affect my heart like this. _For the first time in his life, Gojyo felt something more than just lust. For the first time in his wandering life, Gojyo's heartbeats increased not only because of the need to release but also for the unknown feeling he felt toward his bed-partner. _Only Hakkai can understand me without ever need to say a word. _And Gojyo knew he was so close to breaking the agreement he made between Hakkai. 

"There are only you and I tonight," Hakkai said, dropping another kiss on Gojyo's jaws. He smiled when he heard Gojyo's breathing went ragged. He knew he affected Gojyo more than just sex. Maybe it was his words… or was it his compassion? "There is no one else… Let my touches help you to wipe those memories away…" 

Gojyo closed his eyes, amazed how Hakkai's soft words could affect him like this. Of all his experience with women, Gojyo had never let any of them to pleasure him. Even with Hakkai, he always was the one to be on top… to be inside Hakkai… never the other way around. The wall he built around him was unbreakable, un-penetratable and especially untouchable. He had never let anyone enter the private part in him, not after the bitter rejection from his mother. And now, after all these times, he had this wild yearning to let Hakkai in. To give people around him a chance. To give himself a chance. 

Reaching out a slightly trembled hand, Gojyo touched Hakkai's cheek and watched Hakkai lifted his head from Gojyo's jaw. Green-eye met red-eye. None of them spoke. Only the sound of breathings could be heard in the softly illuminated room. Gojyo moved his lips, hesitant to ask but now that his heart controlled his body, Gojyo wanted nothing more than to have Hakkai inside him. "Hakkai…" 

His lover didn't say a word. Gojyo had never seen another pair of emerald eyes that intense and Hakkai had never looked more appealing and beautiful. The need rose insistently, urging Gojyo to say those words. "I want you… inside me… tonight." The words were merely a whisper but to Gojyo it was the sign that he finally let somebody inside him, body and heart. 

Hakkai's eyes went wide at Gojyo's request. Gojyo would never allowed himself to be the one who received. Gojyo was all give, give and give and he was foreverly take, take and take. No more and no less. It was all pure lust and all these time Hakkai had forced himself to be satisfied with that. And now… Hearing Gojyo's un-expectable request… Was that mean their relationship was finally moving to another stage? Was Gojyo finally saw him more than just a place to assuage his lusts? Deep happiness began to bloom and hope sparked like crazy in Hakkai's heart. Curved up a small smile, Hakkai kissed Gojyo softly and said, "Yes…" 

Gojyo's heart pounded like never before and he told himself that if it was Hakkai, it would not hurt like Kenshin did. Hakkai would never hurt him. Hakkai would always be gentle to him. Hakkai, who changed everything in his life. Each of his kisses, touches and caresses brought Gojyo to such an arousal, until he didn't think he could hold back anymore. Trepidation suddenly consumed Gojyo when he felt Hakkai nudged his legs apart. _Hakkai would not hurt me… It would not hurt me… Nothing would hurt me… _

But as Hakkai eased slowly inside, Gojyo's still-sore opening from Kenshin's assaults protested slightly and for a man who expected pain, he hissed almost inaudibly and he tightened his grips upon Hakkai's shoulders. Instantly, Hakkai knew Gojyo was in pain. How could that be? He was being so gentle and it was slicked with both of their perspiration! Even Gojyo's usual rough entering brought naught but pleasure. He withdrew immediately. 

It was when Hakkai pulled away did Gojyo realized he was holding his breath. Hakkai watched Gojyo's flushed face and knew that it was from both relief and yet unreleased passion. And a thought hit his head. _How could I forget?! He had not yet fully healed from Kenshin's cruel penetrations! _Hakkai felt so resentful and regretted when he realized that he might not be able to do it without hurting Gojyo first. "Kenshin hurt you there too, didn't he?" 

Gojyo looked away, breathless from the strained passion. Wanting so desperately but yet afraid to reach out for it. After a long while, he strangled out one word. "Yes." 

Hakkai closed his eyes, vengeance towards Kenshin burned hotly. Forcing his hatred to lay aside for now, Hakkai opened his eyes back and kissed Gojyo's forehead. "As much as I want to do it to you tonight, Gojyo, I cannot do it without hurting you first." 

Gojyo reached up and grasped tightly on Hakkai's cheek. What the hell was Hakkai saying? He was too deep in his lust that he didn't care if Hakkai had to rip him open! "Do it, Hakkai!" 

The verdant-eyed demon shook his head stubbornly. "I don't want to hurt you. Not after all you've been through." 

"I'll bear it," Gojyo said back. 

"Maybe you can, but I cannot!" Hakkai started to move away from Gojyo. 

"Damn it!" Gojyo swore. He pulled Hakkai back in his arms and Hakkai looked away. "When I was with Kenshin, I feel nothing but pain and more pain. But I still believe that it _doesn't_ have to hurt." Gojyo forced Hakkai to look at him. "Look at me, Hakkai. I know it doesn't because when I do it to you, I can see pleasure, not pain in your eyes." His tone slowly reduced to almost pleading. "Tell me that I'm not wrong…" 

Something in Hakkai's heart cracked and all his noble intentions for trying not to hurt Gojyo vanished, replaced by a new hot arousal. He had never seen Gojyo so heartbreakingly vulnerable and he knew he couldn't resist him anything tonight. Hakkai lowered his lips, hoping Gojyo didn't regret his decision, and touched Gojyo's lips once again, this time it long, deep and full of different types of emotion. Gojyo returned his kisses and his need pressed insistently against Hakkai's stomach. Hakkai lifted his mouth and said, "Hold on me, Gojyo. Never, ever let me go…" 

And hold on Gojyo did! He wrapped his arms around Hakkai's chest and buried his face in the contour his lover's neck, trying to find the sanctuary he knew it was there. Hakkai once again nudged Gojyo legs to open up to him and eased himself inside him, hating himself when he felt Gojyo tightened his embrace to fight off the pain but he went on deeper and started to let out pleasurable sounds as he felt Gojyo surrounded him tightly. It felt so good! "Just a little bit more…" Hakkai said breathlessly. "It won't be long now…" And Gojyo clung to those words like a drowning man. 

It didn't take long before the pain started to become pleasure and Hakkai's heart lifted with intense relief when he heard Gojyo's breathless groans, telling him that the half-breed began to feel the pleasure that he was supposed to feel. Now that the pain had gone, Hakkai started to move himself, showering his kisses on to Gojyo's face, his neck and downwards to his chest and he was lost in his eagerness to take Gojyo's pain away in anyway he could. Beads of perspiration started to form, heartbeats started to increase and the sounds of loving started to get louder. 

Gojyo swore at that time, he had never felt anything so sinful pleasurable and totally unforgettable. This time he didn't feel like Hakkai took anything away from him, like Kenshin did, only he felt Hakkai was giving and giving. Giving until Gojyo thought his heart would burst with intense emotions. _Is this how it supposed to feel? _Gojyo thought. _Is this how Hakkai feels when I am inside him? _

And it amazed Gojyo how good it felt if he gave his trust to someone he wanted him to be. 

As amazing as it started, it ended like the way exactly Hakkai thought it would be. The release was nothing both of them had ever experienced before. It seemed like it lasted forever and yet ended too soon. Breathless, Hakkai dropped his blissfully exhausted body onto Gojyo's body, listening contently to the sound of Gojyo's furiously accelerated heartbeat. _That was definitely different… _Gojyo thought, referring his earlier thought about Kenshin, as he wrapped one muscular arm around Hakkai's body and pulled him closed, like he always did. They stayed like that for some time, satisfied to be in each other arms. 

"How do you feel, Gojyo," an unsure inquiry broke the silence. 

_How do I feel? _Gojyo thought. He closed his eyes, "The ghost is gone." Then a soft kiss touched sweetly on Hakkai's temple and the embrace tightened. "For tonight…" 

* * * * * * 

Kenshin looked at his empty bed with icy eyes. If Gojyo hadn't vanished disappeared, his concentration would not waver like that and he would be able to take care both the monk and his monkey himself. If he hadn't forgotten about that fucking control device, Gojyo would still be crazy and Hakkai would certainly be dead by now! Oh… damn it all! If only Gojyo didn't say Hakkai's name, he wouldn't go out like some jealous maniac and tried to kill Hakkai in the first place. As much as Kenshin hated to admit it, the monk was right. He shouldn't have flaunted Gojyo to them at all! 

When Zean dressed his wounds, Kenshin swore that Zean wasn't angry at all. In fact he looked so superior. Perhaps it was because all his prediction about Gojyo would be safely back in his friends had come true. Or was it because Gojyo was finally out of Kenshin's sight? The raven-haired demon didn't know which one but the look on Zean's face irked him so damn much that it took all Kenshin fragile control not to vent all his anger and frustration on to Zean. 

Kenshin walked towards the empty bed, where Gojyo used to occupy for the last four days. His fingers touched the metal chained that used to secure Gojyo, so the half-breed would always be here, waiting for him. The possessive feeling clutched his heart and mind so tight that Kenshin would give anything to have Gojyo back. But how? If before, he had only two person to confront, and now he had to face four people. And all four of them were angry as hell. A very not good situation for him. If he had any sense at all, he would forget about getting Gojyo back and go on with his life! But all his damned senses had gone off when he saw the magnificent half-demon for the first time. 

If only he could lure Gojyo to come to him alone, he wouldn't have to worry about fighting four powerful people. The first time he did that, he used Gojyo's half-brother as a bait. This time, Kenshin doubted that Gojyo would be as careless as before. Especially with his lover, who would now certainly want to stick around him like a damn leech! Damn it! 

Leaning his back against the headboard, Kenshin tried to ignore the throbbing pain he felt on his arm and knee. What was Gojyo's reaction when he told him about demons and human killed cursed children for fun? The half-breed was angry and for all Kenshin knew, Gojyo somehow quite heroic whenever it came to protecting his own types. Especially children. 

Oh, well. Not that the massacre hadn't started yet. And yes, he was the one who responsible to start the rumor about taboo child's blood. He wouldn't waste his time just like that, when he could use it to have some fun with the stunning half-breed. The last three days, he had gone from a clan to a clan and spread the rumors. Like a plague, it spread, fast and the results were immediate too. Demons were so damned typical and so damned eager whenever it came to increasing their power. Like a bunch of fools, they went out and started to kill as much as taboo children as they could find. That was why he wasn't that surprised to see Prince Kougaiji was out from his castle and investigated the incidents. 

Gojyo wouldn't be angry enough to confront him alone unless a pile of taboo children was thrown in front of the half-breed. Of course he would let Gojyo knew that it was his works… That was it! Kenshin thought as an evil smirk curved up. He would threaten Gojyo by using the children of his own kind. As arrogant and as fiery as Gojyo appeared outside, the moment Kenshin saw Gojyo shocked at the taboo children's massacre, he knew Gojyo was a softhearted person whenever it came to children. 

_Why not? _Kenshin thought. _It would be fun too…_ Suddenly the pain of his injuries weren't that painful anymore. 

* * * * * * 

"Sanzo! I'm hungry!" Goku whined ceaselessly. 

"Shut the hell up!" Sanzo shouted for the umpteenth times and glared at the noisy monkey beside him. _Shit! Even when his head is swelling like that, he still couldn't keep quiet! _"You're not the only one!" As angry as he appeared right now, he could help but feeling slightly relief to know that Goku's injuries weren't that bad that the monkey could still whine about being hungry. 

Goku put his head on the dining table, like a very hungry boy, and his eyes watched the stairs, waiting for Hakkai to appear. "Ne…Sanzo. Where's Hakkai? He was supposed to cook us dinner!" 

Sanzo glared at the stairs, knowing so well what happened upstairs. He didn't know which irritated him more, the fact Hakkai forgotten to come down and feed the hungry monkey or the fact he was jealous Hakkai got laid tonight and he didn't. 

"I want to go and get him!" Goku declared and started to run upstairs. 

But Sanzo grabbed Goku from behind. _Stupid! Why you want to watch those two horny demons? _He thought furiously. "No, let them be." Sanzo said curtly. "We'll go to restaurant instead." 

Goku opened his mouth to ask why but Sanzo whacked him with his paper fan before he could say anything. Grabbing his head, Goku glared at his master and at the same time wondered why his master's hit wasn't as hard as before. _Was Sanzo actually cared about me? _The thought was pleasant but Goku whined anyway. "What? I didn't say anything yet." 

"Stop asking so much questions! Let's go." Sanzo grabbed his gun and stood up. 

"But Sanzo…" The boy ran after his master and the whining could be heard along the way. 

* * * * * * 


	9. Chapter 9: Retribution

To **Blinkie**   
Thanks!! I'm glad for your review. ^_^ 

To **LN Tora **  
I love reading your review. In some way, it gives me ideas how to elaborate my original characters. Thank you for such a lovely comment. 

To **schmusekatze =^_^= **  
Yeah, I think I'm insane too. What the hell I'm thinking?! 

To **Black_Thunder (Cutey_Goku3590@hotmail.com) **and **gallatica**  
Thanks for the reviews. I hope you find this chapter as interesting as before! ^_~ 

Sorry for the loooooooooooooooooooong delay. College life is cruel. *snifff* 

* * * * * * 

A Curse of Taboo Child   
Chapter 9: Retribution 

* * * * * * 

The dream was endless. He felt he was floating up and down in the dark, swimming his way out of this eerie surrounding. He wanted to escape… he could see the exit; it was shining brightly in front of him…if only he could reach for it… but the current was too strong for him. Every time he tried to touch the white light, the current was restraining him. It was keeping him inside. 

And from far, he could hear a voice calling him. It was soft and almost inaudible at first and then it was getting stronger each second. As if it was feeding on his feeling helplessness that seemed to grow each second too. It called like… No, wait a minute… the voice was pulling him back. It wouldn't let him free. 

_Gojyo…_… … _Gojyo…_

Curse the voice! He was so angry that he began increased his struggling with the current. _Go away! _But no, the voice was insistent, too powerful for him to deny. He knew he was foreverly bound toward the voice. And that realization made him angrier. _Kenshin! I'll be dead before you can ever touch me again! _

_Gojyo… you're mine…_

No! He wasn't anyone's property! He had always been an independent… fuck it! He owned his own life! 

_You're mine! Always mine! Mine! Mine! _

The words pounded into his head repetitively until he thought his brain would burst from it. Stop it! Stop the fucking it! 

"Stop it!" Gojyo awoke with his breathings went ragged and his heart's beating went fast. It took him a few seconds before his mind registered of his surrounding. Same room, same bed, same scent earth and smoke and no Hakkai… Good… it had just been a fucked up dream and the last thing he wanted was to Hakkai witness his weakness again…and a wave of relief swept him. He was so weak from the relief he felt; he buried his sweaty face into his palms, trying to get a grip of himself. 

The dream had been so damned real. The helplessness he felt when he was knew he was going to lose fighting against the current and the frustration he endured when a mere voice of Kenshin managed to pull him away from the escape that was only a few breaths away were too earthshaking, too intense that he knew that from the moment Kenshin violated him, things were not going to be the same anymore. He was not going to be the same. He didn't know why but there was something about Kenshin that made him bound to him. 

"This is so fucking crazy," Gojyo muttered under his breath. Since when did the prideful and arrogant Gojyo become like this? It wasn't like he hadn't been tortured before. He had. He had lost count of them. Then, why this time hurt him beyond his imagination? 

_Because Kenshin changed you. _…_Because Kenshin screwed you. _… _Because no one has ever been so possessive of you like Kenshin did. _… _And despite all that, you strongly despise him and yet couldn't help yourself for yearning for him either…_ The voice was back and its tone had changed into malicious. 

That's crazy! He? Yearning for that insane, fucking insane demon? That demon had ripped him apart, damn it! He did that physically and now as if it wasn't enough, he tried to claim possession of his sanity as well! 

_Why not? No one had ever wanted you before. Not even your brother that you thought to have a least a little affection to you. He did leave you, didn't he? _

… 

_What about Hakkai? What about him, Gojyo? What make you think he wanted more than just wonderful sex? Does he ever say to you that he wanted more? _

… 

"Damn it!" Gojyo swore. He hated this. He hated the so-called inner struggling that he always saw Sanzo had. He hated all the living things around him. Most of all, he hated the control device that was clinging around his neck! Kenshin had used him like a lowest whore; even a whore got paid and he even used him like a mouse lab. And now, he was actually debating with himself whether he wanted Kenshin or not? He felt like he was Kenshin's dog, dirty and worthless, that had a collar-belt and his name embedded on it! 

He angrily threw the blanket away from the bed, walked nakedly across the room and closed the bathroom's door with an angry slam. He had never felt this filthy in entire life; not even when his mother's eyes looked at him disgustingly could make him felt like this. Turning the tab as much as he could, he stepped inside the bathtub without testing the temperature of the hot water. 

The water was so damned hot; it scorched him. The feeling his skin being cooked alive hurt him but never had Gojyo appreciated the pain as much as he did now. He clenched his jaws, tightening his fists, trying to wash the feeling of filthiness away with the hot water. It wasn't enough. The heat wasn't enough. He needed more to make the taint went away. He grabbed the soap and scrubbed his body as if he was trying to skin his body alive. 

The harder he scrubbed, the filthier he felt and the filthier he felt, the harder he scrubbed. _Go away, go away, go away…_ The chanting in his head was more like a cheering to tell him to do it harder. Gojyo wasn't aware of what he was doing or the pain. He didn't aware that he was venting his anger on himself. The feeling of contempt rose inside him until he thought he would choke. All he cared about the pain and how good it felt. He had insisted before that he didn't care the shit about retribution and yet he was doing it right now, onto himself. 

When exhaustion and pain finally grabbed his sanity, Gojyo stopped and for a while he sat in the steaming bathtub, breathing hard. _Have you had enough? _The voice asked him and sarcastic dripped from it like venom. He looked down and watched his body turned into an alarmingly red color and he felt raw, inside and outside. Water fell from his long hair onto his frozen eyes as if he was shedding tears; he couldn't for he had stopped crying ever since Jien left him and a mirthless smirk curved up. "Probably not…" 

_I think I'm going mad. _And an empty laugh rang out, echoing the bathroom. It didn't sound merry. In fact, it sounded eerie. 

Gojyo stood up and stepped out from the tub. He tied a towel around his waist and was on his way to the door, when the corner of his eyes caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror. What he saw made him froze. 

He knew he probably looked like shit but he had idea how deep it was. If it weren't for all the scrubbing and the hot water, Gojyo knew that the things that colored were probably only his hair and eyes. The reddish angry color was fading from his face and all that was left was abnormally pale face. His high cheekbones were more prominent now and for the first time, he saw his own eyes were almost lifeless. _Who are you? _He thought. 

He ghostly reached out for the wet strands of red hair that plastered on his cheeks, noticing how frightening it was to see the vivid contrast between the vibrant color of his hair and the fading shade of his skin. He was losing his tan, probably from losing so much blood or from overusing his new-acquired demon power. Bruises and wounds were another subjects. "Fuck you, Kenshin…" He let out a whisper. 

Hakkai left the bed while Gojyo was still in his restless sleep. He thought last night was enough for Gojyo to let go his nightmare. Obviously, Hakkai didn't know how deep Gojyo was hurting; how could he? Gojyo was never a secretive person and last night, for the first time since Hakkai had known Gojyo, he had known the true frustration when Gojyo shut him out. He was worried. Gojyo had changed so much since his imprisonment. No, he didn't mean the physical change. Gojyo was more reserved as if he was burying a terrible anger under him and Gojyo was under stress, which was unusual for someone as carefree as him. Hakkai wasn't used to Gojyo's new qualities. He missed the old Gojyo and wondered what he could do to bring back the old Gojyo. 

Hakkai never thought he would say this but he wished Gojyo would be more opened to him. How ironic did the line sound? 

Carrying a tray of food upstairs, Hakkai was both hoping Gojyo was still asleep and Gojyo was already awake. He didn't know what to expect. "Give me strength…" Hakkai silent prayed and took a deep breath before he turned the doorknob. 

"Gojyo…?" Hakkai called softly and when he got no answer, he frowned and closed the door behind him. 

"Gojyo? Are you awake?" Still there was no answer. The bedroom was empty and Hakkai's eyes reverted to the bed where he had left Gojyo earlier before. Nothing. The blanket was thrown onto the floor as if Gojyo was in utter anger. But where was he? Hakkai's frown carved deeper. 

Putting down the tray, he picked up the discarded blanket. "Gojyo? Where are you?" The room was so quiet and then for an awful moment, Hakkai thought Gojyo had gone and left him. Hakkai was not that blind for not seeing Gojyo was so ashamed of himself last night. 

_Stop it! _Hakkai gave himself a mental shake. _He wouldn't run off without any clothes. I did rip the loathing black leather top last night. _And he was glad he did. 

Hakkai opened his mouth to call Gojyo again when his ears caught a dimmed sound in the bathroom. A rush of relief swept him as he walked quickly to bathroom. _Silly, I'm worrying for nothing. He is just taking a bath… _With his hand around the knob and his ear against the door, Hakkai called him again. "Gojyo! If you're in there, answer me." 

But the man inside was too absorbed in his reflection that it took several moments before he acknowledged Hakkai's calling. "Yeah…" Too soft and too defeated was his tone. He was too tired. Everything was draining him. "Yeah, I'm in here…" 

"Are you done, Gojyo? I've brought you something to eat." 

Gojyo hesitated. He didn't want to walk out from here. The filth was still there; he could feel it and he wanted to clean it up; he didn't care if he ended up hurting himself. But then, the urge to see Hakkai was there too because he wanted to ensure he wanted Hakkai more than he wanted Kenshin. He wanted to end up the irritating debate inside him. 

"Gojyo?" 

"Yes, I'm done." Gojyo answered after a while. His hand immediately reached out for another towel and began to dry up his long hair. He wanted to get the _shit_ out of him when he came out and faced Hakkai. 

After a few minutes, Hakkai heard the doorknob of bathroom was being turned hesitantly and he saw Gojyo walked out of the bathroom; his hair was still damp and he covered in nothing except for the towel around his waist. Hakkai hid an appreciating smile and irrevocable blushes. He knew the redhead had nothing to wear and Gojyo seemed unashamed to flaunt the sensuality that he possessed. Hakkai was glad to know that particular quality didn't go away. 

That was then, he saw the angry red marks all over Gojyo's body. And a smile changed instantly into frown. What did Gojyo do to himself? He was about to open his mouth and fired off questions but wisely bit them back. From the redhead's face, he could see he was under stress and trying his very hard to hide it. No, Hakkai decided after a while. He would not be the one who shattered the iron control that hung by the single thread. 

"Good morning," The green-eye demon greeted his lover with the usual cheerfulness. 

Gojyo couldn't help but to smile back a little as he sat down in front of Hakkai. There were several times when he thought Hakkai was irresistibly endearing and this was one of them. 

It was an encouraging sign from Gojyo and Hakkai decided that it was wise to continue the cheerful conversation. "Did you sleep well?" Ops… Hakkai nearly smacked himself for asking a dumb question. 

"If you called nightmare a good thing, then I guess the answer is yes." Gojyo couldn't help himself. One thing about him that probably wouldn't change was being sarcastic to everyone. But, then the sardonic habit was never uttered bitterly, as he did right now. 

Hakkai 's smile vanished and suddenly the atmosphere turned tense. After a while staring at the redhead in front of him, he opened his mouth. "Gojyo, I know what I'm going to ask is stupid, but I'm going to ask anyway." His tone was serious. Gojyo looked away, hating this question-and-answer thing. He dreaded the moment when Hakkai asked him about _everything_ that had happened for he knew he could no longer keep it as a secret. His nature was to be honest and if Hakkai did ask… 

"Gojyo, do you have any clothes to wear?" Hakkai asked with a straight face. 

…he knew that he couldn't bear… Wait a minute! Gojyo looked up with an incredulous expression. That was the last thing he expected. "What?" 

Hakkai was muffling a laugh now. Gojyo's face was priceless. "You can't expect us to allow you walk with us in only towels, can you?" The picture was too outrageous that he couldn't contain the laughter anymore. 

"I…" Gojyo was speechless. Hakkai's laughter was contagious. He could feel a laughing was tugging his cheeks. At last he relented and laughed as well. 

He needed that. Gojyo didn't know he needed a release like that until Hakkai made him. With a smile that was still lingering, Gojyo reached out for Hakkai's hand and held him tightly. He watched Hakkai's laughter ceased and looked at his hand that was in Gojyo's possession now. The redhead waited until Hakkai lifted his head and met his eyes. "Hakkai, thank you." 

For a while both of them just looked at each other, until Hakkai stood up. And still Gojyo didn't release his hand. The former, then, kneeled in front of Gojyo and used his other hand to caress the half-breed jaws. The pain that he saw in the blood-red pool of eyes was so vivid and he felt the familiar feeling of aching inside his heart. 

"I won't ask you to forget about it, Gojyo, for you have never asked me to forget either." Hakkai said softly. "But I'm asking you to spare me a room and let me live inside of you with it." 

"Hakkai. I…" 

"All I'm saying is don't you ever shut me out." Hakkai cut in, his eyes were so serious and intense. The usual clear verdant eyes deepened into dark forest green. "I… I couldn't bear it." It was the closest thing Hakkai had ever said to him, telling him he meant something to the green-eyed man. 

Gojyo didn't expect him to. And he couldn't ask more. 

Gojyo let out a soft defeated laugh. "You don't have to ask me twice." He ran his thumb over Hakkai's lips, knowing that he meant ever single word he said. "You know I can't do it again even if I'd died trying." 

Hakkai smiled softly. It was more than he had expected Gojyo to say and deep down inside, he wondered whether he was disappointed or not. He had expected less but had hoped for more. These new-founded feelings were to confusing that sometimes, he didn't now what he really wanted from this relationship. The more he tried to convince himself that he, too, wanted a commitment-free relationship, he more he wanted to hear any kind of declaration from Gojyo. Especially the three-word-declaration one. 

_Just stop it, Hakkai. _He mentally pleaded himself. _Just take what he can give and you won't regret it in the future. _

He leaned up as if he tried to kiss the redhead. _No regret, huh? _The movement triggered the chemistry that existed between them long before this. Gojyo instinctively leaned down and Hakkai responsively moved up. Their lips were a breath away, when Hakkai suddenly smiled and said. "Wait!" 

Gojyo drew back and frowned. He was so close! "What?" 

"How am I supposed to buy you clothes if you are not coming along?" Hakkai laughed. 

Teaser! Gojyo thought. Well, he was going to give Hakkai back as good as he could give. Gojyo smirked. "Who said I am not coming along?" 

That only made Hakkai laughed harder. "Are you planning to walk around the town naked?" 

Gojyo's smirk curved deeper as he leaned down until his lips against Hakkai's ear. "Why not? It will certainly draw the salesgirl's attention to me and it may distract her." He was aware Hakkai's laughter had ceased and the feeling of triumphant surrounded him. "It works when I am with you, doesn't it?" 

"Well…" The brunette pretended to ponder. "I have more control than you know." 

Twinkles that had been lost tinted in Gojyo's eyes. At that moment he forgot about his torture, forgot about Kenshin, forgot about the inner debate and forgot about the control device around him, for all his senses were on the wonderfully laughing man in front of him. With an evil smirk, Gojyo pushed Hakkai onto the floor. "Would you like to bet on that?" 

Gojyo was about to kiss him again and this time Hakkai knew he was serious. "Wait… what about the breakfast?" Hakkai protested. It wasn't that he didn't want to do it, but what if Sanzo or Goku walked inside? He knew Sanzo had suspected about their relationship. But Goku hadn't had the clue. What would he say when he saw both of them in such position? 

"Damn the breakfast." Gojyo muffled a careless answer, continuing his kisses on Hakkai's upper neck. Within seconds…there went the sash. 

"But… it's a broad daylight." Hakkai's protest was getting weaker each second. The passion was burning hotly between them. 

"So? I can see you even better." The half-breed fingers quickly unfastened the button of the brunette's clothes. 

"The door is unlocked. Someone will come in…" Off with the top. 

"No one will come in." Gojyo lips were already on Hakkai's collarbone. 

"But I've promised Goku…" 

The half-breed lifted his head. "Hakkai, do you want to do this?" 

How did Gojyo do that? Hakkai wondered. Gojyo always managed to make him to break free from the calm-cool-and-always-smiling prison he himself had built. Gojyo was reckless, burning with life and the heat affected and burning him too in everyway. Perhaps that was why he hurt so much when he saw his lover slowly dimmed out when he first saw him with Kenshin. 

Hakkai put both of his hands on each of Gojyo's cheeks and pulled his lips down fiercely. _Yes, if I've got to be with him, like this, for as long as he wanted me too, I will have no regret… _And he kissed him, wrapping his arms around his neck and fitted himself perfectly in the contours of his body. 

To Gojyo it was a yes. 

* * * * * * 

How long was it? Six years? Or was it seven already? Dokugakuji couldn't remember when or why he did it. Especially why he did it. He loved his brother and he had no doubt with that. He had protected his brother for as long as he could remember. At that time, Gojyo had become the center of his affection and he couldn't understand why his mother hated Gojyo so much. His brother was an image of a son that any mother could wish to have. 

Dokugakuji leaned back against the cold wall as he contented himself by hiding himself in the dark. The sword lie quietly beside him; it was foreverly loyal to its master. Ever since he got back from the scene where Sanzo's group fought a single raven-haired demon, Dokugakuji had been restless. And maybe a little bit guilty. Kougaiji had given him an open opportunity to help his brother. But he, whether out of loyalty of his master or out of the very thing that made him left Gojyo at the first place, refused. 

And he felt like a bastard. 

Gojyo's torment had been so clear at that time that anyone could see he was in pain. Anyone including him and for the countless times that day, Dokugakuji wondered how he could ever, EVER walked away. He was once Gojyo's benefactor and he knew that when Gojyo was still little, he was the boy's walking hero. Always looking up at him, believing every single thing his older brother told him. When did he have become this heartless? This…this hard? 

What had driven him away the day he had killed his own mother for his brother's life? Guilt? Anger? Or was it a mere look at Gojyo made him remembered the unforgiving sin he had committed? He had shed tears that day. But Gojyo's eyes were wide with horror, disbelief and yes, tears too. Both of them had been hurting so much after that incident. If he could reverse the time, would he change the past and stayed with Gojyo instead? 

Yes. The answer was so obvious that it nearly shoved right in front of eyes. He hadn't spent his early years with Gojyo; he bound his brother's injuries, picking up flowers especially for their mother, protecting him from their mother's wrath and finally killed her, for nothing. The brotherly affection he felt was real and the day he left his brother, he was blinded by the all those chaotic feelings that he refused to acknowledge the love inside him. 

And what he was going to do now? He certainly couldn't turned back time no matter how hard he wished for it. 

Dokugakuji closed his eyes. Images of Gojyo lost control and the silver choker flashes through his head. Sounds of Gojyo's strain voice when he tried to drive Hakkai away from him, Hakkai's determined refusal and Kougaiji's voice telling him about the potion that could make demons free from limiter, echoed in his ears. But why the raven-haired demon made a potion that made the demon that didn't need limiter wore one? And he wasn't that blind for not to be able to see the pure lust flaring in the raven-haired demon. 

So, he lusted Gojyo and he needed Gojyo for his experiment. All those excuses were strong enough for the raven-haired to keep Gojyo in his clutches. But why he brought Gojyo back to Sanzo's group? It didn't make any sense at all. 

Gojyo had changed into a much stronger and much faster half-demon when he hadn't had the control device on him. And the fact that Gojyo couldn't control himself made him a more formidable and ruthless opponent. What could he to help him if his own brother that he knew would never hurt him, attacked him? 

If only he could change Gojyo back… Then all these could end. 

… 

That was it! Dokugakuji snapped opened his eyes. He could ask a potion-maker to brew a potion to change Gojyo back. Reaching out for his sword, he stood up and headed toward the room he knew Yaone would always occupied. How he was going to accomplish that, he had no idea. But he was going to try it somehow. 

After all he did owe his brother what he had refused to give him before. 

* * * * * * 

In a town, which was situated next to the town where Sanzo's group occupied, was noisy and alive with human, busying themselves with the routine activities. Some people bustled around, minding their own business and the rest were merely idling around. Among the human, a raven-haired man walked through the crowd. He wore an all-black outfits, making his startling lavender eyes stood out noticeably. The idling group instantly noticed the newcomer for usually the good and mysterious looking visitor would immediately get the undivided attention. 

Obviously, all those staring annoyed the raven-haired man greatly. He was restless with impatient and well-preserved anger. He could hear women _and _men whispered behind him. But somehow he could still contain his anger and hid his expression under the shadow of his front-hair until some of them were bold enough to approach him. 

"Hey, beautiful." A man stood in front of him and flashed his smile. "Mind if I ask for your name?" 

A pair of lavender eyes narrowed icily at the man in front of him. Since he wore a control device around his ears (very much like Hakkai), the man didn't know that he was a demon. "Get out of my way." He snapped. The statement was short and full of warning. 

"Come on." The man heeded not the warning. "Couldn't spare me even a name?" 

"Get. Out. Of. My. Way." The warning was prominent. 

"Stop being such a bitch, will you-" 

The man didn't get to finish his sentence or more preferably, in Kenshin's opinion, his insult when the latter grabbed the man's neck and lifted him. Gritting his jaws, he looked up at the man, who was hanging half a feet from the ground, and let out a hiss. "I don't think you want to finish that line, do you?" 

The man choked and stuttered an incoherent answer. 

"Do you?!" Kenshin tightened his grips and the choking sounds grew louder. 

When he saw the man shook his head frantically, he threw him across the road and earned many stares. He glared his eyes around the irritating spectators. "What the hell are you all watching at?!" That received murmurs from them before they slowly left him. 

He took a deep breath and resumed his walking. "Fucking humans," he spat under his breath. 

He used to accept any sexual invitation from any demon or human men and women. But he preferred humans than demons because humans were weak and killing them after sex was like an adrenaline to him. He was, after all, a demon. Demons killed humans for only two things, food and amusement. But Kenshin detested the taste of human flesh, so he killed them for the other reason. And left them just like that; stomach gapped opened and blood splattered everywhere. It was a messy job but he liked that. 

But that was before he met Gojyo. 

Gojyo was different. First of all, he was a half-breed and Kenshin never had the pleasure of making one as his lover. Secondly, after tasting Gojyo's burning fire of passion, Kenshin knew that one taste of him was all that it took to make one addicted. Who could forget those red eyes that he could almost see fire burning in them? Or the way, the half-breed defiantly tried to hurt him back after he had hurt him? After all those things that Gojyo had said and done to him, there was no fucking way he was going to let Gojyo go. 

One thing that not even Zean knew about him was once something caught his attention; he would not stop pursuing that thing until he got it. And when he did, he would never let it go. He did have Gojyo under his clutch but Gojyo had slipped away from him. And if his prey escaped… Hot rush of anger shot through his body. He would and shall do anything that was necessary to get him back! 

And that was why he here, in this cursed town. Kenshin knew Gojyo was in the town next to this one. With all the control he possessed, he strained himself from barging into the inn where Gojyo stayed and grabbed the half-breed back. But no. Of course he couldn't do that. Even when lust controlled him, he could still think. He was sure as hell his other friends were on their guard. He could fight one, but four at a time? Especially, the furious ones? 

Both of the town situated quite far from each other and they would certainly stop in this town to replenish their supply and to stay for the night. But before that, Kenshin wanted to prepare something for Gojyo. Something that he knew would draw Gojyo away from his friends and confronted him alone. 

Kenshin smiled as he judged the time by looking at the sun. Still early. And he'd got a plan to accomplish… 

* * * * * * 


	10. Chapter 10: Bloody Threat

Sorry for taking so long to update this story. Don't worry, I'm not planning to give up this story anytime soon. Wait for Unforgettable Past to come out next. Thank you! ^_^ 

* * * * * *

A Curse of Taboo Child   
Chapter 10: Bloody Threat

* * * * * * 

Hakkai noticed through the side-mirror that Gojyo had been fingering the silver choker for some time, then pulled his hand away and have it back to the limiter. They have been driving for almost three hours now and the silence was killing him. From the corner of his eyes, he saw Sanzo frowned deeper than usual and he knew he wasn't the only one who was affected by the unusual silence. Goku, in other hand, was trying to start up a conversation and even throwing insults to get the usual fiery responses from the half-breed. But Hakkai could see that Gojyo wasn't in the mood of doing anything, let alone engaged in an argument with Goku. 

The green-eyed man had seen Gojyo in various kinds of emotion and he knew exactly the way to handle those emotions. But seeing Gojyo so lost and empty was new to him. And when Gojyo requested for 'anything that fit as long as it covers my fucking neck' as his new clothes two days ago, Hakkai was completely baffled. Gojyo was one of the most vain man he had ever encountered; come on, what kind of man kept his hair long and managed to keep it smooth all the time? And now he didn't care if Hakkai was going to buy him a green or even yellow shirt that 'covered' his neck? It was as if Gojyo tried to hide the limiter like he kept his hair long to hide the scars his mother marked upon him. 

There he went again, touching the limiter as if it was the most disgusting thing that he had to wear, despite the deep blue turtleneck shirt. Hakkai noted again but this time accompanied with a slight frown. Apparently even the clothes couldn't hide the existence of it. Hakkai knew exactly how Gojyo was feeling for he was feeling the same way when he was first converted to demon. He had been so ashamed for converting into one of the kinds that raped and killed Kana. But then, Hakkai knew he deserved everything for the lives that he had stole that night but Gojyo… He had done thing to deserve this, except trying to be who he was and be proud with it… Being a half-breed, a taboo child and had somehow lived through it. 

"We'll be arriving to a town soon," Hakkai declared out of habit. He waited for the usual response from Goku. He wasn't disappointed. 

"Yeah!" Goku bounced joyfully. "I want to have everything and anything that the restaurant serves! I'm so hungry!!" Sanzo muttered something negative under his breath and grunted audibly 

Usually this was when Gojyo butted in and teased Goku unmercily and Hakkai would laugh, not at Gojyo's remarks, but at the sheer repetition of their group's conversation. But no… not this time… Hakkai bit his lips as his worry doubled. Gojyo just looked at the sceneries passing…and his fingers were touching the limiter…again. 

Would it be too much for him to ask God for the taste of normality again? Please? 

Gojyo sighed silently. He could practically feel the heat of Hakkai's burning gaze. Even through the side-mirror. He knew Hakkai was expecting him to say something and worried about him when he didn't say anything. Shit…that was putting it fucking mildly. If somehow he managed to wipe Hakkai's silly smiles and made him bit his lips, Gojyo knew Hakkai wasn't just worry, he was distressed. And Gojyo's conscience was screaming angrily at himself. But then, everything he was was screaming angrily at him. Not just his consciences._ Oh no… my fucking kami-sama… not just my consciences. I hope you are laughing at your very hardest up there. _

Oh, to hell with it. How could it hurt with just one response if that mean Hakkai would wipe the frown off his forehead. Gojyo turned his head away from the sceneries with an effort before he contributed his share of thoughts. "Yeah, it would be great if we could find a place to stretch our legs…" Lame, flat and empty. He should never even bother to try. 

But Hakkai didn't think so. Smiling softly, he answered the way he had been answering to Gojyo's remarks for the last three years of friendship. "Two days in jeep doesn't suit you, Gojyo?" 

Their eyes met through the rear-mirror. "Not entirely unpleasant, but a change of atmosphere is a happy welcome." 

Hakkai's verdant eyes softened somewhat, telling Gojyo that the demon knew what he was trying to say. Gojyo had told him once that he had a way of understanding people without conversing a word, and now, watching Gojyo, he knew that the half-breed was too distracted to have a complete conversation. And he dropped it. 

Asking for normality may be too much. But Hakkai was glad for the small gift of Gojyo's voice. 

* * * * * *

"I want everything in the menu!!" Goku demanded as he slid into his chair. Sanzo delivered a death glare to the loud boy beside him before he nodded to the incredulous waitress that was taking their order. 

"Everything sir? But can you af…" Her sentences were cut when Sanzo flashed his shinning gold credit card tiredly. "Just take the order." 

The waitress skittered nervously. Hakkai, who was sitting beside Sanzo, was smothering his smiles when Gojyo arrived and announced his arrival with a single remark. "Acting like a true corrupted monk." 

"I don't have problem with the way I am. So, fuck off," Sanzo retorted. After Gojyo's 'death', the realization that for some extend, Sanzo, the great untouchable and unemotional Sanzo, was feeling something for his companions, had affected him greatly. He had shown too much emotion to Goku when the night Goku came to him for comfort. He didn't like that. The fact that all Goku had to do to make him fucking emotional was looking at him with his big golden eyes, irked him so much. It also… somehow… scared him. Alright, damn it! He was scared! Not like he was going to say it out aloud! 

And because he was scared, he was trying his damnest to hide it with harsher words, like the incident of Gojyo's death didn't happen at all. Shit, he really hoped his façade worked. 

Gojyo just shrugged and sit at the only empty seat left. "Sometimes, the problem is not because we don't have problem with ourselves, it's because _people _have problem with us," Gojyo muttered under his breath. Hakkai heard him and said nothing. 

"So, the guy finally left?" A man on their left table said to his friends. 

"Yeah, and it's about bloody time. I don't like him." Came an answer. "I mean, look at the way he threw the other guy across the road. He must be a fucking demon to threw a guy that huge." 

"Probably because he wears a limiter." The first guy drew a long angry breath. "I hate those things. Demons walk around us every damned day and we couldn't even recognize them. Hell, they could be in this restaurant for all we bloody know" 

Hakkai bit his lips and fought the urge to touch his ear. _Sometimes, the problem is not because we don't have problem with ourselves, it's because people have problem with us._ Gojyo's earlier words echoed through his head. _Gojyo, you have no idea how true you are._ Goku looked Sanzo, his golden eyes shone with subtle anger. Gojyo gritted his teeth. 

"Yeah, that's right," another guy butted in. "Hey, what do you think that guy was doing in the old house anyway? I heard people said something fishy going in there, like screaming or something, but none of them dare to go in the house." 

"You know what?" the second guy added, the bitterness in his voice was getting heavier. "I'll bet that demon was eating human in that house." 

"Fucking demon! Couldn't leave us human in peace, could they?" 

"Yeah, just look at his lavender eyes! They are so pale! I swear that is enough evident to prove him as a demon." 

That sentence roared through Gojyo's ears like lightning._lavender eyes!!_ How could he forget them? How he could forget the way his lavender eyes turned into darker shade of violet as they were burned intensely with lust? Or when they were so pale with silent threat and with unbelievable possessiveness that made him chill with untamed fear? No… not those eyes. He would never, ever forget those eyes. Instantly, blood rushed from his face and Gojyo found that he couldn't move as he ceased to breath. A fierce inner dialogue began as Gojyo tried to regain his composure. _He's here! _No, damn it. He was here. They said he had left!_ But…he knows where I am going!_

Hakkai noticed Gojyo's changed expression. "Gojyo, are you alright?" 

"He's here," Gojyo whispered softly after a while struggling with his voice and his fists clenched tighter. He hated the weakness that Kenshin put upon him. 

"Who's here?" Goku asked, bewildered. 

Gojyo looked at Hakkai, unaware how much his eyes expressed his fear. "_He's_ here." 

"Kenshin?" Hakkai asked. The sole name made Goku hissed in anger, Sanzo's frowned in disgust and instantly, Hakkai's usual pleasant face turned ominous. The sudden flare of protectiveness and anger consumed him. "How do you know?" 

"Lavender eyes." And that answer was enough. 

Sanzo glared at the group of humans beside him that responsible of saying the cursed, _cursed_ words. "Damn it," 

After a while of strain silence, Sanzo opened up his mouth in reluctant tone. "Where did those guys say the fucking bastard stay just now?" 

* * * * * *

"What makes you think he is still here?" Hakkai asked as they finally stood in front of an abandoned house. Sanzo threw away his cigarette and grinded the burning ashes. 

"Maybe not, at least he left us some clue of where he might be headed next." Sanzo answered. 

"So, we're on hunting him now?" Hakkai asked again. 

"Yes," Sanzo answered succinctly and cast a questioning glance at the brunette beside him. "I thought that you like to kill him first?" 

Hakkai smiled strangely. "We'll see about that." Hakkai said softly, leaving Sanzo looked at him with one eyebrow raised slightly. 

Goku was itching for fight. No one hurt his friends and get away just like that. No one tried to kill his friends and faked their death and live. Once the dark-haired demon appeared, he would make him regretted that he ever thought of touching his friends. 

"Gojyo? Are you alright?" Goku asked when he saw the redhead walked slowly and almost reluctantly. 

"Yeah, I'm fine," Gojyo waved a hand dismissively and tried to conjure up a smirk. 

Goku frowned for he knew Gojyo was lying. After a while of thinking, he walked toward Gojyo. "Do you want to know something, Gojyo?" Goku said. 

Gojyo looked at Goku, slightly surprised at the change of topic. "You actually know something that I don't? That's a surprise." 

Goku put his hands on his hips, feigning anger. He was actually happy to hear insults from Gojyo. Crazy or not, he was kind of missing it. "Stop that! I'm completely clueless you know!" 

Gojyo let out a chuckle and his hand automatically messed up the younger boy's hair. "Yeah, Goku. You are clueless about how clueless you are." 

"Shut up! Do you want to hear or not?" 

Gojyo chuckled again. Talking and teasing Goku had relaxed him somewhat. "All right, not-so-clueless boy. Let's hear it." 

Goku took a deep breath. "When Sanzo let me out from the prison, I told Sanzo that I was afraid of the world outside. I've been in that small cave for as long as I can remember and when I got the only thing I wished for, I was afraid to reach for it. Well, I thought about all things that I don't know and how I was going to face them all," Goku smiled and his big golden eyes shone pricelessly as the memories flooded in. "But Sanzo told me to shut up and follow him." 

At that Gojyo let out a laugh. "That's the Sanzo-sama that we knew." And Goku continued Gojyo's short laughter; they laughed together. 

"Yeah, but you know, Gojyo, after I follow Sanzo out and see the world, I realized that the world isn't as scary as I thought it would be. The world is much, much more beautiful than I've imagined them to be when I lied alone in the cave. The foods are so great. And do you know, what makes I love outside world the most?" Gojyo shook his head as lingering soft smile plastered on his face. He wished at that very moment, nothing and he meant absolutely nothing, could take the innocent Goku held inside for that would tragic to corrupt such a beautiful child. 

"I've traveled around with Sanzo and met so many nice people…" Goku said it with an absolute innocent and childish belief as he looked at Gojyo. Gojyo knew he meant him, Hakkai and Sanzo. "…And many of them had many ways of showing their liking to me." 

"Like Sanzo?" Gojyo murmured teasingly. 

"Yeah…" Goku blushed slightly and cleared his throat. "Anyway, my point is, sometimes, something is not what we thought they might be, you know? They might seem harsh but actually they are quite the opposite." 

"Like Sanzo?" 

"Will you stop that?!" Goku demanded but his face was blushing brightly. Gojyo was laughing now. He had forgotten how good it would feel to tease Goku. "All I'm saying that, Kenshin maybe strong but he is easily distracted. You don't have to be nervous to meet him!" 

Gojyo's laughter immediately ceased. For a while, he couldn't speak and all he could do was stared at Goku. Goku humphed at Gojyo's sudden silence. "There you go again! I mean, we've fought many demons and they have combined fighting-force that stronger than Kenshin and we survived that!" 

"I…" Gojyo started but found that he couldn't say a word. _Goku don't know? He didn't know what Kenshin did to me? He thought I dislike Kenshin because he is strong?_ It was then when Gojyo realized that Goku didn't know Kenshin had treated him a whore and now was chasing him because his latest whore was escaping him. 

"I really don't understand why you are acting like this! Kenshin is strong, yes, but you usually care less about that." Goku continued his ranting, now that he had gotten his chance. "If we stick together, he cannot hurt you anymore, then you don't ever have to be afraid again like I did." 

"Stop it, Goku," Gojyo finally found his voice but his voice was strangled at the new realization. "I…I'm not afraid of Kenshin's strength." Bullshit. "It just that I'd like to let bygone be bygone, you know…"_ Another fucking bullshit. What I want to do is to tear Kenshin apart with my bare hand. _

"You? I don't believe it," Goku said flatly. Then, he looked up at Gojyo, scrutinizing the older man. "You what, Gojyo? It's okay. I'll never, ever let him get to you or hurt you again." Gojyo's eyes went wide and again he found himself speechless. Goku seemed oblivious of that. Then, Goku was hesitated for a while and then, he curved a small smile. "Once is enough… I never want to go through that again." With that he turned away and went to Sanzo and Hakkai, leaving Gojyo dumbfounded. 

Hakkai, who couldn't help but to overhear the conversation, smiled softly. He always knew that of all of them, Goku was the most sensitive one and he wasn't ashamed of saying what he thought and felt. He turned his attention back to the house in front of him. "Are you going in?" Hakkai asked to Sanzo as he felt his mood had lifted a little. 

"What in the living hell did we come here for?" Sanzo answered sarcastically and all four of them stepped inside the dark house. 

The first thing that struck Goku when they stepped inside the house, was the smell of blood that overpowered the house's atmosphere. "I smell blood, Sanzo." 

"Why did I find that unsurprising?" Sanzo said sourly. "Where does it come from?" 

Goku's eyebrows drew in concentration and then he pointed upstairs. Sanzo nodded and ordered them to go up wordlessly. They quietly prepared themselves for any unexpected battle and climbed the stairs. The stench of blood was getting stronger and by the time they reached the top, all four of them could smell it. 

"It came from that door," Goku told them unnecessarily. 

Hakkai bit his lips as he curled his hand around the rusty doorknob. "I've got this awful feeling behind this door." Sanzo agreed silently while Goku tightened his grasp around his weapon. Gojyo just looked at the door, unmoved. 

"Just open the damn door," Sanzo ordered and Hakkai nodded. 

When the door creaked open, none of them was prepared of the sight in front of them. The room was small but was bright enough as morning sunlight rushed in from the big window at the side of the room. On floor, blood splattered everywhere as if a fierce battle had happened in this small room. And in the middle of the floor, Goku let out audible gasp of disbelief, lied a body of a small children… with his red hair blend perfectly with the blood pooled around him and his eyes were wide opened, bearing the color of blood… a taboo child… murdered mercilessly. It was clear that the murderer had stolen his blood before killed him for the scattered needles and tubes. But the other sight that made Gojyo gasped and retreated was the words written on the wall with blood. 

_He died because you're gone. We need replenishment. One taboo child a day, until you come back, Sha Gojyo…_

Someone died because of him. An innocent taboo child died because he had so selfishly escaped. The grotesque scene was too much for him… the words written on the wall was brief but the message was clear. He was going to find this scene again, and again, and again… until he came back to…Kenshin… Suddenly Gojyo found himself couldn't breathe, couldn't think but to stare at the body in front him. The child wide eyes were screaming accusingly at him and Gojyo unconsciously retreated, his body trembled so hard. "No…" Gojyo whispered. "Not like this…" 

Hakkai tore his eyes away from the scene and looked at Gojyo's white face. "Gojyo…" 

"Not this way…" Gojyo said softly as he retreated further, never taking his eyes away from the taboo child. The accusing scream inside his head was getting louder. "Never, ever this way…" And Gojyo looked like he was ready to collapse. 

"Gojyo…" Hakkai tried again and touched Gojyo's arm softly. 

A feathery touch seemed like a thousand volts of lightening and Gojyo shook from his trance. He then looked at Hakkai. "No!" And he ran away, his emotion was terribly distraught and his sanity was badly messed up. 

"Gojyo! Wait!" He feared Kenshin was still out there and his message was too clear, stating what he wanted. With Gojyo's condition right now, Hakkai doubted Gojyo would be able to do anything. Driven by anger and fear, Hakkai went after him. 

Sanzo found himself unable to say anything. He always thought Kenshin lusted Gojyo but seeing this…this… madness, Sanzo knew Kenshin not only lusted Gojyo, the raven-haired demon was totally obsessed and possessive about the half-breed. A bad combination… a very, very bad combination. 

"What do we do now, Sanzo?" Goku asked quietly. He had told Gojyo that things weren't not what they seemed they were. He was right but he never wished for this kind of right. 

"Damn if I know…" 

* * * * * * 


	11. Chapter 11: A Twist of Fate

A Curse of Taboo Child   
Chapter 11: A Twist of Fate

* * * * * * 

Dokugakuji walked silently along the dark corridor, his mind was thinking furiously on how to approach Yaone with this particular subject. Ever since he saw Gojyo, for the first time, completely lost his control, he had been thinking about his half-brother all the time. Of all the time his guilty conscious screamed at him for leaving his younger brother just like that, this was the loudest. How was he supposed to say to Yaone? 

_Yaone, my brother just turned into full demon. And you know what's funny? His hair and eyes are still red and he wears limiter now. It's around his neck like a dog... Funny isn't it? He bears two curses now and I just leave him like that just like I did when I killed our mother, leaving him to deal with the carcass. He was so young and he didn't even blame me. He thought everything that had happened was his fault._ He chuckled bitterly at the thought. It was a wonder that Gojyo was still sane after all those things happened to him. He curled his hands into tight fists at the realization. 

The dark-haired man stopped outside Yaone's door room and hesitated. Taking a deep breath, Dokugakuji knocked softly and almost reluctantly. He was half-hoping Yaone wasn't in her room for he still wasn't sure how to ask for her help. But obviously fate wasn't listening to him as the door creaked opened slowly. 

"Yes?" Yaone's soft voice asked and a second later her face appeared between the door and the frame. 

_Here goes nothing…_ Doku thought. "Hey, Yaone. It's me." 

The young chemist smiled at the familiar face of her comrade and the door started to open wider trustingly when she saw someone she recognized. Kougaiji's castle was so huge and not all demon was as civilized as her prince and Doku. "Hi, Dokugakuji. Is there something you need?" 

Doku smiled an easier smile. "Aren't you going to invite me in first?" 

Yaone almost blushed at her rudeness and she quickly stepped aside to let the older guy in. "Ah, sorry… I'm just too caught up with my work that I forget my manner." 

"It's alright… it happens sometimes…" Doku looked around at saw Yaone's working table was scattered with paper works and experiment apparatus. The atmosphere was silent and Yaone waited expectantly at Doku, hoping he would start stating his purpose for coming here. 

"Um…" Doku cleared his throat. "I have no doubt that you've heard the incident three days ago…" 

"Ah…" Yaone replied, suddenly knew where this conversation led to, though she couldn't quite sure what exactly Dokugakuji was going to ask her but she knew it had to do something with Gojyo, turning into full-blooded demon. Even though, Doku could seem uncaring but Yaone knew Doku still bore the love he held for his younger brother. "It's about Gojyo, isn't it?" 

Doku turned away from Yaone for a while, pretending to look around as his mind furiously thought on how to express his wants. "Yeah…well… I have a favor to ask you…" 

Yaone's face softened at Dokugakuji's hesitant and she knew the dark-haired man was uneasy to show his well hidden affectionate to Gojyo. Gesturing to the wooden chair behind the man, she said with a soft and kind voice. "Dokugakuji… why don't you have a seat and tell me exactly what is it that you need?" 

Doku curved a small smile and laid his ass on the chair nearby. Yaone pulled another chair and she seat elegantly with ease in front of Dokugakuji. With her hands folded on her lap, Yaone waited patiently for Dokugakuji to start. "It might sound stupid to you…" 

Yaone held up hand to stop the man's sentence. "No, what you feel for Gojyo isn't stupid. We demon still feel despite what human say. There's no shame in caring for your brother even though he is our enemy." The violet-haired woman looked directly at Dokugakuji's dark eyes. "Love knows no bound, you know." 

Doku let out a chuckle filled with both relief and nervous. "I am that obvious, am I not?" Yaone just shrugged one pretty shoulder as she tried unsuccessfully to hide her knowing chuckle. "Well, Gojyo's transformation isn't natural; some crazy bastard injected something inside him. Forcing a half-breed to be a demon when he isn't meant to be one always brings bad omen, you know." 

Doku let out a worried sigh as he buried his face in his palms. All his reserves vanished in a single sigh and he started to pour out all his "You should see the way he suffered, Yaone… Something that is not supposed to inside his body is tormenting him… Or the way he lost control… He never lost that much control before…" Dokugakuji lifted his face as he voice out his worst fear. "I…I'm afraid Gojyo's body will sooner or later rejects the thing injected into him and he'll…" 

Yaone leaned forward immediately and grasped Dokugakuji's hands to stop him from finishing the line. "Don't!" For a while the room went silence, Doku gritted his teeth for his sudden emotional outburst and Yaone bit her lips, thinking something. "You didn't come here to just tell me that, did you? You've a plan. That's why you said earlier that you want my favor." Yaone speculated. 

Dokugakuji's dark eyes turned into black intensely. "Yeah, I don't know how impossible is my request but I really hope you can do this for me." 

"Say it, Dokugakuji. I'll try my best to do it if I can." Yaone nodded her head. 

"I know it must take one hell of…I mean… an experience alchemist to mix a potion like that." Doku quickly covered his harsh words. Then he continued. "To create something like that, it is very risky and all… Whoever he is, he must at least… I mean, every poison must have something to… to encounter it, right?" 

Yaone suddenly knew what Dokugakuji was asking from her and now she knew that he meant by impossibility of his request. The alchemist bit her lips nervously, knowing her incapability would disappoint her dearest friend. How could she mix a cure for a poison that nobody had been inflicted to except Gojyo? "Dokugakuji…I… I don't know if I can…" 

Doku reached out and wrapped his coarse hand around Yaone's smaller one. "Please Yaone…" Their eyes met for a while and for someone as softhearted as Yaone, she knew she wasn't immune to Dokugakuji's desperate ones. But she also didn't intend to keep her friend's hope high for promising something that she knew she incapable of. What if Gojyo's condition worsened because she mixed something wrong? "Shit… I mean what the hell…what am I doing? Asking you to create something that you know nothing about? It's… ridiculous…" Doku quickly withdrew his hand and stood up. "I'm sorry for bothering you…" 

Doku wanted nothing more than to make a quick escape and knocked his head to the wall for being so stupid to ask Yaone such thing. But as Doku walked past Yaone, the violet-haired woman grasped Doku's wrist, preventing the dark-haired man from escaping her room. "Wait a minute, Dokugakuji. It's not like I don't want to help you but…" 

"Yaone, I don't blame you. I mean, I know what I'm asking is impossible. Without sample and information, I just barged in here and asked for your help." Doku tried to curve an assuring smile. "Hey, it's worth asking anyway." 

"Please… Hear me out, okay." Yaone looked up at the man that had come close to be her family. She would do anything to wipe the disappointment off Dokugakuji's face. Doku hesitated for a while, taking a deep breath and sat back on the wooden chair. 

"Okay, it's like this…" Yaone leaned forward once again to Dokugakuji. "I'm not going to lie to you. I don't think I will be able to mix anything without a sample of the potion that the alchemist injected into Gojyo because I don't know where to start anyway. But maybe a sample of Gojyo's blood with give a clue as to what I'm dealing right now." Yaone's voice sounded firm and decisive and Doku started to feel hope came back. 

"Okay, do you want me to bring Gojyo's blood for you? When?" 

"It would be great if you can do that for me." Yaone smiled. "But to convert a half-breed into full blooded demon, it takes a great deal of skill and knowledge and to encounter it, I need a lot more knowledge, skill and experience. So, I'm going to get some help." 

"Help?" Doku raised a questioning eyebrow. For all his years knowing Yaone, she never mentioned anything about her old life or friends that she had. "You mean an old friend or something?" 

"Yes. Don't worry, Dokugakuji. He's very talented alchemist. We studied under the same teacher and he was the best of all students. You can bring Gojyo's blood to me after I talk to him." Yaone let out a soft giggle at Doku's dubious face. "Trust me. With him, I feel a lot more confident to brew something to encounter Gojyo's poison. You can trust him, Dokugakuji. " 

"Yeah, well, didn't mean to question your friend but it does strike me odd that you had never mentioned him at all after all these years." Doku voiced his slight displeasure at an outsider involvement. 

"I mention him now, don't I?" Yaone said defensively. 

Doku sighed as he rubbed his weary neck in acceptance. "Sorry, Yaone. I guess I am a little tired. I didn't sleep much lately." Doku smiled at her to take out some sting of his earlier remarks. "It's okay." Yaone graciously accepted Doku's apology. 

Doku stood up, now their discussion was over. "By the way, Yaone, what is your friend's name?" 

Yaone stood up too and as she escorted Doku to the door, she answered. "Huh? Oh, his name is Zean." 

* * * * * *

Gojyo ran like mad. His eyes didn't see the way he was running onto; just a pair of red eyes that still screaming accusingly at him, blinding him. Every sharp branch and stick slapped and scratched his body and face but Gojyo didn't feel it. All he could hear was scream and he was trying to get away from it. _It isn't supposed to be like that… No, not a child… not a taboo child!_ Gojyo chanted furiously, blood rushing through his ears; pounding like mad… he knew if he didn't stop running, he would burst. 

He went deep into the forest, completely unaware of his whereabouts and bleeding scratches on his face and arms. When finally exhaustion caught up with him, Gojyo felt suffocated, couldn't breathe, choking…choking… _breathe damn it!!_ Swaying on his wobbly feet, his eyes clouded by the nausea that began clawing him as he slowed his feet down. He knew he was going to collapse if he didn't find something to brace himself against with. He reached out a hand blindly in front of him until he touched a solid, rough surface of large tree in front of him. _Damn it… damn Kenshin for making him this weak… damn him for feeling it… feeling it fucking too much…_

_But the eyes… shit… just forget about it…_ Slowly, Gojyo had his back against the tree, leaning heavily and slid down to the ground, trembling and totally shaken. Perspiration of nausea, exhaustion and shock flowed like tiny stream from his forehead to his head. He wiped off the sweat in impatience. _Forget it..? Yeah, forget it! Forget the whole thing! You'll go crazy! _

But madness sounded nice and Gojyo would welcome it with open arms if it ever wished to claim him. Madness would make him stop thinking, stop remembering and stop… thinking again… But if he wanted madness to take him, he would let it years ago; so many chances arose for him to yield to madness. When mother abused him, when Jien killed mother, when Jien left him, when the town people isolated him, when… No… madness should not have him now… not when he had came this far… He carefully drew his legs closed to his chest, putting himself in a protective curl. He was protecting himself from the screams, the memories of Kenshin, the demon inside his head… and the madness that was desperately and greedily ready to take him. 

"Go away…" a whisper echoed through the silent forest and he brought a hand to cover his ear, wishing the sound would stop. The trembling increased together with the volume of evil sound inside his head. "Go away, damn it… I didn't mean to escape… didn't mean to get you kill… just go away damn it…" 

"I'm sorry…" Gojyo closed his eyes tightly, trying to cry but the tears somehow conspired with the demon inside him and they were reluctant to come out. "I never, ever meant to escape…" And the hand that covered his ear curled and pulled painfully the strands of red hair that he hated so much. 

Hakkai couldn't believe how fast Gojyo could run, especially with the condition he was into. But the track wasn't so hard to follow, with broken branches and Gojyo's blood tainted at the edge of them. Worry increased a notch and turned into frantic. _Gojyo's broken._ As if the abduction, rape and torture weren't enough, and now this? _He's finally broken, broken, broken, broken, broken…Stop it!_ Hakkai screamed. _He's not broken!_

"Gojyo, where are you." First the question only came out a whisper but desperation took control and Hakkai shouted. "Gojyo! Answer me!" The shout echoed and even Hakkai was surprised with his own voice. He knew he, too, was losing control. 

"Just answ…" Hakkai started to call again when he heard it. A soft, anguish and tormented whisper past through him. Almost inaudible but clear enough to know the owner of it. _Gojyo…_Hakkai turned at the source abruptly and broke into running. _Hold on, Gojyo! Don't break yet… Wait for me…_

The fast pace slowed down when Hakkai found what he had been looking for. Gojyo. Gojyo sat against the tree. Gojyo curled himself in protective ball. Gojyo closed his eyes so tight. Gojyo trembled like he was going to break down into pieces. Gojyo whispered incoherently like he lost the sense of the world around him. Gojyo, his savior, his benefactor, his partner, his friend, his lover, his… everything… Hakkai felt his knees weak with anguish and his hands shaken with anger as he walked toward the redhead. "Gojyo…" His tone slowly matched the whisperings came out from Gojyo. 

As Hakkai kneeled beside Gojyo, he reached out a slow but firm hand and softly put it on Gojyo's shoulder. He didn't want to shock the half-breed more but in the state Gojyo was in now, he knew even the slightest touch could shock him terribly. His hand met in contact with Gojyo soft, deep blue turtleneck sweater and he expected Gojyo went wild again and bolted. But Gojyo never did anything to his expectation; the redhead always surprised him and even in this condition, Gojyo still could. 

Gojyo immediately stopped whispering and the hand that had been covering his ear immediately hold Hakkai hand that rested on his shoulder. Hakkai nearly gasped in surprise but didn't. They sat like that for a few moments but Hakkai could feel the trembling beneath the thick sweater. "Gojyo… let me…" He had meant for Gojyo to release him, so he could do something to stop the trembling. He would do_ anything_ to stop_ everything._

And Gojyo did release Hakkai's hand. "I didn't mean it…" Gojyo whispered softly as he curled back into his protective ball. 

Hakkai readjusted his position and he sat with his back against the tree just like Gojyo's. Turning to Gojyo, Hakkai asked softly. "Didn't mean what…?" Gojyo looked down, seemed to not hear. "Gojyo…? You didn't mean to do what…?" Hakkai tried again softly. 

"Escaping…" A strain whisper came out from the pale lips. "Staying alive…" 

Hakkai gaped in disbelief at Gojyo's tortured words. He could almost hear the sound of his heart cracking. Since when did his proud, devil-may-care and vain lover reduce to this state? Where did his lover, who loved this world with such a passion, go? He tried to say something but mixture of emotions was choking him. "Wh…why would you say such thing?" His voice was strangling and Hakkai didn't realize that he was trembling too. "How could you regret for staying alive?" 

Gojyo didn't answer the questions. He was cracking into a thousand of pieces and he would shatter and break anytime soon. Tiredly, he looked up and saw the morning sky was no longer blue… it was bleak gray or was it only his eyes that saw it? "Everyone dies if I'm alive… Why keep on fighting when it doesn't seem to worth it? … Maybe it would be better if I…" 

He never did get the chance to finish the sentence when Hakkai grabbed Gojyo, pulled the broken redhead into his warm embrace. Gojyo didn't fight it; he just succumbed into the warmth as his forehead lie into the contour of Hakkai's neck. The green-eyed demon tightened his protection, daring Gojyo to break into pieces. "Finish that sentence and I swear I'll…" Hakkai choked the rest of the word. He hated the way Gojyo lie unresponsive in his embrace; he didn't even return his embrace. He wanted his Gojyo back. Hearing Gojyo said that scared him beyond belief… Didn't Gojyo know how much… how desperately he needed him to be there for him? Losing the redhead once was enough to scare him for the rest of his life. 

"You know I'm right…Hakkai…" Gojyo murmured tiredly and Hakkai could feel the redhead cool lips against his neck. 

"Shut up!" Hakkai nearly screamed in frustration. "You're so wrong!" 

"Wrong…?" Gojyo let out a weak, self-loathing laugh. "Tell me which part I am wrong?" 

"The part where I'm still alive because you picked me up from the street…" Hakkai closed his eyes, remembering the past as if it happened yesterday. "The part where you took care of me when you knew nothing about me…" Hakkai could feel Gojyo tensed as battle between sanity and insanity raged within the half-breed. "…And the part where you'd still took me in as your roommate even after you knew about my sins… about how tainted I am with the blood of the demons I murdered…" Hakkai's tone dropped into mere whisper, reminiscing his bloody past and strangely, for the first time, a feeling of grateful washed through him. Grateful for giving the chance to know Gojyo, even if the price for the chance was he had to kill a thousand demons. 

Taking a deep breath, Hakkai continued in the same husky tone. "And if you think you deserve to die… tell me, Gojyo, what do I deserve?" 

Slowly, Gojyo raised his shaking hands and tentatively wrapped his arms around the healer's chest. He drew his body closer to Hakkai and loosely returning his hug. As messed up as he was right now, hearing Hakkai such thing, Gojyo knew he couldn't let those words bygone. He had always be the source of Hakkai's strength every time the green-eyed demon's past started to haunt him. And, out of habit and familiarity, Gojyo couldn't help himself from responding to his lover's words. "Hakkai… You deserve less than what I get and it still feels unfair to you…" 

Hakkai was rendered speechless, at Gojyo's sudden response to his embrace and at Gojyo's unexpected words, but still the smile danced and he couldn't stop it. After a while of silence, Hakkai opened his mouth. "Say something, Gojyo…" He didn't like the silence. Silence gave inner demon a chance to probe the wound further. "Anything…" 

Gojyo wasn't a kind of person to keep everything bottle up and he knew needed to do _something_ about the knots inside of him. "What else do you want me to say, Hakkai? My mother died, Jien left and there's…" Gojyo shuddered at the gruesome scene and he felt Hakkai secured the protection of embrace even more. "…there's a child died because of me… If I didn't escape, he would still be alive… still have the chance to grow up… and the screaming wouldn't be heard at all… " 

"Screaming?" 

"Didn't you hear it?" Gojyo blinked and then realized it was in his head after all. He wondered if hearing something that wasn't there was considered crazy. Laughing bitterly, Gojyo could feel the unshed tears began to well up. "Nothing… It's nothing. Just my head fucking me up…" 

Hakkai didn't want to ask what Gojyo meant by that. 

"Do you think he deserve it?" Gojyo asked suddenly. 

"Who?" 

"The child…" 

It was at that time when Hakkai realized the depth of Gojyo's guilt. A simple no would deepen the guilt and a simple yes would be so cold. Gojyo didn't need to hear those from him. "I don't know it anyone deserves anything given to him, Gojyo. But…" Hakkai stopped for while and he could feel Gojyo strained and tensed against him, dreading the answer. It was as if he was waiting to the verdict of juries that could have sent him to guillotine. "But I think the thought of whether anyone deserve anything always come last in this world. We take a route, racing against time, pushing the barriers, trying to survive the route we took. At the end of the road, when we look back, we saw the barriers we've pushed earlier hit other people and in hurry, we realized we just hit someone along the way… And I think that is when regrets come…" 

"Regrets…" Gojyo murmured almost inaudibly as if he was thinking. He was drowning fast and any word came out from Hakkai was like floating log for him to hang on. 

"Regrets will always be there… Guilt too… But we try to survive too just like everybody else. Gojyo, I…" Hakkai stopped to catch a breath, unable to believe what he was going to say next. If someone asked him what Gojyo asked him, he would never utter this… never even _dream_ about this. But meeting Gojyo and feeling the slow changes Gojyo brought upon him, Hakkai knew he wasn't the person he was three years ago. "I don't think the child deserves this, but I _know_ you have the right to escape, have the right to try to survive." 

"Do you…?" Gojyo asked as he tried to believe that somehow, even in the smallest way, he wasn't guilty. 

"Yes… Everyone, at certain degree, is responsible for his own fate." Hakkai's voice sounded as if he was telling not only to Gojyo but also to himself. "And we cannot always bear the burden for someone else for who will bear our burden for us?" 

Gojyo went so stilled. Did he dare to ask this to Hakkai? Should he…? Hakkai was talking about him, not about his past… Still…Should he…? …? "Like…Kana?" Gojyo dared in the smallest voice. 

The redhead could feel the tense ran through the healer's slender body. The name roared to Hakkai's ear but somehow the name no longer held the intense pain like it used to. The wound still stung but never like this… _Like Kana?_ Strange…he never thought that way… Never thought that he was somehow not guilty for the death of the only woman he loved. _Kana should somehow responsible for her own death?_ The thought sounded alien for he always blamed himself. And projector of past started to roll back. 

_ Kana…Thank God you're still alive… _

Gonou… 

Let's go home now, Kana… 

I can't… Not with this monster inside of me… 

Kana don't… don't… 

Goodbye…Gonou… 

DON'T!!! 

"Hakkai…?" Gojyo's voice was weak and unsure but was strong enough to pull Hakkai from the past. Unlike any other situation when Hakkai was pulled from the past; sweating, heart pounding like crazy and hurting so bad, now, for the first time in three years, he felt clearer and much, much more lighter. Was he finally learning to let go the past? 

Closing his eyes, Hakkai admitted with soft but strong. "Yes, Gojyo… Just like Kana…" 

Gojyo's eyes went wide at the sudden turned of the event. How he had waited this moment… but never in his wildest dream it would be like this. Not when he on verge of breaking down… not when there was a lunatic demon chasing him… not when Hakkai was the one who was holding him instead of the other way around. Suddenly, Gojyo felt the Hakkai's admission was pressuring him, strangling him in the way he had never felt before for he knew he could never have anymore from their relationship except what they had now. He wanted to… he was _dying_ to… but never with him hurting like this… 

The realization almost caused a single tear to escape from his closely shuteyes. Gojyo unconsciously tightened his arms around Hakkai's chest and buried his face deeper in the contour of Hakkai's neck. Now he knew Hakkai's feeling when he was still haunted by his past and couldn't go forward. "I can't do this, Hakkai … not when Kenshin was still around … not when he still go killing every taboo child he met…" 

"It's not your fault…" 

"Maybe not… but would he kill the child if I didn't escape?" 

Hakkai's green eyes blazed in frustration. "Then perhaps you should ask this question, would you be taken by him if I accompanied you that night? Then the guilt will be mine." 

The sudden argument exhausted him but the fact Gojyo couldn't find any other word to say back at Hakkai drained him completely. He couldn't find the strength to be angry with Hakkai. But still his grip on Hakkai was as strong as before. "It doesn't matter…" Hakkai heard Gojyo said and felt his hot breaths teased his sensitive neck. "No matter whose fault it is, it doesn't change the fact the child was dead…" 

Gojyo didn't need Hakkai to say anything back at the way he tiredly day those words. In fact, he didn't need Hakkai to do anything except, "Hakkai… hold me…" Gojyo whispered brokenly, finally losing all his self-restrain. "Hold me… and don't let me break…" 

The words were no more louder than the sound of breeze passing one's ear but the plead was clear and it absolutely couldn't be ignored. If ones could absorb into each other through heart-breaking embrace, Hakkai knew that he and Gojyo would. Planting a soft kiss to Gojyo's temple, down to his scarred cheek, down to the sharp jaw that he loved so much, down to kiss softly on Gojyo's pale and cold lips, down, down, down… Hakkai would anything to take Gojyo's pain away. "I'm never going to let go of you, Gojyo… you know that and you don't even have to ask…" 

Gojyo was always the one who comforted him. Of all those years, he never found the chance to return the gesture because Gojyo had always been the strong one. Gojyo had always been the optimistic one. Gojyo had always been the one to drive his nightmares away. Now, sitting here, with Gojyo securely in his arms, Hakkai never knew how good it would feel to be needed instead of needing. He never knew the pleasure of feeling Gojyo fitted inside his embrace trustingly. Hakkai cherished the feeling and he knew he never wanted this feeling to go away. 

After almost a year of what he thought as meaningless affairs with Gojyo, Hakkai could no longer deny the fact he felt more and more each day of their friendship. He had seen the faint line that separated friendship and love but he thought he could avoid from stepping over it. But Gojyo's passion, laughter, teasing and compassion blinded him and before he knew it, he had stepped the line. He had been so afraid when he realized his feeling for Gojyo; guilty for betraying the old love he had held for and yet instead of withdrawing from the redhead, Hakkai found himself wanting more and more. Gojyo's false death was like a heavy knock in his head and the green-eyed know that he could no longer held his feeling back. Life was too short to let any fear or pride to hold him back. 

_Gojyo, I love you…_The self-admission surprised him. He never thought he would be brave enough to admit it for he had denied himself that very knowledge for so long. Why else would he accept Gojyo's shallow offer of meaningless relationship. No matter how much Hakkai told himself that he was too lonely like Gojyo and needed somebody else companion, deep down he knew he would accept anything from Gojyo as long as he could keep the half-breed himself even if it meant for just one-night stand. But Gojyo had kept coming back for more and Hakkai had fallen deeper in love each time of Gojyo's return. 

_I had loved you for so long that I don't even know when it starts… I'll never let you go… Not to Kenshin, not to anyone…_

* * * * * * 

Sanzo eyed the brown-haired youth. For the last hour, since Hakkai had gone after Gojyo, Goku had waited worriedly at the inn. The monk didn't need to ask; he could see in Goku's gesture. Hn… even if Goku lost his voice, Sanzo could still understand him. But he didn't worry about his other two companions because he knew without a doubt Hakkai would find Gojyo and besides, he didn't want to witness any romantic sickness between them. No, romance was never for him. 

Maybe Sanzo didn't need to ask Goku how he was feeling but then seeing Goku wandered back forth was starting to irritate him. 

"Sit down, Goku," Sanzo authorized. "You're giving me headache." 

Goku stopped abruptly and he reverted his gaze from the door to Sanzo. "But Sanzo, they had been gone for like hours. Something might happen to them!" 

Sanzo sighed. "Stop exaggerating, monkey. They'd been gone not even for an hour." 

Goku frowned as he scratched his head, which Sanzo thought was _kind of_ adorable. "Are you sure? Cause I think I'm hungry again." 

Sanzo immediately smacked Goku's head. Adorable or not, stupid remarks always made him annoyed. "Didn't I tell you to stop using your stomach as bloody clock? It's so damned inaccurate!" 

"Aw…" Goku whined. "You don't have to hit me, Sanzo. Besides, you only tell me once. I thought you weren't serious." 

Sanzo glared at Goku. Goku always said the stupidest things he had ever heard. But then, the boy's stupidity and innocence were the one that chased his darkest mood away for he no longer brooding over small things. Whether he wanted it or not, it was when Goku came into his life did he realized that his world wasn't only revolving around the temple he lived or the missions he had been assigned to. Through Goku, he had learnt to connect himself to the world and no matter how ferocious his reluctance was; Goku had always found a way to persuade him. _Stupid, annoying monkey…_ He thought as he watched his charge. The thoughts had long lost the sting of irritation, since when, Sanzo didn't know. 

The monk didn't want to find the reason behind his lack of anger. He didn't even want to know. Or better, he was afraid to know… 

Goku turned away from the window he had been watching and sat on the chair opposite Sanzo. Sanzo was watching him and he knew something was bothering Goku for his golden eyes had turned darker into shining hazel. Sanzo stifled a snort. He had been around the damned monkey for so long that he started to notice even the smallest thing like the hues of Goku's eyes. 

_Damn it!_ What else he _didn't_ do with Goku that husband do with his wife? He had already slept in the same bed with Goku when Goku had his nightmares, he had supported the monkey both financially and emotionally and Goku had treated him like a damn wife whenever he was injured! 

"Um… Sanzo?" Goku spoke up. Sanzo knew in any minute, Goku was going to ask him about the earlier incident. "About this morning…" 

_Shit, I can even read his mind! Perhaps I should marry the damn monkey and complete the whole damn husband-and-wife relationship._ If Gojyo was thinking this, he might have found it amusing as hell. But Sanzo found this not only ironic but also, in some way, appealing… _Shit! What the hell am I thinking?!_

"Sanzo?" Goku called softly when he realized his keeper was so deep in thought. Goku couldn't guess what was running through Sanzo's head for he recognized the look that Sanzo usually had when he was brooding about his past. The look Sanzo had now was nowhere near that. It was the same expression Sanzo had for the past few days. Goku would give anything to know what Sanzo was thinking right now. 

"Yes, I'm listening." Came an answer. Even his answer had lost the powerful and poisonous sarcasm. Subtle sarcasm yes, bitter sarcasm…? No… What had happened? Goku contemplated silently. 

"About this morning, I have this feeling that Gojyo afraid … hate Kenshin not only because he is strong." Goku's dark brows furrowed together. "I think something else happened when he took Gojyo away. Hakkai know this but I don't think he would answer my question." 

Sanzo raised his eyebrows. _Goku didn't know? He couldn't be that innocent, could he?_ "What do you mean?" Sanzo said curtly. 

"Well, I spoke to him this morning and when I told him that he doesn't have to be afraid to Kenshin merely because he is strong, Gojyo went still and he was kind of shock. It was as if, you know, he didn't expect me to say something like that." Goku leaned forward and rested his chin on the table. "And the thing we found in the house…" Goku let out a visible shudder. "Kenshin definitely did something more to Gojyo and now he want Gojyo back for the reason…" 

Sanzo reached out for the newspaper beside him and casually flipped through it. Inside, Sanzo was silently angry to himself for thinking about screwing Goku when he didn't have a clue about… anything. 

_Ah… but you could always teach him, couldn't you? It would be downright pleasure, tainting such an innocent mind… and body._

"Shut up," Sanzo muttered, hating how his lust easily controlled his mind. Lately, he seemed to not having control over anything when it came to Goku. 

"You know too, didn't you, Sanzo?" Goku stated. "What is it then? What happened to Gojyo?" 

"It's not my business to tell you what happened, idiot!" Sanzo snapped. "When Gojyo is ready to tell you, he will. Pester him if you want to know." 

Goku let out a small pout when Sanzo refused to entertain him. He leaned back against the chair and folded his arms over his chest. "How am I supposed to ask him? He just freezes when I mention that particular name!" 

"Then, learn some patience!" Sanzo said his last word, indicating their brief conversation was over and turned his full attention to the newspaper. 

Patience? Goku thought irritatingly. Patience was something Sanzo didn't have and patience was something Goku had practiced since the first day Sanzo let him out from the cold prison, hoping one day Sanzo would learn to like him. _Like him…? Try loves him_. Asking Sanzo to bear even the slightest affection to him was asking the whole universe from God! Well, maybe he was exaggerated a little, like Sanzo said but then, when did Goku ever felt he was being appreciated for being around the monk? 

Goku turned his attention back to the window, looking for a glimpse of Gojyo or Hakkai. Sanzo might not want him, thinking he a nuisance and a burden but Goku knew if it took forever, he would make Sanzo at least smile at him. A true, shining smile that lightened his fair face and all those beautiful things about Sanzo when he smiled was reserved to him. And only for him. 

_I've waited for more than five hundred years already…_ Goku thought. Waiting for him to come to rescue me... waiting for him to smile at me… waiting for him to love me a little… Surely I can wait for another forever… 

* * * * * *


	12. Chapter 12:Realization Time For Action

The lyrics below are from song 'Can't fight this feeling' from Reo Speedwagon. © 1984. I own nothing. So are these characters. 

* * * * * *

A Curse of Taboo Child   
Chapter 12: Realization; Time for Action 

* * * * * * 

Hakkai sat quietly at the bar, sipping now and then the alcoholic beverage. He had been there for the last three hours and he had no problem blocking out the usual loud sound in the bar. Goku had demanded what had took them so long to come back and Gojyo managed to give Goku a small smile and tousled tiredly the younger boy's hair before went upstairs without saying a word. That was awfully very unlikely for Gojyo, but Hakkai he was trying his damnest to act normal. The act was poor but it was the determination that made Hakkai's heart ached in admiration. 

After Gojyo disappeared to upstairs, Hakkai could see that Goku was bursting with questions and he was kind of surprise Goku was hesitating. When he asked, Goku shook his head and mumbled something about finding Sanzo. And he, too, was gone. 

Hakkai sighed softly as he stared at the half-empty glass. As much as he wanted to accompany Gojyo now, he knew that Gojyo's pride suffered a heavy blow for showing too much emotion and weaknesses today and Hakkai didn't want to shatter the half-breed's pride more by fussing over small things. And so, here he was, sitting alone in the bar, with nothing to do but drinking and thinking. 

"Mind if I sit here?" A familiar voice greeted him casually. 

Hakkai almost jumped at the strange voice but he didn't. Instead, he looked up and saw Dokugakuji, waiting for his answer. The latter didn't look threatening but he did look like he something on his mind, other than to fight; Hakkai presumed. The green-eyed demon curved a small smile, almost reluctantly and nodded. 

Dokugakuji sat and ordered a drink. For a moment they were both silence and even after, Dokugakuji's drink arrived, the latter still didn't say anything. Hakkai ignored him. He didn't need anymore trouble; what Kenshin gave him was more than enough for him to handle. But then, Hakkai could always tell when someone wanted to talk and right now, Dokugakuji's hesitation was radiating strongly. Still, Hakkai gave him a few minutes. 

"You don't ask me why am I here," Dokugakuji remarked, silently marveled at Hakkai's patience and self-strain. 

"I don't need to," Hakkai answered back politely. "I knew you will tell me eventually. Why else would you be here?" 

Dokugakuji hid his grin at Hakkai's shrewdness. He wondered how Gojyo felt when he faced Hakkai's irritating reasonableness everyday. No, he wasn't blind. He knew something was going on between them both and it didn't take genius to realize the sexual attraction between them. Hell, they were practically radiating it with the unusual concern and unbelievable anger when either of them got hurt. "It's true. I have something to ask you." 

"Well, whatever it is, I'm sure I cannot do it for you." Then, Hakkai gave Dokugakuji a glance. "We are both from different sides." 

"Perhaps." The dark-haired demon answered back succinctly. "But we both have one thing in common, though." 

"And that is…?" Hakkai countered back, trying to sound as if he wasn't curious. How couldn't he? Dokugakuji had never singled him out whenever both of the group was fighting; the demon always turned his attention to Gojyo, taunting him whenever he could. Now, out of the sudden, he was here, sitting beside him and talking like they knew each other. Almost civilly. It was strange and it was peculiar. 

"We both care for Gojyo." Dokugakuji stated flatly. 

Hakkai almost choked on his drink but again he didn't. Never in his wildest dream their supposedly _subtle_ and _secret_ relationship was made known to their enemy. Were they that blatant and obvious? Still, no matter how surprise Hakkai was, he would never show any expression to stranger. Even Gojyo took a few years of trying to gain his trust before he let him show his true self. "Care for Gojyo? Well, you've got funny way of showing it." 

Dokugakuji looked at the brunette beside him and a twinge of anger slashed through him. "I don't need to kiss him and coax him to my bed to show him that I care for him," he answered back sarcastically. 

"Well, I do, he knows and that's all that matter." Hakkai answered back coldly, trying to be not at least affected by the sudden knowledge that Dokugakuji knew about his relationship with his brother. Gojyo had once said that he could be such an icy bastard if he wanted to and he exercising the iciness he knew embedded within him. 

"It's true. I've stopped showing him that I care when I left him years ago." Dokugakuji said. "But I've never stopped _feeling_ it," he emphasized the particular word before finishing his drink in one gulp. 

Hakkai refused to answer the dark-haired demon, though he was feeling slightly guilty for venting his frustration to someone who didn't deserved it. Maybe not entirely but still it was unlikely for him to do something like that. Furthermore, he had no mood in engaging a useless conversation, so he took another sip of his drink and looked straight. 

Dokugakuji swallowed another frustration sigh. He never wanted to ignite any sort of argument with the only person that could help him for it would only make matter worse. So, he went back to his main objective of coming here. "I said earlier that I've got something to ask you." 

Hakkai let out a resigned sigh and knew Dokugakuji would not leave him if he didn't hear out whatever it was he wanted from him. And Hakkai wanted solitude badly. "Yes?" 

The older man produced another grin that almost like Gojyo whenever things were going on his way. "I've talked to Yaone earlier about how to cure Gojyo." 

"Cure Gojyo?" Hakkai frowned but his attention now was fully onto Dokugakuji's words. "But, he isn't poisoned. He's…" Hakkai stopped, losing words to describe Gojyo's condition right now. "He's… _change _." 

"He's change into a full-blood demon when he shouldn't be," Dokugakuji reminded him. "I still consider that as poisonous." 

Hakkai raised his eyebrows at Dokugakuji's logic and he said nothing. "And you intend to cure Gojyo's _change. _" He saw Dokugakuji nodded and he asked again. "How?" 

Dokugakuji turned his body fully toward Hakkai, pleased now he had Hakkai's full attention. If he knew a mere mention of Gojyo's cure would capture Hakkai's attention, he would have done earlier, instead of provoking him. Hakkai wasn't Gojyo. Gojyo needed taunting and provocation to gauge any reaction. Hakkai didn't. Both of them were as different as day and night and Dokugakuji didn't know what was the main attraction between them. "Yaone asked me to bring her a sample of the potion, which was injected into Gojyo. But I told her it is almost impossible to get the potion since I don't know which alchemist brewed that potion." 

"And we also couldn't catch Kenshin because he was too clever and too obsessed with Gojyo to be caught." Hakkai stated almost sourly another obvious problem. Although Hakkai had stated it calmly, inside he was bristling. Never had he been this possessive toward someone; a mere thought that someone else was also coveting something that was his to begin with, made Hakkai wanted to blow everything away. 

"True, which brings us to another alternative that Yaone gave me." Dokugakuji said and Hakkai raised his eyebrows. "Yaone told me to bring Gojyo's blood sample so that she could study it. Maybe she can come up with something to counter the poison. However, I don't think I can go to Gojyo with him like that." 

"So, you want me to take Gojyo's blood and give it to you," Hakkai finished it astutely. 

"Yes. Can you?" 

Hakkai turned his look back to his drink, thinking it thoroughly and silently. He wanted to throw Dokugakuji's asking back to his face and said that if Gojyo's own brother couldn't and wouldn't touch him, why would he? But Hakkai being Hakkai would never said anything that crossed his mind. Preferably, he would think carefully, weighing every possibility and test the logical outcomes from each alternative. And his logic said that this might be Gojyo's only hope to be normal again. Even though emotionally normal would be impossible, at least physically normal. 

Again, Hakkai threw a subtle glance at Dokugakuji. The older man seemed slightly agitated about his answer but Hakkai knew no matter how long he thought about it or how reluctant he might appear to be, there was only one answer that Hakkai could give to Dokugakuji. And Hakkai was aware of the possibility Dokugakuji might have other plan than to help Gojyo. Gojyo might trust his brother almost implicitly but Hakkai never met the guy that Gojyo had love as his only family until a few months ago, when they first started this journey. He couldn't give his trust as easily as Gojyo could. His other logic warned him that Dokugakuji was his enemy and no matter how much Gojyo defended his brother, Hakkai just couldn't see the older man other than an enemy unless he proved him otherwise. 

Hakkai bit his lips as another issue came up. Did Dokugakuji know Gojyo had been tortured? How could Hakkai confront Gojyo and ask him if he could insert another needle to his flesh, so he could take his blood? Gojyo never told him the detail of what had happened during his imprisonment but judging by Gojyo's numerous injuries, especially a pair of firm slits across the redhead's wrist, he didn't have to. The injuries were practically screaming to tell him what exactly happened. And the knowledge that Kenshin needed replenishment for taboo child's blood confirmed what he had suspected. 

And Dokugakuji wanted him, Hakkai, to repeat what Kenshin had done to him. 

With his all logics were against Dokugakuji, Hakkai would be crazy, if not stupid, if he still answer yes to Dokugakuji's request. But then, Hakkai's logics and rationality had lost their importance long time ago whenever it concerned Gojyo. He never did anything that was logic when it came to Gojyo, only impulsive and what his heart told him. And Hakkai loved and despised his new weakness. "Yes… yes, I can…" Hakkai sighed inaudibly, meaning for himself to hear. He had changed so much during his _short_ relationship with Gojyo and he was both afraid and anticipated for what _long_ future with Gojyo might bring. 

Dokugakuji smiled with relief; again struck with bewilderment of the strange attraction between this green-eyed demon and his half-breed brother for their differences were too obvious. They were like fire and ice, lightning and water; both were each other's weaknesses and nothing could bring them together. And yet, here they were, having a relationship where people might think it was impossible. It was a rather strong relationship too, judging by Hakkai's lines of fatigue and worries. Dokugakuji wanted to know the reason behind all this but he knew he wouldn't get from Hakkai. Not when his piercing verdant eyes looked at him with subtle distrust. 

"Good… I'm glad you could do it for me…" Dokugakuji said awkwardly. They were both silent for a while. 

Hakkai could tell Dokugakuji wanted to ask him something but the dark-haired demon was either reluctant or embarrassed to ask. So, he decided to give the latter a little nudge. "Was there any other favor you wish to ask me?" His tone was once again calm and polite. He was hoping Dokugakuji would say no. 

"Ah… well…" Dokugakuji flustered softly. "I just … um … well… how's Gojyo doing right now?" 

Hakkai raised his dark eyebrows slightly. He could hear concern laced through the flustering words and Hakkai, being a natural softhearted he was, softened his hardened and glacial feature a bit. "He's doing much better now. His injuries healed nicely and he will be healed completely by next week." Hakkai spoke the truth. Gojyo was indeed healing physically better but Hakkai was worried about Gojyo's emotional deterioration. 

Dokugakuji looked at the human-turned-demon. He could see that something was bothering the brunette, judging by the slight evasion he heard in Hakkai's tone. "Something is wrong, right?" 

Hakkai frowned. Indeed something was wrong, but he hadn't expected Dokugakuji to detect it in his words. Had his skill in hiding something gone? "What do you mean?" 

"I can hear it in your voice no matter how subtle it is. You said Gojyo is fine but the way you said it hinted the other way around." Dokugakuji said. "I'm guessing the something wrong was the way Gojyo take the whole situation, isn't it?" 

At that moment, Hakkai looked at Dokugakuji in new light. He no longer looked like an irresponsible older brother who took off after killing his mother in front of his younger brother, but an older and wise man. Dokugakuji had this faraway look in his face as if he had experiences with Gojyo's emotional deterioration before and he was reminiscing them. 

Hakkai had wanted to talk to someone about Gojyo. His lack of enthusiasm, his undeserved guiltiness, his constant fears for Kenshin and especially his way of driving the heavy burdens away; that was through sex. It wasn't that Hakkai didn't want to do it with Gojyo; he was relief to know that even Kenshin couldn't take the heat that was burning between them. But they had been lovers for quite some time now and Hakkai noticed the differences in the way Gojyo wanted him to made love to him. His demands were always asking for pain. They were too ferocious like he was angry at something and he wanted the pain Hakkai gave to him. 

Hakkai wanted to help Gojyo deal with it, but whenever he tried to start it, Gojyo would evade and they would irrevocably end up on bed, naked and him, Hakkai, went straight to sleep after the ferocious sex. He knew Gojyo was using sex to forget the days he spent under Kenshin's imprisonment. Gojyo had been doing exactly like that before, when he tried to forget the memories of his abusive mother. It was not the matter of understanding the reasons Gojyo did that that made Hakkai thought something was wrong, it was the matter of Gojyo using him like he had used dozens of girls in the past. It hurt him beyond belief whenever he thought Gojyo had leveled him the same as those girls. 

Still, he wanted to prove himself that he was wrong to think Gojyo like that. Now, looking at Dokugakuji, Hakkai knew the opportunity was opened widely for him. Here was the man who had spent his life with Gojyo, during Gojyo's childhood. Here was the man who perhaps understood Gojyo more than anyone else. Maybe… just maybe, Dokugakuji could listen to him and told him he was wrong. 

_He needed to be wrong…_

"Well?" Dokugakuji spoke up, breaking the thinking cocoon that Hakkai built. "Are you going to tell me what is wrong with Gojyo?" 

Hakkai looked at Dokugakuji. He had never actually talked to this man and now he was practically contemplating about blurting his worries and insecurity to him? Telling him about his relationship's problems? … … …Why not? Not like he had anyone else to talk to and Hakkai needed to let it out badly. Taking a deep breath, Hakkai started. "Gojyo had been acting strange ever since he was released and I don't blame him. I mean… anyone would act the same way if they went through what Gojyo did… and… Gojyo had been handling quite well… before… now, he just seemed to give up on everything…" 

"Gojyo is giving up…?" Dokugakuji asked with faint disbelief. He had always known Gojyo was strong-headed. He had realized that ever since the half-breed was a little boy. His younger brother had never failed to bring their mother flowers or try to do something nice for her or tried to act brave and strong when he was hurting, even though Gojyo knew everything would ended the same. Their mother would always ruin the flowers and abused him. And Gojyo had never given up, not even once, as he tried futilely to gain their mother's affection. 

"Yes, he did…" Hakkai tried futilely to keep his cool façade intact. "And he… he was lying to himself as well as to me… acting like everything is alright… and never once tell me what really happened between him and Kenshin… not that I force him to…" Hakkai hastily explained. 

But Gojyo would never lie. Dokugakuji thought. He would say the injuries from their mother's handiworks didn't hurt and Dokugakuji knew it didn't hurt because Gojyo was accustomed to them. Gojyo would say, one day, mother would love him and Dokugakuji knew he didn't lie because Gojyo believe it. It just didn't sound like Gojyo to lie. 

"And to make things worse… " The green-eyed demon continued as he ran his hand through the chocolate locks, hiding his pained expression from Dokugakuji. He hated to bare himself like that but he had no other choice. "He… he uses… uses… um…" 

Dokugakuji raised his eyebrows slightly at Hakkai's reluctant to continue. "Uses what?" 

At that time, Hakkai wished he had long hair like Gojyo so he could hide himself completely. He wanted to ask Dokugakuji about Gojyo's fixation when he was totally depressed but how could he ask without revealing their whole sex life? How was he supposed to ask? _Does Gojyo have sexual obsession as his fixation when he was under too much pressure? Why do you ask? Well, Gojyo wouldn't let me come to him unless we are having sex… _

Ridiculous. Unnecessary. Not to mention humiliating. Hakkai wasn't used to asking help about his personal sex life. Knowing Gojyo made him desperate enough to ask for advice! And he didn't think Gojyo would appreciate his effort for telling his brother about their relationship. 

"Well?" Dokugakuji persuaded delicately. 

"Nothing…" Hakkai said finally. "It's nothing…" There was no way he was going blabbered on about what was supposed to be him and Gojyo's issue. After all, the secret was supposed to shared between them and Hakkai knew it would be unfair to Gojyo if he made any decision without his consultation. 

"Are you sure?" Dokugakuji asked. "Because to tell you the truth, I found it kind of surprising when I didn't found Gojyo down here." 

Hakkai didn't know how many times he had frowned ever since Dokugakuji walked in here for again he was frowning. "What do you mean?" 

"I know my brother. He had been such a depressing boy when our mother was still alive and after I left him…" Dokugakuji tried to ignore the familiar guilt that kept stabbing him every time he remembered his unjust doing. "…he had been even more depressing teenager…" 

"How do you know?" Hakkai murmured, hoping to take any accusation in his voice. "You left him when he was still young, remember?" 

"Ah…right," Dokugakuji flinched invisibly at Hakkai unexpected and subtle provocation. "At that time I still tried to come back and see what he had become… secretly… After that, I… stopped…" 

Hakkai wanted to ask why but he didn't. 

"And every time Gojyo was depressed, he used sex to get rid off it. He was then, and he is now, as far as I can see," Dokugakuji said; completely unaware of the importance of his words. "That's why I'm surprised he isn't down here… or rather… should I say… I'm surprised _you_ are down here alone…" 

Hakkai looked away, hiding the blushes he knew tinted on his white cheeks. "What do you mean?" He knew exactly what Dokugakuji means but out of habit, Hakkai tried to feign clueless. 

"Gojyo is a complicated person. He didn't brood when he was depressed, instead he will try to look uncaring, unaffected and seek something pleasurable to forget all his miseries." Dokugakuji let out a small sigh as he reminiscing. "I've seen the way he handled mother's rejections… acting young and childish in front of me… bringing flowers to gain mother's affection… laughing through tears when everyone treated him harshly… and not once I saw him reduced to violence to against violence he received…" 

"Yes…" Hakkai replied softly too. Now that Dokugakuji had said it, he realized the same things too. Like, Gojyo fought with Goku all the time, trying to match Goku's childishness… Gojyo teased unmercifully to Sanzo about every single thing… Gojyo laughed uncaringly when a human or a demon insulted his origin… Gojyo untiringly and persuasively seduced him to come out of the ice he built around him. Gojyo was under stress all this time and he was handling it when Sanzo kept complaining about the redhead's immaturity… 

Gojyo had grown up to be a quite fine man considering the past he had… 

"And…" Dokugakuji continued as he threw a glance to the brunette beside him. "He also use sexual releases to handle his depression…" That particular trait was so blatant that Dokugakuji knew he needed not to say that. 

"I can see that…" Hakkai murmured, knowing that Dokugakuji had just confirming his suspicion. Gojyo had indeed leveled him the same as those girls he had used in the past… 

Hurt… Hakkai had never been this hurt before even though Gojyo had slept with other women during their cold agreement but the fact that he had just admitted that he had actually broken the rules and went ahead to fall in love with the redhead, made everything worse and harder to bear. How could he be angry with Gojyo? He was the one who broke the rules… He was the one who had to be one to be too emotionally involved with Gojyo… He was the one who took the risk even though he knew Gojyo wasn't the kind to stick to one person that long… 

He had made the decision and he was paying for it… He just didn't know whether he could afford the price or not… 

Dokugakuji looked at the guy beside him, trying to read his expression. But the converted demon was too damned good in hiding his true expression and Dokugakuji couldn't gauge anything. After a moment of silence, Dokugakuji stood up and still, Hakkai gave him no reaction. "I'm off now. I'll come back a day after tomorrow to pick up Gojyo's blood sample." 

Hakkai gave the older man a slight nod and Dokugakuji took it as a sign the healer heard and understood. Within a minute, the shadow of Dokugakuji disappeared. 

After Dokugakuji's departure, the dark mood began to settle in, surrounding Hakkai like never before. Broken heart had never been this painful before and the pain worsened when he couldn't even blame the man who caused it. Hakkai considered ordering another round but he knew he couldn't get drunk. Somehow he was immune to alcohol as well as he was immune to something called bad luck. And the mere thought he couldn't get drunk made Hakkai dived deeper into blackness of depression. So, Hakkai sat there for the longest time until the numbness reduced and his rationality and logic began to take control. 

So what if Gojyo treated him like those girls? Gojyo had indeed said that he wanted a commitment-free relationship, which mean no emotional attachment, no jealousy and thus, no heartbreak. Gojyo knew the consequences; that was why he had wanted that kind of relationship. And like a fool he was, Hakkai had gave in without stipulating his own rules. And now the rules had been broken… should he just let it past him by? Should he ignore his feelings now that he knew Gojyo would never return his feeling? Or… should he fight for it? 

Hakkai straightened his back as the new thought appeared. He should… fight for it…? Fight for Gojyo's love? That was… something he had never done before… because it was usually Gojyo who initiated the first flirting, the first kiss, the first bold proposal, the first man for him and the first man to steal his heart… Hakkai had never been that bold, that arrogant and he simply enjoyed the ride Gojyo offered him… And now he was contemplating to… fight for it? Could he really do that? Did he actually have the courage to be the one in the lead instead of following? Did Gojyo worth the fight…? 

During his inner battle, someone in the bar had turned on the jukebox and the singer's voice filled the noisy bar. Though Hakkai doubted anyone, except the one who chose the song, hear or paid any attention to the song. He didn't too at first but as his mind dwelled further into the thoughts, bits of the song interlaced… 

_I can't fight this feeling anymore…  
And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow…  
What had started out as a friendship, has grown stronger…  
I only wish I had the strength to let it show…  
_

True… he was afraid to tell Gojyo that he couldn't go on like this, playing some sort of charade and pretending he didn't care or didn't hurt when Gojyo flirted around. He didn't think that they would come to a level where he needed to be the one who lead the waltz they had been dancing… 

_I tell myself that can't hold out forever…  
I said there is no reason for my fear…  
Cause I feel so secure when we're together…  
You give my life direction…  
You make everything so clear…  
_

Another truth… His life as Cho Gonou had ended and he never even once entertaining to continue living… And yet Gojyo came, bursting in like the whirlwind he was, shook him from the long stupor and released him from the claws of nightmare of his bloodied past. It was soon he realized that if Sanzo was Goku's light, Gojyo was Hakkai's light, showing him how live again… showing him how to _feel_ again… 

_And even as I wander…  
I'm keeping you in sight…  
You're a candle in the window…  
In cold dark winter's night…  
And I'm getting closer that I ever thought I might…  
_

Yes, Gojyo had always been there for him. He knew if he were to meet any other person rather than Gojyo, none of them would have the patience like Gojyo had. None of them would last a month of nursing him back to life, never asking anything from him; even his name and willing to jeopardized his own life to stall Sanzo, so he could get away even though he hadn't given the redhead the reason to. Gojyo's generosity was astounding and not once, had Gojyo made Hakkai felt indebted. The gratitude slowly ebbed into affectionate and affectionate irrevocably turned into love… Considering all those things, how could Hakkai think Gojyo wasn't worth his fight? 

_And I can't fight this feeling anymore…  
I've forgotten what I started fighting for…  
It's time to bring the ship into the shore…  
And throw away the oars forever…  
Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore…   
I've forgotten what I stated fighting for…  
And if I have to crawl upon the floor…  
Come crushing through your door…  
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore…  
_

Hakkai sobered up rapidly. Why was he sitting here, thinking about whether he should fight for Gojyo's love or not? Of course he should! Gojyo deserved everything Hakkai had got to offer and if Hakkai decided to hand Gojyo his heart on a golden platter, Gojyo should have it! Gojyo had been the one to start their friendship when he picked up to save his life and Hakkai wanted to be one to end this relationship and start another type relationship. A more meaningful, fulfilling and lasting relationship… Gojyo had never given up on him before and he sure wouldn't give up on Gojyo either. So, if Gojyo refused him, Hakkai would do anything to change Gojyo's mind and heart. 

But first, before he pursued that goal, he would have to take Kenshin out of the way first. He would make sure that the obsessive demon would not touch his lover ever again. And he would also do anything to change Gojyo back, which included fulfilling his promise to Dokugakuji. Somehow the limiter around his neck didn't seem to suit him very well… So did the blue turtleneck sweater… 

Finally making up his mind, Hakkai felt a lot lighter than he had felt ever since he admitted to himself that he was indeed in love with Gojyo. He stood up with a small but determined smile. Yes, when plans were all set, Hakkai felt his world was no longer upside down, tumbling in whirlwind. And for the first time, he was beginning to savor any joy of finally being in love… 

* * * * * *

"Sanzo!" Goku called as he slammed the door opened. The blonde monk frowned when his solitude was being disturbed. He looked up and saw Goku practically bounced in and at the same tried to balance the food trays in his hands. And the food on the tray was indeed _high. _

_ Idiot _Sanzo thought and his violet eyes unconsciously softened when he saw Goku didn't care that bouncing and carrying at the same time didn't mix. _And totally clueless too. _"What the hell do you want, monkey?" Sanzo's mouth seemed to have a life of its own because what he thought and what he said clashed. 

Goku pouted softly as he put down the trays, which miraculously still intact. "You don't have do that…" 

Sanzo had to turn away the delicious pouting Goku made, fully aware that Goku had no idea whatsoever the effect he made to him. Instead, Sanzo deepened his frown, denying Goku and himself, and returned his attention back to the newspaper he was reading. "Do what?" Sanzo asked gruffly. 

"Cursing at me," Goku said back lightly, the former dark mood lifted easily. Goku's smile widened when he heard Sanzo 'hn-ed' predictably. As he had thought before, Sanzo had lost his bitterness in his words. Somehow, that discoveries made Goku happy because he knew he had taken another step closer to the untouchable Sanzo. "I brought you food. Hakkai said you didn't want to come down to eat, so I bring the food up for you to eat!" 

Sanzo eyed the mountain of food in front of him. "These are all mine?" 

Goku grinned sheepishly. He raised his hand to scratch his head and Sanzo felt a shot of deep emptiness through him at the picture of Goku made now; or was it longing? He didn't want to know. 

"Well, I thought we could eat together. Hakkai wants to be alone, so he told me to go upstairs and eat with you." Goku knew Sanzo would say no. Sanzo hated to have his privacy invaded and he hated to have him around, knowing how noisy he was. But, then, Goku had never ceased asking the same question even though he knew the answer would be the same. 

If Goku made this request years ago, Sanzo would give him a flat no. And Sanzo would stand up and leave the room. But the Sanzo years ago wasn't the Sanzo now. Sanzo now had become so damn soft and so damn lusty whenever it came to Goku. Sanzo now had even contemplating to corrupt the innocent mind and body of Goku. Sanzo now had concerned about Goku's safety more than he had cared for his own. And Sanzo now couldn't say no to the pleading and huge golden eyes. 

"Do whatever you want." Sanzo snapped and felt his icy heart gave a little squeezed of… what? … Ah, to hell with it… when he heard Goku 'yeah-ed' joyfully. _Idiot, idiot monkey! _

"Aaa … Sanzo…?" Goku said after a few minutes of blissful silence. Sanzo grunted softly in response and Goku seemed contented with that… for now. 

"Hakkai seems very depressed when he got back with Gojyo, I wonder why." 

Sanzo reached out for his tea, taking his own leisure time to answer Goku's question. He kind of knew the reason why Hakkai was depressed. With Gojyo acting weird after returning from Kenshin's hell, Hakkai had trouble sleeping. In fact, Sanzo no longer wondered whether two of his companions were lovers; he knew. 

But how was he supposed to tell Goku what he knew? He doubted Goku would agree to his words without asking more about what _exactly _happened between two of his best friends. And Sanzo was extremely uncomfortable with that particular subject because he had little experience that matter and he certainly did not want to discuss it with Goku, of all people, since he had developed this strange yearning for the younger boy. 

"Yes, I've noticed that." Sanzo said curtly. 

Goku frowned a little bit as he reached out for another bun. "I've never seen Hakkai that depressed before." Then, Goku looked up to Sanzo. "Do you think there's something I can do for him? You know… so I can ease his feeling a bit…" 

"Why the hell do you want to do that?" Sanzo asked; his words contrasted strikingly with his tone. Sanzo always knew this soft side of Goku would eventually emerge and he could no longer feel annoyed for it. Sometimes, he wondered if this particular trait of Goku that made him changed… 

"Hakkai always be nice to me when I was depressed. I just want to return the favor," Goku replied through his mouthful of food. 

Sanzo frowned at Goku's words. "You were depressed? Why?" Sanzo wasn't even realized the concern that laced through. 

For a while, Goku couldn't believe what he had heard. Sanzo? Concerned? Worried? About him? Had the sky fallen into pieces? He resisted the wild urge to run to window and checked the sky himself. "Um…" He started to blush at the unfamiliar feeling of having Sanzo worried openly for him. "It happened so long ago…I…I don't even remember why I felt depressed at that time," he said dismissively. 

Sanzo scrutinized the boy in front of him and his frown deepened when he saw the adorable blushes tinted on Goku's fair face. "Well, good! Depression doesn't suit you, idiot." 

Goku was secretly relieved that Sanzo started to insult him again. He had waited for so long for this and he started to finally have a taste of his attainable wish, he became flustered and felt so unprepared. He wanted to change the topic; something that didn't have him and his depression in it. So, he said instead, "You know something, don't you, Sanzo?" 

"Know what, monkey?" Sanzo retorted, slightly bewildered at Goku's rapid changes topics. 

"Why Hakkai is depressed? Why Gojyo is afraid to Kenshin?" Goku pressed stubbornly. "And what really happen between them?" Goku asked again. 

"I thought we've gone through this shit," Sanzo answered frostily. 

"I cannot go to Hakkai and ask him with him like that! And I know something happens between them. It's getting so obvious now!" Goku pursued relentlessly. He hated to be one left in the dark. 

"Shut up, monkey!" Sanzo snapped, wishing really bad for Goku to drop the subject. "Didn't I tell you to learn some patience? They will tell you when they're ready." 

Goku frowned even more. "Ready for what? What have they done?" The food was now forgotten as Goku's curiosity started to claim most of his attention. 

Suddenly, Sanzo felt something inside him snapped. And he knew it was his already thinning patience. "Look, monkey! Why don't you ask Hakkai, instead? He's your damned teacher anyway! I doubt very much he won't answer your question!" 

"Why ask him when you know?" Goku persisted. "This is getting stupid, you know? I'm not a child that needs to be protected!" 

That was something Sanzo was well aware of. Goku was definitely not a child. He was not the same wide-eyed, irritatingly innocent young idiot he had picked up. Goku still kept the innocent but he was now worldlier, more matured, stronger and hundreds times more desirable than Sanzo would never allowed himself to notice. More than ten years had passed since his master's death. Sanzo knew the ice he had built ever since the incident was melting and it was only the matter of time before he succumbed himself in the same vulnerability he had sworn not to touch again. 

The realization that he had failed to uphold his oath angered and scared him beyond belief. 

"Fine!" Sanzo exploded. "You want to know?! They're now fucking lover! Hakkai's depressed because Kenshin was fucking Gojyo and Gojyo was afraid Kenshin might come and fuck him again! Are you satisfied now?! I doubt you understand any of my damned words anyway!" 

Goku just stared at his guardian, trying to absorb every harsh word from Sanzo. Sanzo knew he had succeeded to shut Goku up and he no longer felt the satisfaction he used to feel. He felt worse and headache started to pay its visit. _He could no longer keep up with his crazy feelings anymore_

So, he started to walk out the room. He felt suffocated with his already intense lust for Goku and when Goku started to ask about the very thing Sanzo wanted to do to him, he lost his control completely. And now, he wanted nothing more than to just go outside and had a drag. Or shot everyone passed in front of him. 

"I understand…" Goku said softly but loud enough for Sanzo to catch them and stopped him from continuing his departure. His hand froze at the doorknob. The golden haired monk abruptly turned around to face Goku; a slight surprise graced on his usually stoic, unemotional face. 

Goku looked up and Sanzo saw the usually bright golden eyes dimmed into regrets. "I understand what happened now… Kenshin hurts Gojyo in that way, right? Everyone knows but me, right? And Gojyo just let me believe what I want to believe…" Goku whispered those words, feeling guilt settled around him. 

Sanzo saw Goku curled his hands into tight fists and he knew that was the sign of Goku's silent wrath at himself. He never thought Goku understood what he had being trying to say. And he knew why he had blinded himself. He wanted to protect himself from falling further inside and he used Goku's youth as an excuse. And all of the sudden, all these things happened; Sanzo knew he could no longer blind himself and thought Goku as an innocent, clueless and young boy. 

Goku had grown. He had become more thoughtful, more sensitive and more…beautiful. And yet he was also still playful, cheerful and innocent. His personalities clashes and Sanzo knew that made his lust for him grew every second he spent with the golden-eyed boy. 

Suddenly, Sanzo wanted to go to the younger boy and shook him from his guilt. He wanted to pull Goku to him and protect him. He wanted Goku to pull him and protect him. He wanted to shoot Goku for making him feeling this way. He wanted strangled Goku for daring to come this close. And most of all he wanted to take Goku to bed, spent his pent-up desire and never let him go. 

Sanzo silent drew in a shaky breath at his rapid and swift desire as he leaned his back against the door. Too many feelings… He wasn't used to this… He knew he had gone to far to turn back. He knew he couldn't turn himself from Goku anymore. Without knowing why, Sanzo felt fear came upon him. Not just fear; excitement was also there. Emotions filled him in such way that he felt his legs couldn't support his weight. 

"Sanzo…?" Goku called him softly when he saw his master looked down with his golden bangs hid his eyes. 

"Shut up, Goku…" Sanzo breathed. 

Goku frowned when he heard Sanzo's strange tone and he stood up. "What's wrong?" 

"Stay the hell away, Goku!" The warning was clear. 

Goku walked stubbornly towards Sanzo. When Sanzo spoke with that tone, no one dared to refuse. But this was Goku. Goku could never be burn too hot for him to handle. And he stopped right in front of Sanzo; he looked up and their faces were a few inches apart. Recklessly, Goku reached out both of his hands and tentatively touched Sanzo's jaws; he waltzed carefully into Sanzo personal space. 

Their eyes met. Goku had never seen another pair of eyes that were so beautiful, so cold, so unreachable and yet so vulnerable. The startling violet eyes contrasted perfectly against his fair hair and even fairer face. Tender feelings aroused at a staggering pace inside him and Goku thought he might choke from the intense feeling. _I had been in love with you for as long as I could remember… How can you be so blind…? _Swallowing the emotions away, Goku said softly. "What's wrong?" 

Sanzo was overwhelmed. He could almost feel Goku's emotions, burning him. They were so intense and very unsettling; Sanzo felt the fear consumed him once again. "I told you to stay away…" Sanzo tried to sound angry but failed miserably. 

Goku's golden eyes darkened into hot molten gold as he softly caressed Sanzo's jaws. "You should know by now that I can't… I won't…" He saw Sanzo's eyes, too, darkened at his answer and Goku fall deeper in love. "Don't ask that of me again…" 

Too much… Sanzo never felt this much in such a short time. And he didn't know what to think anymore when Goku drew himself closer to him carefully, minding the melting ice barrier around him but yet unwilling to give up. Goku's sensitivity towards his tense mood was obvious and even the ice-prince like Sanzo wasn't immune to it. "I…" It was useless for trying to say anything. Not when emotions clogged his throat and clouded his mind. 

So, Sanzo, with his walls slowly crumbling around him, shut up when he felt Goku's hands wrapped around his waist… 

_Just this once…_ Sanzo thought dazedly, letting Goku shared his comforting warmth. Though he refused to return the gesture, the blonde couldn't deny how his heart filled blissfully. _Next time, I shall blow his brain into pieces…_

* * * * * * 


	13. Chapter 13: Immediate Remedies

I'm having a serious writer's block… UU; 

* * *

A Curse of Taboo Child   
Chapter 13: Immediate Remedies

* * *

"Dokugakuji offered to find a cure for Gojyo?" Sanzo asked incredulously. "The Dokugakuji? Dokugakuji as in Gojyo's half-brother and Kougaiji's comrade?" 

Hakkai nodded, wondering for the countless times why he even decided to tell Sanzo about this. …What was that?… Oh, yeah, Sanzo was the leader. 

"What the hell are you thinking when you accepted the offer?" Sanzo snapped. 

Hakkai flushed a little. True, he was swimming in alcohol when Dokugakuji approached him, but he wasn't drunk; not that he could to begin with. Sanzo's angry retorts seemed to make a little sense now but Sanzo had no idea how much the silver choker bothered Gojyo. Even if he had to make a deal with the devil itself, Hakkai would still agree. 

"And Dokugakuji wants Gojyo's blood?" Sanzo bit out relentlessly when the long surpassed stress finally caught up with him. "Well, good fucking luck with that! I'm sure Gojyo would happily offer his wrist for you to slit! It would certainly solve his damn dilemma!" 

Hakkai blinked. Ah… so Sanzo was well aware about Gojyo's emotional stability? And here he thought he was the only one who knew about that. "You know that…?" 

Sanzo irritatingly humphed, "Of course I know! You couldn't damn well miss the way he eyed his weapon. He was contemplating the best way to use it for himself." 

"Well, we can't just let Gojyo be a full-blooded demon when he isn't supposed to be one," Hakkai argued, shamelessly used Dokugakuji's earlier words. 

"Then, perhaps you should apply that to yourself. You were a human before you're converted into a demon," Sanzo sarcastically pointed out. 

Hakkai seethed silently. Sometimes, Sanzo's bluntness really tested his patience. "True, but I brought this myself. I murdered a thousand demons for Kana and I am well deserved the consequence of doing that. But Gojyo was forced to be one." 

"Apparently you have already decided this matter. Why the hell do you tell me anyway?" Sanzo eyed the green-eyed demon in front of him. He had never seen Hakkai this desperate, this frustrated before. 

Hakkai let out a soft sigh and he ran his hand through his mahogany's locks. He hadn't aware how tense he was until now. "I'm… not sure. I guess I was just looking for an assurance that I do not make a mistake by trusting Dokugakuji." 

"The fact that you _contemplated _to trust Dokugakuji is a mistake," Sanzo firmly stated, his violet eyes narrowed in obvious displeasure of Hakkai's decision. "Dokugakuji is our enemy and he just happens to be one of the enemies that we're traveling to the west to defeat for. Fuck the fact that he is Gojyo's brother. It seems to me he is more loyal to Kougaiji than he is to Gojyo." 

Hakkai looked outside the window as he found himself unable to counter Sanzo's fact. Everything Sanzo said was true; everything he had thought when he was at the bar was true. But they were all seemed immaterial. He was willing to take any risk and any consequence if there was a slightest chance to change Gojyo back. "I know that but… I just couldn't let the opportunity to heal Gojyo go…" 

Sanzo went silent for a while. All these complications were making his head hurt. He wanted all these bullshit to end so they could resume the journey. "Why don't you let Gojyo make the decision? It is his damn blood that Dokugakuji is after anyway." 

Hakkai bit his lips. "Do you think Gojyo is capable to make such decision when he is like this?" 

Sanzo sighed impatiently. "Hakkai! Stop babying him, stop analyzing things and stop thinking so much! I'll bet that the kappa doesn't need anymore babying from you! Just go to Gojyo and tell him! He deserves to know." 

"But…" 

"Just tell Gojyo, damn it!" 

"Tell me what…?" The argument stopped abruptly at the sound of the Gojyo's bewildered voice. Hakkai looked at the doorway of Sanzo's room and saw Gojyo leaned against the doorframe with one fiery eyebrow rose in puzzlement. He looked a lot better than he was when he first walked into the inn that morning. His coloring was back and his eyes were more focused. Perhaps Sanzo was right. Gojyo didn't need anymore babying from him. 

When Sanzo saw Hakkai was rendered speechless, he snorted disgustedly and stood up. "I'm out of here. It is your doing, Hakkai, and I suggest you tell him." With that the blonde monk left the room without giving a glance at the redhead as he walked passed him. 

Gojyo looked at Hakkai, waiting for the brunette to start but received nothing. "…Hakkai?" 

The spoken demon bit his lips indecisively as he wondered how to tell Gojyo without sounding as if he and Dokugakuji were plotting behind him. "Gojyo… I…" he trailed. 

Gojyo frowned at Hakkai's tone. He then straightened himself, walked towards Hakkai and sat in front of him. "Is something wrong, Hakkai?" 

"No, not yet anyway…" Hakkai curved up a weak smile. 

"Not yet…?" Gojyo reached out to grasp Hakkai's hand softly. "What is it that you're not telling me?" 

Hakkai took a deep breath. _Well, here goes nothing…_ "We think we know how to reverse your… your condition." 

"We?" Usually 'we' mean the rest of the group, but it was the way Hakkai said with such guiltiness that made Gojyo asked. 

"Yes, we. Um… me and Dokugakuji…" Hakkai raised his eyes to meet Gojyo's, waiting for any reaction. And he got one. 

"Dokugakuji? You mean you've discussed this matter with Jien?" Gojyo abruptly released his grip on Hakkai's hand and pulled back. "When did you meet him? What did you tell him?" 

"Gojyo, stop it…" 

Hysteric and humiliation exploded inside of Gojyo. Jien wasn't supposed to know. Anybody beside his other three companions weren't supposed to find out of what had happened to him under Kenshin imprisonment. Hakkai was supposed to keep his secret! "Why? Why did you tell him?" Gojyo spat out. "You know how I feel about this! I don't need any more humiliation than what I've already felt!" 

"Gojyo, you do know Dokugakuji was there the day Kenshin brought you to us, don't you?" Hakkai said softly. 

Gojyo's reaction was enough to confirm Hakkai that the redhead didn't know about Dokugakuji and Kougaiji's presence. Gojyo's eyes went wide and blood drained rapidly from his face as he unwilling recalled that cursed day. How Kenshin had him on his knees… How Kenshin had arrogantly declared he had used him in his bed… How Kenshin had yanked his head to show the cursed limiter… How he had completely lost control over himself… And Jien, his half-brother, had witnessed the whole thing! 

Hakkai cursed himself for not telling Gojyo a subtler way; he knew how Gojyo looked up to Dokugakuji. Slowly, Gojyo stood up and retreated in disbelief. "…Jien saw me…?" 

Hakkai slowly nodded, unsure how he would response. 

"…Jien heard what Kenshin said…?" 

Hakkai nodded again, wishing hard he had left Gojyo oblivious. 

"…Jien knew that I am a whore…?" 

That, Hakkai couldn't nod. Instead, he stood up too and pulled Gojyo into his fierce embrace. "You're not. You know that, I know that and Dokugakuji knows that! If anyone is a whore, then, it will certainly be Kenshin!" He waited for the meaning of his words to sink in and felt with a relief that the tense in Gojyo's body slowly desisted. 

"…" Gojyo took a deep breath as he slowly picked up his shattered pride. So what if Jien saw him? His half-brother had seen him in much, much worse situation. "…Yeah… I… know that…" Gojyo said softly. 

"Good." Came a firm response and Gojyo felt the iron embrace loosened. 

"Sorry…" 

"Don't be…" Hakkai said as he smiled. "If you do, you'll sound like me." 

Gojyo's couldn't help but to smile back a little. If both of them were alike, where was the fun in the relationship? Biting his lips, Gojyo focused back on their previous conversation. "So, what does Jien want from me?" 

"Are you going to sit down first?" Hakkai asked carefully, not wanting to bomb Gojyo with the news. The knowledge that his half-brother knew about his shameful secret had brought such reaction to Gojyo made Hakkai wary. He didn't know how the half-breed would react to the news. 

"That bad, huh?" Gojyo teased softly and he sat at his previous position. He watched his lover's face and knew it was indeed that bad. 

"Gojyo, I know what Kenshin did to you… aside from the… the rape…" Hakkai said softly. 

Gojyo frowned slightly as he looked down. What could Hakkai possible know? He hadn't told anybody about anything what he had found out or what had happened to him. So far, they had known about Kenshin's sexual assault because the bastard himself had smugly told them. Even if Hakkai had seen the bruises on his body, Gojyo let Hakkai thought they were too due to Kenshin's sexual assault. "What do you mean…?" 

"Gojyo, you never told me anything… I… think I understand why because I did the same thing when you first brought me home." Hakkai pulled his chair closer to Gojyo until their knees touched and he reached out for both of Gojyo's hands. "You may think I'm oblivious, Gojyo, but I have a rather clear picture of what else had happened." 

"Look at me, Gojyo," Hakkai said softly. "Please look at me. There's nothing for you to be ashamed of. Not ever in front of me, whom you have saved countless of time and whom has shared your life for the last three years. I'm not a stranger." 

Gojyo couldn't. He despised his weakness. "You have no idea how it would feel to be so helpless, Hakkai…" Gojyo said softly as he tightened his grips on Hakkai's hands. "How it would feel to be under someone's mercy and knowing that mercy is something he's incapable of giving…" 

"Maybe I don't," Hakkai replied as he turned Gojyo's hands around to reveal the twin slits on both of Gojyo's wrists. "But I have a very clear idea of what these injuries mean, Gojyo. And I assure you that no rape can cause this kind of injuries." 

Gojyo fixed his eyes on the scars, dully noted that he had yet another scars to hide. Hakkai's perceptive had never ceased to amaze him. 

"Kenshin took your blood… didn't he?" Hakkai stated. 

The half-breed looked up in mild surprised. He knew Hakkai was the intelligent one, but accurately guessed the purpose of his kidnapping was surprising. "How do you know?" 

"Dokugakuji told us that all the demons are out killing the taboo children because apparently, Kenshin had found a way for the demon to stay sane in their demon forms." Hakkai eyed Gojyo's expression and found that the redhead wasn't surprised at all. So, Gojyo had known all along. Why wasn't he told them about this? 

"I take it that Kougaiji isn't very pleased about this piece of discovery?" Gojyo asked with subtle sarcasm. "Why? One would think that he is afraid that he cannot control more powerful and saner demons." 

"No, Gojyo. It is not the demons that worries him," Hakkai shook his head. "This piece of discovery causes many taboo children to be cruelly murdered by ignorant demons. There are massacres happening all over Togenkyo involving demons and half-breed. Kougaiji tried to put stop of this madness." 

"That's so… kind of him… I guess," Gojyo said hesitantly. Saying kind words to Kougaiji seemed weird to him. He didn't know Kougaiji care about half-breeds. 

And again this piece of news didn't manage to draw any shock look from Gojyo. _Gojyo knows! _Hakkai realized. _He knows what happen! He knew about the taboo children's killing!_

"You know about this, didn't you?" Hakkai frowned slightly. 

Gojyo looked away. "Yeah… Kenshin told me about this right before he… he stuck tubes into my wrists… I asked him… not because I wanted to know… but because I was trying to stall them…" Why words seemed so hard to utter? And why the memories seemed so vivid? 

Hakkai's eyes narrowed in unsurpassed anger as strong waves of vengeance and protectiveness swept around him. Not only Kenshin had touched his lover, he also had tortured him! Next time he saw Kenshin, he will make sure that the raven-haired demon regretted every single thing he did to Gojyo. The demon inside him screamed in rage. Telling himself to calm down, Hakkai asked again in controlled tone, "Them? Kenshin isn't alone in this?" 

That question made Gojyo to look back at Hakkai. "I didn't tell you about Zean?" 

Hakkai shook his head. 

"It isn't Kenshin's idea entirely. It wasn't Kenshin who first came out with the discovery. It was Zean…" Zean with long black-blue hair; Zean with freezing and unemotional eyes; Zean with his revolting needles… Gojyo closed his eyes, trying to surpass the shudder at the memory. 

"Why he wasn't there the day Kenshin brought you to us?" Hakkai questioned. 

Gojyo swallowed. It was strange how talking about his experience… nightmare was starting to get easy now… and to think how reluctant he felt yesterday to even think about them. Now he had started, Gojyo couldn't find himself to stop. "That day wasn't my first transformation into… full-blooded demon… Zean wanted to test the effectiveness of the potion he injected me, so… the night before, they chained me to wall and released me from…" Gojyo stopped as he instinctively touched the silver choker that stayed hidden beneath his thick turtleneck shirt. It felt cold against his throat. 

"And you lose control…" Hakkai concluded softly. 

"Yeah," Gojyo sighed inaudibly. Memories of that night rushed in front of him like a projector. "I've always wondered what you or Goku goes through when you lose your limiter… I've never…never felt so much at the same time that I couldn't control myself… I remembered the anger I felt toward them that night… I felt so hot, so full of rushing adrenaline that I thought my heart would burst… I also remember the satisfaction I felt when I managed to break Zean's nose and ribs with my legs… It was the sight of blood that I carved that night. Hakkai, I've become a monster that night; I never want to be that person ever again…" 

"You remember what happened when you lost control?" Hakkai asked amazedly. 

"Don't you?" Gojyo frowned. 

"We don't, Gojyo," Hakkai looked thoughtful. "All I remember when I was a full-blooded demon was flashes of incoherent pictures and sounds. I felt the power, the strength and the madness but I cannot recall even one clear image when I become a demon." 

"But… I remember everything!" Gojyo objected heatedly, feeling flustered, confused and even scared. Damn it! He couldn't even go crazy like a normal demon! "I remember punching you, I remember pursuing you into the forest, I remember strangling you… damn it, Hakkai! I even remember that I tried to rape you in that damn cave!!" 

"And you didn't," Hakkai said firmly, stopping Gojyo from dwelling further into the undeserved guilt. "You did not rape me because you did not want to hurt me." 

Gojyo leaned back against the chair and rubbed his forehead. All these emotional chaos were driving him mad; they seemed to slam back and forth inside his head. "…What did Dokugakuji say to you?" 

Hakkai was aware that Gojyo's usage of his half-brother's name had change from Jien to Dokugakuji. It seemed as if Gojyo had finally gotten past the fact Dokugakuji witnessed his humiliation and the redhead was now in control of his feelings. Hakkai didn't know whether it was a good thing or not. 

"Dokugakuji told me that Yaone could maybe brew something to encounter the potion that Zean injected into you but…" Hakkai halted for a while before stating the main problem. "But before she could do that, she needs something to start with." 

"Something to start with?" Gojyo asked softly; half afraid of the answer Hakkai might give him. He had a vague idea what Yaone wanted and he was afraid if Hakkai would say something like… 

Hakkai took a deep breath and looked directly to the pair of ruby orbs in front of him. "Gojyo, I need to take a little of your blood for Yaone's research…" 

…Like that… Gojyo automatically grasped his wrist, fingering the scar. What was with everyone? It seemed everybody wanted to take his blood! But Hakkai seemed so determined about curing him and Gojyo, as always, hadn't have the heart to say no. "…It's not like I have any other choice, do I?" Gojyo replied so softly after a while of silent contemplation that Hakkai needed to strain to hear his answer. 

Hakkai tried to smile and shook his head wordlessly. He silently marveled and felt strangely proud at Gojyo's courage to face what he feared of. "I'll heal it as soon as I take your blood. And I promise it will be quick." 

Gojyo nodded wordlessly. 

Hakkai waited for a while and when he saw Gojyo wasn't inclined to do anything, he spoke softly. "…Um, Gojyo… can you give me your hand, please…?" 

"Huh? … Yeah, sure…" And he tentatively hold out his hand, palm up. "You'll heal it… right?" 

The verdant-eyed man smiled reassuringly. "Immediately." 

Gojyo bit his lips as he stared at his wrist, waiting any moment for Hakkai to cut it opened. Hakkai knew where Gojyo expected him to cut and that was where he wouldn't. He took out a sharp knife and slit smoothly on Gojyo's thumb. The surprised in Gojyo's eyes was obvious and Hakkai couldn't help but to chuckle softly. "You didn't think I'm going to cut your wrist, did you Gojyo?" 

"Sneaky bastard," Gojyo said with unexplainable relief washed over him. And he allowed a grin to escape. 

"True, I am. After all, it would be such a shame to mar something so beautiful," 

"Oh, you mean my thumb isn't?" Gojyo pretended to be hurt. 

"I am not particularly too interested in your fingers, Gojyo." Hakkai shrugged. "There are other things that captivate me." 

"I hope you're talking about my hair," Gojyo responded, unwilling to back off. 

"Maybe, but not the one on the top," Hakkai grinned pointedly downward, surreptitiously checked the blood dripping into the glass vial. _A little bit more…_

"Are you suggesting something, Hakkai?" Gojyo raised his eyebrows. 

"Are you hoping for something, Gojyo?" And he hoped Gojyo did. 

"You can't answer a question with a question," Gojyo was grinning too. He loved it when Hakkai was playful. "It is unfair." 

"Do we ever play a fair game?" Hakkai smiled sweetly. "Even in poker game, you tend to cheat; not that you ever win…" 

"Hey, that's a low blow – " Gojyo's response was cut off when Hakkai brought the bleeding finger to his mouth and carefully licked the wound. He could see Hakkai's green eyes darkened and blushes tinted on both of cheeks. _Damn he's beautiful. _"…Not that I have anything against it…" 

Putting the vial away, Hakkai left his chair and sat on Gojyo's lap, facing him. All those suggestive remarks made him a little amorous and at Gojyo's last words, he knew the redhead felt it too. Looking down at Gojyo's ruby orbs, Hakkai delicately sucked the half-breed's thumb and watched his lover expression filled with passion. "Whether you've change or not, you still taste the same," he murmured. 

"Glad to know that…" Gojyo said back, matching with Hakkai's low, husky voice. 

Hakkai had decided to take the lead of the waltz. He had realized that he had fallen in love with magnificent redhead in front of him. He wanted Gojyo to feel more than just physical release when they were together. He wanted Gojyo to feel the same earth-shattering release, the same soul-fulfilling passion and the same heart-breaking love that he had felt whenever they were together. He wanted to complete Gojyo the same way Gojyo had completed him. He wanted to share each pain, pleasure and tears with Gojyo. He wanted to be the only one for Gojyo for the rest of their life. 

He wanted Gojyo to love him back, even if it was the last thing he would do. 

Hakkai bent his head as he trailed his kisses along Gojyo's neck. He drew himself closer to Gojyo, grinding his arousal against Gojyo's. He smiled when he heard the gasp and felt Gojyo's strong arms wrapped around his waist as the redhead succumbed himself to the mindless pleasure Hakkai brought upon him. 

This would be their first lovemaking after Hakkai realized his love for Gojyo. It was amazing what the simple self-admission would do to someone. It made the simple act of sex became more meaningful. It made him felt he was sharing, instead of giving and taking. It made everything felt so right, when it should be wrong. It made him saw all the best quality in Gojyo, not the flaws. 

Love made one blind but love made one wise. 

Their movement became aggressive as both of them trying to get as much as they could from each other. The single chair tilted back in protest but they ignored the warning. Suddenly, to both of their surprise, the chair's leg broken and send both of them crashed down, sprawling on the floor with Hakkai lie unhurt on top of Gojyo. 

"Damn it!" Gojyo swore, both to the hard floor and Hakkai's unforgiving weight. 

"Gojyo, are you alright?" Hakkai asked as he looked down at Gojyo but the other man could clearly see the barely hidden laughter. 

"No, I'm not alright!" Gojyo huffed. "I swear to God that you've gained weight, Hakkai!" 

Hakkai could no longer hide the laughter and Gojyo grinned widely at the wonderful sound. "All of me or just a particular part?" Hakkai teased as he stroke pointedly his enlarged part against Gojyo's. 

"Um…" Gojyo said distractedly. How could he think any witty remarks back when Hakkai looked so sexy in his seduction? Deciding to end Hakkai's torturous teasing, Gojyo raised both of his hands and cupped the brunette's jaws. "If I answer that question, will it shut you up and get you on with the business?" 

Hakkai's eyes devoured Gojyo's face intensely. "So impatient…" All teasing voice had gone and Hakkai's tone dropped a notch to husky whisper. "You are particularly stunning when you're demanding…" 

Hearing his lover's observation nearly drove Gojyo mad with longing. "Do it, Hakkai…" he whispered back. "Do it to me right now…" Hakkai gladly dropped a kiss on Gojyo's forehead. "…on the floor…" Another one on the tip of his nose. "…in the broad daylight…" And another so close to his lips… 

"Gojyo… I…" Hakkai breathed as the feeling overwhelmed him and Gojyo met Hakkai's eyes, holding back his breath expectedly. Hakkai watched his lover's flushed face. Love hovered on the edge of his lips but he couldn't find the courage to say it. He had always be the coward one. Afraid of Gojyo's reaction, of Gojyo's answer, of the probability that he might lose all this. Coward… he was a coward. "…Shut up…" He whispered instead. 

Disappointment washed over Gojyo. He had almost certain that… never mind that… Hakkai might have let ghost of Kana go but to love an abomination like him? Swallowing the bitter truth, Gojyo murmured back. "Gladly…"

* * *

Yaone silently studied the man who she hadn't seen for so long. Zean was still the same as ever, only his blue-black hair was longer and his piercing icy-blue eyes were colder. Is she hadn't known better, she wouldn't believe that this was the same Zean that she had played and studied together. "So, how have you been?" 

Zean smiled. "Never better. I'm surprised that you came." 

Yaone couldn't help noticing that even Zean's smile had lost its warmth. She wondered what had really happened to her friend all these years? 

"Well, I'm sorry for not telling you that I'm still alive. Being saved by Prince Kougaiji from Hyakugen made my life bound to him." Yaone's smile radiated its obvious affectionate to the spoken prince. "And I have never been happier." 

"Prince Kougaiji? You work for him?" Zean raised his dark eyebrow in disbelief. 

"Yes, I am." 

Zean couldn't believe the coincident of the events. Kenshin had caught Gojyo, who happened to be Dokugakuji's brother, who happened to work for Kougaiji, who happened to take Yaone for his comrade and who happened to be Zean's long lost friend! And now, suddenly, Yaone appeared in his front door after years of separation. Zean would drink a poison if Yaone didn't come here on behalf of Dokugakuji! 

"Zean?" Yaone frowned when she saw her friend laughed. 

Zean couldn't help himself. He had to laugh. Kenshin had been running around, throwing useless threats to Gojyo. And so far, the raven-haired demon hadn't even succeeded to get Gojyo alone because the half-breed's friends were so damn protective, especially his lover. Now? Yaone came, practically handing Gojyo to him on silver platter! 

"Zean, are you alright?" Yaone asked again. 

"Yes, I am. Sorry…" Zean stifled his grin. _Yeah right, sorry my ass… This is the best news I've got ever since Gojyo escaped! _"So, Yaone, what brings you here?" 

"I could never lie to you, could I?" Yaone smiled. 

"Yaone, don't tell me that you just drop by to say hello because I don't believe you. You've got so many years to do that and you choose to do it now. Apparently, I think you have a problem that you need my help to solve it." 

"Zean, I never knew you are a jaded person," Yaone teased. "But yes, I do need your expertise in order to solve my problem." 

"Spill it out, then." 

"I have a friend and his brother used to be kidnapped by a demon. Well, I'm not very clear about the demon's purpose but he injected some kind of potion into my friend's brother. You see, Zean, my friend's brother is a… half-breed; … a taboo child and as you know, half-breed doesn't need a limiter because of his human blood. Somehow, the demon that kidnapped him had managed to turn him into full-blooded demon." 

Zean felt another amused laughter welling up but he bit his lips. "It takes a very talented chemist to do that." Zean played his charade. "So…what can I do to help?" 

"My friend asked for my help. He asked me to brew something, so his brother can be changed back to normal." Yaone was too immersed in telling her problem that she couldn't see the evil gleam in Zean's eyes. "Problem is, I don't know what had been injected into Gojyo, which means I don't know where to start." 

"Then, take a blood sample." Zean said. 

"I already did." Yaone replied. "Zean, I need your help. I need you to help me to brew a remedy for Gojyo. With both of us working together, I know we can do it." 

Zean went silent for a while. He looked as if he was thinking, but in truth he was scheming. He wondered how he could manipulate the situation into his favor. Then, an idea struck him. 

After a while of silent, Yaone leaned forward. "Zean? Will you help me?" 

"Of course," Zean smiled. "You don't have to ask me twice." 

"Kou," Dokugakuji stepped forward to address his prince. As usual, Kougaiji was standing near to the huge window, looking out at the dark night. 

"What have you found out, Dokugakuji?" The redhead asked in his quiet and authoritative tone, still looking out at the dark night. 

"Apparently, the massacre hasn't stopped or reduced. If anything, I believe it was worse than before." The dark-haired demon reported. "I've scouted the areas and taboo children's corpse are everywhere. No panic arises in humans' area. It was as if they are oblivious of the massacre, or they just don't care." Anger could be heard in his tone. 

"We're talking about half-breeds, Doku… Neither humans nor demons like their existence very much. I don't expect there will be any panic." The crimson-haired prince sighed inaudibly at their discrimination. What differed a half-breed than a human or a demon? Whatever made both humans and demons thought that half-breeds were cursed? If anything, it was the combination of human and demon's lust to create that so-called cursed child. Why was the innocent child forced to carry the burden of their sin? "Damn ignorant demons. Always taking an easy way to increase their power." 

"What are we going to do, Kou?" Dokugakuji asked. 

Kougaiji turned away from the window and looked at his comrade. His expression was the mixture of thoughtfulness and frustration. "Since all the massacres happen because of the rumors, I am thinking a way to prove them that the rumors are false." 

"Unfortunately, the rumors aren't," Dokugakuji said bitterly. "Kenshin has proven himself clearly of what he is capable. If he could change a sane half-breed into crazy demon, I have no doubt he can deliver what he had promised." 

"Have you seen him, Dokugakuji?" Kougaiji asked quietly. 

"Who?" 

"Your brother." 

Dokugakuji was mildly surprised at Kougaiji's rapid change of topic. One of the thing that made him proud to be one of Kougaiji's close comrade was Kougaiji's great caring for his people. The redhead was perceptive in reading people and everything around him. He knew that Gyokumen Kyoshu was using him and if not for his mother trapped, Kougaiji would already use his powerful influence with the demons to destroy the selfish bitch. With all that, the red-haired prince definitely deserved his loyalty. 

Dokugakuji wondered if his concern for his brother was clearly written all over his face. "I went but I just couldn't take the last step." 

"Why?" 

"I don't know. I guess I'm awkward around him… Tell me how a person supposes to react around somebody whom he owes a lot of apologies but that person doesn't seem to blame him?" 

"Gojyo doesn't think you owe him any apology." Kougaiji stated. "Even I can see that." 

"That's the problem!" Dokugakuji said in frustration. "Every time we meet, he acts as if I did nothing wrong to him." 

"Maybe he doesn't think all that had happened was your fault." 

Dokugakuji sighed. "Yeah, that would be Gojyo's style. Every bad thing happens is his fault. I'm not surprised if he blame himself for Mother's death… He thinks he's truly cursed." 

Kougaiji opened his mouth to say something to contradict Dokugakuji's words about his brother's curse when an idea struck him. "Wait a minute…" 

"Kou? Are you alright?" Dokugakuji asked when he saw Kougaiji's blank stares. 

"Maybe we can't prove that the rumors are false…" Kougaiji murmured thoughtfully. "But what if…" 

"Kou?" Dokugakuji walked forward and grasped his prince's shoulders. "What's wrong?" 

"Dokugakuji… I have an idea on how stop the killings…" 

* * *


	14. Chapter 14: Cure and Poison

I will finish this story, damn it!! (pulling hair frustratedly) ; I don't know if anyone is still interested to read this.

* * *

A Curse of Taboo Child  
Chapter 14: Cure and Poison

* * *

"Are you sure this won't hurt him?" Hakkai raised his emerald eyes; brimmed with worry, as he hovered beside Yaone. "How do you know this will work?"

Yaone looked up at Hakkai and she smiled softly. "This potion was brewed for a condition that no other demons have, Hakkai-san. The probability that the potion will not work is certainly there."

"And yet you still want to inject it to Gojyo?" Hakkai's tone grew protective and anger. If he had to choose between Gojyo with silver choker around his neck and Gojyo with no life at all, he would surely choose the former. Let Gojyo brooded over the limiter; he could not bear to lose Gojyo.

"Would you let Gojyo be like this then?" Yaone raised her elegant eyebrow, silently challenging the answer she knew very well Hakkai wanted to retort but could not with Gojyo's presence in the room. Both of them knew how much Gojyo wanted his condition to be reversed that he didn't care if his life would be forfeited.

"Do I even have the choice in answering that kind of question?" Hakkai muttered under his breath. He didn't like this at all even though he knew what he was asking Dokugakuji in the first place was impossible.

"Relax, Hakkai," Gojyo, who was leaning against the wall, spoke up softly finally. He heard all of the conversation. He understood the risk he was taking. But he would be damned if he had to wear Kenshin's _gift_ any second longer. The loathing that he felt towards the choker, itching and burning at his neck, was something he couldn't live with for the rest of his life.

"If something goes wrong, I know I can always count on you to bring me back." Gojyo teased but Yaone could see the fear lurked in the blood-red eyes no matter how well he tried to hide it.

Hakkai snorted softly. He, then, walked toward the maddening redhead, who looked frighteningly calm with all this, and tugged him towards the bed. "You'd think I'm some kind of miracle maker or something. I can't keep on bringing people back to life all the time, contrary of popular belief."

Gojyo chuckled as he let himself being tugged and pulled by his lover. "Yeah, you would think. But you did live up the reputation, didn't you?"

As Hakkai watched Gojyo lied on the bed, fear clutched his heart like something bad was going to happen. "You're being entirely too calm with this." He couldn't take out the accusation laced in his words. He was worried and Gojyo looked as though he was to be given an aspirin! "I don't think you'd care much about anything else except the control device."

The laying half-breed frowned at Hakkai's remark and he immediately reached out to hold the healer's wrist. His face lost all the amusement as the red eyes darkened intensely. "Don't you think that I don't feel scare. I'm scared more than just my life that I so recklessly gambled. I'm scared for all the things that I might leave behind."

Hakkai swallowed hard at Gojyo's expression. This was one of the rare moments when Gojyo got so serious and so intense. Hakkai didn't know that Gojyo could be so captivating like this. "Gojyo, I…" Guilt slipped easily in Hakkai's heart.

"You know I care more than this damned device around my neck. I care a whole lot more than you'd think. But I can't let it go, Hakkai; not when it still around my neck to remind me every second of it. You'd understand that, wouldn't you?" Gojyo pressed on.

They never again uttered the word 'Kenshin' or anything that described the hellish experience that Gojyo went through, in public. They settled for the word 'it' and both of them understood the meaning of 'it'. The subject was never discussed but one would know it without being told if he had been staying with the other for that long.

Hakkai exhaled, unable to resist anymore of Gojyo's words and expression. He had lost long before the argument started. After all, it was his and Dokugakuji's idea in the first place. "Fine. But I'm going to stay with you until I'm sure the potion doesn't affect you in bad ways."

Gojyo smiled easily now that he had Hakkai's approval, reluctant or not. "I wouldn't want you far from me."

Yaone didn't bother to hide the smile as she heard the soft conversation between Hakkai and Gojyo. She couldn't see the attraction when she first encountered the party. But then, she was busy trying to sedate everyone in the restaurant and explode the building to actually see any emotional spark. And now, as she was hearing and watching it, it never failed to puzzle her to see the relationship between two very different people was working very well. They were bantering lightly as if others didn't exist in their own little world.

When Hakkai voiced out his worries about the potion, Yaone swallowed down the doubts that were gnawing her. She remembered the time when she and Zean brewed the potion. She had questioned certain doubts but back then, the blue-black-haired demon smoothly answered her every question.

_Flashback_

Yaone watched the blue-colored liquid uncertainly. For the last two days, both she and Zean had labored unstopped to brew a remedy for Gojyo. When the potion was now completed, Yaone somehow wasn't sure. She stole a quick glance to Zean and saw the black-blue haired demon smiled in satisfaction at the potion. It wasn't that she didn't want to trust Zean, but after years not seeing the demon and realized the drastic changes in him, she couldn't help but to feel uneasy. For two days, she felt as if Zean was… she didn't how to explain it but Zean was kind of… scheming…

They clashed opinions and theories several times but Zean always seemed had answers or excuses for each ingredient he added. They appeared to be logical at the moment and she approved the addition. Now, after the potion was completed and Yaone had thought things over, she couldn't help but thinking that there should be a better ingredient or even a better way to brew the potion.

"Well, Yaone, I think we did it," Zean grinned that the purple-haired woman beside him.

"Do you think it'll work?" Yaone asked quietly, fervently wished the uneasiness that she felt would go away.

"We won't know unless we tested it, right?" Zean said lightly, using the same tone he had used whenever he and the violet-haired alchemist argued.

Biting her lips, Yaone looked at Zean. "It is alright if we used it on Gojyo right away? I mean shouldn't we tested in on something else to ensure it isn't fatal to living things? The ingredients are pretty strong."

Zean turned around and grabbed a cage, where a monkey occupied it. "Then, we tested it on an animal first. If the monkey didn't die on the spot or have any side effect, then I'll say the potion is safe enough."

Yaone wanted to protest, saying that they couldn't equalize a monkey's capability to adapt with the potion with Gojyo's. Not to mention, Gojyo's overall body had changed drastically. When she studied Gojyo's blood, she was amazed that the person, who created Gojyo as he was now, could come out something like this. Gyokumen Kyoshu would certainly love this demon.

But as much as she wanted to argue, she knew her point would be used against her. Gojyo was a half-breed with blood looked like full demon but not entirely the same. There weren't others like Gojyo and thus, they couldn't really find another guinea pig to replace the monkey. Like Zean said, if the monkey didn't die or have any side effect from the potion, then the potion was safe enough.

"Or do you wish us to test on another half-breed?" Zean said when he saw Yaone's hesitation. Really, Yaone wasn't dumb nor was she oblivious. When they argued, the violet-haired alchemist put up a really good argument that Zean often found himself trapped. Now, they were on the last step, Zean did not wish Yaone to change her mind and declared he couldn't be trusted at all.

"No!" Yaone protested abruptly. "Don't use them… they have suffered enough."

Zean resisted rolling his eyes. Yaone might be a very good alchemist but her compassion on living things restrained her from exploring more. No wonder she was happy enough to stay in Kougaiji's shadow and served the prince for the rest of her life. "So, you agree to use the monkey?"

Yaone hesitated. Then she nodded. "Yes, let's do it."

_End Flashback_

Zean wasn't even here today to see whether the potion that they brewed worked or not. He said he had other things to do and that he had spent too many time in helping Yaone. Not that she could argue. She did insist the brewing process started right away without considering perhaps her friend had other important things to do. Once again casting her doubts aside and prayed she hadn't made a mistake in trusting Zean, Yaone smiled. "Shall we start?" Yaone spoke up.

Both of the men looked at the purple-haired woman but only one could answer. "Yes, let's start it." Gojyo said.

"Should we let Sanzo and Goku in?" Hakkai asked Yaone, oblivious of her internal conflict. "They would probably want to be here."

"No, it's all right. The potion doesn't take effect for the first half an hour. They can come back later if they want." Yaone busied herself to prepare Gojyo for the remedy. "After all, the place that Kougaiji-sama chose is rather small. I don't want too many people in this closing room."

Hakkai let out an inaudible breath as he perched his hips against the bed. "Whatever you think best, Yaone-san." He then reached out to grasp Gojyo's hand; he didn't know whether he was giving or receiving an assurance when he felt Gojyo grasped back his hand.

* * *

"How's Gojyo doing?" Goku asked, feeling glad when he saw Hakkai and Yaone walked out of the room. They had been waiting for some time now, not that Goku cared the exact time. In truth, he was kind of feeling uneasy at the silent animosity between Sanzo and Dokugakuji. And he didn't know why. Dokugakuji was helping them. Why Sanzo was being so distrustful?

Hakkai smiled. "He's asleep. Right now the potion seems to bear no bad side-effects but we have yet to see the effective of it."

Everyone was silent until Sanzo spoke up. "Why are you doing this anyway, Dokugakuji?" He couldn't help the suspicious tone in the question. When enemy was helping them, be that the enemy was the brother of one of them, there must be something he wanted in return. And he didn't like that.

Dokugakuji really couldn't blame him. They had, after all, been trying to kill each other on the sight. "Are you implying that we want something from you in return?"

"Damn right." Sanzo growled. "I don't believe that you're doing this for Gojyo's sake."

"Sanzo." Hakkai frowned.

Sanzo glared back at the healer. "What makes you think that this shit that's happening to us isn't their doing? For all that we know Kenshin is one of their dogs!"

"Well, you should think that earlier, shouldn't you? Not after we injected the potion in Gojyo." Dokugakuji scowled. "If it makes you feel any better, yes, you're right. We're gaining something in return of helping you!"

It was Hakkai's eyes to turn wide and then narrowed in wariness. "What are you saying?"

Sanzo snorted. Even though it did make him feel better that he was right, he refused to show how curious he was at Dokugakuji's intention in helping his brother. "If you want the sutra in exchange of Gojyo's life, forget it! Even the damned kappa isn't worth such exchange."

"Sanzo!" Goku broke in, yet not so surprise at Sanzo harsh words. "You don't really mean that!"

Sanzo glared at Goku and gave the boy a stiff shrug. Both Hakkai and Goku knew it was Sanzo's way to apologize; if the cold monk ever said one, and they let the remark go. "Well? What's your intention, then?" Sanzo challenged.

Dokugakuji looked at Yaone beside him. The gentle healer was slightly nervous at the angry exchange between Sanzo and Dokugakuji that she bit her lips and returned his look uncertainly. "Tell him, Yaone." Dokugakuji nodded his head curtly.

"What…?" Yaone gave a startled look to her comrade and sighed softly at a hard look plastered on Dokugakuji's face. "Very well, then."

"Kougaiji-sama wants to end the massacre of taboo children. I believe Dokugakuji has told all about it." Yaone accepted Hakkai and Goku's nods. "Well, since the massacre started with rumors, Kougaiji-sama thinks that it would be only fitting that the massacre ends with rumors too."

"What does that have anything to do with healing Gojyo?" Goku asked, confused.

"The first rumor about how taboo children's blood can hold back the effects of Minus Wave doesn't really cause the demons to kill the children. Yes, there are killings here and there but not so horrific as now. Mostly because, taboo children are greatly despised by them that a single rumor without any concrete prove that it'll actually work doesn't drive the demons to go near them and kill the children."

"But it was until Gojyo's success transformation from half-blooded demon to full-blooded, did all the demons believe…convince that half-breed's blood really can protect them from Minus Wave's effects. At first, we are slightly… unsure how the news of Gojyo's transformation manage to leak outside the castle because it was only the night of Gojyo's appearance that morning when I heard the news from one of the demon's towns. It was then we realized that one, or perhaps more than one, of Gyokumen Kyoshu's lackeys could be responsible of spreading the news."

"Is it so important for the news of Gojyo's transformation to remain secret?" Hakkai asked.

Yaone shook her head. "No. We never intended to keep anything as secret. But it is a wonder when the event that happened not just few hours ago was already a public knowledge that very night. The success… the genius work of changing one's natural condition will bound to be public knowing sooner or later. We think that it was Dr Nii's assistant that spread the news and that is how the rumors start."

"So, what exactly the genius plan of Kougaiji?" Sanzo asked dryly. The suspicion had not left Sanzo's mind yet and Yaone's explanation had yet told them anything about what they want in return of Gojyo's cure.

"Kougaiji-sama told us to bring along two of the Dr. Nii's assistants, for he knew for certain if the cure work, the two assistants will undoubtedly spread around the news about the potions having antidote…"

"This means, their transformation to full-blooded demon can be easily reversed, creating a major weakness for the demons." Dokugakuji added curtly and Yaone nodded.

"It also means that the demons will be discouraged to kill anymore taboo children." Yaone continued hesitantly. "But if the cure somehow… fails and affects Gojyo in bad ways… and news spread, the demons will know how dangerous both the potion and the cure… they will be still discouraged to kill."

"Either way, whether Gojyo survives or not, you will win…" Hakkai murmured, angry at how Gojyo was being used.

"The win is not for our own benefit, Hakkai-san," Yaone argued, not wanting the healer to be angry at her beloved Kougaiji-sama. "We are trying to save the life of taboo children."

"By sacrificing another life of their kind?" Sanzo raised one of his eyebrows sardonically. Then he looked at Dokugakuji. "Who happens to be the younger brother of yours?"

Dokugakuji had the grace to flush but refused to take the bait. "One cannot have everything he desires."

Sanzo snorted at what he thought as a hypocritical remark and again Dokugakuji refused to take the bait.

"Where are the assistants?" Goku asked suddenly, trying to change conversation's topic. He didn't like the sudden rise of animosity between two groups. Not when Gojyo was still in the room, recovering. "Shouldn't they be watching Gojyo or something, so they can spread the news?"

Dokugakuji was tense and Sanzo was wary. They didn't answer Goku's question. Hakkai rubbed his forehead in weary acceptance and Yaone was relieved to see the healer didn't hold anymore anger toward Kougaiji. "They are in the other room. If they want to watch, they'll come. We only have to make sure the news spread." Yaone said.

"Oh," Goku answered. He then continued thoughtfully. "You must be very good, Yaone-san, since you can make that cure. Hakkai told me that the cure is one of the kinds."

Yaone blushed at Goku sudden compliment. "No, I'm not one who should be receiving the compliment. I did get some help from my old friend, actually."

At that, Hakkai stopped rubbing his forehead and looked at Yaone. "An old friend?"

"Yes," Yaone replied almost eagerly. Anything to cease the cold feeling around them. "He used to study with me under the same teacher and I'm telling you this; he is so talented and creative. I'm glad to have him to help me brewing the cure."

"He sounds so…capable," Hakkai said softly. Now that he knew a stranger was involved in making the cure, he felt so uneasy. An unknown demon helped the Sanzo's group? Somehow, Hakkai had a feeling that the probability the cure was actually a poison was higher. And he hoped he was wrong.

"Yes, he is." Yaone didn't know whether she was convincing Hakkai or herself. "Zean was a gifted apprentice. My teacher said so."

The name struck Hakkai like a lightning. It roared through his hearing and coldness clamped his heart. He felt his heart had stopped beating and suddenly he couldn't breathe. With eyes wide opened, Hakkai choked. "Wh…who… did you just say?" _Please, please tell me that I heard wrong… please_

All four pair of eyes focused warily to Hakkai's pale face. "Hakkai?" Goku asked.

"What is your friend's name again, Yaone?" Hakkai persisted again. The frantic tone was not gone unnoticed by all of them.

Yaone had a bad feeling that what she feared all these times was coming true. It seemed that Hakkai had known something about Zean that she had tried to discover but failed. And that something was really, really bad. "…It's Zean…"

"NO!" Hakkai spun around and started to run to Gojyo's room. Panic filled his mind in seconds that all that he could think of was to somehow force whatever vile concoction Yaone injected into Gojyo out. They had not given Gojyo cure; they had given him more poison to worsen his already deteriorating condition!

Sanzo cursed fluently. He didn't know what the hell was happening or who the hell Zean was, but he'd be damned if Hakkai just said no and refused to elaborate. He fastened his steps to outrun the panicky healer before the brunette reached Gojyo's room. The cursing monk reached his hand and grasped Hakkai's wrist non-too-gently, forcing the healer to turn around to face him. "What the hell happen?" Sanzo ordered harshly. He fucking hated it when he was left uninformed or when he felt he had no control whatsoever in this situation.

"I've got to get to Gojyo!" Hakkai's eyes were like blazing green fire, obviously displeased when Sanzo stopped him. But he didn't struggle. All his cold masks were dropped and Sanzo could see Hakkai's burning emotions. Strange when he saw the healer's face filled with total anger and frustration. Again he was reluctantly awed at the power Gojyo hold over Hakkai.

"Not until I am fully fucking informed!" Sanzo tightened the grip. He hated it when his authority was being challenged. Usually it was only Gojyo and his pervert ways that broke the so-called authority but now Hakkai was doing it too!

"Zean is the one who make Gojyo like that!" Hakkai spat the words like venom, uncaring if the whole world could see his burning anger. The demon inside him was howling and roaring, demanding it to be released. "He brewed the potion, injected into Gojyo and gave him the limiter!"

The response from the other four were apparent as Yaone gasped, Dokugakuji and Goku shouted 'what!' and Sanzo's eyes widened slightly as his grip on Hakkai's wrist loosened slightly. "I thought it was Kenshin." The amethyst eyes narrowed dangerously, this time at Dokugakuji and Yaone.

"No, Kenshin didn't know anything about brewing potion." Hakkai tried to calm his heavy breathings, forcing the panic to go down and allowing the cold mask to reappear. But the effort was failing miserably. He wanted to go to Gojyo now! "Gojyo told me that Zean was the brain behind all these schemes. I don't want to know what exactly he put in the supposedly cure."

Sanzo was angry. At Kougaiji's group for cheating them, at Hakkai for trusting Dokugakuji at the first place and at himself for letting Hakkai trust them! He was so damned angry that when he spun around to face both Dokugakuji and Yaone, he was drawing his gun and pointed at them. "And do you fucking know about this?" His tone was silky, slightly shaking with uncontained wrath.

"Yaone?" Dokugakuji asked his comrade so softly. The violet-haired woman shook her head helplessly and that seemed to satisfy him. "We don't. Yaone needed help and I'm not so pleased at the involvement but that left me with no choice. I have to save Gojyo." Dokugakuji gritted his teeth, unable to believe the mess they were in.

They obviously didn't know about Zean's involvement with Kenshin. Sanzo knew that but that didn't mean he was less angry than before.

"Save Gojyo?!!" Sanzo snapped as he lowered the gun, much to Goku's relief. "You'll likely see the damned kappa dead now!" Idiots were all around him and he was grateful that Goku decided to keep quiet now.

"I was there when Zean tested the potion to monkey!" Yaone said, fidgeting with her fingers as guilt nearly choked her. "The specimen appeared to be unaffected by the potion. The potion should be harmless!"

"But Gojyo isn't monkey, is he?!" Goku interjected. He was angry too, now that Gojyo was probably going to get hurt again. He did promise the kappa that he would make sure Kenshin couldn't hurt him again. "How can you make a comparison like that?"

Yaone looked down when Goku asked her the same question she asked herself earlier. She couldn't answer the question. This wasn't going the way it should be.

"Look, can we just go inside!" Hakkai growled loudly and without waiting, he turned around. But as his hand curled around the doorknob, all of them heard a bloodcurdling scream from inside.

The scream was filled with pain and it told them one thing. The cure was indeed a poison.

"GOJYO!!"

* * *

"Where the hell did you go, Zean?" Kenshin asked when he finally saw the glimpse of his dark-haired friend walked into the hall. "You've been missing for two damn days."

Zean looked Kenshin. The bandages have been removed and without them to remind the stronger demon about his failure to make Hakkai and Gojyo killed each other, Kenshin regained his arrogance. And that make the raven-haired demon more and more attractive.

The alchemist just shrugged. If Kenshin knew what he was been doing for the past two days, he would kill him for sure. What he didn't know was he had probably discouraged demons to buy the potion by brewing theso-called curefor Gojyo.

"Nothing. I met an old friend, actually."

Kenshin raised a dark eyebrow. "Old friend?"

"She used to study with me." Zean's answer was simple and uninformative.

Kenshin let it go. Not that he was interested what the alchemist did with his time. As long as the potions are ready for selling and he received his money, he was satisfied. Then, he had some unfinished business to settle. Something related to a certain redheaded half-breed.

Zean walked into his laboratory. Closing the door behind him, he looked up at the clock. A sinister smirk appeared. It should be now. If the potion was as he wanted it to be, Gojyo should be screaming in pain right now. He wished he was there to witness the filthy half-breed suffered in his potion but he was not stupid to be there when either of the groups realized it was his doing.

The potion he brewed was especially for the half-breed; after days studying Gojyo's blood, he knew exactly what to do to make the redhead suffered long enough. But if only Yaone wasn't there to scrutinize his every movement and question each ingredient he added, perhaps he could do better. All he knew that the potion he brewed with Yaone was meant to ensure Gojyo's agony would be long enough until the damned half-breed begged for death. And death he shall receive.

But other than that, Zean could be sure of its other side-effects. He hadn't much time to study the potion and with Yaone frowning beside him, he certainly couldn't do much without rousing any suspicion from the violet-haired alchemist.

Then, maybe Kenshin would stop his fucking pursuit and his fucking infatuation! He would find another half-breed that was fat, ugly and dumb to be his mouse lab.

"Oh well…" Zean shrugged and started to continue his work as if for last two days nothing had happened.

As long as Gojyo was dead by the end of this day, any side-effects that he was unable to study would be useless anyway…

* * *


	15. Chapter 15: Miracle

* * *

**A Curse of Taboo Child**

**Chapter 15 : Miracle**

* * *

Nothing could prepare Hakkai the sight before him when he opened the door. The scream that he had heard earlier had given a vague picture of what had happened inside. He had expected something ugly but the sight before him nearly brought him on his knees. It was not what he had expected; it was even worse.

Gojyo was lying on the narrow bed, but he wasn't as still as he was when Hakkai left him about more than an hour ago. An hour ago, Gojyo was sleeping peacefully. Now…now…! He was arching his back, threatening to break it into two and the blood… oh god… the blood was pouring out almost everywhere on his body. There was blood oozing out from Gojyo's tightly closed eyes, nose and mouth; there was blood streaming out from Gojyo's skin, as the skin slashed opened on its own. The body was rejecting the poison and it was purging the poison the fastest way it knew how

The blood was everywhere… and the scream! The scream was deafening, painful and desperate! Hakkai would anything to stop it! Hysteric built up within him and his feet moved without thinking; he was running, running toward Gojyo, trying to reach Gojyo before the half-breed completely lost the fragile thread of life he was holding. Hakkai was soundless, but his erratic breathings and frantic movements as he ran toward Gojyo were enough to describe to everybody else in the room just how close he was to hysteria.

Sanzo was stunned; he was rendered speechless at the horrible sight of Gojyo in front of him. He had seen Gojyo received wounds, so severe that they threatened his life, but he had not once saw the half-breed screamed the way he did right now. But he was Sanzo; his practicality came to the rescue. He knew if he let Hakkai, in this level of turmoil, helped Gojyo, Gojyo might not last the day. He needed Hakkai to be sane and calm.

"Goku!" Sanzo called urgently, shaking the equally stunned youth from his stupor. "Idiot! Wake the hell up!" His tone raised up a notch, nearly shouting to be heard above Gojyo's horrible, horrible screaming.

"Sanzo…" Goku turned his wide eyes to Sanzo, almost pleading his guardian to do something.

"I know, damn it!" Sanzo snapped urgently. "Goku, I want you to hold down Gojyo. If he goes on like this, he would hurt himself even more."

Hearing Sanzo's firm and decisive tone, Goku gave his guardian a nod and quickly ran toward Gojyo. After seeing Goku used up his strength to hold down the writhing half-breed, Sanzo turned his attention to the hysteric healer that was already at Gojyo's side. The monk could see that Hakkai was so distraught at the sight of pouring blood that he did not know where to start first.

Hakkai was in the state of total chaos and rendered to complete immobility.

Snarling impatiently, Sanzo marched toward the brunet. He grasped Hakkai's wrist and forced the frozen healer to face him. "Wake the hell up, Hakkai!" Sanzo shook him hard, trying to make sanity, if it was even there. "Don't make me slap you like a girl!"

Breathing harshly, Hakkai blinked his dried verdant eyes once and whispered the first word after he entered the room. His lips were dry, tight and white. "He's dying…"

Anger at such words fall from Hakkai's lips, the volatile monk shook the healer hard. Sanzo didn't mean it but somehow he knew Hakkai was right and he refused to accept that. Gojyo was not allowed to die! If any of his comrades were to die, it would be on his decision and his will. No bastards like Kenshin or Zean could take his companions! "He fucking will if you continue fucking zoning out like this!" Vicious snarls raised up a notch to shouts. "If you don't fucking do something, I'll personally kill this miserable half-breed and end his misery!"

A flicker of fire began to burn hotly. Hakkai was angry at Sanzo's thoughtless words. He was angry at Yaone and Dokugakuji for letting Zean involved in brewing the supposedly cure. He was angry at himself even more for trusting Dokugakuji and persuading Gojyo to try the potion. He was angry at Kenshin for starting all this. But he needed those angers to wake him up from his numb shell and secretly thanking Sanzo.

"Get away from me…" Hakkai whispered, pulling away from Sanzo. His hands were shaking, his body was trembling but his head was clear.

Sanzo eyed the healer in front of him. Satisfied with what he was seeing, he pulled back without retorting back.

Hakkai took a deep breath, putting his emotions in check. He would break down later but not now, not when Gojyo was still fighting to draw his breaths. He would fight together with Gojyo. He climbed the bed and expertly hid his dismay at the blood-spoiled sheet.

"Hold him, Goku." His words are precise and cool; they caused Goku's head to snap up in surprise. "Hold his legs. Make sure he makes less movement. We need to reduce the bleeding."

And Goku obediently did, pressing the kicking legs down, marveled at the strength Gojyo had after losing so much blood. Goku's golden eyes glanced up at Hakkai, hearing dimmedly the brunet asked Sanzo to hold Gojyo's arms. Then his eyes caught something.

"Hakkai…" Goku spoke up hesitantly. But the healer didn't hear it, as he was busy closing the gashing wounds all over Gojyo's body. "Hakkai!" –Hakkai's head snapped up- "Gojyo's not wearing his limiter."

Sanzo and Hakkai's eyes widened and two pairs of eyes moved to Gojyo's neck. "I don't understand…" Hakkai breathed. "Why would Gojyo took off his limiter…?"

Sanzo said nothing. He did not understand either.

"What can we do?" Yaone spoke up hesitantly. The guilt that she felt was overpowering; she felt so helpless. But she wanted to help Hakkai.

Sanzo glared at the pair behind him, his anger to them had not yet properly spent. "Get the fucking out! I think you've done enough!"

"Why you…" Dokugakuji snarled, took a step forward. He had had enough of Sanzo's insolence. But his advance abruptly halted when he saw Goku's wide golden eyes pleaded expressively. The youth shook his head softly and Dokugakuji understood.

Huffing audibly, the larger demon turned around, dragging Yaone with him, and exited the room. But he stopped just outside the room. Just as he was angry at Sanzo, it did not mean he wasn't anxious for his brother.

Yaone looked up at Dokugakuji, guilt was written all over her face. "Oh, Doku… I'm… I'm so sorry… I didn't know Zean is… He was supposed to be my… I just don't understand…" Dokugakuji looked at the tear-stricken face of Yaone. He didn't say anything in return; instead he just drew Yaone close to him and gave the young alchemist a squeeze.

If anybody needed to be blamed, Dokugakuji knew it would be him. He thought of the idea, persuading Yaone when the she had clearly said she might not succeed at all and made Gojyo and Hakkai raised such hope when the truth was there was none. Sometimes, Dokugakuji wondered when he would stop do his brother wrong…

And wondered whether this would be the mistake that Gojyo would not be able to forgive…

"Shit!" Sanzo swore, when he felt his grips on Gojyo's hands were slipping due to the blood. "Shit!"

Hakkai bit his lips. He was losing his calm, he knew it. As fast as he tried to be, he knew he was too slow in closing Gojyo's numerous gashes. Gojyo was losing too much blood, which was very, very bad. To make the matter worse, Gojyo's previous erratic breathings were reduced to shallow breathings, getting slower each second passed. His violent movements weakened.

_Move it, Hakkai._ The brunet healer screamed at himself. _You're not working fast enough! Gojyo cannot hold on forever!_

"Goku," Hakkai called, still his attention on the wounds that he tried to close. "Go get some linen. I can't waste more time doing these. I need to try to purge the poison out."

Goku nodded, as he jumped off the bed and ran like mad to get what he needed.

Sanzo looked up and eyed the healer critically. "You can't purge the poison out. You don't know how."

Hakkai put one of his hands on the place where they had injected the poison inside Gojyo and the other one on Gojyo's heart. "When you were poisoned at the desert by the scorpion demon, I knew that I had to improve my healing skill. I needed to be able to heal internal wounds, not just the physical injuries. So, I created a new healing method."

Sanzo loosened his grips on Gojyo's arms, realizing the redhead had not moved as violently as before. "So, you've done this before?"

Focusing his eyes intently on Gojyo's chest, Hakkai shook his head slightly. "I…I've only thought about it theoretically. I've not tested in on real…"

At that time Goku was running back at Hakkai, carrying a bundle of white linen. "Tell me what to do, Hakkai," Goku said, determined to do anything to help Hakkai saving Gojyo. The youth's face was white but his golden glinted unwaveringly.

"I want you to press the clothes onto Gojyo's opening wounds and stop the bleeding. We still need to close the wound, but I need to purge the poison out before Gojyo becomes too weak. Sanzo, help Goku." Hakkai said firmly, inside he was slowly breaking down.

Gojyo's eyes glazed, oblivious of his surrounding; his breathings were shallow and fast, reducing their rate each second passed. He seemed to be slowly numbed by the continuous pain that flowed through his body. Strands of red hair plastered across his face; it was hard to distinguish between the hair and the blood. The color of his skin was sallow, white and it made the bright color of red, be it eyes, hair or blood, more prominent. Hakkai had never seen a more frightening scene.

_If not for the breathing, Hakkai would have sworn that Gojyo was dead already._

Taking a deep breath and steadying his trembling hands, Hakkai looked at Gojyo's face. "Let's see if we can win this battle, Gojyo…" Hakkai whispered almost inaudibly; his voice was cracking with fear and anguish. He knew Gojyo was too immersed in his pain that he was totally oblivious of the world, that he did not hear him. But Hakkai needed to say those words, to reassure Gojyo, to convince himself. "But I cannot do this alone… I want you to help me… I want you to fight with me…"

Slowly, Hakkai gathered his ki, focusing the green energy to both of his palm. He pressed his palms on Gojyo's heart and on the place where the poison went in. He took another deep breath and prayed silently before he increased his ki on the arm that he had covered the injection hole with his palm to force the green energy to flow into Gojyo's body.

The feeling of pain of foreign ki intruded his system was beyond belief. Nothing had prepared him for such pain. The strength that Gojyo thought he had lost came in full force as his body reacted to the pain. It took Sanzo by surprised when he heard Gojyo's scream increased tenfold, his face contorted painfully and the arms that he thought had weakened jerked violently. A string of curses dripped from Sanzo's lips as he tried to regain the hold.

Goku, who was busy binding and pressing the gashing wounds, gasped in shock as Gojyo's leg kicked his stomach in full force. He lost his breath momentarily, absorbing the pain before he threw away the linens he was holding to pin down the offending leg, "What…happen to Gojyo!" Goku gasped as he practically sat on Gojyo's legs.

Sanzo only gritted his teeth, from the efforts to press Gojyo's arms. He could feel Gojyo's pain. So full of pain, it radiated all over the room. And Hakkai still continued to force the healing ki inside Gojyo, ignoring the screams. For a moment, Sanzo was really considering to kill the half-breed and end his misery.

Perspiration tickled down Hakkai's temples, proof of him reaching his limits. Hakkai's emerald eyes watched intensely at Gojyo, looking for any sign that his newly and theoretically formed method was working. The pain that Gojyo felt was expected. He was after all trying to push inside his ki into Gojyo's bloodstream, healing the damage along the way. And he tried to tell himself that the continuous bleeding that came out from Gojyo's mouth would stop if… no! _when_ he succeeded to heal all of Gojyo's internal wounds.

"Hold on… hold on… hold on…" Hakkai chanted under his breath, feeling more of his perspiration fall from his forehead. His palm on Gojyo's heart, poised readily, if somehow Gojyo's heart failed to function. Somehow, he had this feeling that he needed to do that.

"Please… wait for me… just a little bit more…"

"Just a little bit more…"

* * *

Gojyo couldn't… Even he had heard Hakkai's request to fight together… Hakkai's chants asking him to hold on… he just couldn't… His grip on the fragile thread of life was slipping as blackness surrounded him, threatening to take his consciousness away. The same blackness was pressing his heart; he could not breathe. In the struggle between the light and darkness, he knew he was fighting the losing battle. That this time, he did not have the enough strength and power to stop the darkness from completely engulfing him.

Still, Gojyo labored each breath he took; stubbornly holding on to his life, willing to take any pain as it was a sign for him that he was still alive. He still clung desperately to Hakkai's voice. He wanted Hakkai to know he was fighting too.

Another blast of pain shock through his body, stolen his breath, forcing another ripple of scream to escape.

Weak… He was so damn weak… Gojyo knew he was slowly losing the fight. He was powerless to even grant Hakkai's plead to fight together. The darkness almost consumed him… coaxing him with promises of stopping the pain. Such promises were tempting… He was, after all, feeling so tired…

Yes… the pain was horrible; unbearable… it would be good if it stopped. …But… He just didn't want to leave Hakkai. He was fighting for each breath he took, bearing each shock of pain for Hakkai. He wanted the chance to tell Hakkai how much he meant to him. He wanted to tease Goku and ruffle the boy's hair one more time. He wanted to provoke the grumpy monk and laugh at the glare given to him.

He wanted to have another chance of four of them sitting together having dinner… four of them sitting in the jeep… and to have a chance of four of them heading to East for an exchange…

Yes… he wanted to so many things… he pleaded those reasons to the darkness. It persisted, already extending such blackness, touching him, coaxing him with more promises…

_No…_ His will was slowly crumbling down, his breathings were fading… _No… do not take me…_ And he felt so cold…

Faces of Hakkai smiling and laughing flashed in front of his glazing eyes; so beautiful… so happy... And to know he had made Hakkai happy made him happy too…

Moments of Hakkai's intense eyes gazed into his eyes when they made love took over… he wanted to look upon those again and again and again... forever… for the rest of his life…

He felt the ghost of Hakkai lips upon his and his gentle hands ran through his hair… he felt so loved… he was loved… and he knew that he loved the beautiful healer back… He had searched for love in his lonely 21 years… he had found it…

He heard Hakkai soft gasps when he teased him during their love-making and then he heard Hakkai chuckles at his outrageous jokes; it made him smiled too…

And then… he saw Hakkai's tears… he looked so sad… heart-broken…

His heart went still. He knew his fight was over…

If he only he could whisper good bye…

* * *

"No!" Hakkai shouted. "NonononoNO!" Gojyo had stopped breathing, his heart had stopped beating, and he had stopped moving.

Sanzo slowly released his grips on Gojyo's arms, eyes widened in disbelief; his breaths stuck at the back of his throat. He was rendered motionless, speechless and useless. Goku was frozen to the core as coldness gripped his heart like never before.

Hakkai raised his head to look at Sanzo and Goku; wildness and fury colored his eyes, turning the bright green eyes into dark and dangerous. "Move away from him!" Hakkai screamed; he was so close of losing his sanity. Why wouldn't he? His reason was leaving him. His _whole life_ was leaving him! "MOVE!"

Sanzo grabbed both of Goku's shoulders and pulled the immobilized boy away from the lifeless Gojyo and crazy-hysteric Hakkai. He readied himself with his sutra, willing to form another limiter lest the healer completely lost it. He kept his distance and yet closed enough to knock Hakkai unconscious if he needed too.

Having all the space he demanded so rashly just now, Hakkai looked down at Gojyo with such anger and incredible hurt. "You're not leaving me!" Hakkai screamed at the still form of Gojyo. "Don't you dare leave me!"

With such force, Hakkai slammed his mouth on Gojyo's, breathing his life into Gojyo repeatedly. Then he pumped the half-breed heart, willing it to start beating again.

"Come on, you bastard!" Hakkai roared, his reserve left him completely. And he covered his mouth over Gojyo's, practically willing to give his all life and breath if that was needed to bring Gojyo back. Anything to bring Gojyo's back. ANYTHING.

Hakkai pumped again, his fists curled so tight upon Gojyo's chest. "I said you can't leave me!"

"YOU. CAN'T. LEAVE. ME!" The breaking healer shouted at each thrust to Gojyo's chest.

Growled in utter frustration when he got no response from Gojyo, Hakkai leaned down to breathe in Gojyo's lung, again and again and again, forcing it to accept it. Then he pumped Gojyo's chest again and again and again, forcing the heart to beat again…

He only asked Gojyo to hold on! Just hold on while he did all the work! Was that so hard! Just who did Gojyo think he was! Who said he could just leave him like this! How dare he!

Fury rose up within him like never before. Fear consumed him like vengeance. Hakkai was falling on into the dark, black abyss that he knew he could never climb back out again. He was breaking down; he was losing his only life, his only faith, his only…everything. And he couldn't do anything about it.

"I'll kill you, bastard…" Hakkai gritted as he chanted. "If you don't wake up now, I'll kill you…"

Goku's wide eyes watched the desperate and heart-wrecking scene in front of him; tears streaming silently; grief took him swiftly that Goku felt his knees weakened. The young brunet fall to his knees; he felt his heart broke, bleeding for Hakkai and Gojyo and for himself… And then, he felt strong arms wrapped around him from behind.

Sanzo was kneeling too; his hair was shadowing his upper face. He pulled Goku's back closer to his back and… slowly put his forehead in the curve of Goku's neck, hiding his own grief. Somehow, along the way of this journey, his icy wall had crumbling down. He had watched Hakkai losing Gojyo. Foreign emotions kicked in full force and he knew if he lost Goku like that, he would lose the only link to the remaining sanity he possessed.

Gojyo was dead; Hakkai refused to give up; Sanzo and Goku knew they were both powerless to stop the healer.

Sometimes, as jaded as they all were, they were trying to reach something impossible. A miracle.

"Don't, Gojyo…" Hakkai's voice finally cracked. Gojyo's heart had stopped beating more than ten minutes. The anger was gone, the pretense was fading, and his heart was breaking. Hakkai started to grieve. His pumping weakened, just like his faith… "Just don't…"

And Hakkai gave Gojyo his final try, final piece of his torn faith. He leaned down to breathe in Gojyo's lungs and thrust his fists onto Gojyo's chest. "Don't… please…" he whispered. "Don't do this to me…"

Sometimes, when you asked for it, you just have to believe that you will receive it. Such belief was supposed to be inexistent to people like them. Such faith was supposed to be long robbed from them. They were, after all, murderers, jaded, faithless people. But then, love touched everyone, even to such people like them and love couldn't exist without faith. And so, they believed because they loved and the miracle they asked in their grief was asked with faith that they never knew existed within them.

Thus…

A cough broke out. Soft and breathless. But enough to make Goku's golden eyes blinked, Sanzo lifted his head and Hakkai stopped his pumping. The atmosphere in the room was stilled, waiting… just waiting…

Another cough. This time, made Hakkai scrambled closer to Gojyo's head and made both Sanzo and Goku stood up. Gojyo's face was white and corpse-like. Hope rose so abruptly within Hakkai's heart that it hurt… it hurt so much. Hakkai's trembling hand slowly moved to Gojyo's forehead, tracing along the damped forehead before pushing the equally damped strands of hair from Gojyo's face.

"Gojyo…?" Hakkai called softly, unsure. His hand caressed down to cup the fine jaw line before slowly wiped off the streaming line of blood from the corner of Gojyo's mouth. "Gojyo…?"

All breath held back and no movement was to be detected when they watched the long dark-red lashes of Gojyo's eyes fluttered with such tiring efforts before a pair of equally red eyes made their appearance. At first, those eyes held no recognition, still portraying the recent pain he suffered… Seconds passed like eternity before those eyes slowly directed other than blankness and straight to Hakkai's eyes.

And as if he watching a miracle, Hakkai's dry and white lips cracked into a small smile when he saw Gojyo's lips moved, forming his name. _Hakkai…_

Strange how Gojyo would always find Hakkai's verdant eyes reassuring, even when those eyes were full of fear and intense grief that had yet to go away. Stranger even when he felt Hakkai gently caressed his lips made Gojyo felt loved even he knew he was unworthy of anyone's love. His mother said so… but then his mother didn't caress his bruise lips after putting it there. And he knew this was what he was fighting for after his heart had stopped breathing.

A chance to see Hakkai smiled again…

Gojyo's lips moved silently… wanting to say something… but he didn't know what to say and he couldn't find any strength to do so.

Hakkai's relief was so great that his heart nearly stopped beating. His limbs failed to move from his current position, he didn't want to, lest if he did, he would lose the miracle he was holding so tenderly right now. He had forgotten about Sanzo and Goku, who were watching the scene; Goku grinned so wide with tears still streaming down his cheeks and Sanzo, expression inscrutable as ever, still holding Goku with him with no intention of letting go.

Hakkai had forgotten the world existed as he watched the blood-red eyes that he had worked half-death to see again. Nothing about himself that worth more than the man lying beneath him, watching him like never before. If he had to sacrifice his life, Gojyo would only have to ask; how could he deny that? Never…

He saw Gojyo's lips moved silently, he leaned down, placing his ear close to Gojyo's dried lips. "…Gojyo… what…?"

Hot breath hit Hakkai's ear; he shuddered slightly with unknown contentment. Gojyo was alive. Gojyo was _breathing_. "…'m tired… sleep for a while…" Gojyo whispered raspy, waiting for Hakkai to nod; to give his consent…

Hakkai smiled shakily before he nodded softly. Even when the half-breed had gone through such pain and death, he still considerate enough to don't want Hakkai to worry if he just closed eyes like that.

_I loved him. Oh God… I loved Sha Gojyo… So much… Too much… It would never be enough…_

Hakkai lifted his face away from Gojyo, watching the redhead slept. His fear was slowly soothed by the soft rhythms of Gojyo's breathing; finally be able to relax and calm down.

Hakkai had not shed even a tear during the hellish ordeal. He was hysteric, feeling mighty fury washed him like fire, breaking down like fragile china and felt he was blessed by the greatest miracle ever bestowed to humankind. His emotion was slammed back and forth. He was completely drained; his barrier was breaking dangerously. But not one tear escaped his eyes.

He quietly left the bed and without saying anything to Sanzo and Goku; they didn't stop him. They knew that Hakkai needed the privacy. Then, the healer left the room, sparing not even a glance to Dokugakuji and Yaone. His quiet steps quickened to running when he reached the exit and Hakkai kept running and running and running…

Surrounded by thick jungle, Hakkai felt his legs weakened and he fell on his knees. Tears of joy, relief and stress from the experience broke free uncontrollably. His heart shriveled with fear and then expanded with such happiness. He had never felt so much emotion before in his while life as Hakkai.

He had lost Gojyo for ten minutes and he had almost lost him because he was foolish enough to inject the poison into him. He had practically almost killed Gojyo.

_He had almost killed the most important person in his life._

The thoughts and emotions burst like volcano. His chest expanded with so much feeling. He needed to let those out. The tears weren't enough. No, they were not.

And so, Hakkai screamed.

* * *

"Gojyo made it, huh?" Dokugakuji asked softly, his dark eyes focused on the sleeping figure on the bloodied sheet. When he saw Hakkai walked out of the room, face so pale and worn, he had thought the worst. He had heard the way Hakkai shouted; cursing at Gojyo… he knew Gojyo had stopped breathing.

For a moment, Dokugakuji felt his heart went cold. For a moment, he had thought that this time, no matter what his excuses were, he would not be able to forgive himself. For a moment, he had wanted to die as penance for all the wrong he had done to his younger brother.

Perhaps it was not a moment. Because when he came about, he saw Hakkai walked past him, sparing not even a glance, expression as frozen as ice. Did Gojyo die? Why didn't he hear anything inside the room?

He did not burst in the room like before. The silence surrounding the room deserved his silent entry as well. He was dreading the view that might be presented to him. He was not yet ready to watch his vibrant, devil-may-care brother lied lifelessly on the bed. He had much to do to make up mistakes from the past, guilt that needed to be assuaged.

The scene that greeted him was not what he expected. Inside the room, Goku was kneeling beside Gojyo, carefully washed out the still unbound opening wounds and wrapped linens around each wound. The boy's face was intense but still pale and worn out. The hands that worked around the linens were still slightly trembling. But the peace upon his face was absolute.

Sanzo was standing not too far from two of his companions; his expression was carefully hidden by his golden locks. One look told anybody that the monk was unaffected by the whole thing, but Dokugakuji's sharp eyes did not miss the absolute tense posture that Sanzo tried so damn hard to relax. Nor the way Sanzo clenched his fists and the way his violet eyes watched Goku slowly and carefully tended Gojyo. Maybe he was wrong, but to Dokugakuji, Sanzo looked afraid and extremely uneasy.

Then, his eyes reverted to Gojyo. As pale and still as he was, no one can deny the fact that Gojyo was sleeping heavily. His face was damped with sweat and blood. Lines of exhaustion and pain did not yet left his face but no one could deny that he was finally relaxing.

"What are you still doing here?" Sanzo bit out, less harsh then he intended. Perhaps the anger he felt toward Dokugakuji dampened by the feeling of Gojyo had somehow survived. Or the peaceful look on Goku's face.

Dokugakuji, too, was too emotionally exhausted to draw up any anger. "Just looking…"

"At what?" Sanzo snorted softly. "At your half-death brother?"

"Yeah… half-death brother…" Dokugakuji brought up his hand and rubbed his face tiredly. "…I wanted to do so much for him… Never came out right…"

"You left him to deal with your mother's corpse. He worshipped your mother; he worshipped you. How would you think he felt?" Sanzo's tone was sharp. He was tired hearing Dokugakuji's words, saying how much he wanted to make up with his brother. Sanzo had never believed in second chances before.

"I tried to reason my actions for so long…and came up none." Dokugakuji looked at his brother and guilt and love were all over his face. Memories of his young Gojyo ran toward me, holding red flowers and falling down along the way, flashed in front of his eyes. Smiles on Gojyo's face, so did the bandages. His mother beat him endlessly and Dokugakuji had never seen an expression of hatred adorned Gojyo's young face.

_If I gave these red flowers to Mother, she would like me, right_

_I'm not crying! No, they didn't hurt… I'm not lying! Ouch!_

_Jien…? Am I really cursed? Mother says so… everybody says so… Is that why she doesn't love me…_

_I love you, Jien… Really, really, really love you…_

"And one day I just stopped reasoning and realized that I have no excuse on what I've done to Gojyo," The tall demon said softly, still looking at his brother. He wondered if Gojyo would still love him like he was when he was a little boy…if Gojyo would still hug him so innocently before their mother's death… Did he even dare to ask? "I'm a coward… that's what I am. And Gojyo had more courage than I will ever have."

Sanzo did not say anything. He didn't need to. Dokugakuji was already burdened with guilt for so long he didn't need to add more. Instead, he contented himself to watch Goku. He, too, was burdened with guilt. For letting his master died… for the blood that covered his hands... But somehow, by merely watching Goku, feeling his innocent showered down his guilt and blood, Sanzo felt as if he had found the redemption he was looking for. He had felt peace.

"So, what are you going to do about that?" Sanzo's monotone voice asked. He still did not look at Dokugakuji.

"Right now? Leaving, I guess," Dokugakuji let out an unsure and short laugh. "I've done enough mistakes for one day."

Sanzo just snorted softly under his breath.

"Tell Hakkai, he is lucky." Dokugakuji breathed, as he turned away and walked out the door. "Gojyo does not love often. And when he does, he would love unconditionally."

"I don't need to do that." Sanzo exhaled, finally relaxing his rigid posture. "Hakkai knows."

Dokugakuji curved up a small smile and he vanished.

* * *


	16. Chapter 16: I Love You

* * *

**Curse of a Taboo Child**

_Chapter 16: I Love You_

* * *

The rumor was traveling fast and it didn't take much time before the news hit the two demons, who started the whole thing. Their reaction was acceptable for someone who had lost the very huge sum of money that they staked. Shock, disbelief and finally rage. But Zean wasn't as extreme as Kenshin when it came to losing everything. And Kenshin did lose everything. The potion, the money, the opportunity and especially certain redhead half-breed that made him lost the first three.

"Why the fuck was the rumor even started!" Kenshin all but shouted. His voice echoed throughout Zean's lab.

Zean just glared at the fiery raven-haired demon with his icy blue eyes. "Don't you even dare blame me. May I remind you that it was your fine, _dumb_ idea to let Gojyo fought that lover of his?"

"So? If you didn't get yourself being kicked fucking dumbly by a _chained_ Gojyo and gave Hakkai the damned opportunity to steal Gojyo from me, my fine, _brilliant_ idea would have succeeded!" Kenshin snarled back.

The argument had started long before this. And it did not look like it was going to end soon. Voices rose to shouts and both of them waited before angry words became physical.

They were both no longer acting partners. They were like predators, circling each other, looking for any opportunity to stab or hurt one another. Something happened between them and suddenly their original plan was forgotten. Because that was all demons did. When lust and rage involved, nothing else matter but to assuage the feelings. Kenshin lusted for Gojyo, Zean lusted for Kenshin and Kenshin was angry for losing Gojyo, for Zean making the whole thing so damn so complicated and Zean was angry for Kenshin lusting for a filthy half-breed that should not be allowed even to live, for letting himself being so affected that caused their plan to ruin.

"Succeeded?" Zean repeated in disbelief. His long black hair crackled with the fury he felt. "Your plan wasn't even in our original plan, you dumb head!" Fists tightened painfully, warningly.

"Fuck you!" Kenshin roared, taking a step closer to his aggravating partner. He was sick of Zean's know-it-all attitude, thinking that he had all the brain while, he, Kenshin, was nothing. "Admit it yourself! You don't even remember what the original plan is!"

Zean threw his head back and laughed cruelly. Anger was radiated in the laughter, not humor. "Our plan is to get a half-breed, make a potion, sell the bloody thing to demons and make ourselves so filthy rich!" He, too, took a step forward challengingly. "But somehow, along the way, you got your lust in our way and ruined it!"

Kenshin had enough. He grabbed Zean's front cloth and yanked the smaller demon toward him. He had his face so close to the alchemist, lips taunting against Zean's. "My lust?" Kenshin hissed. Zean almost shuddered when he felt light brushes of Kenshin's lips against his dry ones. "What about yours, huh? Tell me that you don't want this?"

Zean heard the challenge and before he could say anything that was equally scathing, he felt Kenshin's lips crushed against his, robbing any words he nearly spilled. Zean's icy blue eyes went wide in surprise and for a while, he couldn't think but feel the way Kenshin's lips moved on his lips. Smugness, challenge and vengeance were in the raven-haired demon's kiss and Zean knew that. It made him so angry when he felt himself responded to the kiss.

Of course he was attracted, no, _lusted_ for Kenshin. Kenshin knew that and being a bastard that Zean knew he was, the lavender eyed demon flaunted it shamelessly. Zean had wanted this for as long as he could remember. How could he deny what his body carved when Kenshin gave what it desired? But that didn't mean it made him less angry.

Triumphant was all over Kenshin's face when the demon lifted his head. "It is your lust…" Kenshin sneered softly; his hand released the shirt and raised up to cup the alchemist's jaw. "It is my lust… Why do we blame each other?"

Narrowing his eyes, Zean licked his lower lips and he brought his hand to run through Kenshin short hair. Then, he grasped a good deal of the dark hair, pulling it painfully toward him. Not once Kenshin acknowledged the pain in his scalp. Arrogant bastard! He was too arrogant; god damned him for being so sexy and aggravating! "Kiss me again like that…" Zean hissed angrily. His eyes shone warningly. "I'll kill you with poison!"

Smirk curved up on Kenshin's handsome face. "Poison is all you ever brewed, Zean. Just like the one you brewed for Gojyo." He brought his own hand up and gripped Zean's wrist tightly, loosening the alchemist's cruel hold over his hair. "Do think I wouldn't find out? About the potion you brewed for Gojyo's _cure_?"

Zean didn't know how Kenshin know about the potion he had brewed with Yaone. And he knew Kenshin _knew_ he was equally responsible for their failing plan. But like hell he was going to let Kenshin put all the blame on his shoulders. So what of they both let their lust, anger and jealousy ruining the perfect opportunity? They were demons after all. "Like you said," Zean drew his hand from Kenshin's grasp, retreating a few steps with indifferent expression on his face. "My lust… your lust… why do we even bother to blame each other?"

Kenshin snorted. Zean was a master in twisting words around. There was no way he was going to admit it out loud but Zean did have the brain. He didn't have any words to slam back. "I'm tired of being so damn angry the whole time." Kenshin sighed as he slumped on the chair nearby. "Lately, nothing we did is right…"

Zean raised his dark eyebrows at Kenshin's words. It was like all the fire between them just snuffed out and was completely forgotten. He was still angry of course and his body arousal was protesting for not finishing what Kenshin started. But then, since when Kenshin did _not_ annoy him? Try never. Perhaps that was why he was attracted at the impossible demon at the first place. "Just like that? What makes you think I don't want to poison you anymore?"

Quirking up an eyebrow, Kenshin smirked. "You want me too much to kill me."

Zean really wished he could convince his body and heart otherwise. But who was he to lie to himself? "Yet." Zean reminded Kenshin coldly. "It is only a matter of time before my anger for you surpasses the lust."

"Yeah, yeah," Kenshin waved away. "So? What's next?"

Zean turned around to look at his experiment equipment on the table. "Why are you asking me? I thought you have all the ideas and plans?"

"Oh, stop that!" Kenshin said irritably. "Don't start the fucking argument. I told you I'm tired!"

"So am I!" Zean retorted back. He pushed aside the scattered papers on the table to make some space. He slid up and sat on the table, facing the slouching demon with intense pale lavender eyes watching him back. "I couldn't just kill my anger like you did!"

Kenshin grinned. "Who said I wasn't angry anymore? I'm just tired but I'm still angry."

Sighing loudly, Zean rubbed the bridge of his nose. "What do you want to do next?"

Kenshin looked out at the window; his eyebrows drew together, frowning deeply. "Personally, I would very much want to slice open Hakkai's stomach and pull his gut out. Then, I want to take Sanzo's gun and shoot him at his arms and knees before blow off his fucking head!" And he wanted to do countless more things to the half-breed that he didn't bother to voice them out. Yes, among the four, he would to torture the redhead longer and break him.

Zean sighed at the violent wish. "You know we are no match of the group if you wish to fight them. Even when you were fighting Goku alone, you told me how strong the boy is; it is more than you can handle. How do expect us to win them, hmm?"

"I don't know…" Kenshin shrugged.

"With the rumor about our potion, we would probably scare off the stupid demons rather than selling off any of our potion." Zean continued.

"What do you expect?" Kenshin leaned back, looking tiredly at the ceiling. "Even Prince Kougaiji is against us… helping Sanzo's group even when they are his enemy." Then a crooked smirk appeared. "It proves we are much more enemies to him than Sanzo."

"We did kill many taboo children in our experience. Prince Kougaiji is against killing anyone, if it not necessary. I'm sure sooner or later he will come for us." Zean sighed and looked at Kenshin at the corner of his eyes, silently reproving. "And I here thought our identities are going to remain unknown."

Kenshin glared at the maddening alchemist. Any deaf demon could hear the underlying accusation. He, was after all, did insist on letting Gojyo fighting his lover under the influence of Minus Wave. The act was the beginning of their undoing. Both of them were beginning to lose whatever little rationality they had and started to act on their lust, jealousy and anger. Kenshin knew that and that bastard have to rub it in. "I have an idea." Kenshin said stiffly.

Zean had to hide his smirk. So passionate, so easy to rile. All one had to know was where to attack. He did say he was still angry, right? "Well, let's hear them then."

Kenshin snorted. He wanted to say something rude but then, since when he ever had the pleasure of having the last word? "If your _cure_ still didn't manage to kill Gojyo, it should still make him unable to fight, right?"

"It didn't kill that half-breed." Zean said succinctly. "I heard it from the bar."

"Then, that lover of his is certainly an incredible healer for countering your poison." Kenshin said sarcastically, taking great pleasure in verbally attacking his partner. "I've never heard your poison unable to kill anybody."

Zean narrowed his eyes. "Who are you to talk? I thought you've never been defeated by anybody before. How come a small boy who looks a lot like a monkey managed to deter you?"

See what he meant? Kenshin thought angrily. Ever single time they engaged in this kind of twisted game, he would lose. And for some stupid reasons, he would keep on playing every single fucking time "Whatever. Want to know the rest of my plan or what?" Kenshin leaned back against the chair, crossing his arms.

Zean shrugged.

"Hakkai, too, will not be able to fight properly. I heard from the rumor, he used a lot of his ki that day. So, all that's left is Goku."

A black eye brow rose. "What about the monk? I heard he is quite fearsome even on his own. He has the gun and the sutra; both, I might add, lethal to demons like us."

"I've fought the monk and the monkey. I seemed to me that Sanzo has some kind of attachment toward Goku. He could have shot me right on the heart that day but instead, he took some kind of revenge and shot other places just to hurt me back." Kenshin rubbed the back of his neck at the remembrance.

"And?"

"Though Goku is strong, the monkey is still stupid." Kenshin sneered. "We could use that to somehow defeat Goku and Sanzo at the same time."

"Somehow?" Zean repeated. "That's your brilliant plan?"

Kenshin raised his leg and slammed it on the table, beside the provoking alchemist's hip. The equipments and papers on the table jumped with such noise; some were scattering on the floor. If Zean was surprised, he certainly didn't show it. "At least I give us something to start on. What are you suggesting then?" Kenshin asked silkily, challengingly.

Zean watched the fire of madness in Kenshin's lavender eyes. He knew he was too close. Kenshin could only take so much before the violence in him broke loose. Gojyo was the only one who had breached that line and he had received the violence. So, Zean silently retreated. They were after all just playing the dangerous game of words. There was no need for the game to end in blood.

"Do you want to capture them or kill them on the spot?" Zean asked, wisely mellowing down his sarcasm.

"What are _your_ suggestion?" Kenshin stressed.

"If we can't meet them upfront, we should use another way, right?"

"I hate cryptic words! Just say what you want to say."

Zean rolled his eyes in apparent exasperation. Passionate, aggravating, crazy and now impatient to boot. He wondered for the countless times how he ever put up with Kenshin. "What I'm trying to say, we should use subtler way. Obviously your barging and slashing techniques that you love to use are not going to work."

"Subtler way?" Kenshin frowned. "You mean we are going to do it your way?"

Zean just nodded.

"Poison?" Kenshin said the word in such distaste. Poison was for coward and weak. He certain was not either one. But he did have a hard time fighting Goku alone. Did that make him weak? Kenshin remembered the pain of Goku's hits and Sanzo's bullets penetrated him. No, he was not weak; but he was willing to admit dealing four of them at the same time was impossible.

"That's why I ask you, whether you want to capture or just to kill them?" Zean's voice interrupted Kenshin's thought. "I could use non-lethal one for them. Just enough to knock them out."

"Where's the fun in watching them drop dead just liked that?" Kenshin asked.

"We could capture them and put them at our mercy." Zean said, raising both of his eyebrows and Kenshin could almost see the gleam in those blue eyes. The raven-haired didn't bother to hide his amusement.

"Now it sounds like fun." Kenshin smirked.

"No," Zean corrected. "It sounds like a plan."

* * *

Hakkai walked in slowly, quietly to Gojyo's room. They had left Kougaiji's small fortress and checked in one of the local motels. As Hakkai carried Gojyo, the redhead remained asleep and cared not about his surrounding. Even as when Hakkai further cleaned up Gojyo and rebound the bandages that were not quite right, Gojyo did not awake even once. Hakkai, however, still remained reassured due to Gojyo's even, heavy breathings.

He still couldn't use his ki yet. Not to the extent of using it to blast any enemy. Perhaps the new technique that he used on Gojyo used more ki than he would normally use. And it had three days. Usually he would only need one day or two the most to recuperate. If this was the side-effect of using his ki that way, he had to be careful.

Goku had found the limiter. It was beside the bed on the floor. Hakkai had been contemplating to whether or not put the silver choker back around Gojyo's neck. When Gojyo was conscious for a while, the half-breed seemed normal and did not act like a full-blooded demon. Hakkai wondered whether what they thought as poison was miraculously curing Gojyo. But he didn't want to take any chance; he had taken once and he had almost lost Gojyo, and so, he fastened the choker back around Gojyo's neck, wishing for the countless times he didn't have to.

That was three days ago. Gojyo had been sleeping all the time. So heavy were his injuries and Hakkai knew Gojyo needed the reprieve.

Hakkai's eyes softened at the sight of the still sleeping, naked half-breed on the bed; flaming hair spread all over the snowy pillow and blanket draped possessively on his torso. It never ceased in Hakkai's mind how impossibly lucky he was. Gojyo's heart had stopped for more than ten minutes. By right, Gojyo should not be alive. By right, he could not revive Gojyo. By right, he could not be smiling like he did now. It was a miracle. And Hakkai still couldn't believe he had received one.

He sat on the chair beside the bed and leaned forward to softly touched the red strands, pushing them from Gojyo's forehead. The used-to-be pale face had regained a little of its lost color. The twin scars didn't look so prominent now and the hair tresses were no longer looked so contrasted to the skin. Hakkai's verdant eyes trailed down from Gojyo's face to the half-breed's hand. Silently, Hakkai slipped his hand into Gojyo's, treasuring the warmth.

Every now and then, Hakkai became more attentive to simple, insignificant things that he used to take for granted, that proved Gojyo was alive. Like Gojyo's breathings, the warmth when he held Gojyo's hand, the steady rises and falls of Gojyo's chest, the way sometimes the blanket messed up when Gojyo moved… Therefore, it was no wonder Hakkai could feel the slight change in Gojyo's breathingsand the way Gojyo's fingers twitched in his grasp.

Hakkai's eyes snapped back to Gojyo's face, just waiting, expecting… anticipating. Gojyo was finally waking up and Hakkai felt his heart skipped a beat. He rose from the chair and gently perched his hips on the edge of the bed, before leaning forward to look closely at Gojyo's face. "…Gojyo…?" All but whisper, as if he was afraid he was wrong.

Eyes were still closing. No motions to be seen yet. But a smile broke out on Hakkai's eyes when he heard word coming out of the lips. "…Hakkai…?" Gojyo rasped.

"Yes, it's me," Hakkai answered, still in the low tone. "How are you feeling, Gojyo?"

It took several moments for Gojyo to force his eyes to open and when they adjusted to light, Gojyo could make out Hakkai's face, hanging over his face. Somehow, Gojyo remembered the first he brought Hakkai into his house; injured and dying. When Hakkai awoke, he was hanging his face above the brunet's; just like Hakkai was doing right now. It was achingly familiar. It seemed such a long way both of them had walked through to get where they were right now. From a simple stranger's compassion, to deep friendship, to lovers and now Gojyo wanted more. He was greedy, he knew that.

Gojyo slowly moved his hand to touch Hakkai's face, but only managed to grasp the brunet's white sash on the chest. He could feel his hand trembled slightly. His body was still recuperating from the hellish ordeal and his muscles were protesting from the sudden use. "I feel like shit…" And then Gojyo said hoarsely as he grinned weakly. "But much better than the last time I was conscious. I don't feel like fucking screaming anymore."

Hakkai smiled at the lighthearted curses Gojyo said and then, inevitably, laughed. The laughter broke the silence that had been in that room for three days. And Hakkai laughed again. He felt as if everything was falling back to where it should be. He felt that the normality that he had asked so fervently before was being granted. That everything was going to be alright again.

Gojyo smiled too because he had never heard Hakkai laughed like that; he found out that he liked that sound so damn much. Not just the sound, but also the way Hakkai's eyes crinkled beautifully and the way faint flushes appeared across his nose, highlighting the genuine happiness Gojyo knew Hakkai felt. Much to Gojyo's delight, he watched Hakkai leaned closer to him and dropped barely felt kisses on his forehead, down to nose and finally to his dried, cracked lips. Gojyo had wanted the closeness, the touches; bloody hell, he fought through the death for this! The lips grazed slightly, giving a ghostly feeling on his already tingling skin. He felt his breaths quickened, hot and heavy, in anticipation. And the tongue that swept on his lips after that was real and very, very tangible.

Before Gojyo could open his own mouth to pull the tongue inside, Hakkai lifted his face and let his lips hung not more than an inch from Gojyo's. Gojyo wanted to protest for the withdrawal but Hakkai's soft words stopped him. "…The last time you joked around seemed like so long ago…" he whispered and felt Gojyo's slight shudders as his hot breath hit on the redhead's now-wet lips. "…I can't believe how long three days were… how I thought they would never pass…"

Gojyo's eyelashes brushed against Hakkai's cheekbone as the former tried to look down to Hakkai, so close their faces were. "I was asleep for three days?" Gojyo asked with quiet disbelief. "It didn't feel that long…"

"Uh…huh…" Hakkai answered, murmuring as he nodded slightly. He went silent for a few moments, savoring the closeness. "Three, long days…" He, then, raised one hand to bury it into Gojyo's luxurious flaming lock, holding Gojyo's face up towards him.

Gojyo could barely hear the inaudible I-miss-you, so he couldn't be certain Hakkai ever said that. He doubted it. Saying something like that was so not like Hakkai he knew. But the thought vanished abruptly and became so insignificant when Hakkai closed his mouth with his own lips. This kiss was different from any other kisses they had shared before. Gojyo could feel almost everything in this kiss. Desperation, hunger, fear, lust, affection, and much more that he couldn't identify were in the kiss… Gojyo felt so full… so completed… so needed… so smothered… he wanted it all…

Hakkai urged Gojyo's mouth to open further for him… his tongue delved further inside… he wanted Gojyo to feel what he had felt for the past three days; he wanted Gojyo to know how far he would go for him; he wanted Gojyo to feel the desperation, fear and most of all the love that he couldn't speak of… and when it all added up, he wanted Gojyo… as simple as that… as complicated as that…

And Gojyo wanted it all… He released his grasp on Hakkai's sash, slid up to the brunet's neck and used all his strength to wrap his one arm around the neck, pulling Hakkai closer… making the kiss deeper… the feelings overpowered as Hakkai's hand in his hair lifted his head from the pillow… he could almost feel the love among the lusts in the kiss… he wanted to believe it was love… because, help him… he loved the man above him…

He was so afraid before. Afraid to admit the growing love he felt for his best friend. And then, Kenshin came along, pulling him further inside the shadow he created long before he met Kenshin. But Hakkai was so being persistent; he knew the brunet did not have to do anything because he kept falling further and deeper. It couldn't be helped. He was being a coward and so damned stubborn that it took a brief death to make him realized the chance he stupidly let slipped away.

It took a complete black and frightening death to force him to admit that he loved Hakkai.

Gojyo loved Hakkai so much that he couldn't breathe… he loved Hakkai for so long that he couldn't remember when it started… he loved Hakkai for everything the man was, right from the fact he was a murderer, a damn perfectionist that sometimes annoyed him, a constant nag that never stopped irritated him to the most kindest person he had ever met. He searched high and low for love when what he was looking was in front of him… when the love he was looking for was in the man who knew his darkest secrets, his flaws, his greatest mistakes and yet still be there for him… when the love he was looking for was in the man who understood he was the cursed one…

So, if what he felt in the kiss was wrong… that if it was not love… god, helped him…

_If he had to face another _fucking_ rejection…_

Hakkai was the first to break the kiss. But it was because he felt something warm and wet fall onto his hand that was in Gojyo's hair. At first he thought blood. He thought wrong. Dark green eyes went wide when he saw thin lines of tear streamed out from the tightly closed eyes, hiding the ruby orbs. Gojyo's face was faintly flushed, lips slightly parted, breathless from the kiss and eyes closed; tears still managed to escape. He looked so sexy and heartbreakingly beautiful.

"Gojyo…" Hakkai breathed.

The said half-breed seemed reluctant to open his eyes, silently cursing for the tears that escaped, for the heart that was feeling too damned much. The torture under Kenshin and the abnormal change in him couldn't make him cry. It was a mere thought of losing what he had with Hakkai drove the tears to slip. That was all it took to make him cry. He was fucking pathetic.

But, then, he was Sha Gojyo. He was known for being so damn passionate that he would always be the one who was hurting. He couldn't change the way he was, the way he felt. The sole arm that was around Hakkai's neck remained motionless; his body was tense. He couldn't even stop the damn tears! And Hakkai, feeling the tense in Gojyo's body, slowly let Gojyo's head back on the pillow, waiting Gojyo to open his eyes.

When Gojyo found the courage to open his eyes, he found Hakkai's intense eyes were watching him. Just watching; expecting nothing. His breath was caught behind his throat, he wanted to do something, to say anything. He was feeling so much, emotions rolled inside him; he wanted to share it with Hakkai. He wanted to tell the man who was his best friend that he loved him. Gojyo knew he could lose what he had with Hakkai; he could risk hurting himself like before, but then since when his heart ever learned?

_He had always be the one who put his heart on the ground and begged anyone to trample it, begging for a love that had been always unattainable._

"Why are you…" Hakkai's soft murmur stopped and his eyes looked at the tears that still streaming out. He raised his hand and wiped the tears slowly, deliberately; he was silently fascinated. He had never seen Gojyo shed any tears before. The vulnerability he saw in his lover was stunning… arresting… He brought his damped thumb to his lips, tasting for the first time his lover's tears and heard the way Gojyo gasped softly at his act.

The look Hakkai gave him, gave Gojyo courage. And so, the half-breed looked up and met his eyes to Hakkai's. His lips moved slowly, as if giving himself time to reconsider his reckless decision.

"Hakkai… I…"

_It is worth it…? Are the three words you want to say worthy of what you shared… of what you have with him now? You are about to break the agreement you have with him, you know? _

_I know damn it! But I am feeling fucking too much… I can no longer pretend to go back the way we were… not when I have already fallen like this…_

_At least you will still have him in your cold bed at nights… at least the nightmares will not haunt you when you feel his arms around you… you don't have to tell him what he don't want to know… at least you can pretend that he loves you back…_

_I can't! I'm not him! I can't live the days, pretending we are still friends and make love to him at nights, pretending he loves me back! _

_What would you do then when he rejected you…? He may have let go the ghost of his dead lover… What makes you think he ready for love… for someone like you…? Can you go on this journey, having him so close and yet so far? To never be able to feel his kiss again, to hear him laugh just for you anymore, to see him looks at you as if he loves you back… just because you are too greedy to want more._

_I would probably die… He is the one who brought me to life when I am supposed to be dead… I don't think I could stay alive if he… rejected me…_

_Then why? You can still have it all… you don't have to tell him that you love him._

_Because I feel too much. Don't hear me? Because I want to be able to tell him that I love him every time he makes love to me, every time he makes me happy, every time I make him laugh, every single second… every single day… without fear, without restrain, without hesitation… _

… … _Perhaps you are right… _

_…what…?_

_Your heart will never learn… _You_ will never learn…_

Gojyo laughed bitterly silently._ I am what I am… I am stupid, after all… _

"Gojyo…?" Hakkai's eyes never stopped scrutinizing the face below him. He could see the hesitation across Gojyo's face.

"Hakkai…" Gojyo slowly withdrew his arm around the healer's neck and stopped when his palm grasped Hakkai's jaw. He brought his other hand and cupped the other side of Hakkai's jaws. A heartbeat and a brief hesitation passed before Gojyo pulled Hakkai down and kissed the lips. He would return Hakkai's earlier kiss with equal fervor and desperation he felt, if his strength was back to normal. But instead, he could only open his mouth and let Hakkai's tongue inside him.

Tears threatened to spill again when he thought of losing all these. _But he loved Hakkai and he wanted to tell him…_

Without breaking the kiss, Hakkai shifted his position, lying wholly on top on Gojyo. He braced his legs to both sides of Gojyo's legs, trapping the latter possessively. _Much better and much more comfortable… _Hakkai could kiss deeper like this; he wanted to rob Gojyo's breaths and made him as one with him. Despite the fact it was Gojyo who initiated the kiss, Hakkai could feel hesitation and chaos in the redhead's kiss.

He knew something was bothering Gojyo so deeply and considering all that he had gone through, Hakkai didn't know which one. He could also see Gojyo was bursting with something, as if wanting to tell him but utterly afraid. Hakkai almost found that absurd because since when Gojyo ever afraid to say anything? Gojyo could never hide anything he felt. Gojyo was not the masquerader; he was. That was one of Gojyo's traits that attracted him the most. He knew where he stood when he was with Gojyo.

Gojyo couldn't take this anymore. The words were choking him, clogging his throat. His heart was bursting. He wasn't fooling Hakkai, he fucking knew that. So he pushed Hakkai slightly away from him, breaking the kiss; breathless and all. Looking deep inside Hakkai's startled eyes for being pushed away so abruptly, Gojyo took a deep breath. It was now or never.

"I love you."

A whisper.

Nothing more than just a soft, frightened whisper.

To Gojyo, it could have been a shout.

But Gojyo had never felt this sure before even when he could lose it all.

Gojyo watched Hakkai's eyes went wide in utter shock and disbelief. Gojyo couldn't breathe. His insecurity made him expecting a rejection and the fact that Hakkai was stunned didn't help the matter.

"…What…?" Hakkai breathed, struggling to make his mind functioning again. He had heard it. He just couldn't believe it.

"I love you…" The admission went softer. Gojyo was waiting the rejection he knew he deserved. He could almost hear his mother's scream in utter hatred; he could almost feel his mother's beatings when he tried to tell her how much he loved her. _You are the cursed one! What makes you think I would love a dirty creature like you! Go away! Don't touch me!_

"I… I _fucking _love you… damn it to hell."

Then silence.

There was nothing but Hakkai's heavy breaths at such admission.

Disbelief. Shock.

All these time, he had wondered how long he could keep his feeling a secret as he tried to win Gojyo's heart. All these time, all those chances arose, all those chances they had lost… _Gojyo loved him…_Good heaven… would life stop throwing ironies and surprises at him…?

Now he had said it, Gojyo couldn't stop.

"Fuck the agreement we made before… I put up the rules and I broke them, I know that." Gojyo's voice was low and tight, his body went so tense, his face was hard and he fisted Hakkai's white sash with both hands tightly; his knuckles went white. "Hell, I should be the old player in this kind of game; who would guess I would be the damn loser…?"

Hakkai still didn't say anything and Gojyo couldn't stop talking. His tone dropped even lower to mere whisper and he couldn't look at Hakkai's eyes anymore. So, he closed them again. "I'm a fool but what I feel is too much… so damn much… you'd probably never know…"

Shock and disbelief slowly passed like they should be. There were nothing left but feelings of happiness and infinite gratitude to whomever concern. Hakkai was elated, he was rejoiced and that was understatement! He had wanted to hear that from Gojyo's mouth ever since he had realized his feeling. Typical, him! Always let Gojyo be the one to speak up first. Always let Gojyo do anything first. Always remained as a coward. _And Gojyo thought he was the fool one._

In fact, they both were, tiptoeing around the words, keep on wasting time and chances…

But Gojyo loved him! Gojyo had stopped playing the cautious game they were playing and said them with such frankness that was Gojyo. The words swirled around Hakkai like shouts and he couldn't think any other words to match up Gojyo's words. Except these. Those kinds of words could only be replied with these words.

"God, Gojyo… I love you, too…" Hakkai murmured; his grip on Gojyo's hair tightened with the intense emotion he felt inside. The words rolled out from his lips naturally, as if this was what supposed to be.There was a catch in his voice that made Gojyo's heart pounded crazily. "…so much… too much… and I know exactly how you feel…"

_I love you too… I love you too…_

The words echoed. He couldn't believe it. Gojyo closed his eyes, letting the words sank in blissfully. The knuckles slowly loosening the death grips on the rumpling sash. He had taken the chances… and now Hakkai loved him back. Hakkai loved him, even though he knew he was the cursed one, the one who should not be allowed to even to exist.

And he did something he never thought possible. Gojyo curved his lips into smile and then, tears fall without control. He was crying_ happily. _"I've been hated for the color I bear," Gojyo said softly. "I keep on falling down and struggling to stand up again. But I hold on like some stubborn idiot because somehow I knew…"

"Knew…?"

"That I was waiting for something to happen." Gojyo smiled.

Hakkai swallowed hard at the new, alien contented expression on his best friend's best. "…Did that 'something' have already happened…?"

Then, Gojyo opened his eyes; previous tears made his eyes like molten fire; vibrant and alive. Hakkai felt as if he was watching two suns; instead of setting, both of them were rising. Hopeful, harmonious… beautiful. He couldn't breathe. He had never seen Gojyo so _peaceful_. To think that it was him who brought that kind of feeling to Gojyo…

And Gojyo said softly, forming one word. "Yes."

They exchanged smiles. No other words were needed. The feeling was mutual and no one would understand them better than one another. They understood each scar, sin, dark past they bore. They built some kind of bond for overthree years that made them learned, understood, accepted and finally let go of their pasts. Three years of friendship made them saw the best of each other and of course, love would inevitably touch them in such way they had never imagined.

Love taught Hakkai to rest Kana's ghost and allowed him to live for himself without guilt. Love taught Hakkai to learn to live again and to feel again after three years of numbness. Love taught Hakkai to live as Hakkai without Gonou pulled him apart.

Love taught Gojyo to give life another chance. Love taught Gojyo that love did not always have to hurt. Love taught Gojyo to accept and love himself as a half-breed; that it didn't matter he had red hair and eyes because he was what he was. Nothing could chance that,

Love changed them. And for once they were no longer afraid.

* * *

"Food!" Goku was practically bounced in the chair. "Yeah! I'm so hungry! I feel like I haven't eaten in days!" Right now, it was only two of them on the table, which suited Goku just fine. Hakkai was upstairs and he didn't say anything about joining them. So, he could have all the food for himself.

Sanzo eyebrows twitched in annoyance. He just couldn't understand how Goku could be so mature, practical and perceptive at one time and then, became nothing but just and annoying kid the next. "Shut up, monkey! You're giving me headache!"

And the unavoidable came. Goku pouted and whined. "But I'm really, really hungry! There are many things happen in the past few days and I think my heart had enough!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever…" Sanzo muttered, silently agreeing with the brunet. He was aggravated and angry and frustrated to the point he wanted to puke. And he still hadn't been able to shoot any of the two demons, who are responsible for all these. "Just sit still and keep quiet."

Goku grinned. He might be mistaken but he could feel Sanzo had softened a little bit towards him. Resting his chin on his crossed arm on the table, Goku surreptitiously watched Sanzo under his chocolate bang. The monk was wearing a pair of glasses; eyebrows drew together in concentration when he read the paper. Goku didn't know why, but watching Sanzo read newspaper while waiting for food to arrive always made Goku felt like home.

Hakkai had once said the home was where the people he cared were. Goku had agreed to those words immediately. But then, Hakkai had always been the smart one; he taught him so many things. To him, Sanzo was his home no matter where they went. And every grumpy order, paper fan hitting and gruff remarks completed the home-like feeling. Without them, Goku would be at lost. His home was not the temple where they stayed.

Sanzo could feel the hidden scrutiny from Goku and for some odd reasons he felt a small smile arising. It was odd because every time _anybody_ did that, that person ended up being thwacked by paper fan or for pervert, he usually just shot without asking. But never smiling like he was flattered or anything. There's no way in hell he was going to smile when Goku was watching him like that. So, Sanzo stubbornly doubled his concentration to the papers in front of him, not even aware the same words he had reread for the last two minutes.

When the food finally arrived, Sanzo stifled the relief sigh as he slowly put down his newspaper. He ordered strong sake; he had no appetite, not when he was feeling like this.

Goku attacked the food and Sanzo occasionally barked irritating orders and remarks, just for the sake of normality; that was all. Sanzo's paper fan flied and Goku whined ceaselessly. It the normal, simple things they did every day. And the anger and irritation that usually followed the ritual wasn't there anymore. But none of them were aware of that yet. Not even the ever-perceptive Sanzo-sama.

Suddenly, Goku stopped abruptly and Sanzo looked at his charge. He watched Goku's bowed head and the way both of his hands gripped the edge of the table.

"Goku?" Sanzo eyed the boy warily. "What's wrong?" Goku raised his head, the golden eyes widened and paleness crept to his tanned face quickly. Sanzo's violet eyes widened as a sense of déjà vu swept over him. Goku was almost as pale as Gojyo when… when the half-breed was poisoned…

"Sanzo…" Goku whispered, breathing harshly. "I don't feel so good…" And he swayed from the chair to collapse on the floor.

"Shit!" Sanzo swore, his feet immediately on his feet to go around the table to catch the boy from falling. But there was no way he could have reached the Goku from falling in time, so he flung the table aside; the table fell with deafening crash, and Sanzo lunged forward to catch his charge. "Goku!"

Sanzo kneeled on the floor with Goku cradled in his arms. The brunet looked up at Sanzo, trembling. "…Is it…" Goku gasped with sudden pain. "…Is it the meat I ate…?"

Sanzo was trembling too. But with unbelievable anger and fear. First Gojyo and now Goku! What the hell did both of them want! "…No, I don't think it's the meat, Goku…" Sanzo said, gritted his jaws with fury.

Where the hell was Hakkai when he needed him!

"Hold on Goku…" Sanzo pulled the brunet closer and hold him more securely as he prepared to lift Goku upstairs where he knew Hakkai was. "Don't you dare fucking pass out on me!"

Goku was all but nodded as he felt himself being lifted. His hand reached out to grip his stomach that suddenly felt so hot. "…Hurt…"

"Stop talking!" Sanzo ordered as he began the frantic run. The poison acted so fast.

But his feet stopped moving when his eyes saw two figures blocked his way. It was both surprising but expected. He narrowed his eyes when he saw Kenshin leaned against the doorframe; his only exit, looking so infuriatingly amused. Beside him, Sanzo saw a smaller demon, with long blue-black hair and eyes so cold they could rival Hakkai's eyes in his demon form. Zean, he supposed.

There was no doubt of his early suspicious just now. He knew it was them who poisoned Goku. He was angry at himself for being so careless. Sanzo tightened his hold on Goku, almost protectively. He would not let the past to be repeated.

With Goku trembling in his embrace and Hakkai and Gojyo no where, Sanzo knew he was badly out-numbered.

"_Fucking_ shit…"


	17. Chapter 17: Taken

**Curse of a Taboo Child**

**Chapter 17**: Taken

* * *

I have no excuse whatsoever for such lateness… UU; But it's finishing…

* * *

"What do you want!" Sanzo growled dangerously. The figure in his arms was beginning to have slight seizure. Sanzo swallowed down the panic for he knew if the poison in Goku's was the same as Gojyo's, the effect would be fast and there was no way he could shoot these two demons in time for him to run upstairs and call Hakkai.

Not to mention, Hakkai was rendered chi-less for the past three days.

Kenshin just laughed. Either he found Sanzo's question was ridiculous or he was just enjoying the distress that Sanzo was so desperately tried to hide. "Good question, Sanzo… I wonder what _else_ I could have wanted that make you feel necessary to ask."

The twin amethyst orbs narrowed at the blatant sarcasm. It pissed him off more and more. "Give me damned antidote!" Sanzo demanded coolly. He'd be _fucking_ damned if they knew just how close he was to go berserk.

"We will." The blue black-haired demon spoke up for the first time. He sounded so steely and silkily that made Sanzo thought of Hakkai when either of them was doing something that pissed him off badly. Like using empty beer cans as ashtray or messing up the hotel room until Sanzo lost his sutra or… Well… they were a lot more actually.

"But?" Sanzo asked dryly. He could feel Goku's tight grasp to his robe was loosening and the spasms were getting more obvious and frequent. Sanzo could hear Goku gasped in pain.

Zean ignored the tone. "We will give you the antidote after you came with us."

Sanzo snorted. "Whatever makes you think I would follow you two sick-fucks to anywhere? I've got much better place to go!"

"Either that," Zean said pointedly at the pale Goku in Sanzo's protective arms. "Or your precious monkey dies. I am not too generous to give anyone a poison that allows quick death, as you have seen the way Gojyo suffered."

Sanzo gritted his teeth. It was true. Gojyo did _suffer._ More than the half-breed could handle and more than any of them could bear to watch. The monk had seen the way Gojyo screamed, writhed and all the blood bursting out like spring. Watching Gojyo was one thing but to have Goku suffered the same way?

No.

No fucking way.

He'd be dead before he let anything happened to Goku.

"Just me?" Sanzo eyed the raven-haired demon warily. The answer to that question was obvious for Sanzo saw the maniac gleam in the demon's lavender eyes. He didn't want to know what the crazy, volatile and cruel Kenshin would do to Gojyo once he got the half-breed in his clutch again.

"I think I can easily handle the exhausted Hakkai and the recovering Gojyo without using poison as blackmail." Kenshin shrugged.

It was then, Sanzo realized that Kenshin didn't only want Gojyo; he wanted the whole package. It was understandable since Goku had managed to outclass him, Sanzo had shot at him three cruel places and Hakkai, well, for just being Gojyo's lover. Kenshin wanted the revenge and somehow, Sanzo knew that of all three of them, the one Kenshin would like to hurt the most is Hakkai.

That was why, Kenshin refused to use poison in capturing Hakkai and Gojyo. He wanted to hurt Hakkai and let Gojyo _watched_ him hurting Hakkai. Kenshin was truly evil, Sanzo realized. He had thought so when Kenshin released Gojyo from his limiter, knowing that Gojyo had no control whatsoever and would fight Hakkai. He also had realized the depth of Kenshin's evilness when he saw the bloody threat the raven-haired demon had left at the abandoned house. But this confirmed everything. The depth of Kenshin hatred and how far he was willing to go to satisfy it was frightening.

And Sanzo couldn't even _imagine _what would happen to Gojyo. Even if he understood what the perverted demon wanted, it didn't mean he could do_ fucking_ anything about that.

Not when it was Goku's life at stake.

_Never_ when it was Goku's life at stake.

"Sa…Sanzo…" Goku gasped before let out low, barely-strained scream.

"Goku!" Sanzo looked down at his charge and was horrified to see the blood tickled from the corner of his lips. Suddenly a sickening wave of dejavu swept him as images of Gojyo dying flashed in front of his eyes.

"…Don't…" Goku struggled for breath. "…don't follow them… please…"

"Shut up!" Sanzo's eyes darkened in obvious alarm. He couldn't let another important person in his life died just because he couldn't protect him. He just couldn't let Goku died! "I fucking know what to do, monkey." Harsh tone to cover just how fucking close he was to feeling scared.

Given the situation, Sanzo knew he had no option at all because letting Goku died just because the monkey said so was not an alternative in the first place. And he knew there was no way for Hakkai to protect himself and Gojyo at the same time without using his chi. And Gojyo was just useless as he was right now.

Without options, Sanzo thought ironically, there would be no decision to make. He was efficiently trapped and all because Goku was coughing up blood and trembling. Had he gone so soft on Goku that he didn't realize it until now? How did Goku become so important that he was willing to forsake his own life? He, the most vain and selfish monk ever lived, was willing to do anything for a boy that annoyed him every single day of his life…

With that, Sanzo stood up, lifting the boy in his arms. It wasn't that easy for Goku was heavy with muscles and pain-strained struggling butSanzo appreciated the movements. It proved to him that Goku was still alive and the poison hadn't seeped into his system too much. "An antidote first, then I'll fucking follow you to wherever hell hole you sick-fucks dwell in!" Sanzo retorted haughtily.

Zean raised an eyebrow. He had never seen a more proud human than the one in front of him. They had him trapped and he could see Sanzo knew that too. And still he made demands as if he was still in control of everything. "I have the cure; not you." Zean said curtly. "Therefore, I make the order, you just follow."

Sanzo stared at the smaller demon icily. If glare could kill, Sanzo would save the glare and use his fucking gun instead. Shooting in five different places that could render a demon into pitiful begging before he blew of the demon's brain. "Antidote first." The tone was authoritative and even colder.

Kenshin narrowed his eyes, clearly aggravated. "You little _fuck_…" Kenshin advanced threateningly.

Zean hold out a hand to thwart Kenshin's angry advances. Instead, he said, "You have at least ten more minutes before the poison completely seeps into that boy's system. After that, not even my antidote would work."

Sanzo's violet eyes narrowed and darkened. The threat was obvious and Sanzo didn't want to acknowledge it.

"The boy dies; you would still have to follow us. We win twice and you will be a complete loser." The alchemist continued with that-so grating tone. Sanzo wanted to burn him so slowly using his sutra.

But, then, Zean was right. He hated losing his authority and hated even more when someone was pointing out he was no longer in control.

"If Goku dies…" Sanzo said in that awful tone of his. The one that made the ground he standing on crawled in uneasiness. "I will see you regret it…"

Kenshin snorted. But strangely, he had the feeling that the warning wasn't empty.

* * *

Things had been very quiet downstairs. Hakkai couldn't hear neither of Sanzo's irritating and angry shouts nor Goku's whines. It was as if they were both acting civilly and that worried Hakkai. His companions were not supposed to act civilly; they were noisy, brutish and very, very immature; well, for Goku and Gojyo's part anyway.

Hakkai sat in the very same room he had shared with Gojyo for the last three days and he was indecisive as to whether to go down and checked his other two companions. Gojyo would tease him later about how mother-like he was.

Gojyo had just finished taking a tentative bath, immensely glad to feel his body free from any scent of blood. As he struggled into the clothes Hakkai had provided, feeling exhaustion catching up with him fast, he grinned and winked when he realized Hakkai was watching him intensely. The said brunet smiled back as he stood up. The fact that Gojyo was openly flirting with him backmade Hakkai felt immensely happy.

After saying to Gojyo that he was going to get the redhead some food and he would come back soon enough, Hakkai trod downstairs.

Quiet. The corridor was too quiet to Hakkai's liking.

He had a very ominous feeling.

Like there was an ambush awaited him downstairs.

And he couldn't protect any of his companions with his current state.

"Sanzo?" Hakkai called, moving straight to the diner, knowing Goku's bottomless stomach and Sanzo would be too soft-hearted (even the monk would never say it) to refuse his charge. "Goku?"

But there was no answer. Hakkai didn't like this at all. Something was obviously off. Biting his lips, Hakkai thought hard. Where would Sanzo and Goku go? Sanzo had specifically said they would leave the town as soon as Gojyo's awake and the monk was too anxious to leave. Had something happened? It wasn't like Sanzo and Goku to suddenly vanish without telling him first; not after all that had happened.

Hakkai gave himself a hard mental shake. _Stop it right there. You are being unreasonably paranoid. _Unreasonably paranoid? Hakkai thought. Considering what four of them had gone through recently, he had the right to be paranoid. Especially when Sanzo and Goku weren't in the diner as Hakkai would think in the first place.

Something was _definitely_ wrong.

He stood indecisively. After a while, Hakkai turned around to go back upstairs. If something happened, Hakkai had no doubt Goku could protect Sanzo. It was the still-recovering Gojyo that concerned Hakkai the most. Gojyo was still recovering and he couldn't even slip into his clothes without feeling tired. Although he didn't know how he was supposed to protect him without his chi, he would feel reassured if Gojyo was right in front of his eyes.

Hakkai entered the narrow corridor that would lead him back to the stairs and what he saw standing in his way made Hakkai's eyes went wide. It was Kenshin and he was holding a long metal stick, tapping impatiently against the wooden floor. The demon was exactly like Hakkai had remembered; tall, striking and arrogant. Every inch of his body formed the word 'vengeance', highlighting his intention and Hakkai knew exactly to whom the vile feeling pointed to.

His body tense abruptly as every muscle screamed in loud warning. A pair of green eyes narrowed with silent, intense anger and Hakkai curled his hands into tight fists. So, this was what had happened. Sanzo and Goku's sudden disappearance was answered immediately at the sight of the loathsome demon with winning, repugnance smirk.

What Hakkai wanted to know was how Kenshin was able defeated Goku silently and quickly.

"You don't think I would let something as priceless as Gojyo go, do you?" Kenshin drawled, breaking the icy silence around them.

The demon inside Hakkai screamed in rage possessively as Kenshin was clearly taking what was solely his. "But you let your friend poisoned him!" Hakkai snapped, suddenly desperate to go Gojyo and warned him about Kenshin's presence right now. He wanted Gojyo to run away.

Because he knew neither him nor Gojyo could thwart Kenshin's attack now. Not in their current condition.

"Zean did what he wanted," Kenshin shrugged, both enjoying and hating Hakkai's anger. "I don't know about that. But, Gojyo had survived and Zean and I had worked out our differences."

Hakkai found the expression on Kenshin's face was too arrogant for him to bear. Forcing his angry expression to remain hidden and put back his mask, Hakkai attacked verbally. His tone was aloof, "Do the differences you two worked out involve what you are going to do, now that your potions cannot be sold?"

Kenshin narrowed his eyes at the blatant attack.

The change in Kenshin expression showed Hakkai how his attack hit the mark and Hakkai went further. "And it seems to me, you no longer have any group to side with, since Kougaiji clearly treats you like an enemy rather than a demon." With eyes as cold as green ice, expression as hard as steel and silent rage radiated warningly, Hakkai smiled. "You are penniless, isolated, complete failure and in other word, a loser."

A loser. That was the very word Zean had thrown to Sanzo before. To find the word was thrown back to him made Kenshin shaken with rage.

And Hakkai didn't stop there. If he and Gojyo were to be taken, there was no way he would give in without inflicting some sort of injuries to Kenshin. "Don't bother to vent your frustration to us, just because you are too dim-witted to stop haunting us when you have the chance."

Kenshin gave in to his anger as he lunged forward to strike the insolent half-man half-demon in front of him. Hakkai knew he was destined to lose, but he put up his hands anyway to generate shield using what left with his still recovering chi. The shield was generated and Kenshin's attack was thwarted.

For the time being.

The force of Kenshin's attack produced a loud clang as it met the hard-form green energy and it pushed Hakkai backward. It was not enough. The first shield was not enough. He barely could break Kenshin's initial assault. His shield might have protected Hakkai at first but he knew he couldn't generate a second, equally strong shield to meet Kenshin's next, incredibly fast swung of iron stick.

To generate the first one was already consuming too much of his still recovering energy.

And it hit directly to Hakkai's stomach, stunning the healer momentarily as he cough out blood. He was thrown backward and another loud crash echoed throughout the previously quiet corridor as his back met forcefully the wooden wall.

Hakkai didn't give in to the painful groan that threatened to escape nor the urge to remain unmoved as he immediately rolled away from the wall to avoid another of Kenshin's relentless attack. Even as Kenshin continued his assaults and Hakkai spontaneously, rather than calculatingly, evading them, none of them was aware of the staggering Gojyo, who had come down to check out of all the disturbing noises.

Gojyo couldn't believe what he was seeing. One minute he was waiting for Hakkai to come back upstairs and the other minute he heard a loud crash. And when he went down to have a look, he saw Kenshin's unforgivable metal stick hit Hakkai's abdomen. His heart dropped at the sight of Hakkai thrown to the wall.

The fight was clearly unfair as it was Kenshin, who was attacking and Hakkai could only evade. Gojyo knew Hakkai didn't have enough chis to be engaged in any kind of battle, especially with Kenshin as his opponent. To make the matter worse, they were fighting in a narrow corridor, which made Hakkai more at disadvantage because he couldn't, even if he could, release his chi to attack Kenshin without hurting himself as well.

It was like reentering his nightmares. The ones that he thought he would never have to experience again. Gojyo felt the claws of cold fear gripped him. They couldn't win like this. No enemies had ever attacked them continuously like Kenshin and Zean did. They didn't have time to recover. _He_ didn't have time to recover! And he needed the time so badly! Gojyo knew exactly what would happen if Kenshin ever got him back under his clutch; he would be chained back to the bed, wearing that loathsome leather top and being painfully, repeatedly, mercilessly…

No! NO! He couldn't go back! He wouldn't go back!

Hakkai was inevitably being pushed into the corner. He knew he couldn't keep on avoiding the attacks. The result was clear; why did he keep on fighting the unavoidable? Kenshin's harsh swings were getting harder to avoid; he suffered too many beatings to keep on with Kenshin's speed. Judging from the blood that tickled down his chin, Hakkai knew he was injured internally and sooner or later his body would protest such vigorous movements that he forced and then, Kenshin would bring him down definitely.

Hakkai's face turned grim. He knew exactly why he kept on fighting the losing battle. It was because of the first true light he saw on Gojyo's face this morning. It was because the taste of normality that was granted to him after for so long. It was because he knew Gojyo had loved him back. He couldn't let Kenshin take them all away; not when he worked so hard to regain what was lost.

As it was, Hakkai was pushed to the corner. His back hit the unforgivable solid, hard wall, knocking him out of his breath for countless times. That was it, Hakkai thought as he spat the blood from his mouth, he couldn't take it no more; he couldn't avoid the unavoidable. Black spots were blinding his eyes and his brain belatedly registered the coming attack from Kenshin. His brain screamed for him to move but his body was finally reached the limit that instead of dodging as he intended to do, his legs gave in and it was too late for him to do anything.

Gojyo saw the whole thing. He wished he hadn't but he did. Each time Hakkai spat blood from his mouth, Gojyo could almost feel pain across his chest. Each time Hakkai was pushed cruelly to the walls, Gojyo moved ever more closely. He had known Hakkai for so long already that he could recognize what each movement that his lover made meant. So, when Hakkai was flung sickeningly to the wall for the last time, he knew – he _frighteningly_ knew – what it meant. Hakkai was body was failing him and it was only time before Kenshin finished him.

Gojyo was horrified. Cold dread washed over him.

Then he was furious.

He would not stand and watch Hakkai being killed in this unfair fight.

And his body moved.

Without him thinking or planning about it because it was so natural for each of them to do it, Gojyo ran. Ignoring the way his stiff muscles strained against such forceful movement. Ignoring the way his heart squeezed just now in fear of what would happen to him if Kenshin took him. With his heart ruling his body, instead of head, he just ran and ran and then, flung himself in front of Hakkai…

"Hakkai…! Get down!" The words came out unnecessarily, recklessly.

Both Hakkai and Kenshin were shocked at Gojyo's sudden appearance. So shocked were both of them that as Gojyo pressed himself so protectively in front of Hakkai; his arm reached back to touch the warm evidence of alive Hakkai that he had indeed arrived in time, Kenshin's long metal stick stopped so dangerously just before Gojyo's throat and Hakkai's hand tightened so painfully around Gojyo's back-reached arm in response.

"Gojyo!" Hakkai gasped; blood drained out from his face out of fear and shock.

Kenshin didn't say anything; his whole body was so tense and rigid but his wide, pale lavender eyes betrayed the composure he held, showing so clearly the surprise that he felt.

For a while, three of them were so still in that position: Hakkai was pinned between the wall and Gojyo, while the redhead looked so defiant, with his head looked up proudly – seemingly without any fear – staring unflinchingly into Kenshin's intense lavender eyes that were darkened with such anger and _lust_ even when the latter was pushing the metal stick against his neck. None of them moved; only the harsh breathings as evidence of previous fight could be heard.

Gojyo felt his knees weakened. He knew his body wasn't supposed to run and being thrown so carelessly like just now. He just regained his consciousness after three days sleeping without eating. All that he could do to protect Hakkai for now was standing between his lover and Kenshin like defensive wall; it matter not how tenuous wall he was.

"Is poison still not enough, then?" Gojyo stated rather than asking, breaking the frozen cocoon that surrounding them. His tone was flat, void of any emotion but his eyes were _burning_ with hatred.

Kenshin looked at the half-breed in front him as he was suddenly being gulfed by the familiar feelings whenever he had Gojyo under his mercy. Still so passionate, insolent and magnificent even after all that he had gone through. It was not those traits that angered him to point he wanted to ram his weapon into Gojyo's pale, frail looking neck. It was the fact Gojyo was flinging himself to protect Hakkai even when he, himself, could not standing convincingly.

It showed him just how deep Gojyo's feeling ran for the healer behind him. It was unfathomable. It also mean he, Kenshin, didn't have any chance at all.

"I'm long from finishing, Gojyo…" Kenshin hissed, adding pressure of his stick to Gojyo's neck. He noted with strained amusement/anger that Gojyo was pushing back against it. So defiant… so much fire… Kenshin couldn't wait to have him in his bed again; screaming and writhing with such pain… He had so much of retribution, anger and lust to vent to him… "As you will know soon…"

Hakkai could hear the way Gojyo's breathings amplified and feel the way his lover leaned against him heavily no matter how subtle they were... He couldn't know whether they were due to the fact that Gojyo's body was collapsing or to the warning that Kenshin gave so clearly. But he knew that he, himself, was angry. For not being able to shield Gojyo from experiencing this whole thing again. For himself being so weak. For Kenshin for just being alive.

"Step aside, Gojyo," Kenshin ordered softly but the tone clearly wanting no disobedience.

Gojyo managed a smirk. Somehow, the feel of Hakkai's warmth behind seemed to conjure up the long lost courage. "And let you kill Hakkai? No fucking way."

Kenshin was so angry to the point the metal stick against Gojyo's throat shook with unstrained fury. "I damn will if you don't move away."

"Try it…" Gojyo hissed as he lifted his chin in unknown bravado.

Kenshin's eyes dilated in such darkness that made Gojyo clenched his fists so tight that he nearly drew his blood. He might sound daring, but deep inside, memories from the past that he had successfully buried frothing out with such vengeance that it took all his self-control to stop himself from hyperventilating. But how could he? When those cold lavender eyes looked at him, Gojyo felt as if they were pouring the unwanted memories in front of him.

He felt so overwhelmed; he was suffocating.

The remembrance of the pain and humiliation attacked him viciously, pulling him further in the dark memories that he had fought against. They felt like grabbing hands and they were clawing him and Gojyo had to _labor_ each breath for him to stay focus.

Perhaps Kenshin saw through his brittle mask or noticed the way his hands shook or heard his laborious breathing because the raven-haired demon was smirking slightly.

"Are you sure Gojyo?" Kenshin raised his dark eyebrow. "Because in case you don't know, both of you have absolutely no chance of winning against me."

"Shut up…"

"Why? It would not be any different because you already know that you will be the one that will not shut up once I get you where I want you to be."

The threat was so clear that it sounded like promise. Gojyo could feel whatever self-control he held was quickly slipping like sand through fingers.

Hakkai could feel, rather hear, the way Gojyo's breathing deepened, turning harsh and fast. He knew if he didn't stop Kenshin's mind-fuck, Gojyo would lose whatever fragile control he had now. In fact it was a miracle Gojyo could still exchange threats, no matter how unconvincing he sounded, with Kenshin.

He might not be able to protect Gojyo from the crazy demon but at least he could shelter his lover from being further messed up by Kenshin.

So, with the little strength that left in him, Hakkai pushed Gojyo aside, putting latter behind, reversing the position. Gojyo didn't fight much of Hakkai's acts, proving to the healer how much the trauma had consumed the half-breed. "Stop messing with him." The tone was so cold and hard and Hakkai tightened his grip to Gojyo's arms, digging his nails into the redhead's flesh to make Gojyo stayed with him, instead of wandering further inside his memories.

"Why? Are you angry to see how much control I have over Gojyo?" Kenshin said challengingly. "You just couldn't accept that, could you?"

Hakkai could see the truth when it was flung in front of him, but to acknowledge it was a very different thing. It showed how much part of Gojyo he had lost to Kenshin. And Hakkai had been fighting to get that very part back ever since Gojyo was kidnapped.

The realization angered the usually reserved healer that he didn't care about his injuries as Hakkai lunged toward the demon that caused all these. Kenshin expected this reaction. Smirking triumphantly, he stepped back to avoid the greenish chi that flew across him. Kenshin tsk-ed and taunted. "Really, Hakkai. If you'd even think that pathetic excuse of an attack could hurt me…"

Hakkai didn't bother to answer that. Instead he continued his striking, hoping, no matter how futile it seemed, that Gojyo would take this as an opportunity to escape. But of course Gojyo wouldn't. Even if Gojyo was in his right mind, Hakkai knew that Gojyo would never leave any of his friends alone to face danger. But Gojyo wasn't thinking straight now; he was lost in his nightmares that were intentionally triggered by Kenshin.

"Gojyo! Run!"

Kenshin had had about enough. He knew he should just killed Hakkai right now, while he had the chance and not succumbed to his dark-hell vengeance. But he was just a demon, succumbing to vengeance was what a demon supposed to do. And he wanted the chance to torture the brunet for just being Gojyo's lover. So, he raised his stick to knock Hakkai unconscious and apparently the healer was not the one to give up easily.

It took more than just one attack to bring Hakkai down. And before Hakkai surrendered himself to the darkness, he cast a final, despair look at Gojyo. "Run…Gojyo…"

The last thing Hakkai saw was Kenshin walked so purposefully toward Gojyo…

* * *

"And you left? Just like that?" Kougaiji raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

Dokugakuji's face was expressionless, belying the stormy emotions inside. They arrived two days ago, after Yaone managed to pry him away from bar and stopped him from drowning even further into the mind-numbing alcohol. Kougaiji wasn't in the castle then. And Dokugakuji was free to hide himself in the dark, torturing himself with the still-echoing screaming of his brother.

Because of the potion that he, in the first place, had thought as a cure.

He was so immersed in his own guilt that Yaone became so worried about him. It took her no longer than a minute to look for their prince the moment the news of Kougaiji had returned reached them. And it even took Kougaiji less than half a minute to find Dokugakuji in his favorite 'guilt-corner', as Kougaiji had often liked to refer to.

There was nothing that Dokugakuji could hide from his prince. There was something about his fiery prince that offered comfort and confidence. All Kougaiji had to do was be there and looked at him in such warmth. And Dokugakuji would begin to tell him slowly and tried to avoid expressing his emotions too much. It was hard, sometimes, to be in control in front of Kougaiji.

There was a time that Dokugakuji would like to think that he had given something similar to his prince in return.

This time was no different. At the end of his story, Kougaiji was stunned and silence. For a moment, he thought his prince was going to berate him for being so stupid for letting an enemy tricked them into injecting a poison into Gojyo. Not that he had anything to say in defense of that. He was being stupid.

But, no. Kougaiji was questioning his action of abrupt leaving not his stupidity. After all these years of being under him, Kougaiji had never ceased to amaze him.

"I don't have a choice." Dokugakuji answered back gruffly. "You didn't hear the way Hakkai shouted when he was on the edge, or the way Sanzo stared that could freeze the fire itself. I was outnumbered-"

"Tell me something Dokugakuji." Kougaiji said suddenly, cutting of his closest friend's hesitant defensive mutterings. Dokugakuji ceased immediately and looked up at Kougaiji.

But Kougaiji lowered himself to eye-level with Dokugakuji, kneeling. Even in this humbling position, Kougaiji still looked proud as a prince should have. The red eyes that were looking at him reminded the dark-haired demon of his younger half-brother; lately everything almost did remind him. It told him just how deep his guilt ran these days.

With his eyes locked Dokugakuji's attention to him, Kougaiji posed a question that had been swirling in his mind ever since he heard Dokugakuji's choice to do nothing rather than argue with his decision to stay out of the fight the day Gojyo first transformed into full-blooded demon.

"What is it about Gojyo that makes you _tend_ to get up and leave whenever he was at his most vulnerable state?"

Dokugakuji knew what exactly Kougaiji was asking. As if he wanted Kougaiji to torture him more, he asked, "What do you mean?" His voice sounded low, guilty.

Kougaiji took his time, contemplating his next words, knowing how those would hurt Dokugakuji. "I'm talking about the time when you killed your own mother to protect him. I'm talking about the time you'd rather follow me and do nothing when he turned into a full-blooded demon. I'm also talking about the time you just left without waiting for him to wake up…"

Dokugakuji shifted his position uncomfortably. He kind of aware of that… But to hear being saying out aloud was another thing.

"I don't know…"

Kougaiji just sighed quietly. He stood up and put out his hand, silently offering to help Dokugakuji to stand up. When they were at eye-to-eye level, Kougaiji spoke up. "Somehow, I knew you will say something like that."

Dokugakuji just stared back at his prince.

"That you don't know the real reason you kept on running away." Kougaiji walked slowly out of the shadow and from his stance, Dokugakuji knew Kougaiji wanted him to follow him whether the dark-haired demon wanted or not.

And he did.

"I don't know the answer either." Kougaiji continued. "But I do know is that you cannot keep on running away. One day Gojyo will realize your actions, if he hasn't figured out yet, and that is the time he will be very… how should I say this… unforgiving."

"Kou…"

"Gojyo blames himself for everything. You say so yourself." Kougaiji reminded his wordless companion. "Every time you leave, he blames himself for driving you away. But that undeserved guilt will, in time, turn into hard-shell hatred. He doesn't know the reason you leave at time he needs you the most and all those confusion will be something that you cannot even repair."

"Damn it, Kou…" Dokugakuji whispered but the words were for him. "You think I don't know that? Every time I leave him and then meet him again, I dread what his reaction would be; whether he will still smile like he always does or he will just tear me apart with his weapon. I _wanted_ to have any reason for everything I did so I can tell him that… so I can tell _myself_ that!"

Kougaiji looked back at Dokugakuji. They has stopped walking; instead they remained motionless, looking at each other. His prince's silence and calmness comforted Dokugakuji more than his quiet brood that he had been doing for the past two days. If any, the brood made him more miserable.

"Maybe he doesn't want any excuse or reason. Haven't it occurred to you that Gojyo might not need anything from you other than for you to be there when he needs it? It doesn'talways have to be complicated."

Dokugakuji closed his eyes. From when Gojyo was a little boy, still confused from all the hatred the town gave him, Gojyo had never needed any reason from him for being the only one that loved him. Gojyo took whatever what was given to him to heart, even a love from an older brother that was shared with a mother who had never loved him. His younger brother was so young then to know how dangerous it was.

And Dokugakuji knew Kougaiji was right. About Gojyo not wanting any reason because if Gojyo ever wanted one, he would ask him the day they met after so many years apart. But Gojyo didn't and just smiled that smirk.

Gojyo didn't want a reason because he had never blamed his older brother.

"Gojyo didn't condemn me, he never did." Dokugakuji spoke up slowly. "But I need Gojyo's anger as a punishment for my guilt. I guess I thought his anger can ease my guilt to him that somehow I deserve to be hated by him. But Gojyo didn't and my guilt runs deeper still and it keeps going on until I don't know anymore…"

Kougaiji reached out his hand to squeeze hard Dokugakuji's shoulder. "Talk to him. Go and see him."

"I suppose I have put this off long enough…" Dokugakuji sighed after a few moments of silence.

And the dark-haired demon smiled with soundless gratitude to his prince and Kougaiji smiled softly back. Then, Dokugakuji turned around to walk away, wanting to find his brother as fast as he could.

Gojyo might not blame him for anything, but Dokugakuji had years-old guilt demanded to be assuaged.


End file.
